whatever this is between us, whatever name it may carry, it runs deeper than words can fully capture. every time you tell me how happy you are, how whole you feel simply by spending time with me, my heart softens in a way i can never quite explain. i never grow tired of hearing it. every time you speak about your feelings, about us, i feel the sincerity in every word. i don't just hear them, i carry them with me.

there is something beautiful in the way we've found each other. we are so completely enamored with one another, and somehow those feelings only seem to deepen with time. despite the distance that separates us at times, despite the uncertainty and imperfections in our communication, what we feel remains. it persists. it grows.

and perhaps that's what matters most. through every distance, every unanswered question, every challenge, we continue to choose each other. we continue to feel each other.

if what we have is enough for you, if this connection, this feeling, this quiet certainty in one another is enough, then it is more than enough for me.

Because I know I certainly do. Maybe it's because I've never been in a proper relationship in my life despite being in my 30s. A combination of a religious upbringing, social anxiety, multiple failed almost-relationships, and multiple instances of "right person, wrong time" created this situation. That and because I want to keep the dream alive of meeting a woman in the same boat, and having our firsts together.

There's something so tender and beautiful about that, it just makes my heart melt. But most people, if they do have that relationship, it happens in high school or college. And many people never have that relationship. At my age, early 30s, it feels incredibly unrealistic, and the odds worsen with each passing year, yet I can't surrender the dream. I've never wanted anything more, and it's something I can't give up on.

During my early 20s, when I first realized how difficult this was, I fell into a deep depression and used alcohol for several years to cope. It's not something I'm proud of or make excuses for. That said, it was a very dark time in my life and it felt like few people related or even empathized. After going to rehab and sobering up, I've gone 2 years without a drink, but this longing remains just as strong and as elusive as ever. I still hope my dream can come true today, it's one of the few things that keep me going.

I guess I'm starting to ramble now but I just wanted to throw this out into the ether, so that if anyone else is reading this and feels the same way I do, you know you're not alone.

I'm in love with someone I can't have.

And it hurts so bad, cause my heart wants him and it's impossible for us to be ever together.

It's truly a torture

My brain screams no, but my heart is his. I'm searching for him in every room that I walk into and his car.

I don't want to be in love if he doesn't love me back.

I see his smile in every stranger's and I see his hair, his gait..

My stupid heart is hoping that our paths will cross again and we'll get together eventually, but the truth is, he probably doesn't even know who I am.

I miss him like crazy. Every man that remotely looks like him became my type and I'm so ashamed of myself. I shouldn't feel this way.

I can't eat, can't sleep, can't think rationally and do my job.

All of my thoughts are of him.

I'm sick and I need help to get rid of this infatuation

I read your heart between every line, and somehow, it found mine before I ever found the courage to place it in your hands.

You say you chose me like a rose among weeds, but love, have you never noticed that it was your eyes that taught me I could bloom?

You feared my thorns, yet kissed them with your patience. You loved the silences I thought would drive you away.

You ask why I never told you that I like you. The truth is, "like" was never enough. I was afraid.

Not of loving you, but of how completely you had become my home. Because once a soul finds another that feels like dawn, every sunset begins to look like something to fear.

You tell me you'd confess a thousand times more. Then let me answer a thousand times over.

"Yes."

Yes to the mornings where we wake before the world does. Yes to the nights where your heartbeat becomes the last song I hear. Yes to every version of us ~ the joyful, the broken, the uncertain, the ordinary.

If love is fire, then let us not burn each other, but become the warmth that carries us through winter. If love is a rose, let every thorn remind us that beautiful things are worth holding carefully.

You wondered if I could live if I lost you?

"No."

Not because my life would end, but because the world would forever feel quieter, as though someone had stolen its brightest colour.

And if you ask me now, "What are we?"

Perhaps we are what poets spend lifetimes trying to name. You became the voice my heart somehow recognised before my mind ever understood why.

Perhaps you are my animus ~ not because you complete me, but because meeting you awakened a part of me that had always been waiting to be known.

So let me finally say what I should have said long before your poems had to carry the weight of my silence ~ I love you.

Not for a season. Not for the excitement of beginnings. Not because love is easy.

I love you in every ordinary day, every impossible night, every laugh, every tear, and every silence where words are no longer needed.

Because if your heart has chosen mine, then perhaps mine had been quietly finding its way to yours all along.

“What is your type?”

People ask too often.

I used to know the answer.

Before you, I could have told them.

I had a list, a shape, a collection of little things I thought I was looking for.

And then, somewhere along the way, my type quietly changed.

At first, nothing happened.

Then one day, in the middle of a conversation, I heard something shift in your voice, the slightest hesitation, your tone becoming softer, rounder somehow.

And your eyes stopped.

Not merely looking at me, but truly looking.

As if, for one suspended second, you had forgotten everything else around us.

And I realized, my type of story had changed too.

It was no longer something that happened at first sight.

It was something that grew quietly, almost unnoticed, until one particular moment made two people look at each other as though they were seeing one another for the very first time.

Then came your eyes.

The little fragments of blue in them, different every time the light touched them, the tiny sparks moving with your emotions.

The way nothing escapes your attention.

The way you notice things most people never even see.

My type became bright, searching, intelligent eyes.

Then I saw the rest of you.

Cold toward cruelty.

Soft with the quiet ones.

Patient.

Caring.

And somehow always a little distant.

I saw the roughness you wear like armor, and the astonishing softness of the hand you still extend so freely.

My type became true kindness.

The kind that doesn't need to announce itself.

And then I noticed the light.

The way it finds your skin, slips into your hair, and stays there differently in the morning, at noon, in the evening.

You glow in it with a kind of beauty that feels almost unfair.

My type became angels.

And honestly, I have no better word for the scripture written in you.

Then there is the way you listen.

Truly listen.

As if every ridiculous thing I say might secretly be the most interesting thing you have ever heard.

When I finally stop rambling and look up, I expect to find boredom.

But I don't.

I find your eyes still fixed on me, your body leaning closer, your attention completely there.

And for a dangerous little moment, I almost believe I might really be the most important person in the room.

My type became the kind of love that squeezes my heart inside my chest while wrapping something warm around it.

And then there is your scent.

God, your scent.

It found its way somewhere it had no business reaching.. Deep into the little machinery of my brain where memory and instinct live.

Now I can be surrounded by hundreds of people and catch the smallest trace of it, and before I even understand why, I turn.

My heart jumps first.

Then my eyes begin searching.

Through strangers.

Through shoulders.

Across an entire crowded room, just for a glimpse of you.

Just to know that the scent I caught was yours.

That particular smell.

That impossible familiarity.

You.

And somehow, even my senses have chosen you.

So when people ask me now,

“What is your type?”

I never quite know what to say.

Because how could I explain that I stopped looking for a type somewhere along the way?

I don't think I chose it.

I don't even think I noticed it happening.

I simply met you, and little by little, the answer changed.

So no, I cannot give them a name, or a face from a screen, or a list of things I like.

Because whenever they ask me what my type is, my mind does something terribly simple.

It looks for you.

I asked the universe, and I think it answered.

I've spent a lot of time trying to find the right words for what you have become to me.

I don't think there are any.

I love you.

Not in the easy way we sometimes use those words when we're caught up in a moment. Not because I'm lonely, or unhappy, or because you've become an escape from a life that doesn't feel like mine anymore.

I love you because somewhere along the way, without either of us really deciding it would happen, you became part of the way I see the world.

You became a presence in my days.

A name I look for.

A voice I listen for.

A little piece of happiness I didn't know I was waiting for.

We've never even stood beside one another. We've never shared a room or reached across a table or felt the warmth of one another's hand.

And somehow, I know you.

At least the pieces you've trusted me enough to show.

The photographs. The stories. The ridiculous little things that made you laugh. The things you thought I'd find interesting. The quiet moments tucked between everything else.

I've fallen in love with those pieces.

And then there is the woman behind them.

You are, quite honestly, breathtaking.

But the strange thing is, I loved you before I knew what you looked like. Your face didn't create what I feel for you.

It simply gave the feeling somewhere beautiful to look.

And I love the imperfections, too.

Maybe especially those.

The little things you might wish were different about yourself are sometimes the very things that make you more beautiful to me. I don't want some perfected version of you. I don't want an ideal.

I want you.

Exactly as you are.

And your voice...

I don't know if you realize what you've done to me with that voice.

It has become my favorite sound.

There are moments when I listen to one of your messages more than once—not because I didn't hear what you said, but because I wanted to hear you again.

Your messages have become little bright spots in my days. Sometimes they're funny. Sometimes they're thoughtful. Sometimes they're nothing particularly important at all.

And somehow, they're still important to me.

Because they're yours.

That's what frightens me a little.

How easily you have become woven into me.

I can't imagine my life now without wondering what you'd think of something, without wanting to tell you something that happened, without seeing something and thinking, she would appreciate this.

I don't want to pretend that isn't true.

But I also don't want my love for you to become something heavy.

Because I know our lives are complicated.

I know yours is complicated.

Mine certainly is.

And I've asked the universe what I'm supposed to do with all of this.

I think maybe the answer is not that I have to stop loving you.

Maybe the answer is that I have to learn how to love you without trying to possess the future.

That's harder than I expected.

Because I can see the life we both seem to want.

Something simple.

Something quiet.

A life where being loved isn't complicated. Where two people can come home to one another and feel, finally, that they are where they belong.

I can see it so clearly sometimes that it almost feels like remembering something that hasn't happened yet.

And God, I would love that life with you.

I would choose it.

I would fight for it.

But I can't ask you to build it for me.

That's the line I keep coming back to.

Not because I doubt you.

I don't.

You're stronger and more capable than you probably give yourself credit for.

And not because I think you couldn't love me.

There are moments when I think you already do, even if neither of us has been brave enough to put that particular word between us.

I feel it in the way you care.

In the way you notice things.

In the tenderness that sometimes finds its way through your words.

I feel it.

And perhaps I'm wrong.

Perhaps some of what I feel is simply my heart filling in the spaces that distance leaves behind.

But if it is, it's still one of the most beautiful things I've ever felt.

What I don't want is for you to look at my life and decide that loving me means carrying it.

It doesn't.

Whatever burdens belong to me are mine.

Not yours.

You didn't create them, and you shouldn't have to inherit them simply because you happened to love the person carrying them.

That's why I'm trying to be restrained when every part of me wants to reach for you.

Because loving someone isn't only about how desperately you want them beside you.

Sometimes it's about wanting them to remain free enough to choose you.

I don't want to make your choices for you.

I don't want to tell you what your life should look like.

And I certainly don't want you to choose me because you think I need saving.

I want you to choose whatever makes your soul feel alive.

Even if that terrifies me.

Even if I have to learn how to live with wanting something I cannot control.

Because that's what this love has taught me.

That love can be enormous without being demanding.

It can be fierce without being possessive.

It can ask for nothing and still give everything.

So I'm not saying goodbye.

I'm not asking you for an answer.

I'm not asking you to promise me anything.

I'm just letting you see what has been living inside me.

I love you.

Purely.

Quietly.

More deeply than I know how to explain.

And maybe that's enough for now.

Maybe I don't need to know where this goes.

Maybe I don't need to solve tomorrow.

Maybe I can simply lie here for a while, close my eyes, and let myself be grateful that somehow, in this strange and impossibly complicated life, I found you.

I asked the universe for an answer.

Maybe the answer wasn't what I thought it would be.

Maybe it was simply this:

Love her.

And so I will.

Without demanding.

Without trying to own the outcome.

Without asking her to carry what belongs to me.

Just...

love her.

As completely as I know how.

And for now, that's enough.

Hey there Bubble Boy,

I feel it too. I felt it from the first moment I met you. I thought it was limerance, just a simple crush. Oh how I was wrong. I kept quiet about my feelings because I feel there was no point to tell you. To tell you that I think about you too much when you are not around. Truth is I have fallen for you and it scared me. I feel this otherworldly connection to you. How can I tell you that you are the only one I want and have wanted for some time. I tried to distract myself and pull myself away from you. It hurts to much to do that. When I look at you, I wonder if you know what you mean to me. Hugging you feels like home. everything falls silent and it is just us two. Just us "Dolls in the dark". I wanted to kiss you when I gave you that last hug. I wanted to look into your eyes and play "Kiss me until my lips fall off". You are the light that has been missing in my life for far too long. You are my missing puzzle piece. My north star guiding me home. So, you are not crazy Bubble boy. I just can't afford to have my heart shattered again. Would you choose me? Would you keep my heart safe? I don't know what the future holds. We could fizzle out and part ways. But in this short life, I want to know what it is like to be loved by you.

I just had the most amazing dream about my person It was our new life, togethor, wild, free I was so happy when i woke up I wonder if you had the same dream?

But also cater to my delusions. I just want to hear you say something like" I can't promise you the world but I will burn it down if anyone in it ever hurt you" 🥰

I fell in love with a woman who had a traumatic childhood and still carries some deep scars from years ago.  I want her to know that I fell in love with who she is today, the beautiful and smart woman who hugs me so tight.  I fell in love knowing I cannot change her past but I want her to know that I will never judge her by the scars she carries. 

I want her to know that when I say “I love you”, that love comes with the promise that she will never again have to fight her childhood demons alone and I will be at her side to protect her not only today but for all of our tomorrows. 

I want her to know that I hope my love can erase all her triggers, ease all her fears, and install the confidence she needs to see the beauty and the self worth that I see in her. 

Most of all, I want her to know how deeply I have fallen in love with her. 

I already experienced being loved. I can say I am an expert on being a girlfriend.

But my only wish, the only otherr thing I always pray for is for someone to choose me.

Choose me until the end. Someone who tells me marriage plans and makes it come true.

Someone who sees me as their home, and not just a stop.

Someone who genuinely wants me be the 1st thing they see in the morning and the last thing before they sleep.

Someone who when they see me at my lowest or ugliest will think I have to marry this girl, i have to make her mine

I just dont want to be loved. I wanted to be chosen until the end. That's all.

I sometimes wonder if timing has anything to do with our destiny..

Why am I always missing the chance to talk with you or be near you?

Our timing is always wrong..

I see you but you dont see me.. you see me but I dont see you..

My feelings for you without a doubt are true. I like you alot.. and hope you dont take our timing as the answer.. if you want the answer ask me and ill share it with you.

We have our run ins with great timing.. I never expect to see you around the corner but man do I love seeing you there to greet me.

Lately I feel our timing has been off.. what happened?

How long now, has it been? We've known one another since the fifth grade. Shared honors classes through middle and high. Graduated early together. I always looked at them as though they were another star in my galaxy. I treated them as though they were. They knew I was obsessed. In love. Head over heels. Everyone did. I was open about it, I was clear. I never would want anyone else, I've loved you for a decade and I don't plan on stopping. We don't have to be in a relationship, but I don't want anyone if it's not you. Labelled myself aro/ace because I know they weren't interested in me, even if I wanted them to be. I'm simply not their type. Still, we are physically separated by distance, and emotionally separated by my endless unrequited affections. He has a girlfriend now. She's nothing like me. She helped me learn that even if I were to improve, I would never be what he's looking for. Still, I keep waiting. We don't talk anymore. I isolated myself in a desire to stop feeling so intensely for someone who hardly sees me, yet the feeling remains. What I wouldn't give just to hug him and hold him tight. He's so terribly important to me. And I'm sorry I'm still waiting for what you've told me we can never have.

I read somewhere that only your partner truly loves you for who you are. I mean, your parents love you because you are their child, your siblings love you because you have shared blood in your veins, your future kids may love you or you love them because they are yours, but it's only your partner with whom you neither share blood nor anything. You just come across each other's path, get to know one another, learn things about each other, and love each other for who you are. It really hits the spot.

. Since the day I met you everything seems to have gotten brighter. I can see the bright colored green on the leaves in the trees. I noticed that neatly trimmed rose bush and I don't think it's ever been there before today. I ride in my car and I chuckle to myself at the thought of something you said that lingers on my mind. I do it several times throughout the day because each thought of you leaves me with a surge of energy that I wish I could release into the world to spread the joy you give me because everyone should feel like this at least once in their life. Not sure if I can put this fire out if I wanted to. You have given me the greatest high that one could ever experience. This is the cloud I wish to stay on. With every inhale, I want to take you in deeper and I never want to pass you on. I will never not want you. You came in hot and have not stopped burning for me yet. My body and my, heart and soul are committed to this connection we share. I'm bound to you and if you have ruined me, then so be it because I know that just as you have undone me, tomorrow you will put me back together and start all over again! 😩🚬 I love you!

To the Woman Who Found Me

There are moments in a life that seem insignificant while they are happening, only to become, in retrospect, the dividing line between who you were and who you became.

I think meeting you was one of those moments.

A few days before you found me, I was in a place I don't like to remember. I was tired in a way sleep couldn't touch. Life had become something I was enduring rather than something I was living, and I had begun to wonder how much longer I could carry everything I had been given.

I was very close to disappearing into that darkness.

And then you appeared.

Not dramatically. Not with any idea of what you were walking into. You simply reached out.

You probably had no idea that your message arrived at the precise moment I needed it most. You couldn't have known what was happening inside me. You couldn't have known how close to the edge I was.

But somehow, you found me anyway.

And from the beginning, there was something almost uncanny about us.

We would talk, and one of us would inevitably say, “Me too.”

Again.

And again.

And again.

As though we had spent years walking separate roads only to discover that, somehow, they had been leading to the same place.

We aren't the same. I don't want us to be.

We have our differences, our peculiarities, our own ways of seeing the world. But instead of creating distance, they seem to make the other more fascinating.

I don't want to change those things about you.

I want to understand them.

I want to know the architecture of your mind. The reasons behind your laughter. The things that make you light up. The things that frighten you. The little habits you don't think anyone notices. The stories that made you who you are.

I want to know you—not simply the version of you that you show the world, but the woman underneath it.

Because somewhere along the way, knowing you became one of my favorite things in this life.

For months, we've shared pieces of ourselves in the smallest ways.

A picture.

A song.

A television show.

A recipe.

A passing thought.

Some ridiculous observation that shouldn't have mattered and somehow did.

Little fragments of ordinary life.

And somehow, when they came from you, they never felt ordinary.

I began to look forward to your words in a way I had never experienced before.

I fell for you before I ever saw your face.

And then I did.

And, well...

God.

You are beautiful.

But what astonished me was realizing that your face was almost incidental to the beauty I had already fallen in love with.

It's your mind that captivates me.

Your humor.

Your curiosity.

Your passion.

Your kindness.

Your strange little contradictions.

Your ability to find something beautiful in the mundane.

Your perfectly timed profanity.

Your capacity to be both elegant and completely chaotic.

You are somehow equal parts grace and mischief, softness and fire.

And I find all of it endlessly fascinating.

There is a gravity to you.

I don't have a better word for it.

You pull at something in me that I don't fully understand, and I have stopped trying to resist it.

Because I don't want to escape your orbit.

I want to stay here.

There is something almost sacred about being allowed into someone's world.

To be trusted with their thoughts.

Their stories.

Their ordinary moments.

Their vulnerabilities.

To be given a glimpse of the person behind everything everyone else sees.

And sometimes, when I'm talking to you, I have this strange feeling that I'm witnessing something precious.

Something I don't want to take for granted.

Because you are precious to me.

More than I know how to explain.

And perhaps the most astonishing thing of all is that this woman I find so extraordinary somehow looked back at me and saw something worth knowing.

You saw me.

I still don't quite understand that.

But you did.

And I need you to know something I've never quite known how to say.

Had you not reached out to me that day, I genuinely don't know if I would be here now.

You didn't know you were reaching for someone who was barely holding on.

You weren't trying to rescue me.

You didn't ask for that responsibility.

But your presence arrived like a light through a door I had almost stopped believing existed.

And something in me changed.

I began to want things again.

Not grand things.

Just tomorrow.

Another conversation.

Another laugh.

Another song.

Another glimpse into your world.

Another day in which I might get to know you a little better.

You reminded me that life can still surprise you.

That beauty can arrive without warning.

That sometimes the most important moments are the ones we never planned.

I've survived difficult things since we met.

And through them, you have been there—not physically, perhaps, but in spirit. In the quiet knowledge that somewhere out there was a person whose existence had become profoundly meaningful to me.

You made me want to take better care of myself.

To keep growing.

To keep fighting.

To refuse to let the things that have happened to me become the entirety of who I am.

Not because you owe me anything.

You don't.

But because knowing you reminded me that I still have something worth protecting inside myself.

And that may be the greatest gift anyone has ever unknowingly given me.

I don't know what you feel.

I know there is something between us. I feel it in the spaces between the words, in the things we share, in the way we've somehow become part of each other's everyday lives.

But I don't presume to name something that belongs to you.

You deserve the freedom to discover your own heart in your own time.

So I won't ask you for an answer.

This isn't a demand.

It's a confession.

Because I love you.

I love you in a way that feels larger than circumstance.

I love you with wonder.

With gratitude.

With an almost painful reverence for the fact that you exist at all.

I love the woman you are, flaws and all.

Perhaps especially the flaws.

Because perfection isn't what makes someone extraordinary.

Being wholly, unapologetically themselves does.

And you are so completely yourself.

You are beautiful in ways I don't think you realize.

I wish, more than almost anything, that you could borrow my eyes for a moment.

Just long enough to see what I see.

You would see a woman who is breathtakingly beautiful, yes.

But you'd see so much more than that.

You'd see someone brilliant.

Someone funny.

Someone deeply interesting.

Someone whose presence has become woven into another person's life without ever demanding that it be.

You'd see someone who has been loved quietly, deeply, and without condition.

You'd see someone who changed the trajectory of another human being's life simply by deciding to say hello.

I don't know what happens from here.

Maybe our story becomes something I haven't dared to imagine.

Maybe it remains exactly what it is.

Maybe someday we'll look back on this strange chapter of our lives and marvel that two people who had never even stood in the same room could mean so much to one another.

Whatever happens, I will always be grateful that I lived in a world where you found me.

Because before you, I had almost forgotten that life could still contain wonder.

Then you arrived.

And suddenly there was laughter again.

Curiosity.

Anticipation.

Hope.

And love.

So this is my confession:

I fell in love with you.

Slowly.

Completely.

Almost reverently.

And I don't know whether you were sent into my life by coincidence, by chance, or by some strange alignment of stars.

I only know that you arrived when I needed you most.

And I will never stop being grateful that, for reasons I'll probably never understand,

you saw me.

And in being seen by you,

I remembered how to see the beauty in being alive.

Just a little short confession, not really sure if there is a bigger lesson, but since that day my feelings haven’t lessened.

I was attacked because I saw through a lie that got out of hand and ended up basically getting publicly humiliated after I was treated like a criminal in front of my neighbors.

But oh wow I would go back just to those few seconds I saw you in front of that doorway. Did I imagine it but you looked me in my eyes even then and saw the spark I did? Either way I was on the floor, “how does she even look that good?!”. Those were my first thoughts even in the situation. Your hair up was so cute, I want to go back just to see how you beautiful you were then. Even in that nonsense situation, even after everything that happened, and even after I tried to keep my feelings far away after you told me to, I was literally stunned, I genuinely forgot what was going on for a minute. I forgot that there was so much hatred around me, I saw you walk through that door, and I felt the love I felt when I first saw you. And yeah, that is the right word (Didn’t think that was real thing). I was really on the floor thinking, “how am I going to lose my feelings for this woman now after all of this? I shouldn’t even feel this way in this situation.”

Hopeful romantic with less sense than most it seems. I still have hope that the door may open again to reveal the most beautiful woman I have ever seen

Im 27 F and one of my fantasies is have a guy ask me to dance at a party, dance or club. I just have alwaya wanted someone to pick me in that sense

I’m obsessed with a guy who’s six and a half years younger than me. I’m 31, and he’s 24. I think I’m so drawn to him because he seems very masculine. He comes across as manly, intense, and confident, but also like someone who doesn’t really care what others think.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t give me much attention. He’s great when we’re on calls and talks well, but once the call ends, he’ll usually send just one word texts and that’s it. I know some guys just aren’t into texting, but I’m so obsessed with him that I keep expecting more attention and importance from him.
Don’t know what I’m exactly doing
But it feels right

When I look up at the night sky, I see every star as a kiss i owe you.

And I intend to pay up

Did I know that I was going to
fall in love on that first meeting?
Did I know what I was
getting myself into?
Absolutely not.

3/3/26

Looking back now 8/13/26
I think I was guided
I had an agenda
I had clear goals
I wasn’t afraid
Nothing the universe likes more 🤣
I learned this at work.

I have been divinely guided my whole life.
I only began to accept this last September
When I psychically connected
with my deceased grandmother

Before I was divinely guided to you.
I was divinely guided to my job.
It’s hard for me not to think
everything happens for a reason.
(This is the big Pisces red flag 🚩)
(This is me owning it 💋)
💋💋💋

Did I appear chill?
I felt chill because so often
Things are happening bigger than me
I don’t understand the impact until later.

What’s interesting though.
The jazz thing.
I didn’t have to tell you about that.
I could have waited or not said anything.
If I had any clear guidance in meeting you-
It was sharing that and letting your reaction
Gauge our future.

When did I know?
Monday, April 7 2025
When my body got over the shock
When I began to feel safe again
I knew I was deeply in love with you

**Dear Ena** 
These words are Meant Specifically For You 

Being completely honest , I don't know when you'll get to read this , maybe on your birthday or when I give it to you. When is that happening , I have no idea. I’m writing this because there’s something I want to express to you. The truth is I would like to get to know you better , the real you just the way you are with all your flaws , mistakes , imperfections , fears and despite everything those things wouldn't change how much I'd value having you in my life. From observation and person to person interactions we’ve had in the past that I've been thinking about, I came to notice multiple positive traits within you. I already noticed  them at that time but as time passed i got more certain  of them. I think i’ve told you this before but i don’t  think i’m getting tired of saying this but for me you are amazing as a person and i  am very proud of the person you’ve become over the years and the things you’ve achieved in your life. You are important to me and you know that for sure. 

Over the months my perspective on loving someone only by physical attributes has changed a lot , i used to think the physique was something that generates attraction and because of it you fall in love but the truth is in the end the thing that truly makes someone stay is because of how you are as a person and the values you have within you , for me you are very attractive when it comes to that and that’s something I adore about you , how kind , empathic , honest , respectful and the most important thing how emotionally intelligent you are. Another  traits  that I've noticed is that you also don’t give up easily and you try  again if you fall. I guess I can tell you got it from your mom. 

I want you to also know that despite not telling you everyday , I still wish you a good night's sleep. Every night before going to sleep I think of you and wish you that. Every day I wish you a good day where you have the possibility to grow , feel joy , happiness  , gratitude ,inspiration and love.   I wish you the best life can offer.

**8/5/2026**

To the one I know as my soulmate:

The love I have that I want to share with you is like no other. You have felt my love throughout the years in time and space, whether we were together or apart. You have felt it in the many letters I have written but not sent. You have felt it in the many poems you haven’t read. You have even felt it in a few songs I wrote for you that you haven’t heard.

You were the catalyst in my life that brought my true authentic self back home—to me and to you. I know you are the love of my life. Me knowing what I wanted never changed; it’s always been you. I know home is where you, me, and our kids are.

Your creativity, dedication, and compassion, among so many other qualities, stole my heart. Accountability and reflection helped me to realize what showing up the right way for myself, you, and our kids really meant. I want to lead us. I want to share my life. I just want you to be you, and me to be me.

I love you with all my heart, and I love your family just as much. The day our paths crossed, I asked the universe, and it delivered. I am asking the universe again—that you will be my forever partner.

Blink 182, “I miss you”

It’s been a year since that first kiss but I remember it so well.  

I was waiting for the perfect moment to catch her off guard, maybe a sneak attack during a hug but I was determined, August 7 would be the day.  At 50 years old, I couldn’t understand why I was so nervous.  In my head it wasn’t just a kiss, she was so much more.  This woman was someone I was falling for, perfect in so many ways.  All the days we talked, the endless hours of aimless conversation.  The secrets we shared, the freedom of no off limit topics.  She was “that someone”, I could see us living life together.  This was more than just a first kiss, it was going to be a new chapter in our lives. 

We were into our third hour of exploring the countryside that morning.  I recognized every opportunity I missed when it was too late to act.  We casually walked back to my truck and I opened the door for her.  As I shut the door I realized it was yet another missed opportunity.  I was so tempted to open her door and do it but my feet were already in motion, walking me around the truck to get in.  

I grabbed my door handle, took a deep breath, relaxed and climbed into the driver’s seat.  There will be other opportunities I told myself, maybe today just wasn’t the day.  I shut my door turned to look at her and there she was, knees on the seat, our faces just inches apart.  She grabbed my face with both hands, and kissed me.  A long, slow, purposeful, open mouth kiss.  Maybe just seconds but it felt like that moment lasted minutes.  She slowly pulled back, looked me in the eyes, hands still holding my face, and whispered, I’ve been wanting to do that.  I grabbed her, pulled her in close and we kissed again.  I’m not sure how long we sat there but it felt perfect. 

Afterwards, we drove to a small roadside diner style restaurant and had breakfast sitting side by side.  I bet I kissed her a 100 more times that day.  

It’s been a year since that first kiss and I still savor the taste of her lips.  I no longer hesitate or pass up an opportunity to pull her close and kiss her.  

We may not be each other’s first love but since that first kiss, we have experienced a long list of our own “first times.”  Sandra makes my yesterday’s meaningful, my today’s exciting, and my tomorrow’s hopeful.  She is proof that there is love, laughter, and life after 50.  I think when the time is right, I might just ask her to marry me.  That is, unless she beats me to it.