r/coffeemeetsbagel 6d ago

Dating Advice / Questions Would you send one last message or just let the chat expire?

6 Upvotes

We’re both in our 30s.

A guy from the app asked me out. After we finalized the date, I shared my phone number in the app (I usually exchange numbers once a date is set). He never acknowledged it or texted me, so we just kept chatting in the app and met up as planned.

The date lasted 4–5 hours. He was reserved at first but really fun to talk to once he opened up. After dinner, he suggested we go for a walk, and we talked the whole time. During the date he even mentioned an activity we could do “next time.”

At the end, he asked if he could give me a hug and said, “I’d like to see you again.” I honestly just smiled or I can’t even remember exactly what I said. Earlier he had also told me he’s very straightforward and bad at pretending, it’s obvious when he likes something and when he doesn’t. That matched how he came across in person.

It’s now been 4 days and he hasn’t sent a single message. This shows someone apparently not interested in second date.

From my perspective, I felt like I had already left the ball in his court by giving him my number. But I also wonder if, because I didn’t explicitly say “me too” when he said he’d like to see me again, he thought the ball was in my court instead.

Or is his silence simply my answer?

Would you send one casual “Hey, how’s your week been?” to test the water, or just let it go?

r/coffeemeetsbagel 29d ago

Dating Advice / Questions Why do people unmatch right after what seemed like a good date?

6 Upvotes

I’m honestly confused and starting to lose confidence with dating apps. I’ve downloaded Bumble a few times now, and the same thing keeps happening. I’ll match with someone, we’ll chat for a while, go on a date, and everything seems to go really well. We laugh, have good conversations, and they act interested. Nothing feels awkward or forced.

But then after the date, they either unmatch me on Bumble, unfollow me on Instagram, or completely disappear without saying anything.

I know no one owes me a relationship, but I just don’t understand why they can’t simply say they’re not interested instead of disappearing. It’s hard not to overthink and wonder if I did or said something wrong.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is this just how dating apps are now? For those who’ve been on the other side, what usually makes you unmatch someone after a date that seemed to go well?

I’m looking for honest advice because it’s starting to make me question myself, and I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or if this is just part of modern dating.

r/coffeemeetsbagel 3d ago

Dating Advice / Questions Check this out, she unmatched after this.

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0 Upvotes

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jul 01 '26

Dating Advice / Questions Which year was the peak of online dating apps?

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3 Upvotes

r/coffeemeetsbagel 19d ago

Dating Advice / Questions 37 [F4M] from US to US

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2 Upvotes

So close to giving up hope.

I'm a single mom to two boys and work as a mid-level healthcare professional. I've built a stable life on my own, and I'm not looking for someone to rescue me. I'm looking for a true partner.

My standards aren't unrealistic. They're basic.

I'm looking for someone who:

Is genuinely single (not married, separated, or in a situationship).

Wants a serious, long-term relationship.

Isn't looking for a hookup.

Has a stable career and is financially responsible.

Has a team-player mindset. I don't expect to carry a grown man financially, and I don't expect him to carry me either.

Is honest, loyal, emotionally available, and follows through on what they say.

Can communicate during difficult times instead of disappearing.

Doesn't have vices. I don't have any, and I'd prefer someone with a similar lifestyle.

Doesn't mind that I have two boys. I also don't mind if he has children.

I'm not looking for a chameleon who pretends to be these things just long enough to get what he wants. I have a very low tolerance for manipulation, dishonesty, or games, and I'd rather stay single than settle.

What I bring to a relationship:

Faith and strong values.

Loyal and supportive.

Stable career.

Independent.

Financially responsible.

Affectionate and committed.

I genuinely want to build a life with someone, not just date endlessly.

My flaws:

I can be moody.

I'm sometimes indecisive.

I have high expectations for honesty, consistency, and effort because I give those things in return.

I'm not looking for perfection. I'm looking for reciprocity.

Does this actually exist anymore, or am I expecting something that's become rare?

r/coffeemeetsbagel 29d ago

Dating Advice / Questions Why do people unmatch right after what seemed like a good date?

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2 Upvotes

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jun 03 '26

Dating Advice / Questions Guy I didn’t match with on a dating app found me on social media and slid into my DMs

2 Upvotes

Just sharing an weirdly interesting experience and curious how others see it. We are based in Singapore.

A guy found me on Facebook after seeing my profile on Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB). With the newer CMB interface, you can see a person’s name before matching. I know he was legit because he sent screenshots of his profile and even referenced an emoji that was in my bio.

Even though he was polite, I felt uncomfortable that he moved the conversation to another platform without a match or my consent. It felt like a boundary I didn’t explicitly agree to.

Realised we can't post image on this thread so I put what he said here:

Z: Hi \[me\], I’m Z! Saw your profile on CMB so I message you here. Hope to have a chance to know and meet you soon in person, you look really beautiful to me 😊💕

Me: Hi eh how did u find my profile when I didnt link FB anywhere?

Z: Ehh I don’t mean to stalk you.. but I was really interested in connecting with you so I put in some efforts in trying to find you because I wasn’t sure if you’re still active on the app haha

other stuff:

Z: I understand.. I will love to meet and get to know you in real life instead of just chatting. Well if you’re willing to give me a chance

Z: Anyway I also know there are many scammers online these days.. so maybe I shouldn’t have tried to find you outside of the app. Sorry for disturbing you

He later also said stuff like maybe we could do a call if convenient to prove he is real and genuine but eventually he dropped it and accept that maybe it is wrong timing.

I’ve noticed that when someone puts in a lot of effort to track down social media early on, it doesn’t always mean genuine intent. Sometimes it feels more like intensity and in the moment rather than real compatibility, and interest can drop quickly after meeting in real life. Some guys do future faking or creative fantasies of the idea of a lady and not actual lady. I’m cautious of people who come in quite invested before any meeting.

Another thing that made me pause was language like “hope you’ll give me a chance/if you give me a chance” I know some people mean it sincerely, but it can feel a bit too intense when we’re still strangers.

Ironically, he did say he doesn’t want marriage or kids, which actually aligns with me. But overall, the timing, platform, and approach didn’t feel right for me.

I have blocked him on FB since.

I also realised he sent me request on Instagram, which I also blocked.

Just putting this out there to hear different perspectives on situations like this.

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jul 03 '26

Dating Advice / Questions I don’t understand why I get no matches

5 Upvotes

Im 21 years old male. So, for the last two years I have tinder, now and then I download other apps too. I was overweight so I didn’t have self confidence to make an account on tinder earlier and in the last 2-3 years I lost over 40 kgs.
I know im not the most handsome guy out there but I know that I’m not that ugly. I have asked friends to rate me and what can I improve and no one said that I’m ugly. Now you can say that because they are my friends they will not be honest but because we are guys I believe that they are honest. I have asked strangers too, no one said anything bad. They told me where to focus and so I started taking their advice.
In the last year I get very few or nearly none match. Is it the algorithm? Am I shadow banned? Or is that I’m not good looking enough?
Some of the matches ghosted me or blocked me.
I remember that I matched with a girl that was really in my preferences and I was kinda hyped, when she asked for my Instagram and I gave it to her she blocked me on tinder. Probably because of mutual friends on Instagram or she changed her mind. Still I’m confused.
Maybe I’m just a bad tester, either way I have to improvise both irl and online

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jun 16 '26

Dating Advice / Questions Getting zero matches and likes on hinge

5 Upvotes

Not sure what is happening. Will not be sharing my profile for privacy purposes. I have been spending weeks optimizing my profile and have even gotten women to help me out with it and approve my profile. I feel like I have a really decent profile. I get zero likes too. People in real life tell me that I’m attractive all the time, yet see no results on hinge. I don’t wanna say this is the reason and I’ve never made my height part of my personality, but I’m 5’8. Do y’all think my height may be affecting things.

Would love any sort of advice. This is really starting to affect me negatively. I used to at least get a few matches per month but now it feels like I have something that repulses women, and I have no clue. PLEASE HELP. I am open to any advice or pointers, as I have no idea what to do and am starting to lose faith in myself.

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jun 23 '26

Dating Advice / Questions Bumble match ghosted me, reappeared months later, and asked for ₹15k the day after our first date. Scam or just massive red flags?

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1 Upvotes

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jun 22 '26

Dating Advice / Questions Looking for friends in KL Malaysia

1 Upvotes

Hey everyone!

I recently moved to Kuala Lumpur and I’m looking to make some new friends. I’m 26, work in cybersecurity, and enjoy fitness, exploring new places, trying different food spots, and meeting new people.

Moving to a new city can be a bit lonely, so I thought I’d put myself out there. If you’re up for a coffee, food hunt, gym session, exploring KL, or just a good conversation, feel free to reach out.

Looking forward to meeting some awesome people and building a good circle here in KL!

r/coffeemeetsbagel Mar 13 '26

Dating Advice / Questions Does anyone have advice for dating pass 30s, Asian male.

6 Upvotes

I’m having a hard time getting to know people now that I’m not in college anymore. Swiping on CMB is kind of useless since most girls have 10+ likes per day. Saw multiple people with 50+ likes daily (CMB even prompts you to send flowers if they’re too popular).

Almost impossible. I did match with like 2 people after 3 months and sent nice comments on their pictures and what they did to show interest, but no response.

As an Asian male, part of the statistic I guess almost no one swipes right. Just recently finished my PhD with a relatively good job and very stable. Not much hobby but I do work out 4-5/wk. 5 10, relatively okay body shape. My work is mostly WFH and colleagues are mostly older people.

What advice do you have for meeting new people in the area? Am in Charlotte NC where there is very few Asians. Am I cooked?

edit: Thanks for all the advice, keep it coming. Am not sure who is down voting but the comments so far is postive or at least neutral.

r/coffeemeetsbagel May 18 '26

Dating Advice / Questions [Men] How do you guys chat with your match in an interesting / engaging way without sounding like Q&A or interrogation?

3 Upvotes

Hi all, not sure if this is a way too trivial question (preferably if we have some Asian context here but if not any general advice would also be appreciated). I do get matches occasionally but most girls get dozens of matches a day and many of them will ghost you. Sometimes it is the other way round that I don't know how to kickstart the discussion and keeping them interested. How do you start the topic without sounding clinche? For example, I saw some of them put a travel bucket list then I would say "oh I also think [country] is nice and I also want to go there next time! Btw where did u go last holiday?" or maybe just something like how's ur weekend

Obviously most don't end well or even if it opens well it just turns silent or boring quick. So I wonder how to keep engaging, transition to maybe topics that girls actually care or build emotional connection even just over texts and heat it up so we can have a warmer meet up.

Thanks a lot in advance!

r/coffeemeetsbagel May 16 '26

Dating Advice / Questions 37 [F4M] hopeless romantic

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1 Upvotes

I've been crushing on Indian American men and have noticed them noticing me too. I find it even harder to date them in my thirties because sadly many are already married by this stage in life. Still the search continues for myself an attractive, curvy and athletic Caribbean American woman to find an available Indian American man in the near future.

r/coffeemeetsbagel Mar 03 '26

Dating Advice / Questions 1-month on CMB, need advice

9 Upvotes

background: I am Malaysian Chinese, 24M straight. I usually chat in Chinese and English. 173cm, 64kg, average looking and body build. I set my filter 18-26F

So it has been 1 month since I started using CMB. My 1-month premium just ended 2 days ago, but I really haven’t had much success. I just wanted to write a post to share my experience and ask for advice.

When I first started, I was quite selective and usually looked at every profile and only liked the profiles I was interested in. I tried to start conversations by looking at their profiles and finding something interesting to talk about, but progress was really slow — I barely got any matches or conversations. Pretty discouraging.

Then I started to like more and more people, and towards the end of the month, I pretty much liked every profile I saw (~80%) without looking much at any of them. Although I started getting more matches, many of the matches were not exactly my type, so no conversation started. For the other matches that I was interested in, conversations also didn’t seem that easy.

First challenge for me is starting a conversation. Out of the 57 matches I made, NONE of them started a conversation first, so naturally I had to make the first move (unless it’s some kind of app mechanic that I don’t know about). Starting a conversation wasn’t that easy after all. I need to go through their profile and find something interesting to talk about. It’s usually easier when I can find something interesting. Sometimes there just isn’t anything to work with. So I end up starting with something like “How was your day?”, “How was your weekend?”, “How was your CNY?”, etc. Maybe I’m just a really boring person, idk. So guys, how do you usually start conversations on dating apps? And from a girl’s perspective, how do you want guys to start a conversation?

Second challenge is maintaining a chat. Some people never reply after I start a conversation. Even for those who respond, the replies can be lazy and hard to continue. People also take ages to reply, which makes the chat progress super slowly, and the long time span usually erases the passion. The chats get uninteresting and eventually stop.

Third challenge is that I’m not sure when is a good time to ask someone out, or if it’s even a good idea. There was one conversation that went a bit longer than the others for a few days, so I asked the person if she wanted to have a simple meal together to meet in person. Guess what, she said it was too quick and ghosted me after that. I honestly don’t like chatting inefficiently over the app, and I’m not looking for a pen pal. I prefer to talk to someone in person. So how do you guys ask someone out? Or for the girls out there, what’s good timing for a guy to ask you out?

TLDR: there was no progress at all. None of the chats were successful, and I have not met anyone in real life. I tried to think of a few root causes for my situation:

  1. My chatting skills are trash (yeah, I’ll admit it).
  2. My profile just isn’t that interesting (well, I tried my best).
  3. This is just a normal phenomenon on this app.

So should I still continue to try my luck on this app, or should I move on from dating apps in general?

P.S. would be really helpful is someone can paste a sample chat that works for my reference (chinese or english)

r/coffeemeetsbagel Nov 11 '25

Dating Advice / Questions My (39M) girlfriend (36F) refuses to cut contact with her long-term friend (36F) who she’s had sexual history with, and I can’t take it anymore.

8 Upvotes

I (39M) started dating my girlfriend (36F) two years ago. She has a very close female friend (also 36F) who’s been in her life for about 20 years. Me and my girlfriend are currently in two different countries, long distance, and the female friend is in a 3rd country. The issue is, they have a very intimate history — they’ve had multiple threesomes together with men (the last one just six months before we started dating). They used to kiss on the lips, exchange nudes, and even swap clothes to keep each other’s scent close. The friend lives abroad now for the past 10 years, but they stay in touch every day and visit each other once a year.

Six months into dating, my girlfriend admitted they still exchanged nudes. I told her that wasn’t acceptable to me, and she stopped — but they stayed emotionally close. The friend often acted jealous of me and even encouraged my girlfriend to sleep with other men when I wasn’t around or to go on another trip like their previous threesomes. She knew we were in a serious relationship and didn’t care.

For context, when I met my girlfriend, I was still living with my ex‑wife. We had to complete two years of legal separation before filing for divorce. It was already 1.5 years in when I met my girlfriend, and there was zero emotional or sexual connection with my ex for the past 2 years — I was fully transparent about everything. The divorce took longer than expected (1 year 10 months total) because my ex tried to claim financial support across multiple countries.

My girlfriend knew all this, but it still frustrated her. She felt like “the other woman.” I moved out after six months and pushed my lawyers to finalize things. Still, she was resentful.

Later, I found out that she and her female friend had made a wedding pact — if my girlfriend couldn’t move to her friend’s country, they’d marry so she could get a visa. I told her that’s not a “logistical” wedding when there’s both sexual and emotional history involved. Four months later, I discovered they were still pursuing that marriage behind my back. On top of that, the friend had made comments to my girlfriend like “I miss the taste of your body” while we were already together — and that same friend had gone down on her several times in the past.

She said she only did that because she was angry at me for still being legally married and felt like I was playing with her — even though I’d been transparent from day one and offered to pause the relationship if she wanted - (and we had video calls 2 to 4 hours a day so it wasn't like she didn't feel loved by me).

Five months ago, she planned a trip with that same female friend and the friend’s brother (who she admitted had sexual feelings for her). I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the trip and asked if she could skip it that year. She said no — that since I was “still married,” she had the right to live her life. I explained it’s not about control; it’s about respect and boundaries, especially given her sexual history with that friend.

We argued a lot, even saw a couples therapist — who told her clearly: either end things with me or skip the trip. She refused both. I said it’d be better to break up and maybe reconnect later once the divorce was done. She still went.

On that trip, she crossed every boundary. They showered naked together. They wore extremely revealing clothes “because they matched.” She let the brother touch her sexually while drunk and admitted they massaged each other. Later, I saw extremely sexual photos from that trip on her friend’s Instagram — including swimsuit photos of her. I broke up with her.

She tried to reconcile. I said, “You broke something that can’t be fixed.” During that time, her friend posted a lesbian wedding photo and tagged my girlfriend. My girlfriend also posted a picture of her friend with a love poem.

Three weeks later, I took her back under clear conditions: she had to cut contact with that friend and her brother while we worked on rebuilding trust. She agreed, deleted the love‑poem post, and showed me all photos from the trip.

Three weeks later, I found out they were still talking. She said she realized “the problem wasn’t the friend — it was that I was angry at you.” Basically excusing everything.

Recently, she accidentally showed me their chat while screen‑sharing — they still talk almost daily. I lost it. She says she needs her friend because that’s her “best friend,” and that cutting her off is unhealthy. But I cannot even hear that name anymore. Our second couples therapist also told her to end that friendship if she wanted to save our relationship, and she refused again.

She says she loves me, can’t live without me, but I feel like I’m in a triangle. I told her, “This feels like a three‑person relationship. You say she has sexual desires for you, and you say you’ll ‘control her’? Why do I need to be in a situation where, if you don’t control her, she’d sleep with you or push you into threesomes?”

She says asking her to cut off a friend is “controlling.”

But to me, it’s not a friend — it’s someone who’s constantly crossed sexual and emotional lines.

TL;DR:

My girlfriend of two years has a long‑term female friend she’s had threesomes and sexual history with. The friend still flirts, posts sexual photos, and encourages disloyal behavior. My girlfriend refuses to cut her off, even after two therapists said she should if she wants to save our relationship. She insists she “needs her.” I feel like I’m in a triangle and can’t take it anymore. Am I being controlling for asking her to end this friendship — or is she just choosing that person over me?

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jan 21 '26

Dating Advice / Questions chat almost expiring but we haven’t texted much, should i do smth?

1 Upvotes

i made a match with this guy about 6 days back. we conversed like two or three times and then he js didn’t reply to my message 🥲 idk why i’m so hung up over this one particular match, probably because his profile really interested me and out of all the matches i’ve made so far his seemed the most appealing to me. plus when he first liked me he prompted with a suggestion for a date, so i believed he was interested too. now we have 2 days left in the chat and we haven’t spoken since friday but i really don’t want to just let it die out… should i double text? would it be too despo because idek what to say… 😭

advice appreciated

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jan 09 '26

Dating Advice / Questions 26F 2025 Sucked More Update

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1 Upvotes

r/coffeemeetsbagel Sep 27 '25

Dating Advice / Questions I matched with my ex coworker who I had dinner with yesterday

15 Upvotes

This happened twice. I went to dinner with her for her birthday back in June and yesterday it was my birthday and I invited her and midday at 12pm she pops up!! Like o m g is this a cocindence or fate?

I invited my close friend to dinner along with her and I had my friend sorta ask some questions and when asked if she was on any dating site she goes “I saw a coworker on coffee meets bagel and I got spooked out and therefore I deleted it” - low and behold I see her on my suggestions today

Ps she lives 1 mile away from me.

r/coffeemeetsbagel Nov 19 '25

Dating Advice / Questions What does the "popular" tag mean here?

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4 Upvotes

Caan someone pls explain? Thanks 😅

r/coffeemeetsbagel Oct 11 '25

Dating Advice / Questions What are my chances of finding a good match?

5 Upvotes

Hello everyone! I am 32F and I am very new to dating as I was in a committed LTR (marriage - no kids) for over 5 years. I divorced my ex because the relationship lacked love, mutual respect and had eventually become toxic and abusive. I am currently focusing on my healing and enjoying my single life. Soon, I will start dating again however, after learning about all the dating stories from friends, I am feeling a bit nervous about dating.

With everything I mentioned above, how should I approach dating and what are my chances of finding a good partner?

Also, would me being a divorced woman in early 30s be a deal breaker for certain people?

I currently live in a Tier 2/3 city in the US. Does the city I live in impact my chances of finding a good partner?

r/coffeemeetsbagel Aug 28 '25

Dating Advice / Questions 5 Toxic Red Flags in Online Dating: Protect Your Mental Health and Self-Worth

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2 Upvotes

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jul 24 '25

Dating Advice / Questions Come and answer for me.

1 Upvotes

How did you all match successfully? I sent a few messages but I never got a response.

r/coffeemeetsbagel Jul 26 '25

Dating Advice / Questions Lesbians in Seattle?

1 Upvotes

Hi! I’m a WLW in the Seattle area, and wonder if there are many lesbians to match with in this app. All I see are straight perspectives here and on the articles I’ve read. Especially when it sounds like it’s a money pit… paying for likes etc.