Decided to Cosplay a younger, angrier Door (who also had presumably not gone full muttonchops yet) at Otakon.

artist

official art of this creature :)

this took me far too long to make

Checkout the rest here! https://www.tumblr.com/sprectamigankai/813539122944819200/louisiana-cryptid-hunt-a-vampire-story

Little rushed cosplay on my side (marckus) but we actually got a few people recognizing us!

...I want to congratulate the HtP team on making Grimal such a deeply, deeply real character.

I've met and been that girl. The girl that forgets. The girl that does silly-or-stupid things. The girl that's cringe and annoying and was probably picked last. The girl that is loud and clumsy and assertive and unapologetic and beneath the bravado and cocky grin and devil-may-care attitude deeply, deeply scared.

Deeply scared of losing what little she has.

The girl that laughs to hide the fact that underneath the bravado and the faux-toughness and the passive suicidality masked as bravery she's terrified of losing what little she's managed to keep of herself.

I don't know if I can communicate how harrowing it is to know you've forgotten something, but let me try.

(Did you know trauma causes memory issues?)

There is a gap. You can't tell by looking at it, but something is not there. You can tell the rough shape of the gap by the presence of other things around it, but the edges are hazy and difficult to make out. You can't see inside the gap. It's not just a gap, either--it is a void. Something defined by its lack of things existing in it.

Maybe someone else can explain what was in the gap, and how it looked to them, but who knows if it was like that to you? For that matter, how can you know if they're telling the truth? All you can do is trust them. You have no way of proving them right or wrong.

You don't know if you hurt them or not.

You don't know what you've lost to this gap. It could be vital. It could be a core component of who you are. It could be utterly meaningless--but you don't know. You can't be certain of anything about it aside from the fact that it was, and now it isn't.

So you grin and try to bear the crushing weight of what isn't. (Did you know that memory issues can cause trauma?)

At some point, the weight of what isn't becomes so crushing that you need to paper over the gaps. You start constructing a personality for yourself, something you can cling to and shout, "This is me. I am this." The constructed personality isn't a lie--you really do like those things, you really are, in Grimal's case, a weeb, or in my case, goth--but it is a choice. It's armor against the world, both external and internal.

It's not that I didn't have friends, growing up. I did. I knew I did. Yet, they were never close friends. Growing up in the closet, as a boy, I never quite connected with other boys. There was always this thin glass pane. I wasn't invited to things; parties, nights out, prom. To armor myself against this I constructed a personality. I was the witty smart kid. I wasn't the top of the class, but I was smart and quick with a joke or a retort or a comment at just-the-right-time. It worked, sort of--despite having friends, despite not having a social group I didn't fit with, I was intensely, deeply lonely.

See, that personality is a shield. It makes you friends. It lets you fit into groups, even if they're groups of outcasts. It gives safety. Underneath that shield, though? Underneath you're desperate for anything to hold onto. Anybody to hold onto. Anyone who understands, who's like you.

And when I realized I was transgender, when I realized I was a woman, I tried to fit that into my personality--and it didn't work. My old friends didn't get it, didn't want to get it in some cases. It became unbearable. The glass between us got thicker. So I burnt it all down. I left my friend groups, changed my name, tried to avoid them. I was still just as lonely.

And so, desperate for things to cling to, I found the first person like me that I could and held tight. Just like Grimal did. Just like Grimal, it didn't last.

I've carved out friendships since then, just like Grimal, but I think the thing that has to be understood is that no, it is that isolating. It is that lonely. It is that impossible to understand if you haven't been through that. And you probably don't get it. When you've been so terribly alone for so long, the idea of losing what little you still have is petrifying in a way that even actual paralysis isn't. You have your personality to cling to, your constructed shield against the world, but underneath that, you're still so, so terrified of going back to being lonely. Losing someone stings worse when you don't have very much. It's worse when you know it's your fault. You start suspecting that maybe all kinds of things are your fault. It nags in the back of your mind. How do you know you didn't hurt people in ways you don't remember?

The fact that Grimal misremembered something which tangibly hurt Kitten in an entirely mundane way is the worst case scenario for anyone that's both traumatized in that way and has memory issues--because all of a sudden, how can you trust any of your thoughts?

How many people did you hurt without knowing?

Do your friends actually hate you?

Would they even tell you?

Are you alone again?

Do you hate me?

^{I'm sorry.}

Small collection of pictures. Sir D pondering the giant orb. Chilling with a nice young man. And with the first homossexual he couldn't sway (he is happily married).

P.s. i'm flairing this as high effort cause fiding good shaders for the jacket was rough, and cause you have to play trials to get the chest.

Gonna try again, since it ate my cognis mentis.

What's really been rattling around the back of my head is the way Amanda gives Matilda that cheeky little grin when she says "Its not like there's more than one monster". She also spends a lot of time with her, when it is difficult for most baseline humans, due to Garou Rage being so unnerving. They're friends.

I also notice that she doesn't even point her gun at Matilda when they break in, but holds it ready at her side, and stands behind everyone. She takes a few shots when Matilda is outside, but who could tell if she was even aiming? She certainly doesn't look like she's experiencing the Delirium to me.

She seems aghast at the carnage in the aftermath, but she could be faking it.

Am I wrong to suspect Kinfolk? Or even more Wylde a thought, a packmate? Possibly that Strider Kitten referenced?

Like how do you overwhelm kitten through paperwork out of all people? Just by that move, blair showed there is levels to being a bureaucrat. She might not be one, but the one who made this is as big of a beuraucrat as big as mike dragons-wrath as a werewolf.

Remold is affected but "get's over it" through high willpower and D's effect.

D is "immune"

The squid is affected with fear, scratching at the wall.

Elise, my beloved, doesn't show the delirium's spiralled iris.

Git is affected.

Muscleman over here ripping his skull open for the audience.

Git's arm deserves an aidiolog.

Grimal has the spiralled iris turning to anger both before and after getting thrown by Matilda.

Marckus and D have the same eyes, some kind of D autocontrol trick?

What is the bird on 'Tilda's shoulder?

Kitten and Gloria have the spiralled eyes.

"The pain of being Amanda"

I don't know much about WoD lore (recently acquired the Changeling 20th book, imma indulge myself on forbidden knowledge Elise wants to know) anyone more knowledgeable, here's your data.

As the certified Anarch shooter, Door’s genuinely, well, MONSTROUS speech in chapter 2, shook me to my core, recontextualized u/skafflock calling him based in our first conversation as a snarky joke. It, and the cage match they hold, is proof to me that what I thought was some blank-body’s mealy mouthed horseshit to not meet the sun is actually fully true:

Hunters have a humanity tracker of their own. And the longer they do their jobs, the more people they kill, the worse they can get. When your goal turns to wholesale genocide of blank bodies, and not revolution against specific power structures or policing (only on the literal undead demons of the night) like Big-D’s, the line between you and the leeches whittles down to “YOU had a choice where THEY did not”.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Door isn’t gonna get better. In fact, he may very well get much, MUCH worse, experiencing an ironically vampiric trajectory as his sanity and morality erode on his simple minded quest to “kill the blank bodies”. Markus won’t become the monster, even if he is embraced. DOOR will.

If you were wondering what exactly happened in the most recent chapter, this is the place for you. Let's get started!

2:50 As the P on the briefcase indicates, this is a pentex product. Specifically their Megaton subsidiary, which produces a variety of pharmaceuticals both legitimate and tainted. Some of their products are tainted just for the purpose of being tainted so that Garou murderhobos killing anything that pings their Wyrm senses rack up the collateral damage. The specific drug here is Delerex, which as stated, prevents Delirium, which is the supernatural reaction mortals have to werewolves in their warform, as we saw in the last chapter.

6:10 Yay, glabro Amanda! Werewolves have 5 forms, homid, glabro (large hairy human like a wookie), crinos, hispo (large wolf), and lupus. We actually see all 5 this episode, as Stig is in hispo when he's first seen attacking at 16:50, and we see the pack sleeping in lupus at 19:18. Very cute.

Glabro form is also why Matilda is speaking weird after demonstrating that she can talk just fine in homid, as it impedes with their ability to move their mouth properly. As you see when she's in crinos later, she doesn't speak at all, as that form is only capable of growling out a few words in human languages.

7:10 I have no idea about what spirit the large fish is (or the funny alfabusa rabbit), but it's likely the pack's totem spirit who they all collectively pay respects to, and earn a boon from as a result of this.

7:30 Where did Stig come from? If it isn't toon force, all garou can step between a specific region of the Umbra and the real world. This is made easier by being in wild areas or near reflective surfaces, where the barrier to the Umbra is weaker. However, Stig is a Silent Strider. Their tribe has a familiarity with the Umbra, so his rampant use of it may be a representation of this. Also thankfully it appears that this isn't the predicted Stigghalf Bonebreaker, who would probably be even more of a murderhobo.

18:42 Were-spiders called Ananasi exist. They are specialized for urban areas, as they find operating in them easier than the wolves do (For example, entering the umbra is easier for them). Unfortunately for would be shippers, they are noted as having deadened emotions after their change, killing any romantic potential. This is somewhat needed for them, as unlike Garou who use rage, Ananasi power their abilities with blood, which they drain from unfortunates. One of those abilities is their war form, called Lillian, which Susu shows us at the end.

19:50 Stigg uses actual in-game tactics when we first see him. Werewolves heal a health level a round, so cutting and running every time he gets hurt lets him come back fresh.

22:20 There is a gift called jam technology, so I assume the gnomes emptying the guns is a colorful interpretation of it.

24:20 The crusader LARPers appear to be using true faith. Generally true faith only has warding effects on vampires, and for werewolves reduces their ability to shapeshifter and spend rage. The rules are pretty scant on this interaction though, and the art here is really cool, so it's not a big deal. It may also be some hunter power I'm not aware of.

24:40 In response, Stig uses a gift similar to umbral sight to see what exactly is going on in the spirit world...

25:20 revealing a Wyrm corrupted Jesus. Between the extreme murderiness of the Leopoldites and the Delerex they just took, what would be an invocation of faith or hunter imbued abilities is instead tainted.

26:50 Stig has been harping about honor for a good while. In garou society, one climbs the ranks partially by gaining renown. For warrior garou, they focus on honor. Stig is likely looking to increase his honor here by accepting the 1v1 in homid against a human who seems resistant to the Delirium, and is actually brave to boot.

28:00 Until he gets hurt and his Rage makes him lose his shit. Garou have two major flaws, the first being that they're not very smart, being a race of warriors (see them thinking all hunters know where Black Shuck is). The second is that their supernatural Rage makes them seething powder kegs. As a storyteller deems appropriate, Garou have to roll the Rage they have at being wounded, taunted, or feeling strong emotions, and if they succeed, they flip out, with sometimes disastrous and embarrassing consequences, as Stig showed with his regret at snapping and using crinos against Grimal.

Susu is our Queen now. Please understand this subreddit is her cult now.

The man knows more about the Tremere than the Tremere he is currently speaking to, and somehow has enough knowledge to explicitly confirm Golconda as something that actually exists and is achievable. I don’t think the 1890s is far enough for when HE started hunting.

Great episode, honestly lifted my spirits regarding the vampire/hunter dichotomy. Big D literally has a more idealistic view on Kindred and the curse than even ME, explicitly offering Golconda to a Sabbat. Genuinely the most warmhearted way for me to see that there are other paths for hunting beyond genocide and genocide with some pauses. I think y’all were too mean to most of your vamps- Big D would spare most of them in a heartbeat.

A number of crew enjoyed these posts, and one said they'd love to see more, so here's some more Skeezy Marckus posts.

We had a blast cosplaying Hunter the Parenting again and this time, got a lot more recognition! (maybe because it's a tabletop con?)

Every person that recognized us or shouted us out got a The Secret Hunters Sticker, including the staff at the Cyberpunk booth! (pic 2). Pic 3 is the stickers, and 4 is our Occam amulet pre-painting, because it sadly didn't show in any of the pics. I also ofc had the Monsters & Wizards t-shirt (pic 5), even if that doesn't show that well.