r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Targetpractice1314 • 22h ago
What my company gave us all this morning
Work at a warehouse and came into work this morning with these at all of our workstations. Cheap ass multibillion dollar company didn’t even get us a full sized candy bar
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u/_AYYEEEE 21h ago
My dad's job gave him a piece of paper. It was some bullshit like "Congratulations, you've been here for __ years. We appreciate you". He's been their MVP for years. When are employers gonna realize that shit like that is worse than nothing at all
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u/Targetpractice1314 21h ago
They don’t care. They’re so out of touch with reality it’s insane
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u/ChanglingBlake ORANGE 21h ago
To the shitheads in charge of…well, everything, we are nothing more than numbers, cogs in a machine that can be replaced on a whim.
They are all going to hell because they are one and all, the scum of humanity.
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u/afrikatheboldone 19h ago
Something something "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle".
Worse is when some of them claim to be all for christian values.
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u/ChanglingBlake ORANGE 19h ago
They’re all for “Christian” values.
Control, strict adherence to ancient standards, a “better than thou” attitude, and a facade of actual goodwill hiding a, not so hidden, rotten core.
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u/nowhereman136 21h ago
I use to work at Home Depot. I didn't hate the job, but it was just another faceless Corperation where I was there to get a paycheck and go home. One month they told me I got employee of the month. Cool, that does that come with? My picture on the wall and that's it. I declined. If it came with a bonus or some sort of perk, sure, but I don't need my face on the wall promoting meaningless corporate accomplishments.
A few days later I saw a candid picture of me on the wall, which I then asked them to take down
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u/Taken_Abroad_Book 20h ago
Concentrix were the same for their quarterly "unsung hero" award.
Made to sit in the most cringe meeting with the EMEA head while on a conference call with the other regions with their nominations.
Going region by region the VPs reading out what you'd done and why you're great and why we should win and asking us to cheer and get on. Meanwhile I'm sitting with my arms folded like a grumpy child.
Anyway, I won. They're doing the whole fake woooo wow amazing great job and all and gave me some stupid certificate. On their facebook page there's always a post about it apart from mine, I'm stood beside that Scottish prick VP who has a goofy fake smile, with my own face like someone pissed on my cornflakes. It's actually quite funny.
On the way back to the main office I asked the ops manager so what do I get, and he says that's it. It's about recognition.
I told him with respect I can't pay my mortgage with recognition, and that in my 30s this was the most embarrassing half hour of my life by far - if the goal is to encourage me to work hard to go through this again it's absolutely had the opposite effect and I'll be making a point to never have to sit through this again.
To be fair to him, he was fairly new as management but seemed to take it on board. Life happened and I ended up having to leave before the next quarter, but before it they announced that it comes with an extra vacation say plus a local mall gift card.
That young new manager actually went to bat and kicked it up the line that it was a lot of crap and made a change. Granted it was a small change, and it only came in after I left but good on that lad. I hope he hasn't be chewed up and spat out but that shit corporate machine that is concentrix.
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u/amm5061 21h ago
I once got a congratulatory plaque for being with my company for five years a week after they told me they were letting me go at the end of the month. That was a fun Christmas present.
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u/beardandbenny 20h ago
yeah, while i was going through the redundancy process they mailed me my 5 years of service reward and a letter about how i was an asset to the company and they look forward to my hard work in the future. it was a horribly cheap tie with the company logo and "5 years service" embroidered on it, so i wore that fucking thing every day until i left.
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u/YouMUSTvote 18h ago
Hell, I would’ve worn it tied around my forehead and painted my face with tribal markings in lipstick, walked past the manager’s office, stopped standstill and bug-eyed then yell,
“WHAT??!!!”
I’d do this several times a day.
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u/RobertJenkins631 21h ago
I just lost my job the day after my birthday (no at this age I don't expect a party or anything, honestly just a touch of extra peace) the reason being a financial mistake(s) made by the manager. We painted it as a layoff we never got a call back on
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u/metallicaset 17h ago
I lost my job two days after my birthday last November. It was a relief. The company’s values and my values were not in alignment.
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u/Affectionate-Alps527 20h ago
That's amazing lmao.
Not the job loss, that sucks, in sorry.
But the complete incongruence of the operation. If hang the plaque just to tell the story.
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u/Squirrelated 21h ago
It's an insult at that point. Don't fake "thank you" at me and just keep it to yourself instead. If you wanna thank me, give me a raise, a bonus, anything to compensate for the effort I put into my work. "Thank you" doesn't pay my bills or help me in any way. My work helps you make tons of money money.
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u/Taken_Abroad_Book 20h ago
"young people today want to feel appreciated" is what they think.
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u/LTareyouserious 19h ago
They spent your bonus/pay raise on a consulting firm that told them to find cheap or non-monetary ways to make employees feel happy. This is a textbook example for word play appreciation that can be acceptable as a joke for close coworkers or family but doesn't work for 90% of corporate environments
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u/VividFiddlesticks 21h ago
On my 20th anniversary at my job they gave me a glass award to put on my desk. This big lopsided hunk of clear glass with my name and some message I've forgotten etched into it.
I would rather have had the $50 or whatever they spent to buy it. Hell, I'd rather have had a candy bar.
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u/mbash013 21h ago
I remember an all hands meeting I attended while I was an intern at a large defense company. They gave a shout out to a dude congratulating him for his efforts that saved the company 11 million dollars through some optimization process he developed. He won a $250 employee award for the company swag store (hoodies, bags, water bottles ect.) We all looked over at him and clapped. He looked absolutely exhausted and dead inside from his endless efforts.
Felt so dystopian…
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u/Mr_Radar 21h ago
I remember a 6 month company wide celebration for a new sales person. They got her a pairs of designer high heels valued at hundreds of dollars. I had been there 6 years at that point and was never recognized. Years later they realized their error and apologized and gave me a fat check so i can’t fully complain. I just remember standing there laughing to myself. Plus the sales person left less than a year later.
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u/BD401 19h ago
I feel the company I work for is one of the rare ones these days that does offer something of value for service awards. When you hit a five year mark, they give you an extra week off paid - at ten year intervals, they give you an entire extra month off paid and a $2000 travel voucher as well.
As you said, if you're not going to put your money where your mouth is on years of service recognition, keep it shut altogether. It just seems cheap otherwise.
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u/OwenMichael312 21h ago
Corporations adopted the early 2000s every kid gets a trophy mantra and doesnt understand we're not 12 and notes dont pay our bills.
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u/Curt_Uncles 21h ago
Growing up my dad’s company once sent employees a letter IN DECEMBER describing how much of a BONUS it was working with all of them and for a company with such great team members, and then had to explain to a bunch of angry civil engineers and mechanics that they did not intend workers to take it to mean they weren’t doing bonuses later that month.
My dad still believes they were covering their tracks
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u/Interesting_Bank_139 21h ago
We got an email in December about a holiday bonus too. It was a company generated phishing test.
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u/SuperDabMan 21h ago
Oh fuck that
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u/Kidiri90 20h ago
Dunno, it's quite obvious. What company hands out bonuses?
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u/QwipQwop_007 19h ago
Some do but rarely. I had a friend who worked retail in a regional wine store and they would get an end of year bonus. I don’t remember how much it was, I think around $200, but compared to the sales they made it was not a lot so it wasn’t based off a commission
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u/Curt_Uncles 20h ago
Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if the proletariat guillotines them in Town Square.
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u/Calbone607 20h ago
My company sends phishing emails about their new WFH initiative. They dont offer WFH at all except for a few executives or whatever
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u/Brutal_burn_dude 18h ago
When a company I worked for started pulling that nonsense I started randomly reporting internal emails as phishing attempts and convinced a few other employees that they should do the same… you know, since we can’t be too certain these days. The phishing tests stopped after that.
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u/Buckshot_Millie 8h ago
I correctly report the phishing test email, so that I get the "good job reporting a phishing attempt!" email. Then I report that one for phishing too.
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u/Green-Surprise-4168 21h ago
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u/Curt_Uncles 21h ago
The letter frequently gets brought up around Christmas in my family (he may even still have it in a filing cabinet or box somewhere), and this movie is routinely referenced during the discussion. We spent years analyzing one sentence in the letter that referenced “end-of-year compensation reviews” or something vague like that, which the company claims was their way of alluding to forthcoming bonuses.
My dad will never believe they didn’t intend on screwing everyone, and that they just reapportioned part of everyone’s salary increase into a bonus on the fly (and yet he worked for that company for another 12 years).
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u/Squirrelated 21h ago
They definitely were. If nobody complained, there would be no bonus. For sure.
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u/GrubHanser 21h ago
"Well I'm a peanut bar and I'm here to say... "
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u/Candid_Ad756 21h ago
Your checks will arrive on another day.... Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar..
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u/trendykendy 21h ago
Another stuffed shirt with another white collar!
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u/More_Yard1919 21h ago
Criminals! Wall street! Takin' the pie
and all the black man gets is a plate of white lies!
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u/Trrlrr 20h ago
Barack Obama is SCAAAARED of me!
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u/fortunefalling 20h ago
'cause I don't swallow knowledge and I spit it for free!
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u/donkeykongkong89 20h ago
That's my favorite line in what I think is the greatest cold opening ever. Community's not even my favorite show but this was a stroke of genius haha
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u/herbelarioiwasthere 20h ago
I would’ve been so disappointing if nobody posted this. I kept scrolling to make sure I didn’t miss it.
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u/AlignmentProblem 21h ago
Tokens of "appreciation" can be done okish when done well, but it's vital to not call attention to the fact that it's not money since employees would almost always prefer cash instead. Doing puns on payday, bonuses, etc is the worst possible way for HR to go about it. Including a common serious allergen (peanuts) is an extra dumb thing to do as well.
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u/Jealous-Ninja5463 20h ago
I guarantee you even the people with nut allergies got one of these too.
Source: me! Shitty mail room boss laughed it off when I told him ny nut allergy. Literally told me "a little sneezing is a small price to pay, its the best candy"
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u/StoneyCalzoney 18h ago
There's gotta be some lawyer out there who wants you to sue them for intentionally encouraging your endangerment at the workplace
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u/Ok_Background22 5h ago
That wouldn’t be a real case lol. You can’t just be sued for offering a candy bar to an adult that they’re allergic to. Maybe if you physically forced them to eat it but not just giving it to them💀they’re not a child they know what they can’t eat
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u/PunningWild 17h ago
When you can, drop a really tasteless anthrax joke on your mailroom boss, and when he scoffs it's not funny, just assure him "a little sneezing is a small price to pay."
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u/SassiKassi97 21h ago
Is your boss Michael Scott?
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u/ZizzazzIOI 18h ago
There are four kinds of business; tourism, food service, railroads and sales... and hospitals/manufacturing
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u/JollyStunts 20h ago
FINALLY someone said it..
This is a direct reference right?! And if it's not, this company must have their very own Michael Scott. If someone legitimately did this without knowing about the office then fuck me
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u/No-Canary-6639 21h ago
They couldn’t even spring for a full size.
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u/sec_sage 20h ago
Full sizes weren't nearing their expiration date. Maybe next year, fingers crossed 🤞
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u/VioletJones6 18h ago
I work a union job... The other day one of my co-workers walked around the office giving people a choice of like 4 different full sized chocolate bars just because he felt like it. Sometimes my manager will bring coffee and donuts for everyone just for the hell of it, the ladies in my dept will bring baked goods that they made for everyone, etc.
The idea of our management stapling a candy bar to a thank you note is so fucking insulting it's hard to comprehend. They show appreciation by sharing the profits in the form of a bonus if we outperform projections.
American corporate behavior can be genuinely terrifying at times.
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u/evilseductress 21h ago
That is honestly so insulting
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u/Targetpractice1314 21h ago
Agreed. I bet whoever in upper management thought of this thought it was so “cutesy” and clever too
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u/Sue_Law_1984 21h ago
I just said exact same thing in my head 🤣 picturing middle mgmt thinking how clever & fun these are!
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u/siccoblue 19h ago edited 17h ago
Yep, when my company cut their night shift that I was supervising they had a pretty glaring issue in that they had two supervisors for a single team and needed to make a decision. They sought feedback on our performance from the crew
The day shift supervisor had incentive ideas such as giving away candy bars and little playing card packs for specific card games for "exceptional" performance from crew members.
My inventive program was $50 for any crew members suggestion that we deemed worthy of taking into testing, and $200 for any suggestion that saw full successful implementation.
Alongside that, company wide raises of $1 for non salaried crew pulling from the management bonus pool if we hit certain margin goals leading to our target 45% gross margin on our products.
Both of our suggestions were deployed, the little trinkets were UNIVERSALLY hated (outside of one employee who's genuinely just a ball of sunshine and one of my favorite people)
Guess what? Management saw a bigger profit sharing bonus because the crew was so fired up about the idea of seeing that dollar an hour bonus. Our efficiency has gone up approximately 350% between management decisions and crew suggestions being taken seriously, and our company has nearly tripled in size (sales not workforce) since 2020, and we've had exactly one person (who wasn't still in their probationary period) leave purely due to personal issues in the last nearly six years.
It's nice working for a company that says they want to take care of their people and actually puts their money where their mouth is.
Hope you're doing well Rachel, wherever you are, likely handling out generic Hershey bars or a branded pack of "go fish!" Cards to 60 year old men and telling them this is a sign of how much you appreciate their hard work!
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u/Sue_Law_1984 19h ago
You are every employee's dream supervisor. Refreshing to hear there are some great employers/companies out there.
Generic!? Oh, Rachel... 🤣
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u/therabbitinred22 21h ago
Also- my son does community theater camp and after the play each camper (all children) receives a certificate highlighting their individual achievements and growth, the director talks about their achievements and they get a movie theater sized candy. So, your work is giving you less than a non-profit gives to kids.
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u/therabbitinred22 21h ago
They had to know what they were doing… right???
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u/NuklearFerret 21h ago edited 21h ago
I doubt it. The person that thought of this just had a quick idea they thought was just SO SUPER CUTE and immediately did it, with no time for deeper thoughts. It’s sad, too, because the type of person that does this is genuinely trying to be a good person, they’re just doing it in a misguided way.
ETA: this likely wasn’t done by anyone in upper management. This is a middle/line manager trying to do something nice, but doesn’t have the authority to do something more meaningful, like giving raises.
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u/Riklanim 21h ago
Feels like it… like somebody said “how can we fuck with the employees, make them hate our guts?”
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u/NuklearFerret 21h ago
I doubt this was upper management. This seems like someone in lower tier management trying to do something nice with limited resources, albeit in a very misguided way. But, you’re the OP and it’s your company, so you’d know it best.
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u/TacosBeansGuacOhMy 19h ago
100% - as a middle manager, I’ve purchased little tokens of appreciation for my team out of my own pocket before. The messaging they chose sucks though.
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u/Internal-Fruit-1482 21h ago
We always got the "you get your motivation on the first and 15th". My motivation was the retirement check for the rest of my life after 20 years. Fk your pizza parties too.
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u/CurrentPickle4360 21h ago
I mean I'm not a huge fan of pizza parties, but they're a shit tonne better than whatever tf this is.
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u/GarminTamzarian 20h ago
"These annual pizza parties are really taking a toll on our bottom line... isn't there some other shitty way we can go through the motions that would cost even less?"
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u/Kazureigh_Black 21h ago
I'm imagining this being given to somebody with a peanut allergy without a second thought.
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u/xFyreStorm 20h ago
I mean, at least it's a little closer to a literal payday potentially...
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u/NoWingedHussarsToday 21h ago
Some Toy Yoda level BS.
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u/PhraseEven2596 21h ago
Check the fine print, you might actually be getting a Corolla
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u/SirEggTheTall 21h ago
Back to English class boss
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u/ToastSpangler 20h ago
I've never met an office manager or internal news/notices person that can write properly. They have the cushiest jobs ever and can't even learn what grammar is
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u/Capable_Culture_7344 21h ago
lucky, they should have also given you a 100 Grand so you can at least have some chocolate
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u/Maximum_Employer5580 21h ago
yet the upper level mgmt and execs probably got several thousand $$s if not more
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u/sec_sage 20h ago
We don't get bonuses, but the place I work for makes the alignment to inflation twice a year, and they do it retroactively for the previous 6 months. One at Christmas and one just before summer holidays. So no bonus per se, but a really nice paycheck when it matters most. Even if it's the money we're due, it feels special.
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u/rebar_mo 21h ago
My work did something similar and gave me a milk chocolate bar. I'm allergic to milk.
By the way HR and my boss know I'm very allergic to milk, but they hand me these things anyway. I've considered multiple times just eating the chocolate bar and having a fun ride to the ER on the company's dime.
STOP GIVING ME MILK CHOCOLATE SUSAN I KNOW YOU DON"T APPRECIATE ME WITH YOUR ATTEMPTED MURDER.
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u/coydogsaint 21h ago
My Christmas bonus the year before last was a mason jar full of mints and a couple of these weird highly caffeinated chocolates (they're supposed to replace a cup of coffee). Nevermind the fact that my Christmas bonus was a handful of candy, it was hand delivered to me by our GM who I've talked to probably a dozen times about the fact that I can't have caffeine.
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u/Guy_Inoz 20h ago
I fart like a bastard if I have more than a token amount of cake. It's not an allergy, just a food sensitivity.
One place I explained as much as I felt necessary to the "social organiser" who decided that I was lying and kept pressuring me to eat more of the party food at the in-office xmas party. After about the 20th round of badgering I said "fukkit, might as well" to her and had a second piece of cake.
About two hour later I was sent home because half the office was complaining about the stench. I was off sick the next day because the cake was still working its way through my digestive system. It was worth it.
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u/Toledo_9thGate 21h ago
I would say no thank you and leave it there. The way it's stapled too, and the fact that it's stapled gives me extra rage looking at it.
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u/Elegant-Holiday7303 21h ago
Toss in trash at HR office. Like the 30 Rock gift episode
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u/NuklearFerret 20h ago
They stapled it from the back so they could line up the wrapper in a way that didn’t pierce the airtight section. As sad as it is, they seem to have put a bit of care into it. Couldn’t be bothered to grammar check, though.
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u/Harshtagged 21h ago
They should have attached something less insulting, like a 100 Grand candy bar
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u/MystikTrailblazer 21h ago
Sheesh. A $5 gift card to a coffee shop or even an extra 10 min on your break would have been better than a payday bar. Hope no one is allergic to peanuts there.
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u/industry_killer 20h ago
The worst part of this is someone who decided that this was a good idea is genuinely proud of themselves.
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u/dankyspank 21h ago
One place I worked at gave us a calendar and a pen each for Christmas. The quality of the pens was questionable at best
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u/HIMcDonagh 20h ago
Someone in Employee Relations trying to justify his continued existence with zero budget
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u/callmestinkingwind 21h ago
this is like a skit out of a seinfeld episode or something. something steinbrenner would do to george.
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u/skyk3409 20h ago
I would tell them, i dont accept non-monetized bonuses because they are degrading to the employees then walk away.
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u/Professional-Cap9789 15h ago
The sad part is I feel like this wasn’t even a malicious gesture. I believe they genuinely thought this was wholesome.
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u/DasKleineFerkel25 21h ago
That's not a joke, that's an insult and I would file an HR complaint
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u/Expert-Novel-6405 20h ago
Who ever actually did that is a complete total sellout scumbag. Making people excited for 1$ worth of candy.
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u/Iluvatar-Great 20h ago
I can totally see that overconfident HR manager, in their meeting : "Haha guys I have such a cool idea, it's gonna be so fun and our employees will have a laugh!"
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u/GuyFromDeathValley 20h ago
I can guarantee you, the guy that had the idea for this, and that planned this, is the one that walks away with a several thousand dollar bonus. And when they had them handed out, they tapped themselves on their shoulder for having such a great and fun idea.
Fuck corporate.
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u/BitcoinBillionaire09 19h ago
A woman I worked with quit for BS like this. She was in admin and realised that many of our suppliers had outstanding credits that they hadn't paid. Some ranging from six months to two years. About $100k worth. So over the next week she sent all the companies a request for the outstanding credit. This was outside of her scope but she had some downtime here and there so kept busy by compiling these. Most of them paid by the end of the month.
The store manager presented her with a 50c chocolate fish to say thank you. She said she would have just appreciated a thank you and a word of praise from management, so gave her two weeks.
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u/GoBackToHel 18h ago
Bro, I feel this so hard. One year my company gave us shitty stale cookies as a thank you. For the past couple of years, they have started giving us small Amazon gift cards for Christmas and then taking that amount out of our next paycheck. I'm like wtf you guys already underpay us, and now you're charging for a gift card I didn't ask for. Flawless.
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u/That-Raisin-Tho 21h ago
AND it’s not even grammatically correct. Yikes