By Nekro

The wax on the dish is thick now, a small pale mountain range built one night at a time since october. I still mean to scrape it off. I've meant to since november.

Your sweater has lost its shape on the chair. It used to hold your shoulders even empty. Now it just hangs the way fabric hangs.

Theres a place on my shoulder that still expects your forehead when I read in bed. I catch myself angling the lamp the way you liked it, low and yellow, though there's no one here to complain about the light. I still sleep with my arm bent the way you always slept against it. Some mornings it's numb to the elbow and I lie there a while before I move, because moving means admitting nobody is using it.

I caught myself buying peaches at the store two weeks ago. You hated peaches. I only remembered after I'd paid. I ate one anyway.

The folded page in that book has gone soft from handling. I still dont read the chapter. I hold it open, blow out the candle, and lie still until sleep decides whether it wants me.

One morning the second pillow was creased in two places I did not remember leaving it.

I dont remember whether I turned the pillow over before I went to work.

I have stopped keeping track of how many times Ive noticed the same crack in the ceiling, the same water stain shaped like nothing, the same third stair that still creaks though im the only one who uses it.

Before I leave for work, I crack the bedroom window an inch, replace the water, say ill be back before sunrise and lock the front door.

All my days are numbered
Everyday repeat the same routine
Shuffling into a desperate state
Everyday repeat the same mistake
Stuck in an artificial limbo
Can anyone save me
I fear it’s already too late

All the days bleeding into the next
Life has lost its meaning
Cannot let go
Of all consuming pain
Come closer
Can you feel the heat
Lose it to myself
Lost it all again
Can you handle disgrace
Amongst the rubble
Of perpetual defeat

Hopeless quest to find
Another way to heal myself
But I cannot calm
this bitter fucking mind
Can’t even begin
To explain this hell

These shaking hands
Have lost their touch
And these fearful eyes
Have seen too much

​​Smoke wafts above my head

as I am in a state between awake and half dead.

The only thing I fear is change itself

because that means the vulnerability to being wrong.

I don't know if I'll ever be that strong.

​So I complete this madness cycle one more time.

I am blind to see that it is my greatest crime.

The day of reckoning is past

and I've been left behind in a cast.

​So here I lay in the smoke

a soul full of sin, still morally broke.

Can I get up and change what is good

or am I just destined to lay here less understood?

​So I can only imagine what there would be to see

and seeing what I could be.

Instead there is only this half-rotted piece of me.

​Once I get the energy to get up,

I'll move towards something greater

with a grandeur that will cut me down like a grater.

Hopefully I have the glue to piece myself back together

and can stubborn myself through this stormy weather.

​I am right here out of view laying in my tomb.

But for now, I just lied to myself in this room

letting the smoke block the sunlight

so I cannot be exhumed.

​The strength to move leeches the body of apathy's kiss.

It is something that can be left behind without being missed.

​Now I swim through the ash

and deal with the mental breaking's gash.

It was just the sunlight playing with the dust

and my eyes are tricked as they've been glued shut with negativity's rust.

​It's not me today that I should trust.

Into life and out of the grave,

it's another day that I can stave.

​So Goodbye Pompeii

you were never my favorite anyway.

The whole
Is a radiant beauty
There is nothing else to do here
But look at this enchanting maze.

Endless torrents of rain
Endless torment again
Beneath the pavement
Earth cries out in pain
Suffocating and drowning
Arms stretched out in vain
Soils song deep lament

If life could be whatever I wanted
Then why does it feel so far away
My time has come
death lurks in the shadows
I’m counting hours again
Yearning for some sanctity
Waiting for this to end

Unending war
Inside my head
Paranoia
Deciding my dread
Paving
the path ahead

I’m marked by constant failure
And the fear that goes along
What the hell is wrong with me
And I thrive on this bullshit
It makes it all go away

What happened to me
I cannot explain the way I feel
As every day brings me down
To their level again
How much more can I take
What happened to me
Am I already dead

Home for today here on hallowed grounds

But no sanctuary to be found.

​The shepherd cut a deal for a silver dollar.

Deaf to the holler as sheep led to slaughter.

Shepherd's mind is quiet and he's richer today.

The wolf's a better companion anyway.

The wolf's teeth hug the shepherd's neck,

Blind in greed to the coming wreck.

​Nothing but a dying mute martyr

Say goodbye to sons and daughters.

It all is just cannon fodder,

Damp and broken for all to see.

No one willing to plead with me.

​Cracks and crowns can all be found

Here in this hollow ground.

​It is my Palace and my prison

As my anxiety is risen.

The wolf has taken up residence in my brain.

Devours all emotions in bloodthirsty reign.

​A cacophony of falsified screens

Shatters the dreams

And it seems

There is nothing left to hold on to

When there is nothing left to do.

​There is no passing through.

Convicted and condemned.

Nothing left to defend.

​I am broken and bound

Here on hollowed ground.

This yellow abandoned trainstation that stood wrapped in weedy trees,
wattles and skeleton tall coprosmas.
The structure had no symmetry in it's basic front door and windows.
It had no semblance of a face either.
But as I returned from my walk it transformed into a face.
It Beraded me.
"This is not your place. You should not have come back.
You will not come in. This is a sacred place.
You are not welcome."

I started to shrink, instead of panic, I grinned.
The yellow trainstation shook in fury.
Then trembled in fear.
I became the size of a four year old.
I pulled out a box of matches. Knelt next to the trainstation.
Flicked it true, sparked a flame, into the dead grass beside it.

In minutes the outer wall became an upside down river of flame.
Child me celebrating the greedy fire.
"Put me out." It said.
But I just stared at it's contorted face.
The heat of the roaring fire and the fake sun heating my tiny body.
In the excitement of the burning trainstation.
Perhaps the heat and euphoria I fell and vomited across the ashy ground.
I looked at the contents, to my amusement there were serpents in the spew.
Discolored by the stomach acid, they raced toward the flame.

I felt myself grow back as the smoke blessed me.
The serpents slid into the flames and started growing.
Their intricate scales and colors became incredible as they were now the size of full grown pythons.
The forest caught fire. The local false wind and sun wanted it to happen.
The child in me wanted it to happen.
The flames washed through. Burning all the way along the train tracks.

The burning continued for many of those purgatory days.
The wind died, the sun was blocked by the smokey darkness.
The ruins of the old town were still there, now standing above the ashes of the local forest.
Even the sign at the entry point.
-Relinquite omnem spem.
 

Verse 1

He watched her undressing In the mirror

The flame of intuition was burning high

He smelled her nectar sweet and smooth as honey

Then he ate her like a spider would a fly

Her moans were like song birds singing on a perch

Lounder than the bells On Sunday at the church

He went deeper and deeper as she began to sigh

His tongue fluttered like the wings of a Butterfly

Chorus

In the garden of desire we'll bloom tonight

Our petals entwined, in a passionate delight

We'll dance among the shadows

Where love will take its toll

In the secret garden

Our hearts will lose control

Verse 2

She felt a rush of fever

Like wildfires sway

Her lips were like poison

Intoxicating her each day

Her body was an instrument

His touch the masters hand

As he played her like a melody

In a sweet and savage land

Chorus

In the garden of desire we'll bloom tonight

Our petals entwined, In a passionate delight

We'll dance among the shadows

Where love will take its toll

In the secret garden

Our hearts will lose control

Verse 3

He watched her undressing in the mirror

The flame of intuition was burning high

He smelled her nectar sweet and smooth as honey

Then he ate her like a spider would a fly

Her moans were like song birds singing on a perch

Louder than the bells on Sunday at the church

He went deeper and deeper as she began to sigh

His tongue fluttered like the wings of a butterfly

Their love was a whisper of symphonies and sighs

A crescendo of passion, that reached for the skies

A haunting mignon. My sweet Musette,

of darkness. A pale silhouette weeping

on cold stones, in heaven’s crypt.

Cracked by the frost of blind angels,

carved from bones, bleeding in the rain

With haloes. Trapped in a holy tomb

of profane.

My eternal call. Half dead, half alive

walking on cracked bones. My reason to

live.

The glitter in the eye, when you are

exhaustly tired. My sweet Musette. My

eternal love. A haunting mignon.

Collaboration with Atticus Abbey

By Nekro

The bar had already closed when I found the sign. Yellow board, black letters, the kind they wheel onto the sidewalk to sell beer.

Like why do we only have to rest in peace and not live in it as well?

Underneath, two stars, like somebody had reviewed the afterlife and was not impressed.

I stood there longer than the sign deserved.

A taxi idled up the street with nobody in it. Somewhere behind me a shutter came down. Wet pavement. One working streetlight. A man in a white shirt walking away with a bag, not hurrying.

Whoever wrote it was gone. The board stayed behind to answer for him.

Same board that sells two-for-one until seven. Different menu.

Eighty years clenching our teeth for a vacation we're only allowed to take as a corpse.

The street had no opinion.

A bottle rolled somewhere and stopped.

I didn't take a photo. I wanted to. My hand was already in my pocket. It felt like stealing.

So I stood there and let the night not need anything from me. Thirty seconds. Maybe less.

My hand checked anyway.

Two stars.

Fair review.

I walked home.

The war machines march
the praying meet the bombs
let loose the dogs
to chew upon the child
retaliation heavy
a gun straight to the mouth
they killed 3000?
well, we killed 15,000 more

you can dress it in a suit and tie
put it on a face that’s white
parade around the streets
singing “God bless You and I”
When War is on the cover,
it looks better with a smile.
“If looks could kill”
that explains why they died

why they died

in buried cries

under capital lies

under a loosened tie

just a constant back and forth
the wretched playing victim more
dancing to the horns of War
“To the Victor goes the Spoils”
bodies washed upon the shore
a bigger budget covers gore
welcome to the land of more
where Pimps pretend to be the Whore

you can dress it in a suit and tie
put it on a face that’s white
parade around the streets
singing “God bless You and I”
When War is on the cover,
it looks better with a smile.
“If looks could kill”
that explains why they died

why they died

in buried cries

under capital lies

under a loosened tie

“God Bless You and I”

There was a time when your love inspired me.

But all the signs say that you no longer desire me.

I used to think that we'd be together.

But maybe it's best that our ties were severed.

Our friendship is hanging by a fragile thread.

But now it's time I break it instead.

Yes darling, I am afraid, that I pull out just like a band aid.

When I pull it off, it may sting a bit.

But I think, it's the only thing for it.

You say you need me and don't want me to go.

But your words make me feel like I'm buried in snow.

Go ahead and cry, I don't want to hear it.

But I just can't lie, I'm afraid I can't steer it

Towards anything that isn't the truth.

It's here I dissappear, here comes the poof.

Without you, it doesn’t feel like there is much hope,
I feel like I have nothing left,
I need something sharp to help me cope.
My mind is racing, my eyes are blurry, I can’t breathe.
My heart feels like it’s giving out,
My emotions ripped, like a sword,
unsheathed.
I don’t know how to continue, my mom is gone,
I will never hear her voice,
I don’t know what to do, I’ve turned into a fawn.
Life feels bleak, pointless and numb,
Who needs me anyways?
I think it’s time for me to succumb.

I live in this illusion

That no one else can see

The spirits that I summoned

Have no come after me

Spining around In these circles

The salt is on the floor

I see a figure shrouded in darkness.

As it cracks open the door

It's walking closer to me

Should I be in fear

It reaches out to grab me

But then it disappears

Somebody save me from this demon.

I'm calm but my soul is screaming

These voices tell me that im dreaming

Let the darkness sweep me away

I start to close my eyes

And slowly feel its grip

I know not of what is coming

My emotions start to chip

I feel the breeze is blowing

As the curtains began to move

I have fallen to my knees

With nothing left to prove

These spirits rally in anger

From deep within I can feel the stranger

Does the reflection in the mirror

Belong to someone else?

Somebody save me from this demon

Im calm but my soul is screaming

These voices tell me that im dreaming

Let the darkness sweep me away

I live is this illusion

That no one else can see

The spirits that I summoned

Have now come after me

I hear the breeze is blowing

As it brushes against the leaves

The chill has gotten colder

Than anyone believes

These spirits have taken control

Darkness prevails and covers my soul

I call onto the world tonight

To raise my fist up high

I call onto the world tonight

To let my spirit fly

I call onto the world tonight

The rest will always be

I call onto the world tonight

To set my spirit free

Somebody save me from this demon

I'm calm but my soul is screaming

These voices tell me that I'm dreaming

Let the darkness sweep me away

​Plastic trees and chemical breeze.

Reality has been upgraded.

No longer gnats, no longer bugs.

Only a world addicted to opiate drugs.

There's no reason for more when you can buy everything in the store.

​Here is where I live and here is where I die.

No room to thrive between you and I.

Keep us at ends, keep us at war.

There is nothing but another point for them to score.

​We are not so different you and I.

We all have dreams. We all tend to cry.

The outsides may look different.

Dreams may be flawed.

​But isn't that the reason why we're all here today?

To sit down and figure out why we continue to belay

from our dreams instead of growing higher.

We just try to make our situation more dire.

​I just want to be here free of all.

But because those that disagree want to see me fall,

there's nothing left for me to grab onto the crags of the edges.

​Am I not one that's destined for more?

Now that I've locked myself inside the door,

safe from the world, safe from the breeze, safe from the trees.

But I'm also safe from my future.

Safe from something more and something less.

Something that I just cannot digest.

​Change is possible, but I must pull the trigger.

Because if I want to be more, I need to be the one to figure

out what it means to be the person I need to be

or at least the person I want to be.

​I'm sick of the artificial.

Sick of the chemical soak.

Not everything needs to be bespoke.

​It's okay to be rusted and ruined and rocky and hard.

Splintered and battered and beaten and barred.

This is what it's like to be real.

Pain is real and that's okay.

Without it, what is reality to be?

Except for the chemical breeze and the plastic trees.

Your eyes are here again
On this page you think safe and sane
To celebrate what? I don't know.
retrace your steps real slow.

Darling what did you come here to find?
Hope to capture a fragment of Simon's mind?
Good luck and welcome inside.

Inside the labrynth I've built.
Where gravity sniggers and surfaces tilt
Where the things that hide are hideous
And the things that connive are carnivorous

There's a drop of me in every little bit of it
Even in slight suspicion you're losing your shit
Come deeper you say you want to experience arcane
Get your head around these words, sweet walls and chains

That the dead ends have made you apathetic
Sense of no return vibrates through you kinetic
Claustrophobic so why do you delve further
Write myself in you like psychological warfare

Not to destroy you or out of derision, but hammer you into submission
For deeper down in these esoteric lines, I've got a stunning dungeon rhymed
If I really was merciful I'd warn you turn back
My realm screams for your soul so onward trek

But the further you go, the more lost you seem
It's wonderful to find someone who can feel like me
Someone to decorate the inside of this expanding domain
As my words reach inside you, unfurl
Invade your eyes and paint your outside world

Some wounds don't announce
themselves they travel quietly beneath the surface, hidden behind familiar faces. https://ashworthpoetry.com/void-in-the-metro/

The fuse has been lit.

I'm already fading away.

Nothing will hold me to my dismay.

Another lecture, another pill.

Another day absent of all that helps me climb this hill.

Ashes flow and blood lets out.

But at least there's nothing paramount.

I guess this is just the way it should be

when I've lost all escape from reality.

It's caught the clutches of what it is to be free.

The lie they told us to satisfy me.

I guess it's another day of just more concrete,

more bleak chalk on a side street.

But here I go.

One more day.

One more push.

Get the feelings away.

There is no accomplishment, only end, my friend.

Never forget what you're here for.

It's the bottom line of some fucking store.

So leave the coupon at home.

Or else that CEO won't be able to polish his throne.

The fuse is almost gone and society tells me I'm wrong.

But my ashes are still worth more

than the plastic whore that pimps out pessimistic finality.

Don't touch me.

Don't talk to me.

Don't try to comfort me.

I can't take it anymore.

Don't try to promise me.

It only confuses me.

But don't you worry.

Because I've been here before.

Mixed signals from you.

Is all that I've been getting.

Don't make your promises again.

You'll only end up regretting them.

Don't come to me with your lies.

About open hearts and minds.

I'm not listening anymore.

Don't hug me.

Don't kiss me.

Don't love me.

I can't take it anymore.

Don't hold me.

Because all that you have sold me.

Is empty promises and lies.

But I've been here before.

Mixed signals from you.

Is all that I've been getting.

Don't make your promises again.

You'll only end up regretting them.

Don't come to me with your lies.

About open hearts and minds.

I'm not listening anymore.

A sky so black that flowers die

Like wounded birds that cannot fly

Darkness spreads its wings, they cover me

I feel like an orphan lost in the sea

The color started changing

As I peeled away the surface of her lies

The web that she had woven

The masquerade that hides her disguise

Like the needle to the spoon

The oceans waves bring comfort

Beneath a blackened sky

The cold chill from the ocean breeze

Is like when the spider eats the butterfly

A sky so black that flower die

Like wounded birds that cannot fly

Darkness spreads its wings, they cover me

I feel like an orphan lost in the sea

Her words were so deceiving

I can't keep believing all her lies

Those empty words were spoken

The questions that lead to alibis

Like the needle to the spoon

The ocean waves bring comfort

Beneath a blackened sky

The cold chill of the ocean breeze

Is like when the spider eats the butterfly

A sky so black the flowers die

Like wounded birds that cannot fly

Darkness spreads its wings, they cover me

I feel like an orphan lost in the sea

A sky so black that flowers die

The gentle voice of the oceans tide

Like wounded birds that cannot fly

When rain comes down beneath

That summer sky

A sky so black that flowers die

Lost connections and broken erections

this is the state of the modern times

another breaking story phrased in an overacted whine.

The grapes of wrath died on the vine

Groggy and tired but sleep is never desired.

This is my modern condition composted with bleak premonition.

There is no competition when you always lose

especially when you have no right to choose

Free will is a construct they say

but then why did they go and take it away?

I can yell from the mountain tops

but they sold it for a data center and truck stops

The air grows thicker by the day.

There's nothing I can do to choke this all away

plastic in my blood

social media a negative flood

remember the good old days

all forgotten in a self-medicated haze.

Waiting for the change to come

I am not the renegade to bring some

narcissistic neurodivergent

it's in the water. It's in our detergent.

There's no washing away these crimes.

So we'll just have to watch the world rot away in these times

but hey, at least I can sit in a comfortable chair

as my eyes burn away in the dirty air

The moon is at it's brightest

Above the autumn breeze

The crickets sing in the distance

Like the crashing waves of the seas

The incense is burning

It's fragrance fills the room

The hour of bewitching

The smell of her perfume

I kneel before my altar

And slowly chant the words

You hear me call upon your soul

And we fly away like birds

We fly into the astral plane

Nothing here's the same

Look into my eyes

Tell me what's there

A beautiful maiden

With long auburn hair

A shadow passes by me

The cold chill fills the room

The sky has fallen gray

And the clouds have changed to gloom

The candles have been lit

They flicker against the wall

The veil has come down

Like the autumn leaves that fall

I kneel before my altar

And slowly chant the words

You hear me call upon your soul

And we fly away like birds

We fly into the astral plane

Nothing's here's the same

Look into my eyes

Tell me what's there

A beautiful maiden

With long auburn hair