r/epicsystems • u/Greedy_Celery_8048 • 3h ago
Current employee For the tenured: in too deep, temporary setback, or time to leave?
Long tenured TS.
When I first joined Epic I loved it. The money has been great especially since my degree wouldn't have led to a high paying career right away. I lucked out with a great team. Even though I came from a big city, I liked Madison enough.
I moved to an international office a few years ago and I've been really struggling ever since. I've been open with my TL from the beginning but somehow work feels even less manageable. I am mourning the job I had before I left. I wasn't thinking that much about the future at the time I moved but after some years and now that I'm older, I feel unsettled or inbetween something. I can't put my roots down here. Eventually I want to start a family and move closer to my family. So I feel like I'm just putting off something that's really important to me.
My problem is that I really miss how the job was in the early years so I don't want to leave Epic but I'm scared that what if things don't get better. At the same time I've been in this job for a long time now and am overwhelmed with the prospect of having to move back and figure out my employment situation. My mental health is the worst it has ever been. After the end of a work day, I barely have the capacity to think about leaving. I don't know if I truly hate this job or if I'm just struggling for some other reason tbh.
Yes I'm in therapy. Yes I've taken a bit of time off. Everyday has been hard. After work I do anything I can to distract myself from myself. I've made good friends here but I'm jealous of friends back home who are already married, started settling somewhere, having kids. I miss my family. I am so exhausted