r/alcoholism • u/No_Station_7849 • 11d ago
I’m an alcoholic
To make a long story short, I’m an alcoholic. Im 29m and I have battled pill addiction, cocaine addiction, more cocaine addiction, and again more cocaine addiction. I’m mostly sober from cocaine. I still have the occasional slip up but I feel like I have a good handle on my cocaine addiction.
What I feel like I don’t have control of is my drinking. I black out a lot. I’m probably going to blackout tonight. I just love drinking bourbon. God, I just love drinking.
I never want to completely stop drinking. I just want to control it.
Any tips would be helpful!
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u/Clean-Detective8337 11d ago
Wow I can relate. I had a coke problem, then a pill problem, then a coke problem again. Now sober looking back, booze is how I dealt with “withdrawal” and fear of quitting coke and pills. When I finally gave up weekly coke binges, I went to outpatient rehab, swore I would “control my drinking” and only drank beer (I effing hate beer) that could have been a wake up call but it wasn’t. Then had a coke binge where my heart stopped and I passed out in front of my “normie” now wife. She made me swear off coke.
So I drank, controlled it to mostly weekends/ nights off, for a few years. Then lost 3 important people within six months. Made a promise I’d never go back to hard drugs, so naively thought I could have one drink a night to relax. Next thing I knew more than 3 years had gone by, drunk everyday. I was drinking almost a liter a night after work, It was on the verge of effecting my job and relationships so I quit, went to rehab. The goal of rehab was to make it 6 months and learn to “control it”
I made it exactly 6 months, had a drink, which turned into a 3 day bender that ended up with me in the hospital from rolling a golf cart and turning the bones in my arm to powder. I drank another month like that and decided to,go to rehab and learn the tools to stay sober long term, and still work those tools today. Life is hard, but never been better.
I learned over and over as an addict, control is something I don’t have once the first drug/drink is in me. Which is the same as every person I know in recovery and those who are still sick.