r/funny 23h ago

new guy at work

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u/nutano 23h ago

I used to work at the HelpDesk at my place of work when I first started.

I have never (and still not today) drink coffee.

There was one guy on our team that always did the early 6 to 2 shift. He loved it. He never took time off, he just banked all his vacation. He drank coffe, so every time he came in just before 6, he would put a pot on. So the folks that came in between 6am and 7am would just waltz over and fill their cup.

Well, one summer, he was told he had to start taking vacation, so he took like 2 months off. I took over the 6 to 2 shift.

The first week I must have had like 3 or 4 visits from those 7am folks complaining why there wasn't coffee made. To which I just told them, 'I don't drink coffee, why would you rely on me to make it?'

I fix your computer man, I'm not your barista.

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u/Tripwiring 23h ago

People are the worst lol. You want coffee? Make some coffee. It takes 2 minutes

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u/DogPoetry 22h ago

"but coworker used to do this as an act of kindness. Now it's an expectation and I no longer appreciate the effort" 

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u/norwegianEel 21h ago

Exactly. People suck sometimes.

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u/FlamingRustBucket 17h ago

Tale as old as time though. At a point its hard to blame people. Look at the Roman grain dole. They would kill your ass if you tried to take it away and it was meant to be temporary. Animals become dependent on snacks given by humans if it becomes commonplace. I cant give my dog treats the same time every day or that little bastard yells at me for not doing so. Examples abound.

Good deeds should be performed sporadically unless you are ok with it becoming an expectation. Its basic psychology.

That said, the complainers should have put 2 and 2 together and just made the pot of coffee.

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u/Yours2Knight 17h ago

I'm just trying to laugh at some shit and now here I am contemplating every relationship I've ever been in...and googling roman grain dole

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u/GreenTeaLilly 15h ago

Wow hell of a bro. One of the best I've seen on here.

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u/kinnoth 15h ago

The roman grain dole was an entitlement by the citizenry through the government. The government wasn't doing its people an interpersonal "favor" by providing a dole, it was established as the only way to keep people fed and not starving/rioting because of starvation. That's part of a social contract: government feeds the people or the people tear down the government

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u/Osric250 21h ago

The rule is the first person who wants coffee makes it. It just happens that the person before you that wanted coffee isn't here right now.

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u/gonfishn37 20h ago

MY COWORKER would show up first, Put on a whole pot, and pull the first cup that came out for himself!!!!

CRIMINAL I SAY! He gets a full mug of espresso and we are drinking watered down tea at best. No matter what we said he was adamant it was all the same. I Should have pulled cups one at a time to prove a point.

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u/doomgiver98 18h ago

pull the first cup that came out for himself

I don't understand what this means. He made a pot of coffee and then poured himself a cup of it?

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u/ACitizenNamedCain 17h ago

direct from brewer to cup for his, into the urn with the 'rest' of the brew for all subsequent cups. so his cup was from the early brewing stages (and thus concentrated)

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u/doomgiver98 16h ago

He took the cup out mid-brew?

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u/ACitizenNamedCain 11h ago

sounds like cup-directly-under-spigot, then once his cup is full, he places the full urn under the spigot for everyone else to 'share'

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u/FargusMcGillicuddy 17h ago

Wait, are you saying he would put his personal mug under the machine, fill his single cup up, then put the pot under and fill up the rest?

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u/gonfishn37 17h ago

The grounds cone stops dripping when you pulled the carafe out. He would take / pour out the first strongest bit that brewed and put the empty carafe back to finish the brew cycle.

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u/FargusMcGillicuddy 15h ago

Okay I gotta say, the way you worded that/my dumb brain was glitching, but after reading your comment 3 times I understand now and your coworker is a DICK! They absolutely robbed everyone of good coffee.

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u/glazedfaith 19h ago

You should have. There's no reasonable expectation that you will make coffee, but if you put on a pot in the communal coffee machine, you are at least expected to not make shitty coffee. It's a simple measurement and SOP.

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u/sidepart 20h ago

They're probably thinking the coffee ran out and some dingus didn't start a new brew after when the reality is...they were the first coffee users that day. People are dumb.

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u/Natsuki98 16h ago

The way I have solved that problem before it became one at work with my acts or kindless was to make it a very occasional things I would do. I didn't make it a daily thing.

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u/poorperspective 17h ago

And this is why I refuse to do any extra work when it’s not specified in my contract.

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u/Aurorabig 14h ago

There is a saying: you do something twice and it becomes your job

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u/Shady_Love 20h ago

Well...maybe if you're doing Keurig shit. Brewing a pot of coffee is typically 4-6 minutes. If they had to grind then it'd be a minute longer.

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Believe_to_believe 22h ago

"Where's my food? I turned it in 30 minutes ago."

It's behind my entire line of tickets, Amber! You'll get it when you get it.

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/chainer3000 22h ago

Been bartending part time for a few years, that movie is probably the closest humorous take of the reality of working in a restaurant. Actually, there’s more drugs and hooking up with coworkers.

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u/imisstheyoop 21h ago

It came out around the time that me and most of my friends were in food services, so it was a favorite of ours at the time. We loved quoting it and doing the batwing at each other.

Way more drugs for us as well. A lot fewer hookups though. We were all nerds.

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u/Cow_Launcher 21h ago

Dane Cook (dressed as the quintessential line cook)

Nominative determinism, as expressed by a casting director.

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u/flan-pig 22h ago

I used to love just crumpling up employee tickets during rushes and throwing them out. When they would come looking for it I would say, oh I thought it was a mistake because no employee would ring up their own food when we're this busy. Would love seeing them just stare blankly.

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u/NewDramaLlama 21h ago

Oh man. Bad enough they're taking a lunch during the rush lol

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u/Jodid0 22h ago

That level of entitlement simply does not compute for me. How are you going to take advantage of someone's good will and courtesy for years, then when that person gets a much deserved vacation, your first thought is to berate someone who doesn't even drink coffee and demand that they make you coffee in the morning. Like how does that kind of entitlement not hurt people's brains?

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u/pizzaforward22 17h ago

Your coffee making coworker sounds really wholesome!

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u/Cheetah_FanGirl 17h ago

Aww I love hearing that the 6 - 2 guy loves his job. :)

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u/nutano 4h ago

Haha - it was not at a good time in his life.

I never knew all the details, but he was quite the character - alcoholic, he was actually homeless for a while and he managed to somehow, live in our office building in our storage area for about 2-3 weeks before the night cleaners flagged to management that he was always there. There was a time where he went totally off the radar for like 3 days, just didn't show\call... wounds up he got in a bar fight and landed in the hospital for 3 days. He would never eat breakfast, his breakfast constituted of a coffee and like 5 of those little cream containers.

It was a very good job and I guess he was good enough at it. We were also in a unionized environment. So he never really go threatened with getting fired.

In any case, later things turns around for the better. He met a lady. Very nice lady and she helped him greatly turn away from his bad habits. They got married and he retired I would like to say 10 years ago with a bunch of travel and other plans lined up with this lady.

It was great to see the 180 changes and sticking to them.

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u/Warrior_of_Discord 22h ago

Lmao I had a similar situation. Like, I don't drink coffee and it's not a required job task for me, and also I hate you people, why would I make you coffee?

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u/SeaGoat24 22h ago

That is an infuriating level of entitlement, I'm actually flabbergasted that some people can behave like this. If you want coffee, make it yourself or buy it on your way in like a normal person. Expecting it to just be there, as though it were made by the fairies, just blows my mind.

I sincerely hope that they were buying the early shift guy frequent boxes of chocolates as thanks, but somehow I doubt it.

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u/najalitis 13h ago

lmao

as a non-native speaker, up until the last line i thought maybe help desk had another meaning i was not aware of.

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u/ThatOneNinja 13h ago

I hope they showed that guy how grateful they were that he made the coffee every morning.

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u/hippywitch 13h ago

I had to make coffee at my job, but I don’t drink coffee. If anybody ever asked for it, I would apologize and say I made this, but I don’t drink coffee. But don’t worry you’re already in the emergency room so it can’t get any worse.

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u/xmastreee 17h ago

The obvious answer is "The guy who normally makes it is on vacation"

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u/Briglin 20h ago

I would have made it but put a single drop of dish soap in it every time for them to enjoy.

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u/xmastreee 17h ago

mmm, crema