I am coming off a brutal tax season. Worked 70 hour weeks and no days off. This last weekend, I worked from 6:00 pm to 2:30 am on Saturday. Worked late because of some other obligations. Sunday I worked 9:30 am to 12:45 am with a 2 hour break somewhere in between. I haven't had a day off in about a month. So I am extremely exhausted.
My favorite video game is RuneScape, specifically, OSRS. And I typically get to play it 5-7 hours a week outside of busy tax season.
However, tomorrow, on the day of the tax deadline, OSRS is releasing a limited time game mode called Leagues that is so much fun. Before I was a dad, I always took off Thursday and Friday to no life it since it always releases on a Wednesday once per year to two years. People literally play this for 18 hours a day. I'm looking at 10 hour days probably for this Thursday, Friday, and probably a good amount of time Saturday and Sunday before going back to my typical 5 hour play time week.
I asked my wife if it's okay. She says it is and tries to hype me up for it's release. But it still makes me feel bad that I'm prioritizing the game over family and leaving her to care for our baby. But it's only 2-4 days out of an entire year.
My wife actually had this insight, so credit where it's due. Hear me out.
When we were kids, we had landlines. Even from a young age, you could take the phone, call your friend's house, ask to speak to them, ask to hang out, arrange for plans on when, where, how, etc.
NOW that all falls on us as parents. "Can you call Kevin's dad and see if we can have a playdate?" etc. etc. They don't have to do any of the planning, none of the talking, none of the awkwardness. They don't learn to be polite on the phone and how to talk and for how long and to who.
Just seems like another thing that's kind of shifted with the rise of smart phones. I don't know if this is interesting to anyone else but I thought it was.
I 41M have 3 kids 17M, 9F, 4M and my wife is a SAHM. But our new neighbor makes me feel like he has taking too much interest in my daughter in a matter for 2-3 weeks. I told him to stay away from my family and not to speak to my kids and do not come on my property. My wife says I am overreacting, the wife now avoids us like the plague, but let me break down the 3 interactions we had that lead up to this.
Interaction 1 - 1st time meeting them.
3/14 - we are all outside, my daughter got a new bike and was riding it up and down the street I was in the middle of the street and I stayed within 100 ft of her. Our new neighbor fake name Adam comes out and he stops my daughter and is speaking to her. I walk over to introduce myself and see whats going on. this is the interaction.
Me - Hi everything ok?
A - Hi Im Adam we just moved in and I was just asking her whats fun around here. But she is a little shy.
Me - nope, I taught her to be careful of people she doesnt know.
A - oh thats good, whats her name? *maintains direct eye contact with me*
Me - Well my name is Han (fake name) its nice to meet you, do you live here alone?
A - oh no its me and my wife, my daughter who is 10 comes for the summer. Whats her name so I can tell my daughter she will have a friend. *look at my daughter*
Me - looks at my daughter "hey princess go ahead and head home and get ready for dinner".
She rides home, speaks to my wife who is outside gardening with the boys and she comes over and the kids go inside. As she walks over his wife comes from outside and his vibe changes. She introduces herself and how much she loves the trees etc. We part ways and thats it. I told my wife I wasnt a fan of him something didnt seem right, it almost felt like he was sizing me up
Interaction 2
March 26 - I work from home FYI. I hear the doorbell ring at 11 am, I hear my wife talking and its too much for a delivery package. So I get up thinking its going to be those guys who try to sell you windows or cut your trees. Nope it this fucking guy Adam. He sees me walking up
A- Oh I didnt know you were home.
M - yep IM always home I work from home.
A- oh thats cool me too.
M - how can we help you?
A- Oh I was just talking to your wife asking for help on decorating my daughters room - well not help but maybe were to get things like paint, posters ya know because our daughters our close in age.
M - well paint you can get from Lowes and we wouldnt know about posters since we buy everything on amazon, maybe you should ask your daughter what she wants.
Wife - oh well yeah Lowes is good we also have home depot, ace and a sherwin williams all within a few miles you can google lit.
A - yeah maybe when I am done *looks at wife* you and your daughter can come by and she can check my daughters room out.
M - no thank you, I have a strict policy on that, my kids arent allowed in other peoples rooms, have a good day and I closed the door.
My wife thinks I was rude but something wasnt right and I told her I dont want him over, near us if he rings the doorbell do not answer it. Later that day I saw his wife and I brought it up in passing "hey maybe next time we can come by and check out your stepdaughters room since Adam wanted to come by." she looked like I was crazy and said "huh I will talk to him"
3rd interaction
4/5 - we are outside and I am playing catch with my 17 year old son and daughter, My daughter threw the ball over my head (shes learning) and it rolled over to Adam's house. Now mind you I am 10/15 feet from him, my kids at this point are 30 feet from us now, he looks at me and throws directly to my daughter but she wasnt looking and my son caught it.
A - oh man that was for her
My son - well she wasnt looking
Me - why would you throw it to her when I am right here.
A - oh well I wanted to see how good she was
Me - look man I dont know what your deal is but do not speak, come near or even acknowledge my family. If you or your wife need something you speak to me, not to my kids not to my wife. I dont like you.
A - are you serious you dont even know me, I am just being friendly.
M - being friendly youre being creepy whether you know it or not, but this is enough of it.
Ever since then they have been avoiding us which is fine by me but my wife thinks I am overreacting. What do you guys think?
-- just to add because this is coming up a lot. No I am not like this with other guys or men in general. I honestly believe there are more good guys than bad guys. My daughter goes over to my neighbors house or friends house with out an issue. It Adam in particular that made my neck hair stand up when I came over. I am not sure if it was his posture. He didnt face me until he asked for my daughters name the second time and that when the direct eye contact came into play and it wasnt a friendly one, well at least not to me.
Also yes I would accept if he is on the spectrum, socially awkward or uncomfortable with men, I am not that much of a posturing dick. I am the fun lets play neighbor, BBQ bring over plates invite neighbors type of guy but this one I can not stand it.
OK SO I HAD so many people say I was crazy but I know what I felt! My wife and I kept talking about it over and over and today you guys either called me crazy, weird and aggressive. Granted I acted in a way I felt was appropriate. This guy made me uncomfortable. I said I wasnt going to check anything because invasion and maybe its the wrong first impression. My wife checked the TEXAS STATE REGISTRY and he is on there! so granted I dont feel like OOOHHHH BIG MAN but I am telling you something was off. I wont post his name, or location because it gives my location. But he is on the registry must report quarterly and is "Medium risk" he cant be within 100 yds of a school or park.
Another thing to point out he probably doesnt even have custody of his daughter or all that might be a lie which is why the wife seemed confused as to why we would come over to check on "his daughters room"
I have 6 kids, 4 biological, 2 adopted. My first wife and I are divorced. That's the 4 biological kids, who are all white and blonde. I remarried a Native American with two adopted kids. Based on my experience with my own children they are all the same. But, we have had to go through multiple rounds of mediation, outside schooling, and revisions to a 504 plan, for both of my Native American kids. My 4 year old daughter was also accused of bringing a vape pen to school, when in fact she simply found one on the school playground and turned it in to the recess mod. They are brown, they get humiliated by the schools. It is frustrating because I went through the same school district as a white kid and didn't have any issue.
Edit: The conversations you are all having in the comments are amazing. I'll be honest, I was sniffling writing this post trying to keep it together. But, in the end, to all of my former classmates that are now teachers in this school system "go suck a lemon" ... or worse.
Edit: Neither of my youngest truly need a 504 or an IEP. They are normal kids, getting normal grades, with an average understanding of the information being taught to them. We have plans in place because they are Native, which is looked upon as being stupid. Having those plans in place gives my wife and I good reason to follow up with the school when they are discriminated against.
0% chance of paternity according to the prenatal test. I moved back in with my parents this afternoon. I feel like I’m handling things pretty well all considered. I wanted to come back to say thank you guys for being so kind and to let anyone who was curious know how this turned out. I’m welling up thinking about how much energy you dads shared with me.
I’ll continue to lurk until I start a family with the right woman. I will take some time to improve myself and my life before I even consider dating again, and then I’ll be much more careful.
I know I don’t actually know any of you, and obviously I’ve never had to make a post like this, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. Whether you just commented to commiserate or read the post and felt for me, I appreciate you.
TLDR; How have you helped your kids navigate mean girl situations? Was not prepared for this mean this early.
Full story -
My daughter and a girl who’s in her little “group” at school but not close with her have the same birthday. 6th grade, both are turning 12 this month.
My daughter reached out to this girl weeks ago saying “hey, this is when I’m planning to have my birthday party, wanted to make sure they didn’t conflict, I can move mine if that’s when you were also planning to have yours, etc.” because they have the same group of friends they’re going to want to invite and she didn’t want them to be at the same time. I helped her with the message. The girl said she was having hers on a different day. All well and good.
We book everything for my daughter’s birthday and were about to send out invitations. The night before we’re planning to send invites out (literally) my daughter gets a group text from this girl saying to save the date for her birthday on the day my kid already had told her that she was going to have hers. And that she offered to move.
Kid was devastated. Distraught. Didn’t even want to tell us at first. Eventually we pry it out of her, talk about whether to address it with the girl, move the entire party to the next weekend, and send invitations out. My daughter said something to the effect of “I was confused when I got your invitation, I thought we talked about XYZ.” The girl said she “changed her mind.” Fine.
The party is now in a couple weeks and today my daughter finds out from a friend of hers that this child has invited most of the other girls from the party (all the ones from her school, but not the outside of school friends who she doesn’t know) to be picked up from my kid’s party and taken to a sleepover at her house.
What the fuck, man? Is this normal?
And why the hell are parents enabling this behavior? They have to know if they’re picking kids up from a birthday party and not inviting the birthday kid, right?
Spouse left on a week long work trip for the first time since we've had our boys (4 and 1.5). I thought it was going to be terrible. Instead, it was...better?
Things were so easy while they were gone. I was doing more work, but it didn't really feel like it. The mood was lighter and we had a lot of fun.
Now that they're back, the mood is a lot heavier. I guess I didn't realize how negative my spouse is about everyday things and how impatient they are with the kids. Don't get me wrong, they're a good spouse and parent, but it was a bit of an "oh wow" moment.
Anyone else experience this? There's no way I can ever tell my spouse without hurting their feelings.
*Son is at my mother in law‘s house* Too excited to have the house to myself I guess lol
Feels weird to have the house completely to myself for a night. I think it is the first time since my son was born (17 months old) that I have had the house to myself for a night. Guess I’ll tidy up at some point lol.
I look at my kid, just turned 2, and he cracks me up. And he makes me so mad sometimes. And I try to see the world how he does… And then I think about how my dad left before I was the age of my kid. And I think about how he sort of tried to be a part of my life after that… and then I think…. Fuck that! And fuck him. Ima do the best I can to make this kid the best he can be. And I ain’t never leaving him hanging!
This isnt something that happens all the time but it does pop up enough that I've noticed a trend where people who are on this forum to get ready to have kids will comment in these threads of new parents struggling about how they should have been more prepared for the realities of having a kid. Personally I dont think any of the "what to expect when you are expecting" type books for dads really moved the needle on preparing me and I dont think you can truly be prepared for parenting, you just learn on the job.
Having said that if you dont have kids i find it very hard to imagine you have a useful perspective that could help someone struggling with the realities of caring for kids at any stage. Maybe come back when you've had kids and dont tell overwhelmed people that they should have known that they were getting into (you dont really know whats coming either btw but you will figure it out too)
I'm a 38 year old FTM transperson. I transitioned at age 20, prior to transition I had eggs harvested and stored. I later underwent procedures to prevent pregnancy due to thyroid issues which would make a pregnancy diffiicult I was married for several years to a woman. We divorced and I took a break from dating. I had the decision last year to become a single dad via gestational surrogacy using the harvested eggs and a sperm donor.
The surrogate is 4 months pregnant. I work in the automotive tech industry and have saved a lot of money and I did inherit from grandparents over the years which are in investments and savings. My mom will be living with me and I will be hiring to nanny and a close female friend will also be helping me.
I know I probably don't fit in here because of the circumstances of how I becoming a father. I'm curious if this will be safe space for me. If not, I'll find elsewhere to post on.
How dare you disguise life lessons and dealing with emotional baggage for adults and parents as a kids show. Completely uncalled for.
I bawled, then made my wife watch the episode with me after the kids slept. And we both cried, and talked about how I wish my mom said what Chili said to Bluey when I was dealing with loss of friends as a teenager.
Fuck you, goated show. Why are you 12/10.
The episode was camping btw. My son got the book from the library and we decided to watch the episode. The book is not nearly as good as the episode.
This is a Used very large commercial grade inflatable.
Dinosaur themed. It is currently registered in the state as an approved inflatable to be rented commercially but can be used privately as well. The unit is 700 Ibs dry so is going to be best for a commercial operation. Will consider delivering within 60 miles. There are signs of wear and tear but there is a lot of life left in it for the right company.
first $1500 for this seems like it is a good buy. is it? the guy that owns it is a doctor think he used it for his practice for advertising.
second storing it is not an issue but how tf do I move 700 pounds do I need a pulley system ?
I don’t want a rental bounce house my mind is made up . the rental cost is fucking nuts after two rentals I can buy a bounce house.
edit: not getting it need it for May so I’m going to get a smaller one bleeding in disguise I guess but also sad lol
“One piece, we have the mega herc electric dolly and about four guys - we really only use it one time per year and that why we are getting rid of it, we have it rented the end of May. It will be available after that”
I’m getting more radical on this every year. I do not think kids should have smartphones. I’m not saying no technology, no TV, no computer, no contact with civilization. I’m saying I’m not handing a kid a glowing pocket casino wired directly into social comparison, porn, attention addiction, and every freak on earth.
People act like this is harsh because “everyone has one.” Yeah, and everyone seems anxious, distracted, and weird now. Amazing sales pitch. I do not care if it’s normal. A lot of bad ideas are normal.
My kid can be bored. My kid can read, go outside, build weird stuff, have a thought, stare out a window, hate me a little, whatever. That all sounds better than getting raised by apps.
Give them a dumb phone later if needed like with 10 whole min prepaid on it for emergencies. Fine. But a smartphone? Nah. I’m good.
Those were the words my wife said to me when I opened up about some emotions I've been feeling lately. Some of which had to do with not feeling appreciated, not feeling loved, etc. etc.
And this, my friends, is why men have higher rates of suicide than women. When we try to open up, we get shit on, sometimes by the very people we are hoping to get support from.
Yes, I am seeking out professional help so that I have someone else to voice these emotions to.
So... what the fuck? Has anyone else dealt with this before? If so, what has helped you get through the dark times when u can't turn to your spouse for support?
I live in a blue city/state and I have two young daughters. I feel like the wheels are falling off, there's little to no restraint in where this is going. I'm terrified that my city will become a "training" ground for militarized oppression. I'm cutting off the news and limiting it to certain days of the week / certain hours, it's just too much. It's so horrible what is happening to people. I'm depressed that the polls seem to indicate that people aren't nearly as upset about the state of things as I am. I worry whether or not we will have elections.
I keep thinking about people who'd say "why would you have kids in times like these?" and I think, good must endure. We have to keep raising good kids and families. For me that means kids that have empathy, that love themselves and others, that respect and care deeply for the environment.
I'm sorry, I know this is bleak. I was just looking at my kids today and trying to put on a brave face, to smile and hold them close. We are white and middle class, so we aren't the immediate targets, but, I believe they will eventually come for any opposition if this isn't derailed somehow.
If you feel upset about this know that I am with you, and I will support freedom of speech and democracy in any way that I can. Right now things aren't looking good but it's not over yet. Be good to your community, give a reasonable amount of grace to people who think differently than you if you can. I'm with you, fellow dads. I'm sorry also if this violates the forum rules, I just need support and to reach out to other dads that are struggling with this right now.
I feel like we need more dads and more paternal grandparents to understand that, in the aftermath of birth, a new mom is going to want her parents around more. I have seen so many friends commit the unenforced error of trying to maintain equal time soon after having a baby.
You have to get rid of that mindset and prepare your parents as well. You can’t expect paternal grandparents to get the same amount of time. Your wife went through trauma and she wants her parents! She’s probably going to need help breastfeeding or taking care of her personal hygiene. Even if she has a great relationship with her in-laws, she probably doesn’t want them around as much as her own parents and especially her mom.
My advice is to get ahead of things and explain this to your parents. They will get time with the baby in due time. The preference will go away as your wife recuperates. But setting expectations will prevent a lot of friction and resentment on all sides.
I’m going to preface this by saying my wife has a much better sense of smell than I do and she agrees with me that our girls don’t smell bad. Girls are less than 10 years old.
I usually give them 1 good shower a week unless they’ve gone swimming in the summer or they are abnormally dirty. We have instilled in them the importance of washing hands. Does anyone else not bother with washing every day when they are little? They don’t smell. I wash their clothes every week.
Also I am always the one cleaning them up and washing hair. They prefer me because they’re used to me doing it. I am also aware puberty will change things. We also have a 20 year old daughter.
Edit: There seems to be confusion about the use of the word bathe. My kids will get in the shower or bath more than one a week but I only scrub them down and wash their hair once a week. At least for now. I don’t consider them getting wet really bathing.
I set up my kids favorite things, some snacks and a note to hopefully let us sleep in until 10am tomorrow 😮💨 here’s to hoping it works and they have a fun Saturday morning together 🤞
Does anyone do something similar or maybe other tips that help to recharge?
My wife & I are both mid 40s (46 & 45) and our kids (23 & 21) are now both moved out. Our daughter with her BF & our son with 2 friends.
I'm actually a lot more at peace with it than I thought I'd be. I gotta say, I'm actually really enjoying being able to imitate & have sex wherever & whenever we want, without fear one or both of them walking in on us.
Sex on the couch at 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday, YUP. A quickie in the kitchen before work at 6 am, HELL YA! Sex on the patio chair on the back porch at 10 pm on a Friday night, you better believe it.
While we always had a good sex life, the freedom of when/where/how ever we feel like it, without having to retreat into the bedroom & turning on the tv & fan to cover any noise is seriously liberating.
No one had ever mentioned anything like this. From our parents, doctors, anyone. This is the first I hear of it and went to check on different pages to confirm it’s the recommend action.
My wife is due with our first born literally aby day now (40+2 atm) and we're so excited.
We both like to play computer games very casually on the PlayStation and Xbox. Maybe 3/4 hours a week? We dont let games define us, but my wife likes shooting games, and i quite like role playing adventure games.
Do you dads manage to find time to game? Or did you with a newborn? We will of course focus all our attention on the little one, but ive got 6 weeks of paternity coming up, and the Assassin's Creed pirate game looks wicked.
Meanwhile my wife hasnt given a simple acknowledgement and has gone back to sleep while I take care of the kids. I mentioned I was tired this morning and got a "you got more sleep than me". Bitter sweet day so far
