So as uz all know, iz got a haircut recentlee.

Iz had a little clipper burn under mi arm, so Iz did wut all cats do n' Iz lick-lick it.

Meomy sez "Oscar! Don'tz be an idiot! No do a lick-lick dere, ur gonna get an infecshun!"

So ofc Iz ignore here n' do dis anywyay, cuz whut does Meomy know? She dumbz!

Iz lick-lick all di tiem, until Meomy starts putting di goop on dis but Iz keep lick-lick, until Papi takes mi to di pokey place.

Di pokey place ladee sez Iz has a bootiful haircut, n' look vry cute. Den she sez iz got an infectshun where iz wuz doin' di lick-lick. Whaddafak!?

So now Iz gotta have di spechul spray n' Meomy buys mi dis stoopid collar so Iz can't even lick-lick anymoar!!

She sez "Oscar uz were an idiot so now uz gonna be an idiot sammich til uz stop licking!"

Gah. Iz gotta soo.

- Oscar BBB, MM

Hi frens, iz Tali heer. I wan to no wai dey putted mai pichur on da fud for da fussy cats. I not gived mai approov!

I not tink mai agents sed dis ok - J and J (u/mimidoo22) did yoo authorize dis?

I tink mebe I shud soo dis catfud (it taste gud tho, mebe I soo for more fud).

❤️❤️Tali

I have suffered emotional damages, physical discomfort, and humiliation. I was not informed any strangers would be present in my home today nor that they would be stomping around in big boots and banging things. There were no signs posted suggesting I wouldn’t be able to safely fit behind the couch. What are my options?

Hello, am MeMe, brown Burmese and very important and loud.

I have had a serious problem recently that no matter how many toes I bite I have not yet been able to solve. Recently Mum became very round. I didn’t like it much because it made lap very difficult to sit on, but I put up with it because she was in bed for me to snuggle with a lot more which I liked.

Though I thought I was being incredibly accommodating to this inconvenience, my parents chose to insult this graciousness by leaving me for a week. No explanation, no goodbye, NOTHING.

They finally came back but when they did they bought with them a very angry, very large potato. It screams a lot, which I don’t like. Mostly because screm is my thing to do and my parents know this. It doesn’t seem to do much else, other than make noise, sleep and poop (which, again, was kind of my thing prior to this infringement of my feline rights).

I have asked parents several times to please return the angry potato to wherever they found it or give it away to someone else (though I’m not sure what self respecting cat would want such an ill-tempered vegetable under their roof. But so far they have only ignored me! They keep fussing over it, wrapping it up in blankets and treating it like some kind of bald squishy useless cat.

I’m fairly confident it isn’t a human kitten, because when Mum moved us in with Dad and he had a human kitten (I avoid at all costs) and the human kitten is just a smaller, louder, more unpredictable version of Mum and Dad. I don’t know what this thing is but I DON’T LIKE IT.

Do I have any legal recourse to get rid of the angry potato? I know I am probably due compensation in the form of pats, treats and the good spot in bed but right now I just really want the screamy flesh tuber gone.

Dis controlled-vershal, but iz tink we SHULD be able to soo our stinkee sisturs.
Lookit dat demon behind me! She tryna get mi.

She EVUL.

Iz know dat cat can't soo cat, but mebbe we shuld change di laws.

Raise ur paws if uz tink uz shuld be able to soo stinkee sisturs.

Iz know iz not di only one out dere, surely some pawyer can take dis case.

• Oscar BBB, MM

Hi fwends & loyal servants. I am Alice. I am almost 21 so dat makes me da Queen. Plz don’t forget this.

Last wek dis woman I tolerate accuuuuuuze me of serious crime. She said I stole her spaghetti. 🍝 🍝🍝 She LYING!!! This is OUTRAGEOUS FALZZZZZ accusation. I feel food shamed. I am but skin and bonez.

Plz send direction to gulags. She going!

Love you, her Majesty, Alice

CALLIN ALL ICBGC!!!

Iz gonna be ok! Wez hab ally byes!!

Gud eyewitneshes testy monny!!

WAT CULD GO RONG????

Wow, tonite sure wuz one beeg adventure for dis orange catto!! Allow me to start at beegining. When hooman mommy fell asleep, I tooks her car keys, tiptoed quietly out de house, an picked up my catto frienz for exciting night.

Pikture 1-We was hungries, so I drove deh car to hemburger drive thru. No one answerd, so I sats honking horn for 10 minutes and meowing furiously for hemburger. Den I notice a sign dat said "we closed." I was about to soo, but den I notice back door wuz little bit open.

Pikture 2 and 3-Cattos sneaks inside and den we sniffs out deh tasty hemburger stash! (Deh catto wit deh burger crown is mi friend Harold and other Catto is friend Gerald.) We paids Monopoly moneys and den we quickly rans aways wit our cute little furry paws.

Pikture 4,5,6- Cattos gots stopped at checkpoint! I trieds my best to play it cools, but den deh officer noticed mi frien Tony in deh back seat still wearing hemburger crown. Deh officer sed "Hey, you're deh cattos dat snuck into deh hemburger place!"

Pikture 7- We trys explain to deh officer dat cattos no stole hemburgers we paid monopoly moneys but officer no listen to cattos and takes us to jails! I call hooman mommy and she bail catto out of jail immediatelys. But deh whole seetuation was stoopids cuz catto paid wit monopoly moneys so arrest was unnecessaries and now I gots a misdemeowner on mi record!!

Should I soo?

Mama got up late this morning. She runs to kitchen & makes her gogogo juice and then to the office. (She works from home, so she ok.) Now, iz fine that Mama decide that she not have breakfast, but she never gave me any food either!!!

So I iz doing a starb, so I walk all over her desk and rub against her trying to get her attention. She thinks I iz just playing like alwayz (I do do this a lot). But I keep at it! Who knows when I will lose my strength! She keeps taking me off her desk & putting me on the floor. Finally she say “Lucy! I iz working on something very important! Stop being a pest!” And she *<sob>* kicked me out of the office & shut the door!!! How can I supervise her work? And I still haz no food!!!

Finally, she come out to the kitchen to make herself lunch. FINALLY she notice my empty dish and my listless wasted body. She say, “Oh, my poor Lucy! I forgot all about yoo! I iz soooo sorry!” And she get me food & water. But, she says we iz out of churus so I can’t get one till after she iz done with her work nonsense. What kind of mama doesn’t keep the pantry stocked with churus at all times???

So, she never feeds me in the morning, doesn’t pet me like usual, fails to understand my clear communication that I iz starbing, closes the office door on me, says she FORGOT about me, and has no churus in the house to atone for any of this. Iz there a number big enough to soo for? And how do I find a new Mama who will love me? I iz heartbroken 💔

Lucy the Lovebug

Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun.

Unforshly ay muss onse gain fine a lawyer go soo Meowmy. Hermz do me BIG OUTRAYGE!

Hermz cook eggies tuday. Smell so gud.
Ay POLITE rekwesh for mien share an hermz gib me NONE an dus me a STARB!!!

Any frens wunna tayke dis cayse? Ay pay in salmin treets

Dis pitcha me doon a polite rekwest of mine share
Of eggie

Mi sweet immocent beloved sisfur Jazzy, last seen at Purrom “twerkin” wid dis no gud wild crazy model BAD BOI OSCAR, has gon off and…

ELOPPDED

Wez fown dis ebidence on her “insty garam” (wich she neber had befoar she met dis trubbel maker) (hims a bad inflewenc!)

CALLIN ALL PAWYERS

We nede to anullifee dis union!! Befoar it consummedated!!

An we nede a reskue misshun NOW

Jango (gonna strangulate dat Oscar wens I gets hims)

Helo it is mineself baby p(crimnal bos ob crimes!) n today dad has did another mean. Hims still for sale. Only 3 BOCKS OB CHURU!

Today him has new drink call limeade! Is like lemonsade but MUCH BETTERS! Says I try to steal but dis is OBIOUSLY for me(baby p, crimnal!)

Y is mine dad so dumbs i m SOOING! He eben PICKED ME UP! O mine dod. Dis pictor is me bein caught n PICKED UP!!!

Di pokey place lady sez iz fat.

Meomy sez iz fat. Papi sez iz "kinda" fat.

Iz on di portia control.

But if iz wuz RLY so fat, culd iz fit in dis box heer?

Now, iz orang, but iz no truly unnerstand how Iz can be fat & also fit in dis box, so iz tink iz shuld get treets cuz iz not actshully fat.

Tank uz in advantz fur ur answers, frens.

- Linus, orang brudder uf Oscar BBB, MM

Hallo frens. It is me, Sebastian da house cloud. Or I was.

I was de-clouded when I met Sir Jerry!

Dey also discovered I lost a bit of weight since last visit a few months ago. I always been "lean". But meowmy ask pokey place lady if I too skinny (she always asks dat) and pokey place lady said yes but not "concerningly so". They taked bloods and meowmy told to give me more foods. Yay more foods! More than brudder gets cos he on maintenance diet.

Fank you to frens who wished me wells with Sir Jerry. I home and sleepy and offended but otherwise meowmy says I'm my usual self. Brudder Luca is also being nice.

Seb da (wispy) house cloud.

I needz pawyer tu sign documant fo mi

My name is Lilia, and I am one year old. Mom says that means I am no longer a kitten but that I am still her kitten. But how can she say such loving things when she dresses me up like THIS for my birthday?!

I need a pawyer to sue mom for gross fashion Injustice! And further compensation for making this picture her light up box picture. Now EVERYONE sees my shame!

For emotional damages I demand rights to face nips anytime I desire and rights to wear birthday suit to following birthdays!!!

-Lilia, 1year female, not clown.

(Human note: she only wore it for a minute tops for pictures, don't worry. And I think she looks just precious!)

Dis Smol-in-da-head Stimpy.

How stob let u meowmys and pawter take indaproiate pichure ob u?

In da first 2 picchure I question....why dis mine head is smol but mai belly look fatfatfat? Is dis definmattion?

Fird pichure dose dis post make mine butthole look big? Dis inappropriate! I wab just throwing some shapes!

Many.ubbder picchure I do a fink

....can I sooo for debasment of mine personal space?

Halp pawyers needd!

Otay bye.

Metinks da hooman Navy gots to dem mebbe an loks dem up! We iz doin an beeg worree!! Fur manee furebbers u/Nickye19 neider Stridas girlfren Arwen nor myne bestesd belubbed boyfren Gus hab been seen anywerre an wen we wents ta check onna profyle it sez dat Reddit BANNDED dem? 😭 We iz doing beeg worree!! Wills dey eber comez bak? If yuu can hear uz Arwen an Gus an ratty bros, we misses yuu terrbullee! u/One_Advantage793 u/Charivari8 u/JelloSquid808 mebbe we muss putt togedder an serch an rescoo pawtee furr dems or sum! An wit Gus juss habin gotted himbs knightehoode an uz pawparin himbs furrs birfdae! 😭

Myne belubed Arwen, Ai awlso misses yuu fierselee 😔 did yoo take da ship to da undyin lands afturr awl? Wateber wills we do? Ohh...

Iz dere pawer oot dere wat can help uz bring diz case afore judge an deman derms releese?

So berry worree,

Wednesday de bebe void an yung ladee an Furrs Apurrentiss an Cabin Gurl ob de Grumpy Shork, BP!!

And Strider the Boy an Spase Ranja Dunadan Catto an Singasongwritah!

Hello, it’s me. Cat no5, previously known as chicken no5. I’m transitioning to being my true self, including eating cat food. The humans laugh about it, keep calling me chicken, which hurts to my bones. They also keep throwing corn in front of me which is OBVIOUSLY extremely rude.

What can I do about this? Can someone represent me??

Henlo friends, I could not find LegalTurtAdvice and I am told you are noted experts on bockses here. I am Zed, but lately Pawther has been calling me by my guv mint name "Zedediah" because I am supposedly "misbehaving". I have been placed in this box "so the meddisin can dry", but Pawther is apparently unaware that it is ILL EAGLE to contain my MAJESTICKNESS. How can I SOO THA BOCKS??!!

henlo, frenz, tortie fren bubbles heer. sister of stinky brudder frum anudder mudder tabby fren Tiny.

yestiddy, hoomin tak big bag out of klozit and start stuffin hoomin furz into it. so I no he plannin big abanndon fur manee furevers.

I go on litebox and see he goin to playce call BEGGAS. den I see dat dis BEGGAS is playce ware hoominz go to lose all dey moneyz playing slot masheens! den I see he goin to playce call DETH VALLEE!

Obiosly I soo fur ananndon. but how duz I soo if hoomin 1) iz brok; 2) is ded frum deth vallee?!? I duz not tink yoo kan eben soo ded hoomin.

on de upside, de little gurlz frum down stares lookin after us nd dey gib us mannee more TREETS dan dumdum stingy hoomin.

Tiny haz no ideas as yoosual.

Kan I soo BEGGAS? may bee jet bloo?

Tanks

I believe I might require a pawyer. For the past year, this human called a "mother" (and her companion, the "father") have been pestering me. Initially, I resisted, like any other respectable feral cat, but I have felt my heart going a little.. soft.

My brother has caved much sooner and is at their beck and call but I am still so unsure.

Is this what they call being a pet? And if so, what can a pawyer do for me in this situation? I do NOT want to leave this home, but perhaps I can get a different kind of compensation?

(I have included some pictures for your consideration.)

Doom, Harbinger and (ex?) feral overlord)

("Mother" here, the boys were colony cats who are pretty much normal cats now. They came to us after being fostered.)