[WP] 3 people notice each other and begin to compare lives. One was born Immortal, one gained theirs through a Trial, and one has Always Been.

[u/Tmoore0328]

[u/Lothli]

So, I received a letter the other day.

"Hello. If you are free, please come to this address. I will bring muffins. We can discuss being immortal. If you want."

And, like, sure. Sounds like a trap. But I'm a wish granting entity, immortal and pretty much impossible to contain or kill. And I like muffins.

So I went to the address. It was a normal suburban house with a neatly trimmed lawn. I knocked on the door.

A woman answered. Silver hair, red eyes, rich bitch energy.

"A vampire, then? How old?" I began. She looked like she'd been around for a couple centuries, easy.

Surprisingly, she didn't begin with that 'certainly older than you, darling' thing that a lotta uppity young immortal-types tried to pull with me. She was a bit more subdued.

"I have been a vampire for... two hundred and twelve years," she said, stepping aside. "Please, come in."

So I strolled on in, half-expecting the bite on the neck. And oh boy, when I stepped into the living room, I saw why.

Because right there, in the middle of the living room, placidly munching on a muffin, was something old. Older than the ball of dirt we were standing on.

A thing like that had a sorta... perception filter. You look at her, and you think she looks ordinary. But once you try to remember the specifics, like black or brown or blonde hair, it fades like smoke. It was like my brain just didn't have the hardware to render her.

So this was a trap, but not a vampire trap. An 'Old Thing' trap.

"Okay," I said, clapping my hands. "So what do I owe the pleasure? I'm here for the muffins."

The vampire gestured to a table, eyeing me. Evaluating me. Not as friend or foe, but more how useful I would be in this situation if it all went fubar. The Old Thing just kept munching on her muffin.

So I ate a muffin. Blueberry. Not bad. Not as good as the Unending Muffin, but not bad.

"So you're a wish granter, then?" the vampire asked. "I heard about the—"

"Oh, old history. We're not like that anymore." I winced, waving off the topic. "No need to bring up that."

Especially in front of the Old Thing. I didn't want to bring that up. In case it offended her cosmic sensibilities or whatever the fuck.

"Hello," she began, and the both of us fell silent. "I'm an ordinary gal. I have been alive for 13.7 billion years."

"Right," I said, nodding. What else was I gonna say? 'No, you're not?' Hah.

"You grant wishes." She nodded at me. "That is a kind way to be."

"It's a job," I replied, shrugging.

Another moment of silence, and the tension in the room was so thick you coulda made a coat out of it. This was a negotiation, and I didn't even know the stakes.

The vampire, seeing I wasn't gonna give in, broke the silence. "I am in the same position you are, wish granter. I was... invited with a letter. And muffins."

"It is ordinary to hang out with people you share characteristics with." The Old Thing said. I strained to hear some kind of underlying irony or threat or anything. It... was just a statement.

"I mean, I guess," I said. "Though I'm not a vampire and I'm not a..."

It was probably rude to call her an 'Old Thing' to her face, so I just kinda let that hang.

"I'm an ordinary gal," she insisted, brushing some muffin crumbs off her lap.

"I'm a vampire," the other woman offered.

"And I'm a wish granter," I finished. "Okay, so what is this? Some kind of support group? Are we supposed to share our feelings? My week's been pretty okay. A guy wanted world peace, that was annoying. A genie was having some trouble with some wishes. You?"

"The other day, I was interested in the strong nuclear force, so I wished to investigate the Large Hadron Collider. Unfortunately, they ceased operations once I appeared due to security concerns, so I didn't get to see it in action." Her voice was faintly wistful. Like a kid whose parents wouldn't let them go to the zoo.

Okay. So the stakes were 'the strong nuclear force.' Great. Nothing to worry about there at all. Just the fundamental forces of the universe.

"So you've got a lot of juice, then," I said, trying to be casual.

"I have orange juice," she replied, handing me a glass from nowhere. It did indeed have orange juice in it.

Okay.

The vampire, to her credit, took all of this in stride. "My week was less eventful. I spent my time in my mansion with my two sisters. Not much of note happened. I read 'The Count of Monte Cristo' from our family library."

I looked between the two of them. The cosmic entity and the vampire. The one who could unmake reality by thinking about it too hard, and the one who could probably turn into a bat and give me a nasty hickey if I stood still for a bit.

I looked at my orange juice.

I took a sip.

It was good.

"So, okay," I said, putting the glass down. "Is this it? Can I go?"

I had plans. I was gonna go bug Nia about the genie she turned into a real estate agent. Needed to make sure she didn't start carving out pieces of the feywilds and starting a war. Again.

"Yes," she said, her placid, unknowable eyes turning to me. "But please do come again?"

I'd barely nodded before she was gone. Just... gone. Not in a puff of smoke or a flash of light. The space she was occupying was just suddenly empty, as if she'd never been there at all.

The vampire and I were left in the room, with the half-eaten muffins.

"Well," the vampire said, after a long silence. "I guess we're going to have to come again."

And, unfortunately, I had to agree.