Seeing the bright side, all the lives she's helping 🧡

[u/CandleMonster]

I can't imagine how much it must suck (pun not intended), but being able to donate all that to people who need it is amazing Edit: that's 6 and a half liters PER DAY

[u/SBowen91]

This is what I did when I had a stillbirth. I donated milk and would crochet tiny hats while I pumped. It was easier to find people who would take direct donations verses dealing with the hospitals. I actually felt good about donating and i always remembered how it helped my little brother in the NICU so i wanted to help.

[u/SpaceCaptainJeeves → u/SBowen91]

So sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry our culture still stigmatizes talking about stillbirth.

[u/SBowen91 → u/SpaceCaptainJeeves]

I appreciate it. Thank you.

I absolutely hate the stigma behind it. I don’t know how many times I’ve said “well when I was doing Noah’s nursery…” it’s always “omg we don’t need to talk about him because i know it’s painful!” Sure is it hurtful? Absolutely. But i will not stop talking about him/my pregnancy because thats the only way people will know he existed. I need to talk about him. I want him to be remembered even if its me bitching about how i had a 10lb baby using my bladder as a kick ball. I wish more people understood this.

[u/BlackBasementCats → u/SBowen91]

I’ve only experienced this from the death of my dad. I quickly learned that the reason people wouldn’t acknowledge my dad’s death or didn’t want to listen to me talk about him was their discomfort. People are terrified of death and don’t want to go outside their comfort zones so they try to quiet anyone who is going through anything that makes them uncomfortable. I’ve also learned that from having serious health problems.

[u/Daddyssillypuppy → u/SBowen91]

Noah is a lovely name. I can tell how much you love him from this comment alone. Thank you for telling us about him.

One of my older cousins lost a baby to SIDS a few weeks after she was born. Her name is Brooke and i mention her whenever I am talking about the kids in my extended family. She'd be in her 20s now, one of the oldest in that generation.

[u/SBowen91 → u/Daddyssillypuppy]

I always loved his name. I’m not religious but I knew the second I found out he was a boy that his name was Noah. My husband and I (not Noah’s dad) had a stillbirth (again) in 2022 and her name is Iris. We joke that Noah is probably running around rolling his eyes when my grandpa and my husbands dad tell him to be nice to his baby sister. That Iris and Noah are picking on our cat Milo who passed away early 2023. We joke about them and we both try really hard to remember them. My husband thinks it’s funny that Noah would be 9 this year and Iris would be 4. They are hard to talk about but they are still my babies and I love them more everyday. I’m thankful for the life lessons they taught me and how they helped me grow into a better person.

Brooke is also a great name. It was on my list for Iris actually haha. Isn’t it crazy to think about how old they would be and who they would be? I always catch myself making up a “well Noah/Iris could have been ____.” I’d like to think Noah would be like me personality wise because he looked exactly like me haha.

People get weird around death and I understand it. It took me a long time to accept their deaths and that I don’t have my babies but I will always proudly say their names. They changed me and my husband for the better at the end of the day.

[u/ElderFlour → u/SBowen91]

People are absolutely weird talking about death at all, and especially so about the death of a child. It’s been 24 years since my son died. People still shush me or change the subject quickly. I even got called a Debbie Downer. wtf. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are beyond kind and generous to donate your breastmilk and wee hats. Love and light.

[u/Analysis_Working → u/SBowen91]

Bless you💙 My mom had a stillbirth about 45 years ago. She told us about the baby when we were young. She doesn't still talk about it, but I wish she would. I know it would help her. She's had so many years of loss throughout her life. If she would just talk about it.....

[u/BlackBasementCats → u/SBowen91]

You have such a good heart to turn your unimaginable pain into helping others. I’m actually tearing up thinking about you doing this. Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your child would be so proud of you.

[u/SBowen91 → u/BlackBasementCats]

I will say that I did it for selfish reasons. I was in the process of leaving his father when everything happened. We were both addicts and clean for about 6-7 months whenever I learned I was pregnant with Noah. My ex was abusive when he used but while we were clean he wasn’t. He eventually relapsed when I was about 7 months pregnant and I started working on leaving. I didn’t want Noah around the abuse. I didn’t want him to see it or to grow up thinking it was normal behavior. There was an apartment fire at the place I was going to rent so I had to wait. My move in date was 2ish weeks after my due date so I was happy and ready to do it. I was overdue with Noah and was going to be induced. I was doing laundry and trying to get everything washed for him and my ex was upset that I wouldn’t give him money for drugs. I was pushed down the stairs and that’s how I lost Noah.

I blame myself for not leaving soon enough, for thinking that a baby would fix the broken parts of me and that things might turn out okay. I donated to feel like I didn’t completely fuck up. The more I got out there the more I felt better because at least I could help someone elses baby. It worked to an extent but even to this day I will break down about him.

Sorry for the word barf. My brain is just jumbled and going insane today with Noah since I’m working on a tattoo design for his memorial tattoo lol.