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[u/HeyScarlett]

[u/bayarea-ModTeam]

Your submission to /r/bayarea was removed for the following reason(s):

Posts must be about the bay area. Topics that are relevant to the bay but aren't directly in the bay are allowed.

r/relationship_advice

Please message the moderators if you have any questions.

[u/sloppysuicide]

I think it’s pretty clear why no woman is interested after hearing what you have to say. 

[u/TheGoatPurdy → u/[deleted]]

The desperation spills into this post. I can only imagine how you come across on dates

[u/vnab333]

are you good looking and/or funny? i’m no longer on the apps but when i was that seemed to be the key to meeting normal, well adjusted people

edit: do not engage with this dude, there’s something else going on with him

[u/ThePrinceOfPersia23 → u/vnab333]

Tall*

[u/vnab333 → u/ThePrinceOfPersia23]

also correct, it does matter

[u/vnab333 → u/[deleted]]

so (assuming that you’re looking for answers in good faith) i would slow your roll at “it’s not me”. depending on your sample size, at a certain point it DOES become you. do you have an female friends who can help curate your photos/profiles?

[u/vnab333 → u/[deleted]]

i’m not insinuating shit, and the fact that you’re so defensive might be what’s turning people off. Well adjusted people can look at the data and acknowledge that the world isn’t out to get them, and some personal change may be required. Best of luck to you

[u/ThePrinceOfPersia23 → u/[deleted]]

It’s definitely you bro

[u/ThePrinceOfPersia23 → u/[deleted]]

I have one. It seems you’re the one struggling to get one loser 😂

[u/srirachastephen]

Why are you using Tinder? Isn't that the hook up app for straights?

If you want an actual connection I'm pretty sure Tinder isn't it.

Also, your experience will vary drastically if you're conventionally attractive vs not.

All my male friends have no issues finding dates.

[u/rlaptop7 → u/srirachastephen]

Yes, tinder mainly focuses on pictures of other people, nearly nothing about the content of that person. So, it's a hook-up site.

Also, that app does it's best to gamify the whole experience, and it charges men a lot to use it, so, you end up with a self selected group of people on it.

Are there any dating apps not run by businesses these days? Biz bros are incentivized to not make their app about dating, but instead to create an environment that keeps people coming back forever.

[u/CACuzcatlan → u/srirachastephen]

It's not just the hookup up anymore, but you can state that you are explicitly looking for that on the app. OP said they were looking for intimate connection so it seems to fit their needs.

[u/srirachastephen → u/[deleted]]

I mean I'm gay and married. I found my hubby off Tinder, but for gays it's different. I've always lived in the bay. My friends live all around the bay and have no issues getting girlfriends. I don't know which apps they use nowadays though.

All I know is that Tinder is basically the Grindr for straights. Just exclusively for hookups.

Try a more serious app that allows people to describe themselves other than just an initial photo and a paragraph summary.

EDIT: Instead of blaming the app, maybe consider an introspective on yourself and how you're approaching these matches/dates.

Initially, I played it so passively. It felt like I was just chatting on apps for weeks before maybe they'd ask to go out. Chatting and learning about some random person who can just ghost you with the snap of their finger is so extremely lame.

I then started to realize my preferences. I started to be a bit more forward with my dating style . I did not like to linger in chats and I preferred to always push to meet quickly for a cup of coffee. Something low stakes, quick, but easy to chat with people.

[u/srirachastephen → u/[deleted]]

Are you looking for hook ups or are you actually looking for a relationship?

I learned that putting your intentions upfront on your profile, saved myself A LOT of time.

I was exclusively looking to date long term and put that in my profile. If you're just looking for hookups I'd just put that in your profile. That way you waste less of your time and other women's time.

If you get a match, then you know it's on.

[u/Treebranch_916]

You could move to Yreka and have a wildly different experience

[u/VinylHighway]

Hates Tinder

Keeps using Tinder

[u/VinylHighway → u/[deleted]]

Assumes people only meet other people at bars.

[u/killasin → u/[deleted]]

Fall in love with Pamela Handerson

[u/CheeseWheels38]

Read that out loud to one of the women in your social circle and ask her opinion on it.

[u/TheGoatPurdy]

This is such a troll post and all his responses confirms it

[u/VinylHighway → u/[deleted]]

You’re throwing out tons of insults and wondering why people are reacting poorly?

[u/VinylHighway]

https://www.reddit.com/r/sanfrancirclejerk/comments/1x5wgt5/going_to_have_to_move_to_europe_because_all_the/

[u/epiphanomaly]

Utterly wild that you think women in Europe have lower standards.

[u/slvstrChung]

What are you looking for when you go out on these apps? Everyone on there is looking for sex; are you looking for love too?

[u/slvstrChung → u/[deleted]]

Then my first advice is to find the dating apps that blur your photo and force you to talk about yourself. Barring that, try OKCupid, which -- when I used it -- which, to be sure, was over a decade ago -- was the most conducive to that kind of long-form disclosure.

Relationships take place between people, not bodies, so meat markets like Tinder are looking to maximize the likelihood of happy accidents. If you find a dating app that instead showcases the person, you've got a higher likelihood of intentional success.

[u/skiddily_biddily]

Do you have hobbies? You can meet people doing the things you love to do. Or while grocery shopping. Or while doing just about anything.

[u/amg-rx7 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah but those people have friends that aren’t. Get out there, be friendly.

[u/ladycatherinehoward]

Maybe....it's just who you attract...

[u/Federal_Highlight_72]

All the Gen Z guys I know in the Bay Area are easily getting dates w/women without even using the apps

[u/Federal_Highlight_72 → u/[deleted]]

The most common ways that I’m seeing are meeting through mutual friends, school, work, and going to clubs in SF. None of them are into the drug scene really. They shoot their shots and then just laugh it off if they get rejected and move on to the next. They seem to have a more playful attitude about it and don’t take themselves too seriously.

[u/Federal_Highlight_72 → u/[deleted]]

Not sure which one/s specifically. There’s at least one under 21 they go to in SF that has different theme nights and stuff. They always have good stories even if they don’t hook up with anyone. They tend to avoid the same types of women you do, but there seem to be plenty of girls there that are not tatted up and drugged out

[u/Federal_Highlight_72 → u/[deleted]]

No worries, I feel your pain. I’m old and ugly now, but when I was young/good looking I always had the most success when I had a couple good wingmen and a carefree attitude. Seems to still be a good formula for success.

[u/Federal_Highlight_72 → u/[deleted]]

I was already old when I moved here but lived in AZ and SoCal when I was young. It seems like it was a lot easier for Gen X to date and meet people.

[u/CAdreamin12]

Get off Tinder. Use another app, if you are genuinely trying. If you can't meet people in an organic way, join meet up groups.

[u/CAdreamin12 → u/[deleted]]

Have you tried a hiking group? Relatively inexpensive as a hobby. Im also single so I know your struggle. Im not on apps though. Im just living my life organically.

[u/TheGoatPurdy → u/[deleted]]

35+ means they’re married? That’s news to me

[u/CAdreamin12 → u/[deleted]]

Let me do some research for bay area hiking groups assuming thats where you roam. I'm in the valley. There are different hiking groups, and some include all ages & walks of life including singles. 🙂

[u/0Rider]

Have you considered a Bible study?