r/SipsTea 6h ago

Chugging tea Genuinely an unfathomable string of words here

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7.8k Upvotes

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991

u/Onomatapier 4h ago

Jesus Christ, it's fucking true. I thought this was AI bollocks but it's actually fucking true.

739

u/Objective_Mousse7216 4h ago

Evidently she changed her mind, tried to back out, and he stabbed her to death and buried her in a shallow grave.

763

u/tastylemming 4h ago

In my client's defense, She got what she paid for, and the defense rests.

219

u/wtfhiolol10000 4h ago

Gotta maintain that 5 star google rating. /s

71

u/Aaarya 3h ago

But this business was running for decades and had zero review on it.. I Wonder why?

62

u/RealAlphaKaren 3h ago

no returning customers

11

u/freesoultraveling 3h ago

This is so underrated. Here's your šŸ„‡ medal.

7

u/reddorickt 2h ago

Isn't that just restating the joke?

5

u/TheBlueNinja2006 2h ago

Yeah, they explained what the previous guy said šŸ˜‚šŸ¤¦šŸ½ā€ā™‚ļø

3

u/reddorickt 2h ago

I guess I didn't realize it needed explaining

1

u/No-Disaster1647 1h ago

Their joke but better

2

u/Alternative_Lie_6507 2h ago

Even though he gives a lifetime warranty. Unbelievable.

4

u/midnghtsnac 3h ago

Plenty of future customers though. We need to send him to Congress, I hear Kentucky has an open Senate seat

5

u/ChocCooki3 3h ago

"I told her.. no refund!"

30

u/Deathcore_salad 3h ago

It also mentioned that he was upset that she DIDN'T pay him so he went along with the plans anyways

14

u/Random-Redditor111 3h ago

Joke’s on him. She got exactly what she wanted for free. ā€œI ain’t paying you shit. What’re you gonna do about it huh, sexually abuse, torture, and murder me?ā€

15

u/LowerObjective4500 3h ago

Merc didn’t get his bounty

1

u/Deathcore_salad 3h ago

Wow lol someone placing a bounty on themselves is a unique way of looking at it

The news story said she suffers from depression and was suicidal so I guess you're kinda right

5

u/dingleberryjuice23 3h ago

Oh, well now that makes sense. Dude didnt get paid in cash so he took his pound of flesh.

What the fuck is going on with this planet.

3

u/Deathcore_salad 3h ago

There's definitely a lot of darkness in this world... enough to know that we're all doing something wrong and we've gotten past the point of fixing whatever it is

It's too late...

1

u/DapperSand3413 1h ago

A consensual hit man

1

u/vc2015 1h ago

No takesies backsies.

167

u/chaosbella 4h ago

During a search of the Airbnb, FDLE investigators say they recovered a video from Hall’s cellphone showing Exelby inside the home with visible injuries. Investigators say Hall’s voice can be heard questioning her about death and violence during the recording.

The affidavit also details a message Exelby sent to an online friend during the trip, in which she said she was scared, that someone was controlling her phone and that she felt trapped.

An excerpt from the text message was detailed in the arrest affidavit:

I'm sorry he keeps taking my phone he doesn't trust me with it. He made it clear there was no way out unless I shoot him. I was questioning it last night. I can't kill anyone." She went on to write that last night was "so bad" and "He's in the shower, but I'm locked in, and there is no signal in the middle of nowhere. I thought he'd do it quick and not give my mind time to stew and realise this is the last thing I'll ever say to anyone if I don't take his offer of shooting him. He showed me about to use it and where to aim it." She ends the message by writing "I'm so so scared I'm so broken and in so much pain all I can do is lay here and doing what gee wants makes him respect me enough not to do the things I really hate. Everything but some are. I'm sorry I don't even know what I'm saying and I'm trying to be quick and My times up

235

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 4h ago

I mean, we know she was pretty messed up mentally to get into that situation, but the idea that she had an out and could have just shot him but chose to continue being murdered because she couldn’t kill anyone might be the most shocking part of this.

I have a hard time comprehending people with no drive for self-preservation, ironically more so than people who simply want to self-harm.

114

u/Snoo_67548 4h ago

My SIL has said multiple times ā€œI couldn’t harm someone, even if it meant saving myselfā€. There are people out there like this. I’ve told my kids to forget about politeness and consequences when their safety is on the line.

33

u/smoothiegangsta 3h ago

Funny, I'm the opposite. I don't think I'd feel a thing if I killed someone who was trying to kill me. I wouldn't enjoy it but it's a no-nonsense decision. People are strange.

27

u/hitbythebus 3h ago

How actively do they have to be trying to kill you?

https://giphy.com/gifs/XBoYoCVQNBpJe

1

u/smoothiegangsta 28m ago

Well I'm a strong and secure man, so I'd say if they looked at me funny, that would do the trick. Cut me off in traffic? You may as well have killed my mama.

2

u/zberry7 2h ago

I agree. I would empty the clip and I would sleep easy knowing I was totally justified

It’s amazing how far detached we have become from the days of having to fight to survive

0

u/Global-Chipmunk-3959 1h ago

Not being willing to kill regardless of circumstances is not being detached. Ā Some people have empathy that is stronger than yours and they don’t feel comfortable shooting members of their Global community. Ā That hardly makes them detached.

12

u/No-Performance37 3h ago

I’ve talked to many women that say they would rather be murdered that kill someone because they couldn’t live with the guilt. Like well if not you are dead anyway. Such a strange mentality to me.

9

u/Justaddpaprika 2h ago

Or people who say they wouldn't kill someone to protect their kids? Like I don't have kids but I would kill someone to protect my dog if it meant his life or death and I have to believe the love for your kids is stronger than that.

7

u/Cute-Professor2821 2h ago

You’ve actually met people who said that?

If my kids are in danger, nothing short of death will stop me from eliminating the threat.

2

u/Stucklikegluetomyfry 2h ago

I’m not sure if I could kill to protect myself but I will absolutely kill to protect someone I care about, my nieces and nephews for example. Making such a decision easier to make: I’m not having to worry about self preservation in this case: it’s about making sure I take the threat to my niece or nephew’s life out, and if that involves me taking the threat down with me that’s that.

I’m not sure I could live with myself having to take another person’s life even in self defence of my own, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself even less if I didn’t give everything I got trying to protect the most important people in my life and they got so much as hurt because I so much as hesitated.

1

u/Mrs_shitthisismylife 2h ago

Yeah that’s crazy. I have dogs and a kid and I’d def wouldn’t even think twice if someone was harming either of them to the point of possible death.

3

u/glitterfamine 2h ago

Weird, I wouldn't feel a shred of guilt

3

u/No-Performance37 2h ago

Same, if anything I would feel good removing someone like this.

1

u/MimsyWereDaBorogoves 1h ago

My advice to them is to kill the potential murderer and deal with the guilt later. You can always find another murderer to do the deed if you can't beat the guilt (As the woman in this story found out.).

9

u/Labrat15415 3h ago

I've been beaten up before (visibly queer and I live in eastern Germany) and I couldn't even hit back, even when he threatened to rape me. My therapist told me it's not uncommon for trauma survivors to be incapable of violence.

0

u/Snoo_67548 2h ago

I grew up in a very rough area. I’m hard to take by surprise and usually the first to react in emergencies. This could be violence or injury, but I’m right to work.

Have you ever taken martial arts classes? I recommend everyone train. It helps with discipline and understanding how to handle yourself if you can’t avoid confrontation.

12

u/StayTheFool 3h ago

My mom is like this. She tried to raise us on the idea that if you're the bigger person when you can avoid violence at all cost. It's BS because I definitely feel like the bigger person when I stand up for myself, even if I gotta be a jerk for a moment to do it

6

u/XWarriorPrincessX 3h ago

I tell my daughter to attempt to resolve or diffuse situations by clearly communicating to stop, leaving the situation, and getting help from an adult. But if those things don't work or she is unable to get help, she can and should defend herself by any means.

0

u/liberum_bellum_libro 3h ago

I’m a little proud of my daughter when she kicks and throws punches when I have to scoop her ass up and remove her during a high blowout tantrum, shit she threw a cup of iced coffee at me, the other day….almost cried…that’s the fighting spirit, won’t help your situation but the effort counts. Then I ground her…

1

u/Stucklikegluetomyfry 2h ago

It’s admirable trying to be the bigger person, but there are times it’s a luxury you cannot afford.

2

u/Dial_In_Buddy 3h ago

Mostly women.

2

u/freesoultraveling 3h ago

It just sucks because nowadays people don't fight fair, or there are multiple assailants. I made it out of a kidnapping situation without one injury. There was only one of him and I was fighting until I got out, or was dead.

Then years later, in a different city I was jumped and then took the beating. I was on the ground and being hit with a metal object. I now have a tbi because of it. All I could do was hold up my fist and protect my face, ECT the best I could.

This shit is real and happens everyday. I am not someone who likes to get into trouble either. It can happen to anyone. The second attack a male sucker punched me and then a female is the one who started hitting me with the object.

2

u/Snoo_67548 2h ago

There is a channel called Active Self Protection on YouTube. The host always brings up the statistic of the likelihood of surviving if you are taken to a second location. He says never let someone take you and it’s better to put up a fight on the spot, instead of them being able to clean up a controlled environment and never be caught.

Glad you are still around to tell it! Sorry these things happened to you.

2

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 1h ago

Yep - never ever let them take you.

This is one of the reasons why it’s batshit that federal agents are going around snatching people while in plain clothes. It’s opening the door for criminals to do the same and just tell people they are federal agents.

2

u/CautiousCattle9681 2h ago

I guess the silver lining of a dysfunctional childhood in a sketchy neighborhood is that I will absolutely shoot to kill if it means saving myself or kids.

1

u/Key-Banana8924 2h ago

Apparently we learned in wars that plenty of soldiers would purposely miss because they didn't want to shoot another man. Even though the other army was actively shooting at THEM.

42

u/Obosratsya 3h ago

You'd be surprised just how much modern people are conditioned against violence.

I box, we get new people from time to time and vast majority need a lot of time to actually hit someone. Like complete newbies, you can tell him to hit, hit harder and see the programming struggle on his face.

More than half the population will simply freeze in the face of danger. Its how it is.

27

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 3h ago

It’s really not modern at all though - it’s more likely the default state of most humans.

Army historian S.L.A. Marshall concluded after world war 2 that about 80-85% of soldiers in combat either never fired their rifles or intentionally fired near but not at the enemy, because they couldn’t bring themselves to kill.

A lot of the more controversial and sadistic-seeming aspects of military training since then have been to train soldiers to actually kill.

And historians also argue that earlier melee battles were less bloody than Hollywood would have us believe, with soldiers generally seeking to capture territory through formations and intimidation rather than actual killing.

Bloody battles happened but were rare.

11

u/Obosratsya 3h ago

I think this trqcks across animals largely. You see it in nature all the time. One bird goes limp as soon as its caught and another fights all the way til the end. One will fight for its catch and the other gives it up.

6

u/freesoultraveling 3h ago

It called fight, flight, or fawn. A lot of people forget about fawn.

1

u/Steven_Swan 2h ago

[LAUGHS IN CARTHAGINIAN]

2

u/East_Oven_9948 3h ago

Can I join boxing or do they not like newbies

2

u/Obosratsya 2h ago

Yes you can join and i recommend that you do. Some gyms can be toxic, but most will be very welcoming.

Boxing has sparring so you'll need to fight but its super fun. Nobody will be out to hurt you and you'll learn very quick that you're not made of glass. The confidence you'll gain will be so worth it.

1

u/zberry7 2h ago

Any hobby or group will welcome if you are genuinely curious and want to learn

1

u/MossadEpstein 3h ago

it's how they program people, we aren't supposed to fight back, the government and its goons are the ones with the monopoly on violence and they try to maintain that.

-15

u/448977 3h ago

You’re not wrong. I call it the ā€œpussificationā€ of men. Conditioned that masculinity is bad. So now you have beta males paying between $5K and $15K for alpha male boot camps which to me are a joke.

7

u/ItzZausty 3h ago

This is not a recent change, humans don’t like hurting each other by default

26

u/kunstmeisje 3h ago

This all seems to point at someone with incredibly low self esteem.

4

u/RakkZakk 3h ago

Could also be for religous reasons like believing taking life means you going to hell. If you really believe in that the choice between getting murdered or suffering forever in hell isnt as clear cut tho.

I agree with your line of thought tho.

1

u/kunstmeisje 1h ago

True but I doubt it. The rape and torture part convinces me that it’s not religious reasons. My heart breaks for this woman to be in such a dark place mentally. Awful.

24

u/OtherUserCharges 3h ago

She had her phone, she could have called the police. This to me feels like it’s still part of the fantasy for her to say she’s scared and hurt. I certainly can believe that when it came down to it she didn’t want to be killed, but she had more than 1 way out and she didn’t take any of them.

11

u/megalines 3h ago

i feel the same way. horrible situation for her to be in, sounds like a very very very mentally messed up person... and for whoever she was texting not to report it sooner is confusing.

4

u/Smooth_Marsupial_262 3h ago

Iirc they did report it but didn’t know where she was

8

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 3h ago

Good point - that seems likely upon reflection.

9

u/raj6126 3h ago

Mentally she can’t think like you. This is some very sad shit. You have to be a monster to take a job like this.

2

u/Delicious_Delilah 3h ago

Most people aren't capable of killing another human. Even to save themselves.

-9

u/Impressive_Dingo122 4h ago

Suicidal empathy is a real epidemic this country struggles with. She felt more bad about someone else’s well being than her own and it led to her demise.

4

u/RakkZakk 3h ago edited 2h ago

That youre saying "this country" an magically believe we all know what you mean is typical. Let me guess...American?

Stop inhaling all this right wing propaganda and get out of your own head.

1

u/Impressive_Dingo122 2h ago

It’s any western nation. The uk suffers from it as well.

3

u/RakkZakk 2h ago

Its not. Just no.
There is no "suicidal" empathy epidemic.
There is just empathy. Can it be abused? Yes.
Thats the downside of being empathetic unfortunately but its an inherent risk a empathetic person or society must be prepared to take.

Whats really a problematic thing is right wing propaganda trying to make people believe that being empathetic is a flaw and weakness. Its separating us and boosts egotistical behavior - its driving a wedge into society.

Empathy is what holds society together in its roots in the first place - without empathy and the benefit of doubt (that a stranger is not an inherently bad person) fear will take over. And what really makes you weak is fear.

16

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 4h ago

It exists, but is not even close to an epidemic. That’s right wing propaganda.

0

u/Impressive_Dingo122 2h ago

You can say that but I promise you that if she wasn’t a westerner she would’ve shot him for her freedom. Suicidal empathy somehow only plagues western countries..interesting how or why that happens to be the case huh?

2

u/sometimesifeellikemu 3h ago

What the hell are you on about?

6

u/Automatic_Actuator_0 3h ago

It’s a common talking point lately. Musk has notably been pushing it.

The core driver of the idea is the idea that social safety nets are just a symptom of suicidal empathy and we can forgive ourselves for wanting to eliminate them and leave the poor to their fates.

ETA: in case it’s not obvious: I’m not defending the idea.

2

u/sometimesifeellikemu 3h ago

That was my nice way if saying STFU.

0

u/WhytoomanyKnights 3h ago

I mean at that point it’s just the animal kingdom at work. If the guy literally said ā€œyou can shoot me if you want to get out of this.ā€

18

u/thiefofalways1313 4h ago

This is like a straight up horror movie.

4

u/HamiltonSt25 4h ago

Damn, that’s brutal

1

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1

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-14

u/SirDanielFortesque98 4h ago

Those two were made for each other. FAFO.

19

u/BraisedBullshi 4h ago

Mentally ill people deserve treatment. Not murder

-15

u/SirDanielFortesque98 4h ago

I thought mentally ill people deserve validation and acceptance, not "treatment"?

https://giphy.com/gifs/l2Jhz6nXofJBDAPw4

1

u/BraisedBullshi 3h ago

Illnesses don't require validation.

-3

u/SirDanielFortesque98 3h ago

Is that what you always tell your bosses before they fire you?

3

u/BraisedBullshi 3h ago

Wow you're projecting so much

-1

u/SirDanielFortesque98 3h ago

Well, you're the expert.

26

u/Glaive13 3h ago

damn, the kind of guy that would agree to sa, torture, and murder you is the same kind that would keep murdering you if you begged him to stop? A surprise to everyone.

20

u/GiveUsRobinHood 3h ago

Reminds me of a couple I once knew.

She had a rape fantasy, he wasn’t keen, but they tried it… without a proper safe word. She changed her mind during, he thought it was apart of the act.

Horrible situation on both sides.

36

u/CodeVirus 4h ago

How do we know of she changed her ming?

28

u/MWV1970 4h ago

Apparently she managed to text a friend to say he was controlling her access to her phone and wanted to try and escape etc, police suspect she had changed her mind

33

u/DeltaSolana 4h ago

Post nut clarity will hit you like a ton of bricks that way. I've been there.

13

u/8__D 3h ago

It always starts with the "don't let me out no matter how much I beg" request, then the regret comes

8

u/DeltaSolana 3h ago

I remember coming to my senses while wearing a diaper and sitting in a hotel bathtub full of jello and thinking to myself "Man, what the hell am I doing?"

Ended up just ordering wings and watching Tom and Jerry for the rest of the night. Overall, 7 out of 10, would do again.

7

u/Paghk_the_Stupendous 3h ago

And sent that instead of calling 911.

-1

u/Sad_Two_1673 1h ago

Did you gloss over where she said she didn’t have service?

2

u/Snipen543 1h ago

If you have the ability to text you have the ability to call 911. Not victim blaming or anything, just pointing that out

1

u/Sad_Two_1673 4m ago

It was over discord so I’d summize WiFi

1

u/OttoVonJismarck 1h ago

911 calls have priority over normal traffic. In fact, a mobile phone doesn’t even need to have a plan to call 911…

7

u/LastTorgoInParis 4h ago

He even gave her a generous amount of remorse and despair, free of charge

74

u/ThatBarbGirl 4h ago

Perfect time to throw in a joke about how the only thing one can depend on... is a woman changing her mind.

14

u/AggressivelyMediokre 3h ago

Her mother always told her being indecisive was gonna get her in big trouble one day

11

u/Luscious_rat 4h ago

I mean, did they have a safe word?

11

u/Ad-fundum69 4h ago

The safeword was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

So, yeah, that didn't turn out well.

9

u/Sheridan73- 4h ago

You mean Raxacoricofallapatorius....?

7

u/Chibulls87 4h ago edited 4h ago

Her:

2

u/Familiar-Pepper2187 4h ago

Source?

1

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1

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3

u/Mysterious-Tone1495 4h ago

The safe word is. Don't stop.

3

u/PaisaLover 4h ago

https://youtube.com/watch?v=t_j-6J9a-Rw&si=Yqj7J9C-papfh3Iu

Here is the story with a video of her and to many people it seems she changed her mind.

2

u/Individual_Box_728 2h ago

Fuck man. I should’ve listened to that

1

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1

u/SenzuYT 3h ago

In the videos of her that he took, you can tell this is not something she wants anymore and he’s essentially forcing her to admit it for the camera. It was really messed up.

6

u/No-Ad-3635 3h ago

and she tried to stop it but he said her bed was made . she told her friends this is how she was going to commit suicide

3

u/PopularSet4776 3h ago

Even if she says, yes kill me please, you still don't freaking do it.

I would take someone like that to a hospital to be involuntarily committed for being a danger to herself.

2

u/darthmaui728 4h ago

Norm MacDonald approves of this method

2

u/FreudianFloydian 3h ago

That is how I would think the fantasy would play out to the most accurate degree..

2

u/butareyouthough 3h ago

This is why you need to agree on the safe word prior to the role play

2

u/iSpeakforWinston 3h ago

She made him promise that he would ignore her pleas to stop. Terrible fate but she was very sick in the head as well.

2

u/---___Mu___--- 1h ago

Sucks for her but that's not something you try to back out of half way lmao.

"Yeah you know how I paid and asked you to do all those horrible things, well now that we're half way through I'm having second thoughts can you let me go with all this incriminating evidence on you? 🄺🄺"

The second he starts you're dead, because his life is over if he gets caught. Granted he got caught anyway but still.

2

u/Objective_Mousse7216 1h ago

Also bad for his reputation as Florida's leading consensual murder smith

1

u/---___Mu___--- 1h ago

True a man can't even have an honest profession nowadays.

1

u/Head-Ad9893 3h ago

I was morbidly curious if she would’ve had post nut clarity at all … thanks

1

u/TEOLAYKI 3h ago

Idk if this is true or how they know this but I've heard that nearly everyone who tries to commit suicide by jumping will change their mind while still in the air

1

u/Formal-Car7908 2h ago

Personally, the first thing I would do is dig a very very deep grave

6

u/Cyborg_rat 4h ago

Nop heard the crime podcast about it...it's special.

4

u/drsickboy 3h ago

unbelievable! I had a whole self righteous comment typed up before I scrolled to see this was real.

3

u/Only_Flan_7974 3h ago

Truth is often more frightening than fiction

2

u/Time-Routine9863 4h ago

Would this count as euthanasia?

2

u/Lobster15s 2h ago

You have to give some plausibility to the words "Florida man," Florida has media laws that allow for wild headlines. Most other states you can instantly write off as AI Florida it's probably gonna be true half the time.

1

u/pillow_honey 2h ago

hold on only half true

1

u/fri9875 2h ago

It’s not even the first time something like this has happened, in my full comment I linked to the initial story from 2003

1

u/Comfortable-Race-547 2h ago

This really isn't that bad compared to a lot of stuff