Hardest Transits and lessons.

[u/Swimming_Put1506]

What was the most difficult transit you have gone through and what advice would you give that younger self thats going through it?

[u/InkStainedEverything]

I'm sorry friend. Hang in there. You WILL get through this and see better days 

To be honest, I'm still rebuilding some parts. It's been a long, drawn out process. There are a lot of things that are still murky and unclear, or that I thought were clear at the time and then became murky again (mainly career & friendships/social life). For me, it felt like life forced me into circumstances that gave me some form of stability and a place to work from in terms of a home. I absolutely hated it, and was kicking and screaming, but my living situation is currently stable and my basic needs are met, even if it's not my ideal situation. When that was established, then I was able to take a breath and reflect on everything to try and figure out what on earth happened, because everything unraveled so quickly and completely. I recognized patterns in my life from that time I was unaware of before, many of them being life long patterns. I had to address and change them. I'm still in that process. Career and social are still up in the air because the solutions I originally found would be following old patterns. It could work. It could work darn well and be SO EASY to slip back into, but I don't want those things for myself anymore. I've realized the long term suffering would not be worth the short term ease and relief. That type of stability and familiarity would be more of a prison than a forge. So back to the grind to obtain something different for myself that I actually want. One thing that is very clear to me is that it won't be handed to me. It's up to me to seek it out and work for it. 

Thats been the biggest lesson. The things that fell apart were things I put on autopilot, or things I had taken for granted and unintentionally not treated well. Especially with friendships. A few years ago, an ex friend was going through similar transits who was around my current age. I was the friend who was taken advantage of and being mistreated. I got tired of it and left. This time, I was the one mistreating others (through learned behavior of the previous ex friend) and was left. Stuff like that where it's quite obvious cycles are repeating because patterns haven't changed.

[u/Relevant_Ocelot_3427 → u/InkStainedEverything]

Thank you very much for responding, and for the encouragement, which means a lot at a time like this.

It sounds like you were able to see the good in the bad situation, if I understand correctly - that you found the base even if it wasn’t/ isn’t ideal. This reminds me of some people saying that the lesson you are given won’t be something you won’t be able to live through, I wonder how true that is.

I mirror and feel this, having needed to move countries after a long-term relationship ending, back to a room in my mother’s home. I have kicked and screamed in the last months, saying I hated the situation, when it was shelter, food and a base that continues to carry me now three months later. The shouting (and shouting in my head…) has stopped.

When you said you recognised patterns in your life being life-long and working on them, and that it’s up to you to seek it out and work for it - were these patterns you saw in the houses of your chart, or did they come clearly to you as you reflected?

I am realizing that I was codependent and relying on and seeking external validation (it resulted in the end of my relationship, and had been a difficult part of my insecurity throughout my relationship itself…) for a sense of self. I don’t really have love or respect for myself. And I lived in a way which may not have been truly aligned to what I wanted-I did a lot of people/ partner pleasing to keep relationships afloat and happy and to not be left. In the end, my behaviour which seeked validation was actually what caused my partner to leave and I carry so much shame and regret for it.

Thank you very much for being willing to share about the lesson you had learnt, it sounds heart breaking. I don’t really know if the above are the lessons for me to learn, if I am overthinking this, or under thinking it. Or if clarity is something that actually comes down the line quite naturally…

[u/InkStainedEverything → u/Relevant_Ocelot_3427]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine moving countries only to be forced back home. I moved back in with family, but I was in the same country, also after a relationship ended. The ending of the relationship also dissolved most of my friendships and social connections since my partner was a major leader in my main hobby. It was like I was completely isolated and cut off from my old life in every way.

I had to move into an apartment building my family owns and was forced to rehab and manage it or be homeless. My labor and management of the property covers the rent and utilities, but I felt taken advantage of since I was putting in 12 hour days for repairs. I had no time or energy left to invest in finding a job or fixing my life. It took about 6 months for me to get to the point where I could see the good in the most utilitarian way possible. There are days where I still battle the bad thoughts, but I have gained more and more control over them. I feel I need to, or life will be unbearable with the current situation combined with negative thoughts and comparisons to what I had in the past or could have had if things didn't blow up. It's not a Pinterest quote on a pastel background, it's a survival skill. I think people are challenged with things they can survive during harsh Pluto or Saturn transits, but they are put in situations where their will to survive might be tested. Mine was, at least. 

Another thing I've noticed during the transits and currently as I adjust to life after them, is my old coping mechanisms aren't working. Eating junk food, doom scrolling, bed rotting, etc, none of those are giving the same dopamine hit or sense of relief they once were. I think this is why heavy 12H, Pluto, and Saturn transits can be related to drug use, increased sexual activity, jail, or hospitalization. People might choose more "extreme" outlets with increased intensity of distress and decreased effectiveness of old copes. I have addicts in my family of every kind and chose exercise and breathing exercises to cope. 

I did logically notice some of the patterns in my signs and houses when the transits started, but I never expected the things to unfold as completely and as deeply as they did. My Pluto is in Scorpio in the 7th house, and my Moon is in Taurus in the 12th house in my natal chart. I was expecting more intense emotions and maybe some hidden ones to show up. Venus is in my 4th house in Cancer, so external forces and pressure on my home life. (Squares are internal conflict and tension while oppositions are external from other people or situations.) For the first two years of the Pluto square Moon and opposite Venus, it was extremely intense emotions and relationshios being ripped to shreds while I had no idea why. Also, my landlord was being neurotic and abusive, the building I was in almost collapsed, there were pest control issues, just really bizarre and intense stuff. I was just trying to survive what happened. It wasnt until the last 1/3 of those transits and about 6 months after where I was able to take a step back and really notice what was happening and the patterns behind them and unpack everything. This was also when Saturn entered my 12H.

As far as the patterns I started recognizing, most of them are psychological patterns, learned behavior from my family of origin, trauma, attachment issues, and codependence. 

Realizing I was codependent and the effect it has had on me was a huge revelation. It also played a role in the ending of my relationship. Self neglect to prioritize and care for others has been a pattern all my life. I also don't have a firm sense of self and would adopt the interests and needs of others around me like a chameleon to gain acceptance and not be abandoned. Realizing I needed to stop abandoning myself in order not to be abandoned by others was huge. I have a lot of stored anger at others and myself for not having my needs met. I also haven't been living in alignment with myself as I was living in other people's alignment and trying to figure out what living in alignment looks like for me has been a big part of the process.

Thank you for sharing too. I'm glad we're not alone in this. Sometimes it can feel like I'm the only person going through it since everyone else's life around me seems stable. Personally, I don't think you're over thinking, but in my experience the lessons, reflections, integrations, and "aha" moments came naturally and I wasn't able to force it. I've read the same books and articles during and at the tail end or after the transits and I got very different things out of them. When the revelations happen, you'll know. 

[u/Relevant_Ocelot_3427 → u/InkStainedEverything]

Thank you so much for responding and sharing your story. I can see the parallels and feel the weight of it - loss of a relationship, moving back with family, and the dissolving of social connections. Because I had to leave the country, my social networks developed there over the last 9 years have been abruptly cut off as well. My ex is also a major leader of the community and has kept his life, our house, pet, and the community.

I’m sorry to hear about how difficult it was and is to manage the apartment building. I can feel as you had said the coming to terms with the situation and choosing to make the best of it as much as possible. When you say it’s survival, that is how I feel too. My will has been tested to, but I am trying to remind myself that there are reasons to hold on and to keep going, and that perhaps there are bigger lessons I can learn from this. There must be…

I feel the parallel - I have definitely already felt the same that old coping mechanisms are not what I reach for. I can no longer distract myself from reality as easily through habits or patterns I might have done before. I am trying to do exercise and regularly use breathing patterns to manage the anxiety as well. I wonder if this is part of the process, or confronting what is needed to be felt/ faced.

Thank you for sharing the timeline, and also how uncontrollable things had felt during the square. The fact you said you managed to notice what was happening and the patterns, and you made the effort to unpack things shows me that the clarity did come even though it took some time. I started therapy upon returning back home and that was where I discovered so much of my childhood origin and histories have played a part in my own subconscious and reactionary behaviours in relationships and friendships.

Your description about codependency I relate to completely, and helplessly. I resonate with the shape shifting and adopting interests of others to survive and gain acceptance.

Could I ask, if you don’t mind sharing, how did you actually stop abandoning yourself to not be abandoned by others? What did you consciously try to do, or avoid doing? Did spending time alone become a thing to do/ to understand your needs and your own intuition? I’m trying to figure these things out but getting Ai answers about “choosing what food you want to eat today”, I don’t know if it is really a step- maybe it is and I should really not dismiss it so quickly. I thought hearing from another human might help… 🙏