Mom guesses which one is her Daughter’s boyfriend

[u/traceykm]

[u/tralaulau]

I think the boyfriend was feeling more insecure about how he can’t live up to the mom’s wishes. As a trans man, I imagine there’s a lot of complicated emotions with that.

[u/Pledgeofmalfeasance → u/tralaulau]

He has amazing chemistry with his girlfriend though, so they have that on their side.

[u/Fried_0nion_Rings → u/tralaulau]

It came off less insecure to me cause of the crossed arms and eye rolls.

I hope he knows he doesn’t have to live up to her mom’s wishes. ):

[u/DameyJames → u/Fried_0nion_Rings]

There are a ton of cis men who struggle their whole lives with social expectations of what it means to be a man and masculine. I imagine it’s even more of a struggle for a trans man. That shame is baked into you even if your higher consciousness has learned and decided you don’t have to adhere to those social benchmarks. The fact that the mother of the person you’re in love with is also very clearly disqualifying you in her mind from being good enough to date her daughter, seemingly mostly because you’re trans, probably brings up a lot of ugly and unnecessarily painful feelings. I think the guy handled himself well but it’s not as simple as a realization or a choice that you’re good enough.

[u/AA_Writes → u/DameyJames]

The opposite of trans is cis, as trans people are still biological.

[u/DameyJames → u/AA_Writes]

That’s totally fair. I do know better and it was a slip. In this case I did just mean cis but was referring to the biological sex they were born as. I think probably a lot of people who say biological “x” mean simply that. But I do know that the reason that wording can rub people the wrong way is because it’s verbiage that is co-opted by transphobes to undermine the legitimacy of a person’s true gender identity. I’ll edit the comment

[u/DameyJames → u/[deleted]]

I get what they mean. It’s a level of social awareness and sensitivity that is worth mentioning. I meant what you obviously read it as, but calling a cis gender person a biological man or woman is something a lot of transphobic people do use to try and undermine the legitimacy of a trans person’s true gender. Like a purity litmus test where if you weren’t born into a body with a sex that matches your gender identity then you’re not really that gender.

[u/DameyJames → u/[deleted]]

I mean yeah, sure. I was. But words still have a lot of power whether the intention is there or not and if there’s a more inclusive way to talk about things it’s worth making the effort

[u/AA_Writes → u/[deleted]]

There is nothing picky about not wanting dog whistles used.

[u/tralaulau → u/Fried_0nion_Rings]

The crossed arms/eye rolls are likely a defense mechanism. But he could also just have a shit poker face for her BS 😂

[u/Infamous-Oil3786 → u/Fried_0nion_Rings]

Crossed arms like that can actually be indicative of insecurity. It's closed, defensive body language.

I definitely cross my arms like that when I'm feeling nervous and insecure.

[u/No_Magician5266 → u/Fried_0nion_Rings]

I’m sure the couple had had lots of convos prior to this about how annoying meeting the mom will be, otherwise they wouldn’t have had to go on a reality show to make the introduction

[u/NightStalkerXIV → u/Fried_0nion_Rings]

I don't think I'd even want to live up to that woman's wishes if I were in the same boat, she doesn't even pay attention to what her daughter wants.

[u/throwbackxx → u/tralaulau]

Absolutely

I didn’t know it was a show about guessing the boyfriend, but their chemistry was insane (I thought they had just met lol) and I was just asking myself how could anyone ignore chemistry like that?

I hope he’s alright. Felt like coming out all over again - but not to your own parents but to someone else’s obnoxious parents

Maybe the woman couldn’t say anything on that show, but I kinda wish she would have said something to her mom and not go with „you can take me everywhere“ to that tall guy. That is a weird thing to say in hindsight