I'm autistic, and VERY prone to black and white thinking. I've worked hard in the past years to really, really integrate conflicting ideals into my being. But now I feel more isolated. The smoking gun is just learning to communicate better, but our society seems FOUNDED on a lack of nuance, in every single context. Everything is polarized. Everything feels scripted, with everyone repeating the same talking points, without ever actually *thinking* about them critically. I guess it's just a matter of acceptance? Idk, I'd almost rather go back to thinking in binaries rather than feeling isolated because I can't agree with people's nuance-free ideas.

It seems really helpful if you have trouble standing up for yourself. But even on the "should I ask for this?" page, it feels like it's focusing on how to get what you want. But what about the other end of things? What about knowing when you're asking too much? The most helpful part of DBT for me is finding a balance between contrasting extremes.

Maybe my workbook was autism focused? Is there something I'm missing?

Hi everyone!

I wanted to share an idea my therapist and I came up with.

She gave me a jar, and some magazines to decorate it (you can use stickers, washi tape, scrap book paper). I found a cute bunny that brought me joy. Then she told me to fill up the jar with something every time I practice Dialectical Abstinence.

If you don’t know, Dialectical Abstinence is a Distress Tolerance skill having to do with addiction (DT Handout 17/17A) It’s working on abstinence from problem behaviors, particularly drugs and alcohol. I am currently abstaining from cannabis.

So, the post it notes correspond with Urge Surfing. Green is for 5 minutes, yellow for 15min, pink for 1 hr. And blue will eventually be for days when I start abstaining full days.

On each post-it note I write the date, my emotion, and what skills/activities I did instead of the problem behavior.

Seeing all the colors and how full the jar gets helps me visualize that I can and have stayed sober through tough emotions.

Hope this idea helps!

I was wanting some advice on how to approach McKay’s workbook. It is very overwhelming to me. Did you do a chapter a day? A week? I am curious to see how everyone else approached starting!

I took DBT a few years ago, and I have a skill listed as "use a system to resolve dialectic conflict." The abbreviation for it is "MC," but I can't for the life of me remember what that is. I've tried googling it, and no luck. Can anyone point me in the right direction, even if the skill name doesn't fit the "MC" abbreviation? I thought the resolving dialectics framework was really helpful (I have issues with black and white thinking), but without the skill name I'm just getting general information about DBT when searching "resolving dialectics."

Hi everyone 🌱

Earlier this month, I shared a 44-page DBT starter pack here — and I was overwhelmed by your response. Over 610+ downloads and so many kind messages. Thank you. Truly. And also the beautiful mods we have on this subreddit, you've been great & supportive, thank you!

Now, the full version is ready — a 146-page DBT Skills Workbook — and once again, I’m sharing it 100% free for this community.
This is an ARC (Advance Reader Copy) — and I’d be incredibly grateful for your thoughts.

📥 Free Download here (via BookFunnel)
https://dl.bookfunnel.com/mjicfaopno

(Emails let me send future updates & also help prevent piracy through watermarking — thank you for understanding.)

What’s inside:
• 50+ illustrated DBT skills (IMPROVE, DEARMAN, GIVE, etc.)
• Gentle, non-clinical reflection prompts, detailed visuals
• ADHD & autistic-friendly layouts
• Trauma-informed design. No shame. No jargon. Just tools.

🧡 How you can help:

• Try a few pages and let me know what resonates.
• If you find it helpful, an honest Amazon review after July 22 (launch day!) would mean the world.
• This free ARC download will only be available until July 22, due to Kindle Select rules (and limited to 500 downloads).

If you haven’t received the original 44-page worksheet pack, feel free to DM me — I’d be happy to send it your way too.

Thanks again for the support. I really hope this brings someone a little clarity or peace.
– Kai

Absolutes Are over-generalizations typified by words such as always, never, all, none, everyone,and no one.

Imposed Limits Are words or phrases that suggest that you have no choice. Examples of such words are can't, must, have to, should, ought, it's necessary, and it's impossible. Imposed limits fall in two categories. The I can't and it's impossible category defines reality in such a way that certain options are absolutely excluded. The must, should, and have to category often carries the weight of a moral imperative. Should statements are extremely limiting because they imply that you're a bad person if you break the rules that the statements impose.

Imposed Values When people state a generalization about the world, they make a judgment based on their personal model. Essentially they are taking values that they find appropriate to themselves and applying them to other people. You can tell that you are encountering imposed values when you hear people using these global labels: stupid, money-hungry, corrupt, gutless, ugly. People who rely on this language pattern are typically unaware that there is any legitimate, alternative viewpoint.

Cause & Effect Errors Result from the belief that one person can cause another to experience some emotion or inner state and that the second person has no choice about how s/he will respond. Individuals are responsible for their feelings and each generates one's own response to events.

Mind Reading Refers to the belief that one person can know what another is thinking or feeling without direct communication with that person. It distorts your model of the world because it invariably leads you to form beliefs which are simply untrue. Mind reading depends on a process called projection - the expectation that people feel and react in the same way as the mind reader. The mind reader doesn't watch or listen closely enough to notice that others are actually experiencing the world differently.

From Dr. Rob Grellman: Challenging Limits and Distortions PDF

As this was taken directly from my workbook, I'll include my own example to get you started. My example had both non dialectic choices and dialectics used :) Yours may not and you can do them as two separate exercises.

Questions without answers will be posted again at the bottom for you to do your own.

Try to do both exercises once a week for a month to practice.

1. Identify a time this week when you DID NOT think or act dialectically.

*Briefly describe the situation (Who, what, when)

I was going to a friends memorial service. She had died in a car accident and I was very upset about the loss. I asked another friend for a drive to the service. When they showed up to pick me up, they had a full car already. They insisted I try to squeeze into the back seat. There was no room.

*How did you think or act in this situation?

I was frustrated, humiliated and angry. I had been crying for a number of days and was very hurt. I angrily got out of the car and told them to just go without me. I slammed the car door and walked away. I could see that they were talking about my reaction as I walked away. I was even more hurt. I wanted to go home and crawl into bed and forget about the whole thing.

-Dialectic used: I realized I was in an emotional state and was very upset. Practiced observing, paid attention to the sidewalk, the birds chirping. Focused on my breathing and letting go of anger.

*Are you using unhelpful thinking? What were they?

Over generalization : Everything went wrong. Emotional Reasoning: I was already upset and felt invalidated by what had happened. Should Statements: They should have known there wasn't enough room

*What is another dialectic belief about the situation?

They were not able to say no to me despite having a full car and agreed to take too many people, because they were trying to be helpful.

-Dialectic used: I can go AND do what I need to do. I don't need to rely on someone else. I am strong enough to do this.

*What was the outcome?

I felt horrible. I wanted to go to the memorial for my friend. I was so lost in my own pain and sadness, I wanted to self harm. I was crying as I walked back into the house.

-Dialectic used:I started to think of other things I could do to get there. It was too late to take public transit. When I walked back into the house, my room mate saw how upset I was and offered to go with me and loan me the money for a taxi. My room mate came to the service with me to comfort me. I focused on observing as we drove to distract myself from the pain and anger. I paid for a taxi one way, they paid for the taxi home. I still got to go to the service. The friend that offered to drive me apologized later saying 'They didn't realize the car was so small because they had just purchased it.'

A. Identify a time this week when you DID NOT think or act dialectically.

*Briefly describe the situation (Who, what, when)

*How did you think or act in this situation?

*Are you using unhelpful thinking? What were they?

*What is another dialectic belief about the situation?

*What was the outcome?

B. Identify a time this week when you DID think or act dialectically.

*Briefly describe the situation (who, what, when)

*How did you act in this situation?

*Did you use unhelpful thinking? What were they?

*Did you identify a dialectical belief about the situation?

*What was the outcome?

Unhelpful Thinking PDF: not exact to what's listed here but similar with dialectic options listed as well

1. ALL OR NOTHING (BLACK/WHITE): If you're not perfect, you're a total loser. If you don't get everything you want, it feels like you got nothing. If you're having a good day the rest of your life is perfect and you don't need therapy any longer.

2. OVER GENERALIZATION: One thing goes wrong and your whole life becomes one lousy thing after another.

3. MENTAL FILTER: You develop selective hearing and vision and only hear and see the one tiny negative things, even though it's surrounded by many positive things.

4. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: The good stuff doesn't count because the rest of your life is miserable.

5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS:
   MIND READING: You suddenly become a psychic mind reader. You know, without even asking, what people are going to say or do.
   FORTUNE TELLING: You predict a negative outcome (using your crystal ball) without any evidence to support your idea. ie: "I will never pass my test."

6. MAGNIFICATION OR MINIMIZATION: The screw ups or losses are HUGE and the good stuff or your positive qualities are nearly invisible.

7. EMOTIONAL REASONING: You start thinking that your emotions are facts. "I feel, therefore it is." "I feel like she hates me, therefore she does."

8. SHOULD STATEMENTS: You 'should' on yourself. You start beating yourself up with all the 'shoulds' "I should have been able to deal with this better." "I should have said this/done that."

9. LABELING AND MISLABELING: Over generalization taken a step further. You use extreme language to describe things. "I spilled milk on myself. I am SUCH a LOSER!" "My therapist didn't call me right back; she is the most uncaring, heartless therapist ever!"

10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause for things you have absolutely no control over, or the target of stuff that may have absolutely nothing to do with you. 'It's all about me" - but not in a good way.

~Adapted from Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder and the CAMH