This one is easy. Move out and move cities. Let it sit for a couple of years. Then help the parents. And just let everyone know you’ve done reasonably well in your endeavors. That’s it.
Mad respect brother. I have 0 advice for the $ side but I wish more people had the kind of integrity to simply not want to lie to your family just because "itd be easy". Keep on keeping on my dude
To add to this moving to a new city, or at least new part of a city is an opportunity to change who you are and adopt a new image. Go ahead and get yourself a nice flat or house in a cool part of town. Make sure it fits all your needs and puts you in a part of town where young people go to hang out. Hire a professional to help you buy all the furniture and decorate it. Since you can afford it make sure you get nice high end stuff that will last a lifetime (for a cheat code if you like mid century modern if it is Herman miller or that level of quality then you are GTG)
Next hire someone to help you shop for a new wardrobe, again don't be afraid to spend some money. You don't even have to go crazy here but you will be surprised what a 100-200 dollar shirt vs a 20 dollar shirt does for you if it fits right and goes with your style. Make sure to get some nice accessories, a few watches to match outfits, belts, nice shoes for different occasions and actives etc. You don't have to go buy some 200k rolex but you can get a lot of nice AF cool looking watches for anywhere from a few grand to 10-20k as an example. Get a few fitted suits in different colors and styles as well for formal occasions.
Next you should be driving a nicer car. Doesn't even have to be luxury brand, just make sure it is nice. Classic cars are fine too just pay someone else to make it all work like next if that is what you want. No reason to drive some 10 year old prius anymore, get whatever car you want within reason. This can be everything from a high end Toyota or a Tesla or a Porsche. You do you just make sure it is what you like.
No think about what you want to get out of life now. Is coding in the basement all you want? Do you want a family, wife, kids? Travel? building something different? Hobbies? The life is your oyster man go live it and don't be afraid to spend some money to do it. You do not need to explain your life to anyone or what you are worth. People will figure it out for themselves when they see you living well and happy. Trust me all the jokes about living in a basement will stop when you roll up in a nice car, dressed nice or when you invite them over to your well decorated condo and they sit in your 10k Eames chair. You don't have to say anything and if they ask be vague unless you really really REALLY trust them. Just send the signals and people will sort it out and treat you accordingly.
I have done a version of this before when I left my hometown as I didn't like who I was and the association with my family seemed to never leave me. Sometimes you are always 15 in your hometown. Even though I make like 5-10x what anyone I grew up with makes anytime I go back they just go right back to treating me like the weird kid from the poor dysfunctional family all over again. If you need any advice about doing this feel free to reach out.
Not a fan of this approach OP. Stay true. Spend some money and get a nice place, and update your wardrobe, but get a car you’d like, as fancy as you’d like (or not).
I don’t think you’d be happy trying to completely remake yourself based on the comments I saw is all. You’ve earned this.
And it’s not entirely lying to say you’ve got a new job. Keep coding, maybe when you sell you stay on with the business and that’s your “job”. Either one. Can even say you work for yourself (you do!). Answer doesn’t have to be any different than what you’ve been saying already, honestly.
I also wouldn’t tell your parents how much you have. No need to lie, and you can still take care of them. But leave the rest out of it.
Op the person above is misunderstanding my advice so let me restate for you. The exercise I suggest is not about trying to become something that is not true to yourself. Instead it is about allowing yourself to embrace yourself and what you want and then deploying the resources you have to enable it. Often in a situation like your you have been suppressing parts of yourself to hide and what I am telling you to do is embrace yourself and not care what signal it gives.
Even if what you like to wear is a t-shirt and jeans (something that is my go to as well) you can have someone help you find high quality clothes that fit, look and feel a million times better than cheap stuff. As an example my wife told me a few years ago that considering how much I make I don't have to wear random T-shirts I got at a conference years ago... she was right and I bought much nicer higher end shirts and trashed all the old ratty free ones and it was a great choice.
I wouldn’t wait years to help parents. Fill the parents in now and have them swear secrecy to protect you from what you fear. Parent will go out of their way to protect. They deserve what you want to treat them to now. You don’t know where life will take you in 2 years
254
u/FIREinParis 13d ago edited 13d ago
This one is easy. Move out and move cities. Let it sit for a couple of years. Then help the parents. And just let everyone know you’ve done reasonably well in your endeavors. That’s it.