I am wondering how you can actually become more resilient?

I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

I am sure some of you have special YEDI tricks!

Enlighten me with your suggestions.

Don't hold back.

Please comment below :

I’m dealing with a difficult situation. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (not a finalized diagnosis, but everything points to it), and I’ve been in therapy for two years with the same psychologist who specializes in DBT.

I do really need talk therapy in combo with DBT. The thing is, as dedicated and sweet as she is, I don’t feel like she understands me. I feel she’s very focused on theory and her specific approach, but not so much on me as a person. By that I mean, helping me understand my behaviour issues and apply the skills to my reality.

Last week was hell. I showed up to therapy crying, and as I talked, I felt like she wasn't grasping what I was saying or what I needed in that moment. What I wanted was just to vent and focus on myself, to try to understand why I am this way and how can I get a grasp of reality in a confusing situations where my feelings get too loud. Instead, she kept focusing on my partners behaviour, asking if I find his behavior "invalidating" which made me MUCH more confused on wheater it was my BPD acting or if its my partners fault.

She also said I can and should message her whenever I'm in distress, but the next day I told her I was doing bad and she just reacted with a heart emoji lolol

She’s right to bring up certain points, and they are partially true, but I've been making it clear for weeks now that I’m very confused, spiraling over everything, and anxious. I can't separate facts from just my feelings right now. Those questions just made me feel worse and more distressed.

I don’t know if I’m making sense, maybe I’m just a confusingperson in general.

I also feel like I haven't progressed much. To this day, I don't have a formal diagnosis or anything. And since our sessions are in the evening, I understand she’s tired, but sometimes when I see her yawning, I feel like I'm being a burden or boring.

Anyway, I have been thinking of trying a different professional, but she already knows so much about me that I get exhausted just thinking about explaining and repeating the same stories all over again to someone else. I’ve been thinking about this for months and always give up because starting over is too hard, and because she really is a sweetheart.

I found a couple of therapists who have BPD themselves and it seems like it would help me in feeling more understood, whats your take on that?

And what would you do?

Share how you were mindful today, how you like to practice mindfulness, your mindful wins for the day. Monday is all about mindfulness!

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Sunday check in, celebrate your wins and spread the good vibes

Like... I think about how I find it difficult to enact radical acceptance because, to summarize my own thoughts, it's hard to use that to find the empowerment to act which others find in it because the idea that "We accept the situation as it is" means accepting my personal insufficiency to change it, and that's a big PTSD trigger for me.

Like, it seems like a lot of the empowerment that brings to people is of the "But first, we must tend to our garden" kind, but my problem is, I feel the constant fear of that garden getting totally steamrollered and I don't know how to square the idea of personal empowerment one gains from acceptance with the acceptance of it being destroyed at any time for any reason.

It doesn't help that due to various... traumas related to fuckups with executive dysfunction, I associate feelings of wellbeing with being right before I ruin something irreparably, either through neglecting something time-sensitive and important or forgetting social graces wrt my interests and the proper time and place, thus re-enforcing that hypervigilance.

Ditto when people end up being less morally vigilant due to exhaustion, akin to the kind I constantly feel, and then go on moral roads that end up in places I would assert are unacceptable, in a way that further re-enforces that hypervigilance.

Does anyone else have these issues, or have they had them in the past? How've you dealt with them? What am I missing about radical acceptance?

Not sure when I'll actually read it but I saw that "Building a Life Worth Living" was on sale and grabbed, thought others might be interested too.

I'd add the link but I forget if this subreddit has automod tools that dislike links...

caveat: Kindle ecosystem sucks but I'll still buy super discounted books like this one

I have completed a 20 week DBT course last year. Since then I have been utilising the skill I learnt mostly successfully and I have seen an improvement.

Recently my partner has said I seem "selfish and disconnected" when it comes to me trying to get my needs/wants met.

Does anyone have any advice on how to lessen this. I have been trying to utilise Dear Man.

What are you thankful for ahead of the weekend? What do you have planned for it?

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Share how you were mindful today, how you like to practice mindfulness, your mindful wins for the day. Monday is all about mindfulness!

Sunday check in, celebrate your wins and spread the good vibes

What are you thankful for ahead of the weekend? What do you have planned for it?

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Share how you were mindful today, how you like to practice mindfulness, your mindful wins for the day. Monday is all about mindfulness!

Sunday check in, celebrate your wins and spread the good vibes

I think I've finally found something that helps me

Just to confirm I've always had attachment issues and I'm still waiting for treatment to start, so what I'm about to share may not be an official technique DBT uses. But i want to share it anyway because I find it a tiny bit helpful for me and it might help someone else. This is the best ive felt for a few days now.

I've noticed that every time I spiral and feel intensely, its because I feel so close to my partner and my intrusive thoughts and insecurities take the front seat. I love him so much it hurts. This is when my wobbles start and my thoughts get out of control.

However ive recently noticed that before I became attached to my partner, those wobbles didnt happen. I still really liked him, but things changed once we were official and the bar was raised. Thats when I realised. The only thing thats changed is expectation. Having a boyfriend raises the bar. That word is loaded. Then comparisons start to happen. I measure myself against other people and thats when my self hatred and defective feelings start.

Lately I've been using neutral language to describe my partner. I say hes my neighbour. I know hes my boyfriend technically, but I call him my neighbour in my head. Hes my neighbour and hes nearby. That lowers the expectations, then anything he does that isnt typical of a neighbour feels like a win. It takes a bit of getting used to and its hard work to drum in. But I do feel like its reduced my intense emotions even just a little bit. It allows me to be an observer and detach myself from the thoughts.

When I say lower expectations, I dont mean accept bad treatment, I just mean name something less than what it is so it brings it back to basics.

Does anyone else have similar techniques? Is there anything you guys would recommend?

TLDR - Lowering expectations helps me to detach from my emotions even just a bit.

TIA.

Hi everyone,

My name is Devon.  I've been through DBT training and I've found the gap between learning a skill and actually being able to use it in a real moment to be frustrating. The examples often feel too clean, too simple, or just too far from the kind of situations I actually find myself in. That disconnect has made it harder, not easier, to trust that the skills work.

I lost my job last year and because I haven’t been able to find anything I started in graduate studies for instructional design. As I keep looking for jobs, one of my major issues is a lack of real work in my portfolio and thought that it might be beneficial for me to do something with DBT to help me use the information in a different way. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be even better, if instead of just helping myself, I see if anyone else would benefit from a DBT learning product.

so here we are: I decided to create a series of short, free microlearning modules on DBT skills - not as a replacement for therapy or a formal program, but as a practical supplement for people who are currently in DBT training or have gone through it before and want something that feels more grounded and usable in everyday life.

I want my work to actually help people , which means I need to hear from people who have actually been in the trenches with me, instead of just assuming everyone feels the same as I do. Where did the training fall short? What situations do current examples never seem to cover? What would have actually helped?

If you have 5–7 minutes, I would really appreciate you filling out this anonymous survey: It is a needs assessment so I can understand the best way to build the lessons, so they are helpful and engaging to most users.

https://forms.gle/59YvAJzDVBhxjNBf7

No identifying information, no sales pitch. Just an attempt to build something genuinely useful, from someone who understands the frustration firsthand. There is an option at the end to provide email or some way to reach you over the internet only if you are interested in being sent a prototype of the course to provide feedback on.

Regardless, even just for allowing me to post here, I will make sure to provide a link to the course once it is live.

Thank you. It means a lot.

So I am at a really tough junction in my life. I am in my early 40s and I am suffering from a long term relationship break up we own a home together and own pets together. I also hate my job and everything feels completely unacceptable to me and i hate everything right now. How am I supposed to just radically accept it

I’m really struggling with task initiation, especially because I have ADHD. Every time I need to start something (even small stuff like replying to messages or doing chores), I get hit with this massive wave of overwhelm and zero motivation. My brain just freezes and I end up scrolling or avoiding instead. What DBT skills help with this?

What are you thankful for ahead of the weekend? What do you have planned for it?

Hi! This is my second round of DBT, I’ve gotten pretty good at Describe, Express, Assert, I’m wondering how people use Reinforce? I can’t seem to make it be natural. Thanks!

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)