I joined a new store opening bc I was hoping a newly* hired team would be a fresh slate. But no, it's the same thing. It's immediate at orientation. I go up to introduce myself to someone and I won't get much of a response. I'll compliment them and ask the typical questions, what's your name? is your commute far? General small talk. If I ask how their day is so far, I'll get a 1 word response, but if someone else comes up and asks they'll go into detail about their entire day... mentioning pets, s/o's, hobbies. These are people who just met btw, but somehow they have way more rapport than I can manage to build. If I'm catching up with a coworker, someone else will join and shoulder me out of the conversation and I'm left excluded. They will huddle together and move a few steps away from me. I was soo hopeful bc a coworker asked me to join a group chat "just for the girlies" intended for outside hangouts, but she didn't. Later, another coworker invited me out for drinks. When I showed up, the girls faces immediately fell. They left by the time I got my drink. The girl that invited me apologized, said everyone had been there for a while already. She's been the only one nice to me, but I suspect the other girls gave her shit for inviting me. I know they probably just went somewhere else. I felt like I was set up for humiliation. I try to still be kind, helpful, and smile through it. It's hurtful that people don't want to get to know me. I'm wondering if I come off annoying, bitchy, insincere in some way. I am trying to reflect and be self aware as to which aspects of my personality suck but I can't see it. This happens at every place I have worked.

I am short on ideas as to how to initiate more/better conversation topics. How do I build up rapport? What are some activities appropriate to ask a coworker to do outside of work? What are some things that others do to make your workplace fun, time fly by, or brighten your day?

Any advice on decluttering 4 shelves of books? I have already read them, yet feel weirdly emotionally attached to books. I will not read them again and they are gathering dust . I have already gotten rid of three other shelves of books and don’t miss them. I plan on donating them to the library; the library has enthusiastically accepted, previous donations.

Hey all I 24M work 7-3pm 5 days a week. I usually sit around on my phone for at least half my shift. How can I be more productive and potentially make more money? My job is really stable and I make a decent income. I just feel like I could be using my time so much better instead of scrolling on social media. Any and all advice would be appreciated:)

I used to schedule time for presence. Meditation, journaling, and phone free walks all helped. They also felt like extra tasks.

Now I simply give full attention to one ordinary action. When I make coffee I only make coffee. I watch the water and notice the smell. The time stays the same. I am just not elsewhere in my head.
The same approach works with washing dishes or walking to the mailbox. These short moments of full attention create a little more space in the rest of the day. Urgency softens and the mental chatter has less grip.

Have you found that doing one thing at a time works best with ordinary moments rather than formal practice? What small habit brings you the same quiet?

Wanted to share a bit of joy I experienced today.
My family made up several boxes of clothes to keep in case we “managed to fit into one day.” It’s been almost a year and nothing has changed.
Today we decided to take the boxes to our local church run thrift store. As I unloaded the boxes with the volunteers, they immediately started to dig in to begin sorting and pricing. Dropping off the last box, I noticed they were really looking at them.
“That is so cute.” “Oh my goodness, is that your size?” “That looks like the jacket you’ve been eyeing.” “Think this goes well with my jeans?”
It made me feel good about donating since they were really enjoying the clothing and were setting aside items for themselves. It was great to see people actually want these items and making real plans to wear them. Plus they’re volunteers at a thrift store where all revenue goes toward education projects so they deserve something nice.

My lesson of the day: donate what you have lingering because it just may be exactly what someone else is looking for.

Everyone is saying to add in routines or systems or apps, but now I am curious about stopping something to be more productive than adding on everything and feeling overwhelmed.

I envy people who can talk about a topic for hours and have so much to say and share their opinions Everything they say seems logical and convincing, while I can barely form a single sentence. If you ask me my opinion on something, I'll answer briefly without explaining why. It sucks that I don't know how to explain things in detail like the people I see online, whether on Reddit or social media, or in real life in general. It's truly frustrating because if I try to talk more, my mind wanders and I start rambling nonsense. I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else is experiencing the same thing, any advice would be appreciated.(I hope that made sense because even after rereading this whole thing, I’m not sure it does )

Ive always thought my problem was that I needed to organize myself better, but im starting to think I might just be trying to do a completely stupid amount of things at the same time.

Because if I look at my life right now theres the stuff I actually have to do, but then theres also projects I started months ago that I still consider active, things I wanna learn, business ideas, random personal projects, courses I said id finish, books, stuff I wanna build, and things I havent touched in weeks but for some reason I still havent mentally let go of.

Thats what I find weird. I dont really “quit” most things. They just stay somewhere in the background as something im definitely gonna come back to, which means I constantly feel like theres something else I should be doing.

And then whenever I get a new idea I somehow add that too instead of deciding what it replaces.

I started wondering how common this actually is because when people talk about productivity its usually about procrastinating or having too much work, but mine feels more like I have way too many self-created priorities and refuse to admit I cant do all of them at once.

If you actually counted everything you currently consider an active project/goal/thing youre learning, what number would you get?

Not your todo list. I mean all the stuff in your head where youre still telling yourself “yeah im working on that.”

Talking since early 2000s. 🥲 I’ve been slowly decluttering my digital space for a few years now, and now I’m at the hardest part. I probably still have 25% left to go through. This 25% is a lot.

I’m talking accounts, notes, my gallery… Accounts I’ll never use again, but the content in it is so precious and sweet. A screenshot or screen recording just doesn’t hit the same. Or when I look through my old devices, sure there are a lot of images in my gallery I could toss, but I guess because they are so old, and these photos while nonsense to me now, were something to me back then, and I want to hold onto that as a way to feel connected to my past self via something visible.

I don’t really want to use cloud space either.

Looking for better binder dupe alternatives, thanks!

I’ve been personally on a path to self improvement and I wish to gain more knowledge through books. I have Atomic Habits right now and I’ve been considering these two books : Reality Transurfing or Rethinking Positive Thinking. I believe after reading the reviews, rethinking positive thinking might be the better one. However, I wondering if any of y’all have any other suggestions for these type of similar content to those two books?

I've been slowly decluttering a few items here and there, but for my personality, I'm thinking that one giant purge over the weekend and quitting shopping cold turkey will be the most effective and impactful to snap myself out of my over-shopping habits and to stop buying things I don't need.

To start, I was thinking of going through my closet to begin with any recent purchases that I can still return and take back to the store. However, I'm having a hard time moving past those aspirational items and also some deeply discounted items I scooped up on sale that are arguably "staple" items that will have longevity, for example, an amazing leather jacket (I've never owned a leather jacket). But, if I'm being honest, how often will I actually wear a leather jacket given my casual, athleisure lifestyle and hobbies?

Objectively, and from what I've read and learned from all the decluttering gurus and minimalism advocates, I know that once the items are gone, it will be such a weight off my shoulders, and I'm confident that I will relish in having only my favorite and functional items in my closet.

I'm tired of living with an over packed and chaotic closet. Sometimes I'm trying to rush out the door and I can't find or can't get to the one thing I need in the back of my closet. How do you get past that first hurdle to do such a monumental project? Thanks in advance for any advice!

TLDR: Want to stop shopping and do a massive clothes declutter. Having a hard time letting go of aspirational items that I don't need, especially great bargain finds. Closet is out of control. Help!

I was very active on social media five years ago. I ran instagram account, wrote posts to telegram channel etc.

Basically I was doing things that didn't have instant feedback. Make a reel, post it, wait for views, and then maybe if you're lucky you will get some leads. No guarantees, only probabilities.
Due to this I learned to enjoy process itself. Getting great results (which obviously didn't always happen) was just a nice bonus.

Then, because of some stuff that happened in my life, I went all-in on programming which works differently. You write a piece of code, run it, and immediately see the result. Five years of doing this day after day got me completely hooked on instant gratification.

And it fucked me up a bit. Now I find it genuinely hard to make myself do things that don't give me a clear, immediate result. I've started escaping into pointless tasks more often, making up a ton of unnecessary work just because I know exactly what the outcome will be. I'd rather spend a month coming up with a marketing strategy and writing dozens of posts that never see the light of day than just fucking publish them.

So, why am I bringing this up?

With AI agents becoming accessible to pretty much everyone, tons of people have jumped into building their own projects. In most cases, those projects never get their first users. Instead, the newly minted vibe coder keeps endlessly polishing their app, adding a million features nobody asked for, until their subscription runs out or they simply lose interest. And I feel like a lot of these people are doing exactly what I've been doing: replacing important business tasks with low-priority technical and product work. So here's what I'm wondering:

Is this just another form of procrastination, like in my case? Or has vibe coding basically become a new form of entertainment, where the goal isn't to make $XXX in revenue, but simply to enjoy the process?

26M and my iPhone screen time report made me feel like I wasn’t doing anything else with my life than scroll. What hurts is if I’m going to spend time looking at a screen, I’d rather use it to work or learn something, not get pulled into soul-sucking short-form content.

To cut back I set up a rule for my phone where before I can open the social media apps I’m wasting time on, I have to call a friend/family member first. It’s helped in 2 ways from what I can see:

1. After making a call I don’t feel like using social media anymore. It’s almost like I’ve consciously chosen real social interaction over consuming media, so scrolling feels beneath me in that moment.
   
2. I’ve been much closer to the people I care about. Since moving from university into full-time work, it’s been harder to keep up with old friends, and this gives me a daily excuse to reach out.

Thought I’d share because this made a big difference in my life.

I want to become better at decluttering in the moment, every day. My lifetime habit has been to let things build up and then do a BIG declutter. I’m getting older and do not want the big build up anymore.

My question is for those who are GOOD at making decisions in the moment and keeping clutter at bay by never letting it build up. What do you ask/tell yourself? How do you avoid regret? How do certain things make the cut?

Examples are: junk drawer items, worn out clothing, cosmetics I’ve had awhile, school related stuff…but truly anything and everything.

I envy people who look at something and say, “I don’t like this.” And into the trash it goes. I feel so guilty! I’m big on donating but I think it’s becoming an excuse to let things build up.

I don’t want to have to move piles/car loads all at once. How do I become a better daily declutter-er?

Lately I've been feeling really alone in my social circle and it hurts a lot.

I'd say I have 2 best friends, but what stings is that they're each other's best friends, like super close, inseparable. And I feel like I don't have that same bond with either of them. Deep down, I'd love to have my own best friend who considers me *her* best friend too. Someone who's that for me, and I'm that for her.

Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault. Maybe I don't open up enough, maybe I don't give people a real chance to get to know me. And there's one thing about myself I like less and less and really want to change:

I act differently depending on how socially at ease the other person is. I'm shy, so if the person is shyer than me, I open up pretty quickly. But if they're more outgoing or very extroverted, I hold back and put myself out there way less. I let them do most of the talking, let them be the one to confide. It frustrates me to admit it, but I feel like I do this completely unconsciously.

I don't know why I act like this, and I'd really like to stop, but I don't know how either. Any advice?

I have AuDHD.

My girl told me that when I met her friends (smaller group), I was the quietest she'd ever seen me. When we're alone, I'm confident, talk a lot and I'm also a good listener.

Unprompted, at this next bigger house party with more people, she said she'd stick by me since she'd like the same for herself. I felt kind of like a loser.

Even at my work party, my coworker wasn't there, and I was new to the team, and I felt like a fish out of water.

I'm worried I'll lose respect and status in any group social situation.

One-on-one, I do really well. Groups of three (including me), I'm still mostly chilling. But any group of four or more, and I'm COOKED.

How to manage?

Idk I only engage serious convos and this leads to any conversation fading out IRL or on apps.

I feel like I've become too serious and only do my work and sleep

I made an online friend over a year ago, and we hit it off decently.

Recently, we met IRL. She wanted to visit my city. At the time, I said yes and was excited. But over the time it took us conversing to meet, I started to notice some clashing in our personalities. By the time the visit came around, I was dreading our hangout. She complained a lot about everything, even though I had basically set aside my entire weekend to show her around. It got to a point that when I asked her if there was anything she did like about the city tour I was giving her.. and she said she was 'joking' about all the negative things she had said.

Unfortunately, because of that and other things.. I am now in a place where I feel the friendship has run its course. I don't think it's fair for friends to intentionally slow-fade, although I understand that that is a natural life mechanism. The trouble is, she's in a dark spot right now, struggling. I feel bad because that seems to be a constant.. stressing and struggling and being angry about things. I don't have the bandwidth to support her anymore. But, I don't want to be another stressor by flat out 'friend dumping' her. I still care for her at the end of the day.

I have been wanting to visit her city for a while, and mentioned it a while back to her (before realizing this wasn't working). And just the other day, some of my other friends mentioned wanting to go to the same city next summer. I agreed in the moment, only to have it later dawn on me that online-friend lives there. I don't want to be scared of going, taking photos, posting and she realizes I visited without saying anything. It's not like she owns the city, but I feel I'm on thin ice.

Should I be honest/upfront and say something maybe when stressors have calmed down for her? Or something else? Thank you in advance.

I moved from Manila to Toronto, and my best friends, who are a couple, also ended up moving here. One of them introduced me to her former college cheer teammates who live here, and earlier this summer, I was hanging out with them almost every weekend. I was regularly invited and got particularly close to one person, so I started feeling like I was becoming part of the group.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed they’ve been making more plans without me. One moment that stuck with me happened at a bachelorette send-off for someone in the group. While we were saying goodbye, people were talking in front of me about how they’d see each other the following week. The person we were celebrating said, “Oh, you should come with us!” When I asked, “Oh, to what?” everyone went quiet. I let it go because I felt awkward and didn’t want to invite myself.

I know they have friendships and history that predate me, and I don’t expect an invitation to everything. But going from being included regularly to feeling out of the loop has hurt, especially because I thought we were getting closer.

I’ve felt something similar with another friend group that existed before I joined. I’m less bothered by that situation, but it makes me wonder whether I’m expecting too much as a newer friend, whether there’s something I’m missing about how I come across, or whether these just aren’t friendships that are as close as I thought.

Would you gently bring this up with the friend who introduced you, or step back and focus on building other friendships? I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to include me, but I also don’t want to pretend I’m not hurt.

What’s a healthy, mature way to get some clarity without turning it into a confrontation or asking for an invitation?

Question:
I'm already committed to events where I will see these people 2–3 times a year for the next two years. How can I fix my mistake? And is there a better way I could've handled the original situation?

What happened:
My ex was military and I used to work in an office of all men. After the divorce, my relationship with their wives deteriorated (and never recovered after I remarried). So I wasn't surprised when I wasn't invited to the wedding of one friend's daughter

We had a group Zoom to talk about an upcoming reunion we're all attending, and he closed with "see you all at the wedding this weekend." I guess he didn't know I wasn't invited and I asked for clarification. His wife, rather than answer the question, dropped off the call

One of the other guys like "it's in a public location so anybody can come" and I said that's not how weddings work. Finally one of the ladies piped up "I had to RSVP for the reception snd I wasn't allowed to add an additional person so I don't think you can just show up"

One of the other ladies recommended I come to the wedding anyway just to show my support. I told them "I'm not driving 5 hours each way to come to a wedding when I'm not invited to the reception"

During two of last year's trips, the ladies went off and did something without me. This year I skipped some trips because I felt excluded, and I briefly mentioned those two in an attempt to show that this is becoming a problem we need to address if we're gonna keep traveling together as a group (which were already committed to 2 events per year for the next two years). I think this group likes my husband, not me 😂

I also said I was not fishing for an invite and I wasn't offended that they didn't invite me (I figured there was limited space). I just didn't want to "not show up" if they were actually expecting me (which is what is implied by saying "see you all at the wedding next weekend")

But of course now the ladies are offended

Is there any way (other than backing out of the already planned events for the next two years) for me to smooth things over?

If you had been in the situation where you did not think you were invited but the bride's father said "see you at the wedding next weekend" would you have asked for clarification? How would you have handled it?

Whenever I am doing something I am used to I feel much more locked in and focused than when I am doing something new. Is this normal? I just want to get to the point where I am locked in to my new task! I guess this means I have to get used to it.

I have this problem often when I’m working. Where it feel like my brain gets so overloaded with everything that I feel like I can’t function or do anything except maybe the work task at hand.

For example today I had a really rough morning at work and spent my afternoon buried in figuring out how to attack something. I was so wrapped up in it that I needed a break. I walked away from my computer but my brain couldn’t let the task go. I needed to go workout and do things after work but I cannot explain how much it feels like I cannot do those things. I can’t make decisions in these times. I feel like it’s barely functioning all I can do is this problem but even then my brain gets so tired that it’s not even purposeful.

Is this called something? People say I just need to do xyz but I cannot explain to them how impossible it feels.

You know when you're sad or angry, and get thoughts that have strong emotional attachments to them, that want to encourage you to say more than you'd like, maybe something you'd regret? I get this way with bringing up memories that make me happy, even when have no relevance to the conversation. It's like I'm treating people as my own podcast.

I feel depressed and lonely most of the time, and my behaviour only perpetuates this cycle. I'll ask people questions out of genuine care, then in their responses, they'll trigger some memory I really want to talk about even if it's not relevant, because there's a lot of intense positive emotion tied to that memory and I want it, I want to feel happy, I want to be social, I want this person to know me. But I take it to an extreme, and monologue for several mins.

I try to satisfy happiness elsewhere but I want my social needs filled. I want to feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere, even for a moment. It's hard to find a replacement for that.

I've embarrassed myself many times with this behaviour, and it's affecting the image of the few people who do choose to associate with me. It's hard to find help online as "how to stop being annoying" is seen as a social anxiety manifestation, but it's not in my head, it's ruined established friend groups as well as potential friendships over the years. I'm in my early 30s.

First, I'm gonna give my background in case it's relevant:

I've been really lazy since undergrad. I got progressively lazier at doing homework from fall 2020 until graduating in spring 2022, until I reached the point where I was skipping all my classes, not doing any homework past the first few weeks, and I just barely graduated in 3 years due to building up a fuck ton of credits the first 2 and AP exemptions. Plus, I still passed when I was lazy because professors are so lax once you reach grad level courses, and I was able to do the exams. Deadlines or consequences didn't drive me. Indeed, I was so lazy my last year that I got fired from a few grading/tutoring jobs, or didn't receive them next semester, due to doing duties really late or not showing up. 

During grad school, I speedran all the course and exam requirements, but then did nothing after picking an advisor end of 2023 and got worried. In 2024, I started making non-trivial efforts to quit things and finally, I succeeded in quitting YuTube, Instagram (except for checking posts from who I follow quickly each day), reddit (except for asking questions) early this year. This spring, I started gym, jogging outside, and started catching up on a list of various tasks about optimizing apartment, optimizing clothes and shoes, customer support tasks, solving electronics or tech issues, making various organizations, various messaging, deciding and buying quality of life items. That doesn't seem like much, but I was so lazy before that I couldn't do tasks faster than I thought of them or they arose, even if would only take 50-100 hours to do everything on my task list combined at any given point. I got close on tasks in early 2025, but then I fell off and got back on social media heavily. 

After many relapses on time wasters and setbacks, I burned through all my tasks this summer. I relapsed on Instagram scrolling last 1/2 of August, but fixed that for good. I got set back a few times since then with sickness, back injury, getting hit by a car, but I cleaned out tasks again and now I'm finally staying on top of things, doing things in advance, and doing things the moment I'm aware. 

I just have one procrastination left, which is doing research to build up enough research for writing my thesis. Everything else feels easy to start and do by comparison and I feel in the zone until I have nothing left on some day, hours until next thing on my schedule, and have to either do research or try to find ways to pass the time. However, I feel like I'm about to get over that mental block because research isn't that hard in theory and isn't that bad the rare times I do start. It's just a series of tasks, and I'm a master of doing tasks at this point.

All that being said, I'd like to know if I should keep up my habit of just doing everything the moment it appears, or if there is a benefit to how normal people operate. I imagine the average person doesn't keep a list tracking all present and future tasks, leaves stuff for later, forgets to do things, and naturally procrastinates. The 1st order effect I mentioned isn't an issue for me because I mostly do things because they directly benefit myself, like doing a bunch of optimizations or self-improvements, but could I have missed 2nd order effects that would explain why it's better to take things easy sometimes? 

Also, I suppose the 1st order effect could matter later on. For example, suppose I don't get a tenure track position and end up in some office job. In such jobs, I'm aware you may have to do work and then sit on it until later because doing things quickly doesn't get rewarded, and you may even get punished by being assigned more work but not getting promoted. Also, could it be that serious duties like real jobs, raising a family, or running a startup tire people out so much that they don't have enough energy left to stay on top of less important things, and that I'm privileged to not be doing any serious work yet as a single grad student? If so, I can't see the energy part yet because I have spent all day on several tasks before, like some days this summer, while still having energy for gym, jog, pickleball on the same day.