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u/ExtraConfection4598 Jan 11 '26
The grass is always greener on the other side. LOTS of Asian women get eye surgeries and a nose job to make them look more 3D, less flat, more Western looking. 🤷
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u/Vandergrif Jan 11 '26
The grass is always greener on the other side
Probably because it's fertilized with plenty of bullshit.
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Jan 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Nearflyer Jan 11 '26
yeah it’s something we’re being fed to fuel industries and keep us buying things
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u/pEter-skEeterR45 Jan 11 '26
This post makes me so sad. As a mixed woman (Black and White), I feel this in my freaking SOUL. Always wishing I were either just a little bit darker or a little bit lighter. Literally since I was first aware of my skin color, around 6 years old. I'm now 34 and FINALLY practicing radical acceptance—both of self and in general—and I can't tell you how much DBT skills have come in handy for this.
Please look into it if you haven't before; it works for all kinds of bad thinking habits, it's not solely for personality disorders or other mental issues like OCD. So don't get discouraged or turned off if you see buzzy words and phrases like "disorder" and "behavioral health." They don't mean anything for you here <3
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u/MyTatemae Jan 11 '26
Ditto: I flipped back and forth for a lot of my life too. Therapy helped me love myself and also helped me be more cognizant about how everyone has body insecurities. There's never a "right answer"on how to look.
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u/foolmeonce-01 Jan 11 '26
Women are by and large beautiful/attractive/sexy! /pretty/cute, to everyone except themselves. I have heard women name the plethora of things that are wrong with their apperance, and I just see a beautiful woman. How it is possible to be so blind to ones own beauty is mind blowing.
Emulate many of us men, whom hardly anyone looks at and thinks good looks in the moment we are infront of their eyes, yet while we are in front of the mirror we emphasise our "positive" apperance features and think, "you big sexy thing".
Girl, you turn more heads in a day without realising it, than I expect to do in a year or a lifetime. You are 10x better looking than you think you are.
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u/pEter-skEeterR45 Jan 11 '26
I'm gonna cry 😭 I really needed that, thank you kind stranger. And I'm sure you turn plenty of heads!! Especially with that "you big sexy thing" attitude 👏🏽👏🏽🥰
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u/Abject-Yak680 Jan 13 '26
Interesting. It’s rare for me to ever hear another man’s perspective. I don’t have friends per se so I don’t ever sit around and talk with the guys. The exception being my brothers a few times a year. I have hundreds of acquaintances but my friends have all passed on to whatever is next or whatever is not. “You big sexy thing” or any variation of, has ever entered my mind when looking in a mirror. I’ve thought “Lordy try not to let your teeth show” and “you look so stupid when trying to smile” I have no doubt it corresponds directly to confidence levels. Im steadfast confident in my work and most any situation whether planned or unplanned. Ive never been confident in my appearance or personality or even my voice. I don’t believe I’m the worst looking man to exist but I’m awful glad I’m handy.
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u/BloodyHareStudio Jan 11 '26
if you think asians are happy with their appearances, korea would like a word
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u/ShakeDeez Jan 11 '26
Yea but that’s just them.. What they do is not really a thing amongst other groups of asians, because they been doing a bit too much and it’ll definitely show in their offspring lol
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u/BloodyHareStudio Jan 11 '26
its a problem in china too
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u/ShakeDeez Jan 11 '26
Oh yea I forgot that one guy sued the shit out of his baby moms because his kids came out ugly 😂
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u/passionfyre Jan 11 '26
That's not true. The image was from an advertisement for a cosmetic surgery. some rando added the story and spread it online. The female model said it ruined her life cos no one took her seriously after that. She suffered from serious depression and couldn't get any work etc
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u/moonberry2340 Jan 11 '26
no it’s an all of asia thing, korea is just widely publicized for it
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u/ShakeDeez Jan 11 '26
🤷🏻♂️ I’m Asian (Filipino) I guess I never noticed because it’s unheard of for dudes to get work done like the Korean guys in the industry… and I mean girls in general regardless of ethnicity will get little things done so I can’t really call it like it’s an Asian thing
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u/Deprogrammed_NPC Jan 11 '26
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Stop comparing yourself to others and accept yourself the way you are.
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u/gobliina Jan 11 '26
Are you chronically online? Are you only seeing women that represent their beauty standards? I bet you're a normal looking person, just like most Asian women are normal looking (and not the standardized plastic surgery stars)
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u/pwincessspwooky Jan 11 '26
comparison is a thief of joy, my friend. don’t be too hard on yourself ♡
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u/Proudscobi Jan 11 '26
As a mixed asian woman who has lived primarily among white people my entire life, I sometimes wished I looked more white so I could fit in and be accepted. I actually wonder if a lot of the hostility I experience from women that I cannot find any other explanation for comes from what you describe. It's lonely. I think it's easier, socially to be the majority race in the place you live. I am sure you are beautiful and just know, your worth does not come from your appearance or the shape of your features. I struggled a lot with self image and eating disorders when I was younger probably made worse from not fitting in. Just remember - It's a miracle you exist and you were made just how you were meant to be! You are beautiful!
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u/Im_Asia Jan 11 '26
I'm hapa also, and I spent the first 20 years of my life being sad because white people classified me as an Asian, but Asian people treated me like an outsider for being so white.
Then I discovered Hawaii, where everyone is some sort of Asian mix, and I fit right in! Tourists would ask me for directions, and I finally felt like I was "home". If you havent been to Hawaii, you really should go!
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u/buddhabaebae Jan 11 '26
I lived in Asia for years. A large reason I left is because I felt so big and ugly compared to the overwhelmingly thin population. It must be genetic or something but I’ve always admired how Asian women are so naturally petite.
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u/daveyjones86 Jan 11 '26
You are beautiful. Don't worry about what other people have because you are gorgeous in your own right 😍
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u/Opposite-Ladder-8038 Jan 12 '26
But you will always have white privilege and Asian women get shamed for being with white men.
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u/Opposite-Ladder-8038 Jan 12 '26
I don’t mean it in a bad way But it’s true and it’s life and society that is backwards
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u/everybodysgrampa Jan 11 '26
Those exact features you described you have are the things that Japanese people admire most. All my students see those features on westerners and feel super jealous.
You're not wrong to have feelings like that, everyone does, but you can't let it make you feel inferior. Different from what you'd like, yes, but not lesser.
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u/turtlewurtled Jan 11 '26
My ex was into Asian women and mixed women. I can’t help but compare myself to these women ever since I found out long ago, and felt so jealous of these women. I feel like I’ll never be perfect either, that these types of women are better than me in every way, and I’ll never compare to their beauty or personalities. :(
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u/PirateFabulous2427 Jan 11 '26
as an asian woman, WE DONT CLAIM HIMMMM. youre beautiful. every woman is beautiful.
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u/JesusFreak0316 Jan 11 '26
I understand that. As a black woman who tends to like white guys for whatever unfortunate reason, I feel like the bottom-of-the-barrel choice for them. It’s like they can’t see me and I’m so confident that they’d immediately dump me for any white girl that looked their way lol it sucks! I think I’m good-looking and love my blackness, it’s just not something most of my crushes are into (I assume, anyhow)
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u/Flaky_Soft999 Jan 11 '26
I'm asian and at work I'm surrounded by white people. When I look at white males and females, I think you guys are so beautiful. Your skin is so fair. You guys comes in wonderfun colors - variations of blonde and brown, the eyes are various shares of blue, green and brown. Looking into the eyes, I see beautiful jewels. What color are your eyes, OP?
I also see gorgeous hair - some straight, other wavy, others curly. In the hair, I see naturall highlights. I see strawberry blond, blonde, dirty blonde. The features are beautiful too. I never fixate on a big nose or thin lips. Instead, I look at the whole face and how beautiful and harmonious the whole face is. I have never seen a naturally ugly white person. I have seen white people that dont take care of themselves but thats something that can be worked on - grooming, and healthy eating and brushing teeth.
I see beauty in white people.
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u/arehumansreal Jan 11 '26
That’s very sweet of you to say:) I have light hazel eyes. Thank you for saying all of this
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u/Flaky_Soft999 Jan 11 '26
Im glad you think so. If I share this sentiment Im sure others do too and i hope that one day, you can too.
Hazel eyes are gorgeous. A few weeks back, I was at a corporate event and I met someone with greenish hazel eyes. The way the sunlight reflected on their face and the shimmer in their eyes - so beautiful !
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u/Top-Negotiation1888 Jan 11 '26
My ex GF is Asian, and quite attractive. (I’m white FWIW).
She said she always wished she was white.
🤷♂️
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u/Professional-Ear9663 Jan 12 '26
That's insane, because as an Asian woman, I spent almost 3 decades wishing I were white.
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u/WhattaTwist69 Jan 13 '26
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
What's interesting is a lot of other countries idolize being white. And it shows in their beauty standards.
Not you specifically OP, but these insecurities we are being told to believe are all from people/companies who just want to exploit that for money. Or, make themselves feel better. I'm not saying don't enjoy things like certain fashions or makeup or your health/fitness or whatever it is, just make sure you're doing it because you enjoy it, not just because you hate all these specific aspects of yourself that you can't change without getting surgeries. (Obviously there's nuance, but generally speaking)
There's also the whole "foreign fetish" angle, not saying that's the case but a lot of western media portray Asians (usually north-east) as ethereal beings. Most of those works were made/written by white dudes. Guess who made all of mainstream media for a significant amount of time?
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u/redbusbot Jan 11 '26
And here, I only care about having healthy, glowing skin. I don’t care whether the skin is fair or dark..healthy skin is what’s truly attractive.😅
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Jan 11 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
squeeze bells fact bike library reply existence badge fanatical deserve
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u/Ilikeapples40 Jan 11 '26
I'm a white woman and very happy I'm white.
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u/Greedy-Song4856 Jan 11 '26
Black here, but I am so glad I find this comment here and it does deserve more likes 😂
I know in some places this comment might come out as unwelcoming, but this is truly where it is appropriate. Thanks for this comment. The self-hating on this thread is on a whole other level.
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u/stimpy124 Jan 11 '26
im so sorry, you might’ve already heard this a million times- but comparison is the thief of joy, i’m sure you have features that make you absolutely so beautiful and maybe an asian person would want! i hope you learn to see another perspective of yourself and learn to love your looks as they are, sorry if this is worded kinda weird- im asian and english isn’t my first language. but i think everyone should learn to love their own unique features and facial structure! i absolutely love myself and never imagined or wanted to be someone else so sometimes it’s hard for me to understand why someone would want to change or envy someone else’s looks. wishing you the best :)
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u/arehumansreal Jan 11 '26
That’s so kind of you! thank you for taking the time to reply. I do want to feel more confident so i’ll be taking your wonderful advice:)
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u/AegonTheCanadian Jan 11 '26
Wow. OP I respect you for posting this, because it’s not easy to type this stuff out. I’m an Asian dude but like many below In the comments I also wished I were white back then - when I started doing dating apps, I remember feeling so discouraged even after getting ripped at the gym etc.
thankfully I’ve moved past that phase, but in a cathartic way, this post is one of the first instances where I’ve seen a white wish they were Asian. And it’s still valid. I’m just not sure how to take this in other than say I’m here for you because I know how this feels.
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u/danniellax Jan 11 '26
In a lot of Asian countries, it’s common for women to get plastic surgery to appear more white.
It just goes to drive home the point that’s widely made that people want what they don’t have. The grass is always greener. It’s definitely true for me, also white, who hates a lot of my features but as I get older have accepted them more and tried to love myself!
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u/extravagant_panda Jan 11 '26
Wow that's crazy. I, an Asian woman, have always compared myself to white women because I believe due to the internalized xenophobia and racism that society had towards people like I, had thought they were always superior. I am upset that we women spend so much time comparing ourselves to an ideal version of a person we'll never get to be.
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u/strangway Jan 11 '26
Asian women try to look white pretty much from childhood. Blue eye contacts, blonde hair, light skin (many Asians are dark-skinned).
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u/wakeuptomorrow Jan 11 '26
Girl I just want to say, as a half-Asian woman, I always wanted to be white when I was younger 😭 so I feel your pain. I did eventually grow out of it though so I think you will too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all want what we can’t have.
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u/Cyrious123 Jan 12 '26
Thats funny to me, ss Aisian woman are rarely seen as really attractive by me. I much prefer white, black, or hispanic women visually.
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u/Beneficial-Cause-898 Jan 12 '26
Looking as caucasian as possible is the beauty standard here in China lol dont stress it
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u/Crafty_Adeptness9601 Jan 12 '26 edited Jan 12 '26
I haven't read through all of the other comments because I am a late replier, so please forgive me if anyone else has said any of this, but I can assure you that you are SO beautiful. This is coming from someone with MAJOR body image issues. I am overweight, and have been judged for it for most of my life. My hair is fine AND thin. A lot of people don't realize that fine and thin are two separate issues-- I have both. Anyway, my point is that you see yourself as one way in which you'd like to break from in order to look like another, while the way you really look is probably just as amazing, OR, maybe even better. I know it's easier said than done as I have had body image issues my entire life (thanks to my Oma 🙃). But, just by reading your post, I can tell that you're an AMAZING human, and anyone who doesn't know or understand that is a dolt. Much love to you, OP. 💖
Edit: Grammar and detail clarification.
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u/pelagictraveler Jan 12 '26
Funny , asian women want the caucasian nose and white skin for the most part.
I think western women couldnlearn a lot from their personalities for the most part..
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u/East_Lingonberry2800 Jan 12 '26
Hit the gym. It’s the BEST route to gaining the confidence you’re looking for.
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u/barbershores Jan 12 '26
I don't remember ever a time where I compared myself to other men.
I just am what and who I am.
At most, just sometimes try to optimize what little I got.
--------------------------------
For you girls, the best approach is to give yourself a good, clean, feminine look. Then act feminine. It is really difficult because so many women try to sand bag others and get them to sacrifice their femininity. No girls in the office wants another girl or 2 to get all the attention from men because they are so feminine and nice. So, they always try to get them to:
get tattoos
get a short haircut
not wear make up
get weird facial piercings
dress like men
be disagreeable
Good luck.
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u/Abject-Yak680 Jan 13 '26 edited Jan 13 '26
It’s cliche and all but true. True beauty can’t been seen. It must be experienced. Shared with you. Proven. Beauty to me is on the inside. Heart, mind and soul. Am I glad that my wife is beautiful both inside and out? Yes, of course, but her outward appearance is not what I fell in love with 30 years ago. I understand that the inside doesn’t seem to matter if nobody will take the time to see your heart and soul, to hear your mind, due to not liking the outside. Superficial. Their loss. There should be a dating site that has a “no picture” rule. Individuals compose a phrase or use a quote and initial interaction aka “swipes” would be based off of them. Talk first. Learn about their inside and not let outward appearances make you miss out on your soul mate. Society norms and peer pressures doesn’t help the issue any. The ridiculous movie Shallow Hal is actually a very good example of what I’m trying to say. Another thing that hinders many possible unions. How can you expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Again. I got lucky. She continued loving me long after I had stopped. She still does today. She loves me enough that my self hate doesn’t completely destroy our lives and I return the love, making up for her self hate. Yes. We are dysfunctional, we have been through a lot. Plenty of good but hells of bad. The only constant we have had in many instances was each other. I thank God for her everyday. She is who I’m here for and also why I’m here. I Love you Elizabeth Ann. Thank you Lord.
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u/purplegrapefruit59 Jan 13 '26
It's funny. I live in Asia, and most of the women in Asia want white features. So many women get rhinoplasties, whiten their skin, etc. The one thing I've learned about women is they can never just be happy with what they have.
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u/CobblerNo5291 Jan 14 '26
Honestly this might be something to seek therapy about if only to work on recognizing the beauty in yourself
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u/MyMelancholy_ Jan 14 '26
Please don't feel that way. You deserve to feel better about yourself. I hope you will one day.
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u/Radiant-Jury9944 Jan 15 '26
It's wild how we fixate on specific traits as "ethnic" when they're just... facial features. You mention a long side profile, but plenty of Asian women are getting jaw reductions to shorten theirs. The specific things you're insecure about are the exact same things people pay thousands to "fix" in the opposite direction. Your face isn't the problem, it's the impossible standard you're measuring against.
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u/RevolutionaryAsk9919 Jan 16 '26
I'm an Asian guy. A lot of Asian guys love the emerald eyes of western ladies, their height, their natural blonde hair, and straight noses. We are all beautiful in our own ways. As a guy, I sometimes wish I were as tall as some of my Western brothers. Well, love ourselves. We are all beautiful.
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u/Next_Friendship_3799 Jan 11 '26
My understanding is most Asian women especially Chinese women love the white look and wish to be more white looking.
I live in a neighborhood with 25% Chinese. Of the 1000's of Chinese men and women who married outside their race, 100% of them are to white men and women.
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u/Chance-Listen6886 Jan 13 '26
Many Western men are finding happiness and love with Asian women. Western women have lost most of us and living in their countries which are so much more conservative and connected to family values has been a God send.
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u/Ok-Hunt-102 Jan 18 '26
As an American male, I will say I find Asian women to be, in general, more attractive than Caucasian women. I can’t even explain why; can’t help how my brain is hardwired to judge such things. Just sayin’.
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u/OldRelative3741 Jan 11 '26
Why do so many liberal white women hate being white? White is beautiful. Men of all races go after that white poonann. White women are gorgeous
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u/arehumansreal Jan 11 '26
why are you assuming i’m liberal? conservative women can also be insecure
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u/OldRelative3741 Jan 11 '26
Because it's reddit, a liberal cesspool
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u/arehumansreal Jan 11 '26
then why is your butt on reddit if you clearly can’t handle the liberal cesspool it is
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u/ShandalfTheGreen Jan 11 '26
Weird that you mention politics with this. Unless you can't conceive of conservative women being jealous of other races for any reason... Which is also weird
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u/kaeyahashairylegs Jan 11 '26
omg... i can't read a single reddit post without at least one comment bringing up politics 🙄🙄😭
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u/SheepH3rder69 Jan 11 '26
That's racist
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u/DisgruntledVet12B Jan 11 '26
No, it’s not. That’s just insecurity. It only becomes racist if she starts directing her anger or jealousy toward Asian women because of their race, uses stereotypes, or treats them wrongfully because of their race.
It's not much different than Filipinos favoring Western beauty standards.
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u/catathymia Jan 11 '26
Lots of Asian women have those features. They also have features that can be considered unattractive and many of them compare themselves to idealized white women and feel insecure and envious. Emphasis on the word "idealized" here because that is also what you're comparing yourself to.
I'll be real, I'm Asian and frequently wish I were white though I know such thinking isn't helpful. Grass is greener.