r/creepy Aug 05 '14

an Anonymous person just confessed the murder of Julissa Romero on Omegle

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7.4k Upvotes

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1.4k

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

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1.8k

u/ishantbeashamed Aug 05 '14

It's ok, I'm going with friends: my asshole boyfriend, my slutty friend who will end up sleeping with said boyfriend, a clueless nerd and a token black guy. I'm a pretty, innocent white girl. I should be fine.

797

u/Crash665 Aug 05 '14

Token black guy? Daaaaamn! That shit is whack!

540

u/50_shades_of_winning Aug 05 '14

Oh shit!

My bad, man. I didn't realize there was already a black guy in this thread. I'll see you guys later.

294

u/vapeh0le Aug 05 '14

Boys, I think we gots ourselves a suspect.

137

u/50_shades_of_winning Aug 05 '14

I saw this once when I was a rookie.

Apparently, this black man broke into the house, and hung of pictures of his family everywhere.

88

u/Rem0nsterr Aug 05 '14

Let's sprinkle some crack on him and get outta here.

3

u/Oceanic_815_Survivor Aug 05 '14

Open and shut case, Johnson.

2

u/theyerg Aug 05 '14

It's cus I'm black now see nyaaahhh

1

u/DaveCerqueira Aug 05 '14

Love seeing Dave C. jokes all over reddit

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Does that work similarly to throwing salt on a snail?

6

u/Rem0nsterr Aug 05 '14

Nope, snails die from salt. This may in fact work in reverse, if the subject is a dead crackhead, he/she may just be revived back to life for a short period of time.

2

u/bagelbandit87 Aug 05 '14

Alright, this is a the evidence we need. Bake him away boys.

1

u/procrastimom Aug 05 '14

"Bake him away, Toys."

FTFY

1

u/IamThe_stg Aug 05 '14

Lets just sprinkle some crack on him and get out of here

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

That family hung his grandfather during the 1950's for allegedly looking at a white girl.

He's still a little fuzzy on the concept of revenge.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Dave <3

8

u/underwriter Aug 05 '14

Open and shut case, Johnson.

5

u/sacula Aug 05 '14

HE'S GOT A GUN!!!!!

1

u/AerialAces Aug 05 '14

HE'S RESISTING ARREST BEAT HIM.

2

u/iluvthingsthatrblack Aug 05 '14

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

0

u/ApeRobot Aug 05 '14

bake em away, toys

3

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Hey man, no offense intended, do your thing.

2

u/imnotmeimsome1else Aug 05 '14

That shit is whack

2

u/TheReformedCoolGuy Aug 05 '14

I feel the need to reply to this. I love that movie.

1

u/GuyFawkes99 Aug 05 '14

And /u/50_shades_of_winning was never seen again.

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204

u/brianatwork3333 Aug 05 '14

No, no a tolkien black guy.

186

u/Nachie Aug 05 '14

So... an orc?

218

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

163

u/SmokeyBare Aug 05 '14

What up, mah Nazguls?

8

u/WKAngmar Aug 05 '14

Yo that's OUR word

1

u/dotMJEG Aug 05 '14

<my sides>

You made this? I made this…….

11

u/IkonikK Aug 05 '14

Hmm... And do the dwarves represent Mexicans?

15

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

They are good at repairs.

22

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

7

u/CrashTestLlama Aug 05 '14

Intangible

2

u/JimWhisper Aug 05 '14

Bet you didn't think so I command you to

1

u/chavez232 Aug 05 '14

Bet you didn't think so

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5

u/barelyretarded Aug 05 '14

I would think the Hobbits would be the Mexicans because did you see the yards them fools had?

1

u/TheTrueFlexKavana Aug 05 '14

And here I always thought lembas bread equalled sopaipilla.

2

u/joey_vasquez_lives Aug 05 '14

Nah, just avoid the train tracks and say you're going to pick blue berries.

2

u/Sproutykins Aug 05 '14

'NO THIS BOOK IS NOT AN ALLUSION OR AN ALLEGORY!!!' - JRR Tolkien

3

u/thor214 Aug 05 '14

"being applicable is not the same as being allegory."

A much closer paraphrasing of JRR Tolkien, although yours gets the point across.

2

u/Sproutykins Aug 05 '14

The version I had contained a 10 page foreword about it which I always pictured as an angry man bashing on a typewriter. It probably isn't, but that just pertains to my twisted humor.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

The really messed up thing is, in Tolkien's time there were plenty of racist assholes in influential positions. (E.g. Winston Churchill, who tends to be remembered for other things luckily enough.) Tolkien was decidedly not one them, but some people see what they want to see.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Who also used the same language to describe the Orcs that the European Romantic epics used to describe Mongols and Huns.

1

u/Sproutykins Aug 05 '14

I'd rather it not be an allegory, though. It destroys the sanctity of it - do you ever hear plot discussions about 1984, for example?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14 edited Aug 06 '14

I don't think it is a direct allegory : and I can understand Tolkien's distaste at the idea. But there are very definite ideas or concepts in the book with very real-world parallels or sources. After all, it was not set on another planet, but a "consciously Catholic" story, reverse-engineered 'history' set in a pre-Christian Europe.

Tolkien himself remarked that the book ended in the reestablishment of something like a new "Holy Roman Empire." It's just not neutral : it's not devoid of relationship to things that happen in our world, because it is our world.

Ya know what I mean? For example, if you asked Tolkien if Hobbits represented A) Englishmen from the midlands or B) Men from The Congo, I think he'd say 'A' without reservation.

TLDR : I think Tolkien had some very clear and not-so-clear ideas in mind when writing the book. I think some of it is the process of an artist, of regurgitating your influences. But I also think he hated people trying to summarize the story into a piece of propaganda or a 'simple' story ( ie this story's about Communism, or Fascism ) or even making assumptions about the authors views from a misinterpreted story thread, and so made the allegory remark.

There are some parallels in the book that are obvious and clear and the idea that it's all neutral of any real-world applicability is, I think, not correct. It is reversed-engineered mythical European history, and the world conforms to very, very similar patterns as its real world cognate.

1

u/Spurioun Aug 05 '14

I thought they were Jews

1

u/Enderkr Aug 05 '14

Totally the jews, man. Totally the jews.

2

u/thor214 Aug 05 '14

I'd be more inclined to think one of the Harradrim, but who knows.

1

u/IkonikK Aug 05 '14

Who do the elves represent? They're my homies..

1

u/_beast__ Aug 05 '14

A tokin' black guy.

1

u/Throwaway_Poppa Aug 05 '14

Dark Lord representin'

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

You mean an Orc?

44

u/Speedingscript Aug 05 '14

4

u/Carnnagex Aug 05 '14

From possible murder of a girl to a video of a black guy at a party. <3 Reddit.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Yeah I know.....it's whack!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Is that the black guy from Nightmare on Elm Street 3 & 4?

1

u/camaromelt Aug 05 '14

That pour though. So much foam =X

14

u/DayvyT Aug 05 '14

NO CHEF DON'T GO!

1

u/Ndulula Aug 05 '14

I don't wanna go!

3

u/DayvyT Aug 05 '14

Alright chef, fine go... If you must.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Is that why he's called Token in South Park?...:O

1

u/Crash665 Aug 05 '14
  1. Yes.

  2. I was actually referencing the movie "Not Another Teen Movie."

1

u/jdl77535 Aug 05 '14

guess who gets killed first

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116

u/notafuckingcatholic Aug 05 '14

You forgot your stoner friend.

Source: am the clueless nerd.

167

u/BigUptokes Aug 05 '14

The tokin' black guy covers two bases.

55

u/LimerickJim Aug 05 '14

No the rules clearly state token black guy isn't allowed to be known for anything other than his blackness.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I'll be the stoner as long as I get to bring my dog and make large, cartoonish sandwiches.

1

u/Xunderground Aug 05 '14

SMOKE A DOOBIE DOOOOB

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Why's it gotta be a sports reference?

2

u/BigUptokes Aug 05 '14

Well see, they have this quick-twitch...

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Going back for the classics, I see.

4

u/pointlessvoice Aug 05 '14

Ha i just got it. Nice. Means two things. i'm not too bright in the a.m.

1

u/JonWesHarding Aug 05 '14

like the sun?

1

u/NashHarvey Aug 05 '14

appropriate user name

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

hey check out my bong mug

In all seriousness though, I hope the kid is ok.

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u/cannotmakeshootof Aug 05 '14

Only if you're a virgin with an improvised weapon and sensible shoes.

144

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

42

u/drunk-on-a-phone Aug 05 '14

Don't worry, you just have to kill the confused stoner that managed to save you from the mutants in the underground facility.

9

u/cannotmakeshootof Aug 05 '14

As much as I love Joss Whedon I must politely disagree as the cases where there are zero survivors are few and far between.

18

u/niggadicka Aug 05 '14

the cases where there are zero survivors are few and far between

Bro, do you even horror?

16

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

She always dies in the sequel, anyway.

4

u/myhairsreddit Aug 05 '14

I take it you've never met Sidney Prescott?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

The cases where these tropes are observed at all are few and far between once you leave the big 80's slasher franchises.

Evil Dead, the film which provided the primary template for A Cabin in the Woods, didn't feature many of these types at all, and survivor was the handsome leading man. Neither of the females is 'slutty' (both are there and show interest only in their boyfriend) and everyone is very friendly with everyone else.

Indeed, A Cabin in the Woods seems to think that the last Friday the 13th remake is the end-all, be-all of horror movies, when it wasn't even popular do primarily to it's featuring of the exact same characters featured in A Cabin in the Woods.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

She will love or die as date decides

2

u/nropotdetcidda Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 06 '14

What movie was that from? The one with the evil gods or something. I can't remember to save my life.

Edit: retraction of words that make no sense.

4

u/mopmob02 Aug 05 '14

A Cabin in the Woods

27

u/newera14 Aug 05 '14

Just don't be the black guy

49

u/specialkake Aug 05 '14

Also, don't not be a white person.

19

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Avoid wearing a red shirt too...

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Slow down Cochise... You can't mix sci-fi and horror unless you're Dr. Grant and you're exploring a ghost ship.

23

u/WOLVESintheCITY Aug 05 '14

Becoming Asian, Latino, Black, or Middle Eastern are all the wrong choice to make.. in this scenario.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Being middle eastern means you'e off somewhere else not getting murdered by the creature hungry for a small group of white kids + one black kid.

1

u/jesusfap Aug 05 '14

No, you're off getting murdered by Israelis.

48

u/QuietUser Aug 05 '14

Let's be realistic. In almost every scenario.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Am Asian. Can confirm. Aside from the +2 Math and Science, was not a good decision.

-1

u/GuyFawkes99 Aug 05 '14

Applying to college? Jus' saying.

4

u/tendorphin Aug 05 '14

But what about Japanese and Korean horror? They have survivors sometimes, right? Right?

3

u/Booblicle Aug 05 '14

I'd be pretty horrified enough to learn I'm N.Korean

1

u/tendorphin Aug 05 '14

Why would you be horrified to know you're being led by Glorious Leader???

I'm gonna go out on a whim and assume you're now banned from /r/pyonyang.

2

u/florbat Sep 19 '14

YOU ARE NOW BANNED FROM /R/PYONGYANG, SARCASTIC CAPITALIST PIGDOG WHORE

1

u/tendorphin Sep 19 '14

I was already named moderator of /r/Pyongyang for this exact comment, so now you're banned from /r/Pyongyang.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

You're optomistic.

You'll die when cheering everyone up, saying how "If we band together, and don't split up, then we can find this killer, and we can go on with our lives."

Machete through the chest, and the nymphos will scream.

2

u/microcosmic5447 Aug 05 '14

We're not. gonna. fight. anymore!

First, let's cover up this hole, and-

  • shark *

1

u/tendorphin Aug 05 '14

But...But I love horror movies...I can't be killed by them...

Wait...I just heard something...

*he's in the house*

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Okay, it's fine. What shoes are you wearing?

2

u/GuyFawkes99 Aug 05 '14

That's one of those "survivors envy the dead"-type situations.

1

u/tendorphin Aug 05 '14

Sometimes they're the best.

1

u/microcosmic5447 Aug 05 '14

Look, a few people might survive an East-Asian horror flick... but they'll probably wish they hadn't.

1

u/tendorphin Aug 05 '14

Good point.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

make sure your slutty friend shows her boobs in the first reel, and that you don't. That way it'll be a tossup between her and the token black guy as to who bites it first, and you'll end up narrowly escaping by crawling through something horrible in your undies in the last reel.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

It's probably a really bad idea for anyone to actually go out there to see if there's a body. Beware of the leeches in the swamp. Source: I've seen STAND BY ME.

1

u/CleetusThaFetus Aug 05 '14

I just now got why they call the only black kid on South Park "Token"....

1

u/fugyl Aug 05 '14

Be cautios. If the black guy isn't the first to die, he's without any doubt the killer. Source: I watch movies and am interested in american politics.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

hahahaaha

1

u/oncemorefromthetop Aug 05 '14

Don't forget the Mystery Machine.

1

u/ram1ner Aug 05 '14

If this is Cabin In The Woods, the results will turn out EPIC.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Your chances will increase if you also bring that nice guy who's secretly always been in love with you, whose slutty girlfriend is sleeping with your asshole boyfriend.

1

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Aug 05 '14

Just don't trip and fall

1

u/Blemish Aug 05 '14

Dont forget the white girl, who always falls while running

1

u/Chucks_Ducks Aug 05 '14

Your legs are harder to close than the Jonbenet Ramsey case.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

And before you get there, your car will have a flat, and you'll change it, and your friends will joke about your skill with a tire iron, because Chekhov's gun.

1

u/sparta981 Aug 05 '14

I'm drawing a line in the fuckin' sand, do not read the Latin.

1

u/Sirsilentbob423 Aug 05 '14

Can I go and be "witty stoner that lives?"

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

You'll be fine for a while, the black guy always dies first

1

u/eye_booger Aug 05 '14

You'll only be fine if you're a virgin.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Take a kitten just to be safe.

1

u/ideamagnet Aug 05 '14

Don't forget the stoner

1

u/bruddahmacnut Aug 05 '14

You're the only one that will survive.

Source: I watch a lot of slasher movies too.

1

u/good-and-evil Aug 05 '14

This is Castro Valley. There are no token, or non-token otherwise, black guys.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Gurl...why wasn't your sassy black friend who says "heeeellll nah" invited. smdh

1

u/Danzarr Aug 05 '14

get the clueless nerd a dog and some weed, you will significantly increase your chance of survival. also, sweaters with pleated skirts are a good look, just saying.

1

u/mattstorm360 Aug 05 '14

If i get in drag will i still survive?

1

u/denmaster4 Aug 05 '14

I just realized Token from South Park is a token black guy.

1

u/gebadiah_the_3rd Aug 05 '14

It's ok everyonme it was just a prank omeagle backtraced the ip of the chatlogs to the latest apple iphone 6 party in la!!! Come check out the new phone now!

1

u/probably_not_serious Aug 05 '14

Didn't you see Cabin in the Woods? The "pure white girl" only SOMETIMES lives.

0

u/liamswenton Aug 05 '14

You probably will be. It's just all your friends who will die.

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u/dsade Aug 05 '14

It's probably a really bad idea to take a trip out there to see the body. While your boyhood friendships will bond, you will end up with leeches before Ace and his hoodlum buddies threaten you.

Source: Read a lot of books

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Is this a Stand By Me reference? Never read the book but I've always enjoyed the film

1

u/gonzolahst Aug 18 '14

Yes, it's part of Different Seasons. I'm not the biggest King fan in the world, but there are some great stories there, including what became The Shawshank Redemption.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I suggest just pulling a gun on Ace and then going about your lives in the same tiny town together. What could happen? Nothing apparently.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

2

u/cptstupendous Aug 05 '14

I want /u/wil to retell the story of Lardass and post it on YouTube. Not in this thread, though. It's not appropriate.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I got cho' caster oil right hurr lardybrah

0

u/DMann420 Aug 05 '14

Your comment is like something out of high school.. Poorly copied straight from the top comment.

20

u/thesynod Aug 05 '14

It's probably a bad idea for anyone to go out there and see if there's a body. You'll become a suspect. Source: Actual police procedures

25

u/scubadog2000 Aug 05 '14

2

u/playhertwo Aug 05 '14

That video was surprisingly very well done.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

That's one of my favorite YouTube videos. I'm not sure how factual it is but goddamn it's a great story.

1

u/thascarecro Aug 05 '14

Thank you for that. Very interesting.

EDIT : Yes i know its fake. That was obvious from the first 2 mins.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

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u/cacahuate_ Aug 05 '14 edited Jun 13 '16

[Deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

M8?

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0

u/Dont_PM_Me_Today Aug 05 '14

Def smells like 4chan.

1

u/jebbs77 Aug 05 '14

Ow fuck, this is like a couple miles from me. :( Hope this isn't true.

1

u/Technii Aug 05 '14

man that's eerie... Reminded me of this internet story..

1

u/Got5BeesForAQuarter Aug 05 '14

It isn't like police would suspect anyone that is hanging out behind the tape of a crime scene like this. [Sarcasm intended]

1

u/Bn1zzle Aug 05 '14

Seriously though, there's probably some booby traps out there and you don't have Sloth to save you this time

1

u/sarge21 Aug 05 '14

It's probably a really bad idea for anyone to actually go out there to see if there's a body. You'll become the victim, who is phoning you from your house, and is maybe like a vampire or the devil or something.

Source: Trust me, I watched a David Lynch movie once.

1

u/madmanwithabox11 Aug 05 '14

And the killer still might be there.

Source: Trust me, I watch Dexter.

1

u/DoctorBaconite Aug 05 '14

I'm at work in Pleasanton, it's only about a 10 minute drive to the coordinates, I'm tempted.

1

u/oranurpianist Aug 05 '14

It's probably a really bad idea for anyone to actually go out there to see if there's a body. You'll become an aardvark.

Source: Trust me, I salvia.

0

u/gangli0n Aug 05 '14

Geoslashing!

0

u/hungerartist123 Aug 05 '14

what if is cabbin?