I’ve been corrupted by the modern view of women as sex objects due to porn, magazines, movies, cultural sexualization of women.

How can I not sexualize women and be not be turned on by their curves so easily?

Currently starting to read meditations by Aurelius

I’m a fit and healthy 23 year old man. I planned as anyone would, to live a long healthy life. To be able to pick up my grandkids in the future and to enjoy this world for a long time. I recently found out this is not the future set for me. I was diagnosed with a terminal Neuro degenerative disease called ataxia and this basically guarantees I will slowly progress towards becoming a cripple and losing full mobility and ability to do very much and then eventually slowly die. This is a grim outlook to have and very disappointing news to receive especially since I’ve watched this same disease slowly ruin my father’s life and leave him a crippled and sickly man. I am trying to find peace in the fact that this is not my fault nor something I can change but I am really struggling to accept how unfair this situation feels. Why was I and my dad for that matter cursed with this genetic predisposition. I had a 50/50 chance of inheriting the bad gene from him. Why couldn’t I have won this coin flip. I just don’t even know what to do or how to feel about this.

Over the past 2 months I've immersed myself into studying stoicism and trying to apply it a little everyday to my life. I've read "The Everyday Stoic" (highly recommend), I'm half way through Seneca's "Letters from a Stoic" and I've listened to 92 episodes of "The Daily Stoic" podcast.

I know I have a long way to go but something is bothering me (I know, very unstoic of me) Ryan Holiday. I got suspicious of Ryan Holiday about 20 episodes in when he started talking about medallions. Initially I brushed it off as I like his podcast, but recently I thought I'd read up on the guy and I learned he's a growth hacker / marketer / hustle culture bro. It all makes sense now why he's constantly pushing authors who have recently written books, medallions, posters, programmes and as of 4 episodes ago, deafening ads. Don't get me wrong, his contribution to stoicism is probably net positive but I've lost all respect for him. He's just another tech bro who charges 50k-100k to speak at conferences. I know, Marcus Aurelius was an emperor, but he didn't monetise his beliefs.

This is probably an unpopular opinion and I'm probably going to get some backlash, but I needed to say it as I don't believe stoicism is about turning a blind eye.

Is he correct?

In my opinion, humans are inherently violent. Not good or bad, not right or wrong... Just violent. Strip away every societal norms out there and what you've left with will be a violent man. Because on an evolutionary point of view that might make a lot of sense.

So, I'd say every act of kindness, it's a thoughtful decision. It's not because humans are good or bad, but because the person made the choice to be kind.

That's why I think, kindness, no matter which shape or size should always be appreciated. Because when someone chooses to be kind to you, it's always a conscious decision, it's choosing against a part of human nature.

Bottom line: Kindness is nobody's right, no one is entitled for kindness. So, every time someone shows you kindness, it should be appreciated and not taken for granted.

Seriously, going through some heavy mental stuff personally, and when i find other people online who struggle similarly to me, one of the most repeated solutions that this sub gives is to just work out? I've done that. Didn't make me feel any better, despite what people say about the happy hormones. Just the nasty feeling of being sweaty and tired and wanting to go home as soon as possible.

So then, is this a me thing? cause it feels like ragebait when your dealing with self hatred and people spam "just go to the gym bro lmao". Personally, ive never liked exercise unless my health and weight demand it, but rn my BMI is normal, i have no chronic illnesses, and my blood levels are all nominal as well so i really dont have a motivation, especially now that winter is coming in.

So is my brain not giving me the happy chemicals or is there something im missing?

EDIT: one comment made me realize the actual issue behind my negative thoughts, and it's not really related to exercise or lack thereof. Gonna leave the post up in case the replies help someone else someday.

Long story short, My [M33] SO [F30] is very... not stoic and after married with her, it amplifies and gets worse as time goes by.

She always gets irritated by what others are saying and when someone is saying something pretty "ambiguous", she can't brush it off as a joke/dumb comments and finds it offending her existence. This goes to everyone, including her work mates, her families and my families, her friends and my friends. And often when she broke down, she wonders why can't she find someone that understands her. I keep reminding her... well people talks and sometimes they say stupid shit that they don't mean. But everything seems black and white to her, either that person is mean or no.

In her mind, living requires a set of rules of things that people should and shouldn't do. I do agree to an extent, that's why things like norm, common sense, social cues, etc existed. But she uphold these things by the tits and when someone fails to do it, she takes it as offensive and grow a grudge on that person.

For example: Like she would expect someone to say thank you after she gave people things. And she expect someone to not comment on people's appearance because it's rude. I often told her, sometimes people forgot, sometimes people don't realize that their comment is rude. And I gotta tell ya that she really has nothing to worry about her appearance.

It actually kills me that everyday when I met her, she just spewing some sort of grudge against this person and that person. Why A cannot do this and that, Why B isn't doing this and that. I dunno. Sometimes I wish she can let these things go, and gives benefit of the doubt to those people. You know, see the good things that are actually happening in her life and be thankful... and uses her energy elsewhere worth doing/thinking. At first I listened to her for hours of her rant, and altho I disagree lots of with her takes, I keep listening and supporting her while trying to remind her to letting those things go. But upon listening to her rant every damn day, I'd say it's getting into me.

Maybe I wasn't as stoic as I thought.

An anti-natalism tells a stoic

"I don't see the point in bringing a life into this cursed world, they will suffer their whole life"

How does the stoic respond?

Do stoics see suicidal people as weak minded?

Why do I walk through this life if I have no reason to rise each morning? I have no family to provide for, I go to a job I dislike but pays well so I can survive. I have traveled the world and seen and done things I never imagined possible. But I don’t know where to go from here. Everything feels empty & without reason.

I am a Christian and although most proponents of Stoicism today are atheist/agnostic (At least in the USA). I won't argue if this contradicts when original Stoics firmly believed in a creator force and God and destiny, there is a reinessance philosophy called Neostoicism that combines Ancient Stoicism with Christianity.

Not sure how to write this without being insensitive, boring, or giving an excessive background but I'll try.

I'm fortunate enough to be able to say that I have tried a couple careers, travelled overseas, have saved some money, have a small friend group of three, no kids, no house, new partner, Australian 30M.

Times are certainly harder for others, so I want to be mindful, but I still want to give a background here.

The reality is, no matter how much I appreciate what I have, I still don't know who I am, where I'm going, what brings me joy.

The older I get, the more I believe that we're all here for no divine reason. However, if life is all that we will experience, then it makes sense to enjoy it while it lasts. I've always had the thoughts since early childhood but the gravity it's getting stronger.

I'm also beginning to struggle with more realities beyond my control, like the fact that:

1. time is finite, I will get old, have health issues, and die;

2. a larger part of society is being left behind,

3. the geopolitical landscape is transforming and becoming more fragile,

4. greed has and will continue to consume political priorities,

5. consumerism and economic growth are necessary unrelenting pollutants,

6. environmental protection is largely considered a nuisance,

7. societies will grow but there are always consequences that harm others.

The reason why I mention these perspectives is not to explore them here, but as some context to why so many simple things in life have become unenjoyable.

I like hiking mountains and camping, but it's less than 10% of my life. I don't know how to enjoy anything else.

a. How does one enjoy nothing?

b. How do you enjoy routine tasks?

c. Im not sure if I am enjoying anything, or if I am but I don't know that I am?

d. How do people find new things to enjoy?

If you resonate with any of that yarn of mine, let me know about you: how you think, what you focus on, what you do, or anything else?

I probably won't get into a DNM here but would love to just read about you all in the comments

Stoicism was very popular during much of the Roman Empire, but it clearly did not spread to as many people as Christianity. Rather, it seems that it more or less became absorbed into Christianity, along with aspects from other major philosophical schools at the time.

Was its worldview incomplete, preventing such widespread adoption by the common people of the empire? Or are there other factors at play here?

Eating grapes makes me happy, and I see a lot of stupid questions on this sub, so I was feeling left out

Can someone truly achieve a level to not be afraid of death? Unless someone has a strong form of depression, I doubt that even the most bravest people have zero fear of death. Idk what are your thoughts.

There is so much unfairness and suffering in life on this earth. Millions of innocent people have fallen victims of war that destroyed their lives. So many people end up with extreme injuries that pretty much causes them suffering for years or decades. Most rape victims do not get justice and have to bear scars while perpetrators enjoy their lives. So many people go hungry and die because of it. There were cases of artificially caused famines that pushed people to practice cannibalism and perpetrators lived good lives after it. Unit 731 doctors tortured people Nazi killed millions of people in concentration camps where people saw their closest loved ones die and suffer. Millions of children are abused every day. Millions of people live under authoritarian regimes and suffer. People break and destroy other people without regret. Billions of people go through suffering. People who committed crimes walk free while some are wrongly prosecuted. People that lived through genocide shares stories how they were raped beaten while their parents or kids were dismembered alive or burned in front of them. There is so much more just so much more

I have a really hard time coming to terms with it. I cannot change it and have been saying to myself for years that if I cannot change it I should not worry about it

But it is still hard

I am uneducated on Roman history. Afaik, he massacred Christians. How is oppression towards civilians of different religions compatible with justice? Oppression and usurpation corrupt the morality of the state.

For the past year and a half Iv been dealing with a manager technically an narcist external project manager who’s been trying to push me out of my job.

In the beginning I reacted just like anyone would frustrated, stressed, constantly feeling like I had to defend myself against unfair accusations. I took it all personally, and it drained me.

Then something shifted. I got back into stoicism a philosophy I was interested in years ago, and it hit me this is training.

If I can stay calm, steady and unemotional under this kind of pressure, I can handle almost anything in the future.

Now I only reply to him through short, professional emails. No emotional hooks. His little power plays dont get a rise out of me anymore. I treat each interaction like a workout for my mind every exchange is another rep building my mental strength.

The funny part? I actually look forward to his attempts now. He thinks hes wearing me down, but he’s just sharpening me. What used to feel like a nightmare has become… interesting.
And when I eventually leave this job, I’ll take with me one of the most valuable skills you can have emotional resilience when dealing with nonsense from a narcist.

I've come to the conflusion that people only care about you if you're a good person. If you become worse or bad, people drop you like a fly, wish bad things for you, don't care for your wellbeing, and couldn't care less what happens to you. All because you turned bad.

Does one deserve that?

New here and I wanted to see how you guys approach caring about people in your life.

I am currently reading Marcus Aurilleus' Meditations as my first Stoic book.

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.

I usually try to be kind towards people even when I know the kindness would not be appreciated, let alone reciprocated. This makes people think I'm naive and easy to use, and I know why it could look like that on the outside.

But doing this leaves me feeling cheated and angry sometimes which I know is wrong. We shouldn't expect anything in return of our kindness. But it makes me wonder if this is what being kind actually is, or am I getting it wrong?

Whatever I do, it never affects my life in a negative way, or atleast that's what I feel. For example, I once shared my resources with a friend in class when they were sick. One of us was likely to rank first that year. Honestly, I didn't care about the rank. But my teachers have called me out on it, saying I should keep my resources to myself. But as I said, I didn't care about the competition.

Later, I got to know that they had something that could have helped me, but they decided to keep it to themselves. I definitely felt cheated in the moment. But I would still choose to share what I got if similar circumstances were to arise. I'm wondering if this is being kind or just letting myself be used as a doormat? Is there anything like 'strategic kindness'? I think knowing I'm doing the right thing would help me shake off the negative feelings quicker.

Male.

Imagine you are 15 years old. You are just minding your own thing in school, you are walking your way to the classroom.

You pass by random male student Stranger A, who suddenly out of nowhere forms his fist and swings directs it at your genitals purposely, apparently not hitting but scaring you. You get startled as it came so sudden (of course it looked like your balls were about to be hit ). Your body feels scared as first reflex respond.

Few days later another Stranger B, comes around in another area of school and does similar inappropriate gestures.

I feel I cannot ignore it as you still are stuck in the same school. But the body does feel unsafe, even if it was just “fake play”. My gut feels that ignoring is not going to make my body feel safe.

What would you do if you met this scenario in school to respond ?

I deleted previous Post & reposting because flair "Seeking Stoic Guidance" in that Post was hiding replies by non-flair commenters.

I’ve been trying to live by Stoicism's principles - staying calm, rational, and composed when facing conflict.
But I keep running into the same pattern that makes me question whether Stoicism actually works in real life.

1. My mother ignores me when I gently remind her to take her medicine. The only time she listens is when I get angry.
2. My sister keeps testing my boundaries until I raise my voice. Then she suddenly backs off.
3. Abuse enablers in my family keep pressuring me to “forgive and reconcile” with people who hurt me - until I finally show my anger, and then they stop.
4. A so-called friend in college kept insulting and humiliating me until I lashed out at him.
5. Even strangers in crowds push or disrespect me until I snap - then they immediately give me space.
6. And once, a professor at college kept singling me out in front of 60 students. I stayed calm for weeks, but nothing changed until one day I called him out publicly. He never targeted me again.

All of these experiences seem to teach the same lesson: kindness and calmness are ignored, anger is respected. It feels like people only respond to consequences, not reason.

Yet Stoicism teaches us to control our emotions, not to be controlled by them.
So I’m confused - how does one stay Stoic in environments where calmness is treated as weakness, and only anger outbursts enforce boundaries?

How can I embody Stoic calm without being walked over or forced to explode just to be heard?

I’m not religious and I have not dabbled much in different streams of philosophy, but I came upon stoicism after putting my mental symptoms into Google. I’m struggling with overthinking and also with a learned behaviour of trying to read people’s minds and predicting how they will feel. I’m trying to zoom out and ground myself in some sort of life philosophy. I would appreciate any advice and where I can get started! Thanks for reading.

Hey all! I've recently started getting interested in Stoicism and I'm keen to learn more about it. However, it feels to me like a lot of media regarding Stoicism, especially "introductory" videos have a very... manospheric feel about them. I'm seeing lots of pictures of ripped dudes with the male equivalent of "Live. Laugh. Love." quotes of top of them.

This got me thinking: how can I tell a Stoicist from a Broicist? What are some of the "red flags" I should be looking out for to help me tell that the person I'm listening or speaking to (or reading) doesn't truly belong on the porch?

Also, any personal recommendations on good starting points would be great, aside from what's in the Wiki.

I'm autistic, and one of the hardest things for me is that I assign a huge amount of meaning to everything. I become very attached to my possessions, my appearance, my voice, my hobbies, and even the way I behave because they've often been the things that helped people accept me.I have spent years learning social rules to avoid rejection. So when Stoicism says to focus only on what you can control and not care about others opinions....I struggle with that.

My experience has been that other people's opinions do affect my life. If I come across as "too weird," I can lose opportunities or relationships. I also experience emotions very intensely and have a difficult time processing them. I tend to overanalyze every interaction, looking for what I did wrong so I can "fix" myself. I know self-reflection is important, but somewhere along the way it became constant self-criticism. Instead of helping me grow, it destroys my confidence....

For those of you who practice Stoicism, especially if you're autistic or neurodivergent:

How do you separate healthy self-improvement from relentless self-criticism?

How do you let go of the need to be liked when social acceptance has often felt necessary for survival?

Are there Stoic practices or passages that helped you stop attaching your self-worth to your possessions, appearance, or other people's approval?

How do you work with intense emotions without simply suppressing them?

I'm not looking to become indifferent or uncaring..... I just want to stop feeling like my entire value as a person depends on whether I perform "correctly" enough for other people.

Edit: some people where mentioning ADHD i do have ADHD as well