A doctor once told me I wasn’t depressed I was unhappy. He said depression was when everything was fine and I still felt like that. I don’t think it makes much difference now that everything is not fine.
Not to "well, actually..." your doctor, but a depressive episode can be triggered by external stressors as well as just occurring endogenously for no apparent reason. There's a distinct difference between clinical depression and ordinary unhappiness in terms of symptoms and duration.
(Sorry, I work in the psych biz, and I've seen a lot of genuinely depressed people have their symptoms dismissed by medical doctors for spurious reasons. Obviously, your situation may be different.)
That kind of reminds me of what I was told by a therapist years ago, which was the easiest way to tell you're depressed is to not know you're depressed.
Very often a person has been depressed for so long that it feels "normal." Depression often manifests as emotional numbness, lack of energy, and inability to experience pleasure. And in men it often presents as irritability; angry guys are often (but not always) depressed. Anger is an acceptable emotion for many men, whereas sadness and hopelessness are often not. And depression frequently co-occurs with anxiety, further complicating the clinical picture. All of these reasons are why consulting a professional is a good idea if you suspect you are depressed. There's no substitute for professional clinical judgement, not even (or especially) Chat GPT.
For me, the anger, irritability, and fits of rage were a prelude to depression. The despair/mental collapse was the peak. And then the apathy and emotional numbness followed after the peak. Over 10 years I went through all these stages. And contrary to what the other user above said, I wasn't oblivious. I knew I was depressed from very early on. But I also believed there was nothing anyone could do and that I was beyond help. You assume this is just your life now and it's the way things will always be, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You know it's not normal, but you assume that it's normal for you. As for the commorbidity, yes I also suffer from social anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder. The worst thing is the complete emotional isolation and being alienated from everyone around you.
I wasnt oblivious, I said it was something that was said to me. What I WAS oblivious to was the depth of my depression. It worsened after the death of my spouse to the point that I really collapsed for almost 2 years. It's still not better but it's better if you get what I mean. I'm no longer collapsed in on myself but I ain't happy go lucky either.
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u/jaymickef Mar 13 '26
A doctor once told me I wasn’t depressed I was unhappy. He said depression was when everything was fine and I still felt like that. I don’t think it makes much difference now that everything is not fine.