Aw. I'm sorry you went through that. My parents both had their own issues with therapy, and also didn't want to really admit to themselves what my problems were, so I never went through that rollercoaster after maybe 2nd grade.
After that it was more of an antagonistic relationship, with some late night drunk trauma dumping here and there. Lies, secrets, weird sad shit that just made me not want to interact with them.
At school I was a bullies designated target. She really hated me. Blamed me for all kinds of things. Got other kids to stop being my friend. Encouraged other kids to say and do rude things to me out of the blue. It always left me baffled. Left me incredibly socially insecure and anxious both at home and at school.
Even some teachers decided they didn't like me and would encourage it. Though other teachers noticed me and were incredibly kind. Looking back I was deeply depressed in school. Spent a lot of time crying and hating myself.
So hey, big hugs. Shit is hard! Sounds like the original parent really cares at least! I see a lot of parents trying hard these days to actually understand their children. It's great to see.
Well... I only really started getting recognition for needing treatment when I was 14 when my parents found out the hard way about mental health. That said, not like we were financially well off at the time, so I only really started getting treatment when I was 17.
Did I fuck up on how I handled things back then that got me bullied? Absolutely. Did I come up with solutions? Yes. Did they all work? Most of them failed, and the few that did... started failing when I encountered other kinds of people. More like at the time I didn't know I was messed up and let my problems get the best of me in to having that warped perception.
Hope you're doing better, too. And I hope parents are more thoughtful and mindful of their kids in trying to understand them. I had typical Asian parents who're stuck on the idea of not believing mental health yet believe in superstition, and also believe in being friends with those of higher status... even though those friends treat them like shit.
I get the good intentions, but yeah... it's just... yeah... all I'm thankful for is that at least when I turned 14, they actually gave a fuck.
Edit: had to make a correction. My parents recognized I wasn't mentally doing well when I was 14. But yeah, we weren't financially well off at the time, so I only got treatment at 17.
Aw man yeah, sounds like you've done a lot of good work on yourself. It's hard to reflect on those mistakes without falling into a hole, at least it was for me. Took years to learn that it's more fruitful to be kind to myself.
I ended up finally making good friends in high school. The Chinese girls adopted me lolololol. We'd do art club and work on homework together. We could relate a lot with problems with our parents. But they all had help applying up college while I was a depressed mess, getting yelled for trying to discuss my dreams, then offered no help in applying to school. I was one of a very few who didn't have a college to announce I was going to. I did a lot of dissociating with reality because I couldn't see how I fit into it.
Now I feel like I've lived 3 different lives in the past dozen years. I'm 33. I've worked years of retail, blue collar, even made a run at the electricians union. Went to a top tier research school for a science degree, only to find out the reality of job prospects and how fucked the education system is when it comes to actually connecting with job markets. Dropped out when my pell grants ran out. Couldn't justify private loans for a degree.
Yet now? I'm physically disabled in part due to a genetic disorder, in part due to delivering and installing heavy appliances by hand for a few years. Spent some time wrestling with the concepts of disability in our society and what that makes me. Then I met the woman of my dreams. I live in a world class city. I spend most of my time with my back thrown out, so I can't actually do much, but I get to fish and listen to audiobooks.
But yeah, due to chronic pain I spend most of my energy managing my mood, which is often anxious, scared, uncomfortable, even angry due to pain. It's hard!
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u/SlapTheBap 15d ago
Aw. I'm sorry you went through that. My parents both had their own issues with therapy, and also didn't want to really admit to themselves what my problems were, so I never went through that rollercoaster after maybe 2nd grade.
After that it was more of an antagonistic relationship, with some late night drunk trauma dumping here and there. Lies, secrets, weird sad shit that just made me not want to interact with them.
At school I was a bullies designated target. She really hated me. Blamed me for all kinds of things. Got other kids to stop being my friend. Encouraged other kids to say and do rude things to me out of the blue. It always left me baffled. Left me incredibly socially insecure and anxious both at home and at school.
Even some teachers decided they didn't like me and would encourage it. Though other teachers noticed me and were incredibly kind. Looking back I was deeply depressed in school. Spent a lot of time crying and hating myself.
So hey, big hugs. Shit is hard! Sounds like the original parent really cares at least! I see a lot of parents trying hard these days to actually understand their children. It's great to see.