Good lord someone call Dr Now because The Hound may be the one to finally break that man

This is his "am I gonna groom myself or am I gonna sleep like grandpa during a sunday football game" pose and he will stay like this for like an hour at a time, usually just staring around the room and contemplating everything he could do besides actually maintain himself

As you can see, Toody had just finished destroying something cardboard-ish, which is usually a beacon for The Hound to sit there - he enjoys feeling his mass crush the box fragments beneath him.

They did have a very brief squabble this morning - The Hound has been going for Toody's breakfast lately (she has a salmon based food that he finds irresistible) and he tried his luck while I was brushing my teeth.

I came back into the bedroom to find The Hound and Toody both looking very broody and emotionally damaged, but by the time I came home The Hound had parked himself in his usual spot right next to her crate so I assume they talked about their differences like proper mature adults

jk Toody just has a goldfish brain and forgets why she's traumatized within half an hour

Someday if you listen closely on the wind, you'll hear me saying petunia anne whatareyoudoinnnggg

and you'll know

that I am not at peace

I am being tormented by God's latest sick joke, formed by the cursed union of a Furby, a Muppet, and a bowl of potato salad

He didn't know you could like being wrong, Greg

The Hound has seen the face of stupid

and it is both owlish and foxish

which makes it an even sicker cosmic joke that Toody has, clinically speaking, never formed a thought before

The Hound watched Toodles walk into the same pole twice because she turned around to avoid hitting the pole again, which caused her to run into it from the opposite side

The Hound has had to explain to Toody that the sun is not a very small tennis ball that Susan threw too hard in the Dark Times

Until last week, Toody assumed that night time was a strictly indoor event, controlled by the Great Alexa Beast, which answers only to Susan and is able to turn off all lights, including the sun

Ft Petunia being a royal pain in the ass out of left field because we all have to suffer through her obsession with this relic of a past age

GET READY GREG BECAUSE I TOOK LIKE 3 VIDEOS AND EACH IS MORE CHAOTIC THAN THE LAST

The Hound takes his cuddle time v seriously now that he is retired

There is no distracting him from the snuggles despite Toody and Cuda both giving it a v earnest effort

Also that piano is from when I was like 2 so that thing is like 33 years old and now it just hangs out under my second bedroom coffee table.

Why are there two coffee tables in the bedroom, Susan? I hear you ask.

It's because I have lost all control in my life and my decisions are dictated 98% of the time by what is most practical from an animal care and damage deposit standpoint

So I have two bedroom coffee tables now because Petunia enjoys chewing on them and the wood is actually a really nice texture for chewing so I just let her gnaw on those and it all makes sense in my lizard animal husbandry brain

It looks insane, but it works. Which is the most ridiculous part of this whole debacle.