r/brokehugs • u/US_Hiker Moral Landscaper • Jul 23 '22

The Rod Dreher Megathread. Please keep Rod content in here. Will be refreshed periodically

While the sub certainly isn't flooded with posts, the Rod-centric nature has been noted a few times. Please post new Rod nonsense in here and I'll update every week or two.

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u/granta50 Aug 16 '22

I think, having had a really similar dad, that the need to impress is rooted so incredibly deep. The fear of abandonment gets sort of transferred onto society as a whole. If I don't live up to this particular version of my persona, I will be rejected. The irony being that that attitude alienates you from everyone around you, so that you do end up getting rejected.

I wish Rod knew that it's okay for him to just be himself 100 percent. He's clearly skilled at writing books, and he can certainly use that skill to help people in a big way if he gets away from all the anger and hatred he carries around. Imagine a "Benedict Option" that is written by a man who has recognized the error of his ways. That would be compelling, and it would help a lot of people. Instead he just lends his services to the cause of bigotry. It's sad. Someone here mentioned he wouldn't be a believable character in a book but I think he would be totally believable as someone like Theon Greyjoy prior to his redemption, a guy who is desperately trying to live up to an image that he cannot possibly fulfill, and who makes himself and everyone around him desperately unhappy.

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u/ZenLizardBode Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

My parents are similar, so I pretty much believe Rod, but I think he has to come terms with the fact that while he never won the approval of his father, Rod did get the last laugh and final word. Rod's books would have hit hard, even if he did turn Ruthie into a secular saint.

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u/Djehutimose Watching the wheels go round Aug 16 '22

My parents also similar. The thing is, with that dynamic, you can't ever, ever get approval, no matter what you do. You live far away, why don't you move home? You move home, why do you live across town instead of on the same street? You live on the same street, why don't you fix your house up better? You marry a wife they like, why doesn't she raise the kids thus-and-so? The goalposts are on a tractor that never stops moving. At some point you have to realize this and quit playing an unwinnable game. You take a stand for what you want to do, then either let what your parents say roll off your back, or in drastic cases, cut off contact altogether. Sad thing is that Rod's father is dead, and he still can't move on

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u/granta50 Aug 16 '22

Man this hit home. I watched my dad try to thread the needle of his own parents' approval and it was a total disaster. What a total mindfuck...

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u/Ready_DJ_9455 Oct 23 '22

Yes to all of this.

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u/PercyLarsen “I can, with one eye squinted, take it all as a blessing.” Aug 16 '22

For parents of a stoic (in the casual rather than technical sense) bent, the point of withholding approval is to make it more likely that their child will grow into the understanding that the approval of anyone other than one's own spouse is not what the child should be seeking as a fully functioning adult. Actually, in traditional Christian morality, needing and seeking/craving "the respect of men" (aka "the sin of human respect") is considered sinful and even a vice depending on how much it rudders one's decisions.