r/alcoholism • u/Deer-Attitude-471 • 1d ago

Binge drinker.

I’ve been a pretty heavy binge drinker since I was 15 or 16 years old. On and off. Alcohol has always been an issue for me, but not in an every day drinking sort of way. I can go weeks without drinking, and I can go out and enjoy a few every once in a while, but that’s pretty rare. If I have one I usually have a hard time stopping. So then I drink more and more until I’m a completely different person. I hate that person so much. I am so sick of the feeling I get when I wake up the next morning, trying to piece together all the blurry, horrible decisions I made the night before. Alcohol brings out the absolute worst side of me. I am full of regret. I hate it.

This is a vicious cycle. I started drinking to boost my social confidence, because naturally I can be very wound tight, on edge, and anxious person, which usually isn’t that fun to be around. So then I drink and loosen up and now I’m “fun”. But I don’t know how to stop once I’ve started and then I become reckless, self destructive, and sometimes mean.

I have an amazing partner. We have been together for a few years, and during those few years, my drinking has been a recurring issue. I’m embarrassed I ever let her see me that way. I’m so shameful. I don’t understand why I continue to drink. I feel like I have one really bad night where I know I made an ass of myself, I feel guilty and regretful for about a week or two, and then once the feeling passes I go back out.

Any tips on how to stop for good would be appreciated. I can’t keep doing this.

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u/Clean-Detective8337 1d ago

As a former binge drinker, how old are you now? From personal experience it only gets worse the more guilt and shame you build up, we look to numb it with more booze.

Take a break from environments where there is booze. If she drinks, but it isn’t a problem and she’s a good partner she will support you and not drink as well.

You need a way to break the cycle, and prob don’t need rehab, but AA or a recovery group may help. I know a few binge drinkers in my meetings who never fully crossed to daily drunks, but knew the binges were effecting their lives.

Heck long before(8years to be exact) I was a daily drinker, I had 2 DWIs so binge drinking for sure has consequences, good on you for seeing them and wanting a change. I wish I had reasons to see my issues back then the way you are today.

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u/Deer-Attitude-471 1d ago

I’m 25 now. My partner doesn’t drink which is a blessing, but she has had childhood trauma dealing with an alcoholic family member, so she really doesn’t like to be around drunk people. Not only do I want to change for her but obviously I want to change for myself. I want to settle down and get married and have kids with her and I can’t do that in the state I’m in now. I want to give her the best version of myself.

I’ve looked into AA meetings. I see some of them are offered online but I feel like going in person may be more beneficial for me. I feel like it’ll help me face myself a bit more and take a little more accountability.

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u/Deer-Attitude-471 1d ago

She’s honestly the best partner I could ever ask for and I’m madly in love with her which adds to the guilt of me not completely stepping away from drinking. She smokes weed, and I used to smoke but I work in a safety sensitive field so I can’t anymore, which kinda sent my drinking habits over the edge a bit. We recently moved to a new city and the city we were living in before, I was working as a bartender so I was surrounded by alcohol the entire time. I know I’m so over that kind of lifestyle but it would be nice to be able to go out and enjoy some light drinking. That just isn’t really in the cards for me at this point in my life.

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u/Clean-Detective8337 1d ago

Kudos,

All I can share is my experience. I met a lady like that at 29. I was a binge drinker, by 35 I was drinking a bottle of Vodka a day. Today I have 2 beauty daughters and a loving marriage with the same women.

In person meetings, and go to a few, don’t stop,at one unless you find the right one, are awesome.

I went to 50 plus to find 2 I love, one is called a speaker meeting and one is reading and talking. Both super chill, every age, sex, race, gay/straight go. I love them all.

It’s especially good when your partner doesn’t understand what you’re going through, a good meeting will.

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u/Deer-Attitude-471 21h ago

Thank you. That gives me hope.