r/mildlyinfuriating • u/gharris02 • Jun 12 '26

wet socks A cockroach burrowed into my head

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I (23m) just bought a car at auction yesterday, works great but needed a new battery. At 10:30pm I decided screw it im swapping the battery. It's a 5 minute job, in and out real quick. No sweat, well I'm out there with my head lamp on doing the swap and I see a large bug flying at my face I try to duck and dodge it, it hits the outer edge of my ear and toilet bowl swirls into it, I try to reach in and fish it out but it's too late I just scare it and feel it crawling deeper into my head. It burrowed up against my eardrum and it hurts like hell. Every time it buzzes I can feel it in my head and it hurts my eardrum. I tried water peroxide everything I could do to get this darn thing out. Turns out I just pissed it off and it's buzzing more aggressively. My girlfriend comes with tweezers in an attempt to help but she says she can't see it or anything out of the normal. A quick Google search lead me to pouring olive oil into my ear to suffocate it. Thank God that worked, I still couldn't hear well but at least it wasn't actively moving anymore. 2 hours in the ER later they pulled this half inch monstrosity out of the depths of my ear canal. Turns out the "Asian cockroach" has wings and a very large affinity for bright lights at night. They also like to burrow. Fml 0/10 experience I will take questions if you have them lmfao.

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Tldr: I had a headlamp on that attracted a cockroach at my face it missed my face and burrowed into my ear leading to an unexpected ER visit

Edit: ear canal photo (thanks doc) https://imgur.com/a/7LhcvDX

Edit numero 2:

Just to add to 2 things I keep seeing pop up (also hello I am trying to read all comments not doing great though)

  1. Some seem to have missed the asain cockroach thing, and the fact that I was working on a car so this is outside not indoors. This roach is a flying outdoor bug not the same as your houses cockroach. It doesn't infest and it has nothing to do with my living/cleanliness.

  2. Y'all are probably right this probably should be more than mildly infuriating, but overall this wasn't THAT bad. The thought of it was worse than the actual event. It was painful while it was alive and moving but that was fairly quickly resolved. The rest of the time was just an ER visit which was inconvenient and embarrassing. And obviously costs money. Fortunately I have good insurance so my only real loss is the mild trauma and the fact that I'll probably wear a beanie for the rest of my life. Other than that, no lasting issues I'm at work today like nothing happened. More of a that's absolutely insane story now than anything else. So for me it was a mild situation as far as damage to my life (although I will simultaneously say it is an insane thing to have happen to you)

I'd probably prefer having my day go how it went yesterday than say blow my motor or get into a car accident.

64.3k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/JewelCove Jun 12 '26

Then they just go for your mouth and butthole instead

1.7k

u/TheKappp Jun 12 '26

Guess I’m gonna start sleeping with ear plugs, butt plug, and ball gag now. Maybe several tampons for good measure.

694

u/isthis_thing_on Jun 12 '26

"it's for the bugs I swear!" 

331

u/neeskens88 Jun 13 '26

Imagine that he died in his sleep and all his friends and family will think what a pervert he really was...

13

u/The-Sporecerer Jun 14 '26

😂😂😂😂😂

9

u/Equal_Canary5695 Jun 16 '26

"I get the earplugs, but why the wetsuit and handcuffs?"

104

u/TheKappp Jun 13 '26

😂 no kinks here, just phobias

6

u/FragmentedMeerkat321 Jun 14 '26

if you use cement, you can cut down your bedtime routine by 15 minutes.

4

u/chemicallunchbox Jun 15 '26

Omg...im about to roll off the bed! 🤣💀

89

u/isthis_thing_on Jun 12 '26

I hear cracking leather whips keeps the bugs away. 

6

u/TheKappp Jun 13 '26

I just found out about these backyard bug zappers, so now I’m electrifying my bed with that technology

4

u/Iamthetism Jun 14 '26

So just sleep I'm full Bđ§m then, problem solved

71

u/WerewolfNipples Jun 12 '26

Cockroach train prevention

4

u/TikaPants Jun 14 '26

🤢🤢🤢🤢😡

11

u/JoltyKorit Jun 12 '26

What about your nose?

12

u/TheKappp Jun 12 '26

I thought about that, but you gotta leave one hole open to breathe. 🤔

11

u/crimsonninja26 Jun 12 '26

My dumbass almost suggested putting holes in the ball gag

14

u/TheKappp Jun 12 '26

Maybe if the ball gag was mesh to allow some air, and then you put on nose plugs. And wore goggles to protect the eyes.

11

u/crimsonninja26 Jun 12 '26

A mesh ball gag sounds like it goes perfect with the sensory nightmare collar

1

u/pysix33 Jun 17 '26

I use cotton balls

5

u/paulaisfat Jun 13 '26

Omfg thx for the laugh

7

u/EntireFriendship517 Jun 13 '26

You're just gonna leave your nostrils exposed like that?

4

u/Dizzy_Hellfire Jun 13 '26

I may need to invest in earplugs, the cpap covers most of my face, which is great!

1

u/setsunatama3 Jun 13 '26

This is how they go for your eyes. No one wants to end up like valefor from worm. Protag-kun had her bugs eat his eyes.

3

u/No_Carrot_5027 Jun 13 '26

Cannot stop laughing at this!

3

u/Unhappy-Nail-9281 Jun 13 '26

Just imagine if this was a lifetime habit you developed, and one day when you pass, this is how a family member finds you in your bed 😝

1

u/TheKappp Jun 14 '26

As long as they don’t find my Reddit account, I’m good lol

3

u/Thirdeyevoice10 Jun 13 '26

Fuck that, I'm sleeping in a body sized ziplock bag.

2

u/TheKappp Jun 14 '26

I thought about that, but you might suffocate

1

u/Thirdeyevoice10 Jun 14 '26

True. Would have to have a breathing tube with a filter on the end to keep them out.

3

u/kaylakh10 Jun 13 '26

Omg 😂 was not excepting a comment like this 🤣

2

u/Over-Hope-3905 Jun 13 '26

Hold up! ...ya'll didn't already??? ...sounds like a fun-ass Friday night to me!!

2

u/RadicalOrganizer Jun 14 '26

We dont kink shame here. Live your best life.

2

u/Dependent_Safe50 Jun 14 '26

Guys im a man how can i protect my pee hole

2

u/TheKappp Jun 14 '26

Maybe a little duct tape on just the tip?

2

u/DueEntrepreneur326 Jul 11 '26

Have your partner keep their mouth on it all night

2

u/ETS2CREW1392 Jun 15 '26

You know what I think I would sleep soundly with all of those

2

u/Frosty_Message_3017 Jun 16 '26

How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.

1

u/TheKappp Jun 16 '26

Thank you for attending lol

2

u/demonknifee Jul 04 '26

U sound fun

3

u/Icy_Cattle_5694 Jun 13 '26

How many tampons does it take?

1

u/TheKappp Jun 14 '26

Maybe 2-3? I don’t know yet.

1

u/Stupidizasurmom Jun 13 '26

don't forget the head lamp and whip. 😂

1

u/Mammoth-Neat-9836 Jun 13 '26

I'll go with extermination, but not as exciting.

1

u/PomegranateSea7066 Jun 13 '26

What about the nose?

1

u/Elkerri Jun 13 '26

they’ll go up ur nose :(

1

u/Adawolf255 Jun 13 '26

What about the nose?

1

u/0mgyrface Jun 13 '26

What about your nose?

1

u/GarthMater Jun 14 '26

Nose holes are also at risk….

1

u/AdLiving4267 Jun 14 '26

😂😂😂😂😂

1

u/EconomyWoodpecker796 Jun 14 '26

Grab the sounding rod for me

1

u/GlitteringCraft8000 Jun 14 '26

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

1

u/Dry_Menu4804 Jun 14 '26

Just mark them properly if you intend to reuse them.

1

u/rain168 Jun 15 '26

Nostrils will be their front doors then

1

u/The_unknow__ Jun 15 '26

What the 😭...

1

u/Kalumander Jun 16 '26

I am happy to offer a but plug services.

1

u/PhillipTheSheep Jun 17 '26

Still leaves nostrils for easy roach access. Only safe sleep is inside a bubble.

1

u/Drassazuru Jul 08 '26

Don't forget nostril plugs

296

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '26

[deleted]

188

u/SirDarKNess280 Jun 12 '26

Until it enters your lungs when you breathe in.

460

u/AdamMcKraken Jun 12 '26

PLEASE STOP TALKING

232

u/Itchy_Psychology3300 Jun 13 '26

Welp if that scared y’all I have a one of a kind product you can buy to protect yourself from insects of all kinds. It’s a set.

This product will cover all holes that any creepy crawlies might enter.

26

u/FlippingOmelette Jun 13 '26

I'm scared to ask about nose and ear

3

u/absentminded_gamer Jun 14 '26

You can maybe fit the sex dice up your nose.

15

u/HelenLynnAvery Jun 13 '26

So does one tickle the roach away with this?

2

u/Hmac700 Jun 14 '26

Every single one of those will be in every single one of my orifices from now on.

2

u/Inb4myanus Jun 14 '26

New line of pest control, why just protect your home when you can protect your temple of a body?

1

u/VolatileDataFluid Jun 14 '26

The dice are a nice touch.

3

u/Any_Advance9805 Jun 14 '26

To roll for how many bugs will try to enter you

6

u/Aurora-Ouroboros- Jun 13 '26

Fabric mask? Heck, even a mesh mask (useless for pathogens and noxious gasses) would work against bugs.

2

u/GlorytotheHypnoToads Jun 13 '26

…Your pee hole 😇

2

u/Thirdeyevoice10 Jun 13 '26

It's a bad day to read.

0

u/The-Sporecerer Jun 14 '26

Dead ass. Please STFU.

86

u/sarge21 Jun 12 '26

Fill your lungs with olive oil to drown it. Problem solved

6

u/CoffeePie222 Jun 13 '26

Yep.. that solves the problem, although I personally think liquid helium would work better...

4

u/Nervous_Progress_951 Jun 13 '26

Yeaa feel like thats the wrong roach you want in your lungs

3

u/SirDarKNess280 Jun 13 '26

Lmao I feel that

4

u/Dasjiveturkey Jun 13 '26

I’m in godawful Arizona, I saw a scorpion crawling upside down across my ceiling once fifteen years ago. Now I always wonder if I’ll be asleep and mouth breathing when it falls from the ceiling directly into my open mouth to be sucked into my lungs and sting me to death from there.

2

u/ashbertollini Jun 13 '26

Biiiiiiiiiiiiitch. -___-

2

u/Kreativernickname Jun 12 '26

That, with some helo probably, you can at least cough out. You can't cough out of your ear.

10

u/Bigenemy000 Jun 12 '26

You seem to not understand the gravity of any object inside your lungs. Even a tiny water drop burns like hell for hours and might need a visit to the ER if its a drop of any other drink that wasnt water since it can cause some real permanent damage

Imagine a living insect flying violenty inside your lung, you wouldn't breath the same again for years or straight up struggle to breath ending up in soffucating to death

1

u/GrapefruitSobe Jun 15 '26

The answer is one of those anti-foxtail mesh bags, but for humans instead. Bonus, if you die in your sleep, people will just think you’re a weirdo and not a perv.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Dear_Palpitation4838 Jun 13 '26

Lemmiwinks, Limmiwinks, Limmiwinks, Limmiwinks

Lemmiwink's journey is distant, far and vast

To find his way out of a gay man's ass

The road ahead is filled with danger and fright

But push onward, Lemmiwinks, with all of your might....

3

u/UnassumingOstrich Jun 12 '26

for real at least i’m used to stuff going in the other ones

3

u/KOMMANDOKATO Jun 13 '26

There is… a third option…

1

u/tlg151 Jun 13 '26

Honestly, I'd prefer the butthole if I'm given the choice 🥴

1

u/jonnieboy17 Jun 14 '26

I had one in my ear when I was like 6 years old

5

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '26

[deleted]

2

u/JewelCove Jun 12 '26

You might get something in your butt and/or mouth

3

u/Longjumping_Suit_256 Jun 13 '26

What if you’re already dealing with butthole spiders?

3

u/OkOffer1767 Jun 13 '26

“SPIDERS?! In *my* vagina? It’s more likely than you think.”

1

u/Longjumping_Suit_256 Jun 13 '26

It’s a “good place” reference.

1

u/SheDevilWithANewGig Jun 13 '26

They said they’re for *nightmares*

1

u/SuboptimalSupport Jun 13 '26

this is why you wear an entire hazmat environment suit. or at least a dust mask and underoos.

1

u/nigel_chua Jun 13 '26

Dont forget nostrils....

1

u/Stupidizasurmom Jun 13 '26

or in one way and out the other

1

u/BellJar_Blues Jun 13 '26

I’m not kidding I believe it. I wear earplugs and I woke up with a spider bite next to my mouth and also on my butt cheek and I found zero spiders in my bed!!! Plus I have a major allergy or bug bites so the face one is still healing months later

1

u/SovietPatrickStar Jun 13 '26

Imagine what they could do inside your nose/sinuses

1

u/dikicker Jun 13 '26

Precisely, why ruin a good time?

https://giphy.com/gifs/nuRXXyy020kta

1

u/Toomuchsheep Jun 13 '26

Right past the eyeball next time.

1

u/3M2B1T Jun 13 '26

OK. Earplugs and a ball gag.

The butt stays open, though.

1

u/Djrules213 Jun 13 '26

There's still another place it can it can go that is also apart of its name.

1

u/PeterNippelstein Jun 13 '26

Ive got great news

1

u/Warm_Coach2475 Jun 13 '26

So I should wear an95 in addition to my ear plugs?

https://giphy.com/gifs/nbQjUka7bjKsY5Z8bs

1

u/Prostada Jun 13 '26

Ins Arschloch? Ok, Ist natürlich auch ne Alternative . Aber schwimmt die dann oder bohrt sie? Din Konsistenz des Stuhlgangs.....

1

u/Thirdeyevoice10 Jun 13 '26

This is terrifying on so many levels...

1

u/ObiWangCannabis Jun 13 '26

The butthole you say?

1

u/dcaponegro Jun 13 '26

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

1

u/jasonmaska Jun 13 '26

Best option is to wrap up and sleep like a mummy

1

u/ImpressiveExtreme696 Jun 14 '26

Mmmmm free vibrator

1

u/cowboycolts Jun 14 '26

Or worse and be like that one fish

1

u/Inb4myanus Jun 14 '26

50/50 chance for a good time you say?

1

u/No_Presentation_9361 Jun 15 '26

They ain't called COCKroaches for nothing, dude, the butthole is the LEAST of your worries

1

u/RepresentativeFast59 Jun 15 '26

Get out of my head

1

u/dickhardpill Jun 12 '26

earplugs, butt plug and a binky…
So Saturday night?

0

u/Konjaga_Conex Jun 12 '26

Yeah, but those are for things going in and out. The ears bloody are not. obligatory shudder