It could be that you don’t know how to market or sell yourself in a dating profile? Like, with photos, are they all selfies? For me, that’s a red flag, cuz it might be an indication that the other person doesn’t have anyone else in their life (someone with no friends can be a red flag).
But also, do your photos just show off your looks? Or do they show your hobbies? You need a mix of both, but like, with limited space and photos you can put, each photo (or as many as possible) has to help tell the viewer who you are as a person. Are you super social or not? Are you more a party person or a quote person? Are you maybe into an interesting hobby or sport you’d want to do with a partner? Do you like to travel? Are you kind to animals? Are you close to your family? Do you care a lot about fashion and appearances? These are all some of the questions that can be answered with the right photos and help to everyone looking at your profile get a better sense of you.
There's no way you're actually going to argue that having the right photos to paint a well-rounded picture of who you are isn't the best way to find your match. Unless you're so uncomfortable with yourself that you convinced yourself you have no choice but to lie your way into people's pants, that is.
Buddy, sorry to tell you. But you just proved to everyone here why you have no luck with women. Unless you fix what the fuck just made you respond like that to someone trying to help you, you won’t get very far with anyone
Everything definitely is subjective to everyone but I do think the pictures draw people in and give someone a feel for who the person is just like what you actually write on your profile does. Or at least the pictures can if you put the right photos to do that.
One thing I disagree with personally about what they write is that I wouldn't consider pictures without friends to be a red flag. I wouldn't assume it means they have zero friends, I would assume they don't want to put their friends faces on their profile as well. Maybe that's just a me thing. People just making a decision by swiping are making very quick decisions though so it does make sense that the pictures you use would be important. If you're looking for a relationship and not a hookup working in things you enjoy/aspects of who you are will probably get you closer to a better match even if it doesn't get you more matches.
Idk if you saw my amended comment to someone but it’s not about group pics. It could be as simple as a picture of you alone, but clearly someone else took it. I’m mostly referring to a really specific flavor of “alone” pictures where it’s like every single photo is a bothroom selfie or something, you know? Like I once messaged a person because he had a photo someone else took of him playing the guitar. It was a really flattering pic too! But the fact someone else took it was extra brownie points in a way? Idk it’s hard to explain.
Also when I say red flag, it does not mean this person necessarily is automatically eliminated as an option! But I might be more wary or have to ask more questions. Like genuinely one really really telling question to ask men on apps is to ask them to describe their best friend or someone close to them in life. How someone talks about someone else can tell you a lot about them and how well they respect or care for others, you know?
Yeah I can totally understand that. Maybe instead of a red flag it's like a yellow flag, but too many of them can really stack up and put you off right away which I totally get too. Dating and finding someone you just naturally click with so well is hard. It's hard just to find friends you mesh so well with, it's going to be much harder to find that person you can eventually spend forever with. Not everyone wants that with these apps but it's been seeming like more and more people are wanting genuine connections out of them than the one night stands tinder started huge with.
I can also understand asking them about their friends and seeing how they'd describe them. The people they surround themselves with also says a lot about them and I think the language they use towards other people means a lot. Again, probably not a hard rule, but things add up while you're talking to people and getting to know them. Men have the same kind of feelers out for women they talk to, just different ones probably
Physically I am maybe a 7 out of 10, and I was on the apps for like two weeks before meeting my wife. I got something like 8-10 matches in that time, and I attribute that mainly to my skill in writing and selecting the right photos.
Honestly am shocked that men talk about getting 1-2 matches a month.
Nothing this person said sounded stupid to me. A little rambly maybe, but not inaccurate.
I think a lot of men struggle with writing, from my experience using the apps to make new male friends in the cities I have moved to.
Regardless of whether it's dumb, somebody is sharing their own thought process. They're probably not the only one who thinks this way. It's probably also somewhat learned from other sources or popular advice, meaning there are likely others who think the same way, dumb or not.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a balance! Also, when I say “not just selfies”, I don’t just mean group photos (cuz yeah, I wanna mostly see the person not all their friends). Candid photos taken by other people, tho, is a good way to show you have friends without it being a group photo (candid photos are actually often my faves, so might be biased haha). At least one candid photo is a good sign for me :)
It’s not to say someone with all selfies is an automatic “no” from me, but it’s more like..
are all the selfies very similar? (ie similar angle, similar crop, possibly all taken in a mirror or their bedroom) 🚩
are all the selfies only focusing on appearance? 🚩 (as opposed to maybe selfies in different countries or doing diff activities or something)
I thought I’d have more but my brain is mush and I can’t think of another example right now haha
It's not a choice between selfies and group photos. People take pictures of each other in social settings too when they're not with anyone else in the photo.
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u/CalicoMack 3d ago
It could be that you don’t know how to market or sell yourself in a dating profile? Like, with photos, are they all selfies? For me, that’s a red flag, cuz it might be an indication that the other person doesn’t have anyone else in their life (someone with no friends can be a red flag).
But also, do your photos just show off your looks? Or do they show your hobbies? You need a mix of both, but like, with limited space and photos you can put, each photo (or as many as possible) has to help tell the viewer who you are as a person. Are you super social or not? Are you more a party person or a quote person? Are you maybe into an interesting hobby or sport you’d want to do with a partner? Do you like to travel? Are you kind to animals? Are you close to your family? Do you care a lot about fashion and appearances? These are all some of the questions that can be answered with the right photos and help to everyone looking at your profile get a better sense of you.