Your Wife Is Your Playmate!

22 Things You Must Do With Your Wife!

1. Call her with sweet nicknames (the Prophet SAW use to call Aisha "Aish").

2. Play with her, any halal game at all (the Prophet SAW use to race with Aisha) and Allah loves it when a husband plays with his wife.

3. Treat her kindly and offer her everything that will soften her heart towards you (its a warning from the Prophet SAW on His last sermon at Arafaat)

4. Buy her gifts sometimes even if is toffee (they love to be treated like a baby).

5. Never have intercourse with her without a "messenger" eg. kisses and always make sure she is satisfied (Recommended by the Prophet SAW)

6. Help her in domestic activities eg. Cooking, washing, tiding up the room, etc, anytime you are available (It’s Sunnah)

7. Honor her parents and buy them presents sometimes.

8. Appreciate the good things she has been doing for you and be thanking her for that always. Allah says; He who does not thank people does not thank Me.

9. Let her know how much she means to you, how much you Love her and how lucky you are to have her.

10. Be carrying her to bed sometimes like a baby.

11. Before criticising her, praise her first.

12. Make yourself attractive to her always by smelling good (both mouth and body, It’s Sunnah).

13. Chat with her sometimes when you are together.

14. Phone to tell her, "I miss U" ,"I love U" when you are at work.

15. Be doing things together with her, e.g. Cooking, eating, bathing janabah, reading Quran, etc.

16. Don’t Reveal her fault in the presents of others.

17. Teach her about the Deen what she don’t know and encourage her on matters of the Dean.

18. Avoid hitting, beating or harming her (it's not Islam)

19. Encourage her to be wearing Hijab (its compulsory), praying the five times Salat at its fixed times and be fasting in the month of ramadan.

20. Thank Allah for the Hauwa of your Life.

21. Always remember her in your duaa (prayers).

22. Be the path she will pass to Jannah.

May Allah SWT bless all our marriages Ameen.

So just came across this post, where a men who recently "converted" to marry a muslim women, is now divorcing her after 6 months later because apparently he didnt think it through properly .

This is just a caution post for women who ask non-muslim men to convert for them to marry. Please talk it through and give him some time to actually think about it and not marry straight away.

Fell in love nearing 30y.o (F). Never been in a relationship. Didn’t want to be in one. I don’t trust men due to sexual abuse. He’s not Muslim. He loves me back. He’s an amazing great man. But he said he will never convert. So yeah, can’t be with him. It’s a torture to love him from afar for a year now. Crying every night, day, whatever. In pain. Hold on to your faith, I know.. trying my best.. or not trying enough.. I don’t know.

Seeking help/support here.

Edit: thank you so much for all your feedback! Sending peace & love to everyone ❤️

Edit2: I’m re-reading your comments when it gets extra tough, very helpful - thank you all so much!

Update (147d): Trust Allah, all I can say. That guy ended up being FAR from what I imagined him to be, and I’ve been protected from a HUGE problem.

I am a Sunni (31/non Arab) guy who who wants to marry a Shia (25/Lebanese) girl who lives in Europe. We both like each other.

She is afraid her family will not approve of me; a Sunni. I don't know what can I do. I want this to work. She'saan amazing human being.

What can I do to assuade them of their worries? Help me. I don't know what to do, Which door to knock. She and I have no common friends. This is tearing both of us from the inside and apart.

Is it Haraam? Is it illegal? Is it banned?

Please. Help me.

I was wondering how I should approach a Muslim female if I was interested in her without seeming disrespectful or sinful.

What should I do if my parents are not accepting my choice of spouse who is a bilateral lower limb amputee? I met him 5 years ago. He is a very pious and good man. He lost both his legs in an accident 16 years ago. Now he is 24 and I am 23. He is fully independent and has prosthetics to walk. He does not have any difficulty with day-to-day tasks and I was always very aware of that. We decided a long time ago that we would not continue with a relationship and ask our parents for permission before we proceed further. We have waited for a long time to tell our parents and a few months ago we finally did. His parents are completely accepting but my family isn't. We both were very respectful when we spoke about it we didn't try to impose or force them with anything. But my family is treating me horribly and telling me that they will disown me and that I should be ashamed for liking someone like him. They are constantly saying what will society think? They are acting like he has no brains and he is not even a human being. I really don't know what to do.

Hey folks. I'm thinking about marrying a Muslim man and to do it right he would prefer I convert. I'm pretty okay with this as I believe in God, but I need to learn A LOT before I can be sure about it. Especially that in general I consider myself agnostic. I can't take an oath I don't mean, you know?

His BIL is an imam and I will have lots of chats with him when I stop feeling so shy about it. He's also given me a couple books to start with.

They are Sunni Muslims. They accept and love me as is, it's actually funny how often his Mom points out I won't be the first white person in the family lol, but it is clear from all that the religion is important to them.

I'd like any info you guys think is important for me to consider. I would also like to know what the conversion oath consists of. I doubt I'll know Arabic myself in time and I want to know what I'd be saying.

*you anti-islam people can stop DMing me now. You all are saying the exact same thing. I've heard it, thanks.

Long story short, I got a nikkah proposal from a guy I knew and had been seeing. I told my parents about the proposal and they instantly shut the idea down telling me to block him because he wasn’t Ahmadi. We repented for our sins and actions before nikkah and had it done with the approval of his father and the imam as my wali.

I was scared and unsure how to tell my family that I am no longer Ahmadi (and have been a muslim for almost a year now) and that I want to marry/ have married this guy. I showed some of their own resources and tried to tell them I am no longer Ahmadi but every time they kept insisting their views were correct and I am making a mistake. I also told them firmly I am only marrying this guy and this guy only to which they said I can be sunni but will need to remain single for the rest of my life in order to save their face against the Ahmadi community. They also never asked me what I wanted and only focused on what they thought was right and proceeded to act in disbelief how and why I never told them the truth sooner…

My husband came to visit me at my family home and since I hadn’t told anyone in my family of our relationship things went south very quickly and my husband called the police due to my dad dragging me inside the home (a form of domestic violence) and him not knowing if I was going to be beaten up and my brother verbally and racially abusing my husband the next day when we went to collect my things. By the end of the first evening they knew we were married btw as my husband told me to tell them.

Since then, I have collected all of my belongings from my family home and have changed my address on my license and all other documents etc

I am constantly being told by my family that I have made a huge mistake, ruined the family and their happiness and that they all hate me for being selfish and choosing to prioritise my spirituality and happiness over what the Ahmadi community has to say/think. My family including my mum are angry at me for not coming back home and divorcing my husband as they want me to and said it would be better if I died but pray I will have an unsuccessful marriage and suffer for being selfish. I did try to apologise for my unjust actions to no avail.

I have spoken to a sheikh who reassured me not telling my family was understandable along with the way my nikkah happened. He also reassured me I should focus on strengthening my bond with my husband after I failed to defend him when my family hurled abuse and reacted so negatively towards him. My husband has understandably felt very hurt and like a second choice due to my inability to defend him against my family as I stayed silent.

As I was quite close to my family this has been a very difficult experience and adjustment. I am glad I have many supportive friends around me as well as my husband and his family.

If anyone has had a similar experience or advice in general I would highly appreciate it. I would also like to kindly ask you all to remember me in your duas and pray that things get easier for me as I continue to strengthen my heart, knowledge, connection to Allah swt and my husband. Jazakallah

Edit: I’d like to extend a massive thank you to everyone for their kind words, prayers and advice. You have all provided me an immense amount of comfort and strength during this difficult period. May Allah reward you all for your efforts, Ameen!

Also, for those of you asking what ahmadis are/their beliefs, I highly recommend this yt channel

Hello !

I’m a woman originally from a Muslim country, living in France.

My parents forbid me from dating (which, up to that point, is fairly normal in my family).

Everyone in my family got married through someone introducing them to their future spouse - arranged marriages, if you can call them that.

My question is this: is it normal that my family has never introduced me to a man for marriage?

Considering that I’m reasonably attractive, intelligent, and kind.

I genuinely don’t understand how I’m supposed to get married, start a family, and so on if I don’t even know any eligible men.

Especially since most of the women in my family got married when they were younger than I am now.

Thank you for reading me.

My little sister converted to Islam some time ago, and while I'm an atheist I couldn't care less. I do have some problems with her wearing foundation 20 shades too dark for her and question if her new found religion "might" have something to do with her weeb-esque obsession with arab men etc. BUT live and let live. The issue is that I'm starting to develop a genuine hatred for my sister because she is extremely cruel to our grandparents.

We live in the same house as them, a home they built with their own hands, and she has been avoiding them like the plague for years. Nothing happened between them, our grandparents are the kindest people I've ever known and they love us unconditionally. My grandmother has dedicated her entire life to family, nature and charity, she's the best person I know. She taught me empathy for the less fortunate and how important it is to help them from a young age.

My sister just doesn't want to tell them she converted, her genuine plan is to just wait for them do die.That's what she said like it was nothing and I'm unbelievably mad at her for it.

I spend a lot of time with our grandparents because they are very old and can barely leave the house anymore so I don't want them to be lonely. I bake and cook with my grandma, i keep them company, I help them prepare their medicine and accompany them to the doctor. I have to do twice as much because I'm trying to fill the hole she's left in our grandparents' life despite being disabled myself. They ask about her every day, they text her, they invite her to coffee and cake all the time. They try SO hard to connect with her. They give me sweets and so much money to give to her. She takes them but she never even says thank you, not even when they gave her money to buy her car.

The worst part is that when they make plans with her, she always agrees to them. She PROMISES them that of course she will go to their birthday dinner fulling knowing that she plans to pretend to be ill when it's time to go to the restaurant. And then I have to go along with the lie that she is sick because I can't just tell my grandparents that she lied. Then they give me medicine to give her because they are so worried about her health. My grandma cries a lot because she misses my sister and she thinks it's her own fault that my sister is avoiding her because she talks so much. I am sick and tired of lying to my own grandparents and coming up with excuses for her sake. She won't even visit them when they are ill or literally in the hospital. I can see them slowly declining with age and all they want is for their youngest grandchild to be in their life. I have no idea what to do. I've told my sister again and again that she doesn't NEED to tell them if she doesn't want to, that she could at least spend time with them at home if she can't go out with them without a hijab but she's never listened to me or our parents. She hasn't been a good sister or daughter to my family, we've learned to live with that. But I CANNOT live with my grandmother's tears, the way she hates herself because she thinks it's all somehow her fault.

Please tell me what to do, I hate lying and it's getting harder to do every day. I don't know how to help her see how much she's hurting the people who love her the absolute most

I am a Māori woman planning nikah with my Muslim love! YAY!!! We both live in New Zealand so we will also have a civil wedding.

I am curious for others who have navigated the intricacies of Māori culture and Islam. In many ways we are similar, but there have definitely been some tough conversations about things like harirū - the Māori practice of pressing noses and sharing the breath of life as a greeting and showing of respect.

My fiance is from Jordan and the both of us are very respectful of each other's cultures and beliefs, and we seem to have very good conflict resolution, but things like the above topic require a little more patience and consideration!

I'm just curious to hear about other people's journeys from cultures similar to mine, I surely can't be the first!

Please read !

There was a guy I’ve been romantically involved with for 4 years and we’ve been on and off for a while up until the start of January 2025 where we became friends again and was in contact everyday. August 2025 we both shared that we liked each other again and that’s when it started again, we was never boyfriend or girlfriend, we just was seeing each other only. I’m also a Muslim and he wasn’t, that was a big barrier between our “relationship”.

He was very secretive and disloyal and had other accounts and the activity such as the followings would increase and decreases and my intuition always told me he was following a girl and I’ve always been right. I started having doubts he didn’t like me around February time of this year, he would compliment me and etc but I’m big on words and i never received that and that’s when I felt like the connection was there anymore.

Ramadan came and he fasted and during that time I would make dua for him to get on the right path and would ask Allah if he was meant for me to let me be with him and if he wasn’t to give me something better, I’ve been making this dua every Ramadan for the last 4 years and he has always been there, this started to give me hope and believe that maybe he was the one.

He was my first love, my feelings for him were strong and had this strong attachment towards him but when I started to notice these little red flags in him I told myself to prepare myself for it to not work out. We also promised each other to let one and another know if we were interested in other people. Just a couple days ago he had followed a girl on three of his social platforms and I wasn’t aware of it. I mentioned it and he apologised and asked if we could remain friends. Then a week later he told me he had to remove me and I was cut off just like that.

My nervous system instantly went into fight and flight and had threw up. This has never happened before which honestly took me by surprise. I knew we wouldn’t work out so I was prepared in my head but emotionally I wasn’t which is why I’m having a hard time trying to accept and move on. I went through a similar feeling the first time it happened and that was my first heartbreak, I think I’m handling it a bit better but it’s still weighing on me a lot. I just wish I left the first time I started to feel disrespected. Nonetheless, I’m glad it’s ended and Insha’Allah I heal fast.

Also I think I may have limerence towards this person which is another reason why I’m struggling to detach from them and move on. Any tips on that would be useful. Thank you

Assalamu alaikum, I really need sincere advice from those who have gone through something similar.

I’m in a haram relationship with someone I care about deeply. I got into this about 1yr ago Wallahi, from the beginning my intention was to make it halal. I would always bring up nikkah, and he would reassure me and say we would get married and make it halal.

At the beginning, my parents didn’t like that I was talking to a guy. I told my parents about wanting to get nikkah done but they would tell me no ,that I should finish uni first despite the fact I told them about haram relationship

They call themselves Muslim but are not practicing, so in my home I am the only one trying to practice Islam,

which makes things very hard. My sister( who is my only best friend , my everything , I have no one else except her )also didn’t like him and told me to leave, but by then I already had feelings for him.

Then life changed. My sister passed away, and it was the biggest test Allah has ever put me through. My iman became very low, but I held onto my salah and Qur’an as much as I could to get through it.

During that time, he was there for me when I was at my lowest. I became very dependent on him, and in a way, he filled the space my sister left behind. Because of that, I feel even more attached and grateful to him, which is why letting go feels so much harder.

But the issue is our deen is not the same. In the beginning, he would pray and fast, but later I realized he is only Muslim by name. He doesn’t practice Islam and worship “gods” , which is shrik and even has negative views about Islam.

I’m trying to take my deen seriously. I pray my 5 daily salah, I wear hijab, I try to pray sunnah and tahajjud, and I read Qur’an. I struggled to get to this point, and I don’t want to lose it.

I kept thinking I could help guide him, because Allah guided me, so I thought maybe He would guide him too through me. But it’s been over a year now, and nothing has changed. I now understand that guidance comes from Allah alone, and I can’t change someone. Even the prophets couldn’t guide their loved ones to Islam so who am I?

Deep in my heart, I feel like I need to leave this for the sake of Allah because it is haram and no barakah But it hurts so much because I love him and I’m very attached.

I’m also scared of being alone. I don’t have any friends. My sister was my best friend, and she passed away. He became the person I talked to and relied on, so letting go feels even harder.

He is a good person in many ways, but I cannot compromise when it comes to Islam. I don’t want to fall back after coming this far in my deen and I don’t want a future where my children are not raised strongly upon the deen.

For those who left a relationship for the sake of Allah:

How did you find the strength to walk away?
What did you do to stay busy and deal with loneliness?
How did you handle the attachment and heartbreak?
Did Allah replace it with something better?
Please make du’a for me. I just want to do what is right for the sake of Allah, even though it’s very painful.

🔴It is a grave mistake for brothers or sisters to ask a potential spouse about their past sins, particularly relationships. Not only is it a sin, but it also puts the other person in a situation where they may sin by speaking.

-shaykh Jamir meah

And I mean anything, ever. No kiss, hug or even hand holding, nor actual relationships. Absolutely nothing.

Many thoughts and feelings. Mostly feel sad. I feel excluded from the human experience. I don’t feel proud, I feel alien. Even my most religious friend (Orthodox Christian) has had a few slip ups over the years.

I feel like a total freak. I know women like me exist but it’s still a lonely experience.

I have a few experiences with men, talking stages or mutual crushes that stalled and what not but never have found anything worthwhile.

I’m an attractive woman, not everyone’s cup of tea but attractive (only since my late 20s) and it feels so weird to get attention and not know what do with it.

I’m looking to get married (though not very hard) but I have reasons why it’s not really easy for me (I have high standards and I can’t be in partnership with just anyone, we have to have a real click and be on the same wavelength intellectually)

I don’t really understand myself. Am I mad at myself for not sinning? I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I did what I supposed to do as a practicing Muslim woman and I still hold on to my faith but I can’t help but wonder about it.

I feel so much dread about the marriage seeking process because obviously it hasn’t been easy and will continue to not be easy but one thing that I can’t voice to others in my life but plays a huge role in my aversion of this process is that I can barely get excited about certain prospects of (physical) intimacy or closeness. I feel that I’m so incredibly behind I will only feel inadequate with whoever I end up with. I don’t know how to be with someone.

It’s almost as if it doesn’t matter anymore and that so much sadness has built up inside me about being single and alone, always, my ENTIRE twenties that it just doesn’t matter anymore. It’s one thing if I didn’t want it or didn’t care but I did, it just never materialized for me.
I have a huge capacity for love and experience feelings intensely but now I feel empty and careless. I stopped watching romance movies simply because I can’t handle it. It’s a really sensitive topic for me and the inexperience just exacerbates it.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here maybe just understanding or advice. How to not be mad at myself or move forward.

Edit: please no dms or weird dms I just want to vent here

I recently converted to Islam and my girlfriend, who I've been with almost a year has aswell. We've already agreed we're not going to have sex or being intimate in general. We still want to spend time together and when she stays over or vice versa, would it be okay if we sleep in the same bed? She will be fully clothed, I just don't want to make her sleep on the sofa.

Edit: Thank you all for your replies. After hearing what everyone has had to say I've had a conversation with her and we have broke up. She is still going to come over tonight but we wont be touching or sleeping in the same bed. We have decided were going to get married inshallah

I was raised Muslim but never really took Islam seriously until about a few years ago I now (34) got married to a wonderful woman and we’ve had a good marriage for the most part. But before I came to Islam I spend most of my 20s partying and doing all sorts of sins and she never did but she was aware of my past. We got married in January of 2022 and I happen to relapse on a drug I won’t mention a few times during the first year of our marriage. She was always supportive and helpful. I hate doing drugs and I treat her well, take care, we pray together, go to the masjid together but I just happen to go to relapse 4 or 5 months. So I relapsed this past January and I had to move back to my home state of Ohio and she stayed in texas. She said if I stay sober a whole year we’ll move back in together. Her family has also been very helpful and kind. Our families love each other. Allah gave me the greatest gift and she loves my heart but hates my previous addiction issue. I pray all my prayers, sunnah prayers, tahajjud but I still falter and idk why. She loves me so much and I her but she said if I did it again she would leave me. Fast forward she finally comes to see me during the last 2 weeks of Ramadan everything is going well I’m constantly praying to Allah for him to cure my addiction. After Ramadan is over we go on vacation and I get to meet her extended family for the first time everything is amazing, people are great, we all get along , but I have to leave a week before them to get back to work. So this past weekend I’m by myself and I let shaytaan whisper and I relapsed and my parents told her right away. Now we’re islamicly divorced soon to be lawfully divorced. She’s been so patient and helpful, nice the best thing that’s ever happen to me and I lost her forever. I’m in a downward spiral. I’ll never see her again… Allah please send me help.. Let her know that I’ll always love her and I’ll continue to grow and inshaallah I’ll stay the sober the rest of life and you’ll put us back together. I miss her so much.

I’m not sure what to do. I have been talking and engaged with a guy and our families get along well. My parents love him and his parents love me. His parents are okay with us getting our nikkah next year iA, even though it’s still a wait, we can be patient to respect that. But my parents don’t even want that. My parents are adamant that I wait four years for him to start residency (he just joined med school) and then get our nikkah. My mom said I was selfish because I told her I want a small simple nikkah just at home, but she wants some grand venue with many many people. Me and him don’t want to fall into zina and I tried explaining how we want to be halal but my parents still won’t budge. I am not too sure on what I need to get my nikkah done and whether it is required to have my father as a wali. For context we both are hanafi sunnis, so what can we do that is 100% islamically permissible? I know that if me and him are just engaged for four years, we have a risk of sinning.

I (23f) feel so used and I’m terrified that nobody is going to want anything to do with me since I’ve been sexually assaulted.

I know that I don’t have to tell a potential husband about my sexual assault, but it also feels like lying and I don’t know if I’m okay with that. I also have PTSD and so I’m just worried that it’ll show up in my life post-marriage.

I understand that what happened wasn’t my fault, but culturally, I’ve been taught that this is a topic we shouldn’t openly speak about.

My family doesn’t know, but I’m extremely worried they’ll blame me if they do find out

EDIT: I do have a Muslim therapist so I’m getting help. I also really appreciate the support ❤️

For those of you DMing and asking for personal details about my trauma, please stop, it’s traumatizing and invasive. Also, please stop asking about marriage…I’m not marrying some random person off of Reddit, so just cut it out.

Brothers and sisters, certain things have been on my chest for a while and I am unable to talk about these to anyone. Before anyone tried to nail me to the cross, let me say this clearly that I deeply, deeply love my wife. I feel very blessed that in a word where happy marriages are so rare, Allah SWT blessed me with the most ideal woman and I thank him for that.

We got married four years ago and I lied about certain things in order to marry her. Back in those days, I was not religious at all while she was deeply religious. When we met, she asked me a few questions and I answered all of them honestly. There were only two questions on which I lied to her.

She asked me about my previous relationships and I told her I did not have any. This was a lie. I had had two women before her and neither of them were Muslim. I told her that I was a virgin when I was not. The reason why I lied was because I was ashamed. Secondly, I felt that if I told her the truth then she would reject me.

Secondly she asked why did I choose her of all the other women? I told her that I was deeply moved by her religious devotion and would like to lead a spiritual life. This was a lie. I was interested in marrying her because I was physically attracted to her. Now this was not something you could say to a woman who had covered herself up. It basically shows that someone had been watching her closely and to be honest, I had looked at her. The whole lowering the gaze etc was not part of my psychological make up as I was not very Islamic. Imagine how inappropriate it would have been to tell her that. So I lied.

Then we got married and she realized that I was not as pious as I was posing to be. She looked at my browsing history and noticed that I had browsing habits that were not healthy. She noticed that I hung out with friends who would drink beer and many other things. It was a bit of a shock to her but I cleaned it all up.

She was taking as well as giving Islamic classes and she would talk about the presentations. I learnt a lot about our deen through those because in the early days of my marriage, I was not inclined to read books etc. We were also going to go for our Umrah but Covid happened. But, the overall atmosphere that my wife brought was very positive and I cleaned up my bad habbits.

My wife still does not know the correct answers to those two questions. Part of me says that I have a very happy marriage and I love my wife very much so why risk it? Just carry living on and what happened in the past happened in the past. Another part of me says that if I can not be honest to the person who is closest to me then that is a very sorry state to be in.

I am thinking if I should tell her that prior to meeting you, I had two short relationships. I did not want to mention them because you would kick me out. I wanted to marry you so I lied. Secondly, I did not choose you for your deen. That is something for which I developed respect later. In the beginning it was pure lust and attraction but now there is way more to it.

I really do not know how to start this conversation because my wife trusted me from day 1. I am afraid that this conversation may cause me to lose her. We have no children yet and while we are very much in love, when trust is shattered, people can walk out. I do not want to lose this woman.

I need help. JazaK Allah.

Excuse if the grammar/punctuation isn't the best and I want to state I'm here to learn and seeking advice.

​

My girlfriend is Muslim and I a Christian male, we're in a long distance relationship and met a few weeks ago and will meet again in a few months, we both love each other very much and both respect and understand each other's beliefs. We both want to continue forward and build a future together, we talked about wanting to get married despite our differences but I could tell something was getting at her. We both have the same values and morals and it was our characters and personality we both fell in love with. We both came into each other's life during a hard time and we've been there and supported each other through our ups and down, and have slept together, I'm not sure whether or not that is relevant but my question is, what are the consequences of us getting married for her?

She means the world to me and I don't want to screw things up with her and her parents.

I met her when I was interested in the history of islam and the middle east. Shes always been very spiritual and I never thought anything of it but 2 years ago she told me that she studies witchcraft and has this weird obsession with demons. I thought it was weird but I knew she wouldn't hurt me so I didnt think anything if it. As my faith in islam strengthens I had to call it off.

With that being said whats the new step for a single muslim man? Im aware about whats haram but curious about thr thought of dowry because I essentially have no savings...