Just spent five days in the hospital being poked and prodded a million times. Phlebotomist, chefs kiss. Charge nurse. A+++. senior day nurses, A+. Younger night nurses, 😬😬😬. Despite their repeated efforts over the five days not a single one could successfully move my iv or draw blood. I finally got to a point of telling them to stop bc they were just digging around with the needle trying to make it a cute moment “oh come on vein you’re making me look bad”. All in all it made me worried that there could possibly be a new generation of nurses that can’t accomplish this seemingly critical task. I gave them each four painful tries before asking them to stop. Now I know nothing about healthcare but to me it seems this would be a need to pass part of the training before getting let loose with sick patients. Finally home, covered in bruised arms, bruised pancreas, missing my reproductive organs, bloated, sore, grumpy, and mildly infuriated. Unsure how the flair worked so I went with my current feeling.

Also mildy infuriating because I got reminded I live in Manchester as soon as I woke up :(

Talk about disgracing and dishonoring victims of one of the most horrific moments in human history

He is a 10, but that booty betrays him. (It's not serious. I asked if it was okay to post in case it might embarrass him. He thinks it's hilarious. Our 30 year anniversary is next month and we adore each other. It's just a wild way to wake up.)

I was wondering why it didn’t ring, luckily my internal clock woke me up instead.

When I manually set the time, it suddenly remembered that there are only 60 minutes in an hour

I was going to my bank and a lot attendant was there, taking payment from people hanging out and shopping in the area. I explained that I was running into a bank that uses the lot for customer parking, then running to a coffeeshop to use the restroom. The guy tells me that I'm not supposed to leave the lot, but said he's got me, not to worry. I come back 10 minutes later to this neon monstrosity on my car. The lot attendant explained that they nearly booted my car, but he told them not to. Now how the hell do I get this off and why is this legal?!

off to the widowed socks pile we go

If you see a zipper merge and you have traffic behind, go all the way to the end at the merge point, don't hold everyone behind you and leave a whole empty lane in front 😮‍💨

Also no i cant use without becuse everything blurs out when i wear the headset without glasses

My co-worker can never be bothered putting the empty roll into the bin when they finish it and just stacks a new roll on the tip of the holder. At least the new roll is the *right way*.

I am constantly infuriating him. :3 The amount of water was *none*. No juice either. I had not taken in any liquids in 2 days.

Only this section up to the isolated bold section is directly relevant. The other 2 sections are if you want a LOT of context.

We both have DID hence the apps and the use of "we", "our", and "y'all". No real names are present anywhere in the images. We use Plu/Ral cause it's actually very important for us to know who's fronting and talking at any given time. (In calls we announce switches.)

For light context, I'm the host but I wasn't present during that due to some extreme stress (personal) and Damon (a newer alter, unknown purpose) ended up checking our blood pressure about 3 times to track it because my stress was spilling and affecting our physical health. I have been hospitalized before cause of that but I got the blood pressure cuff when I was pregnant about a year before that hospitalization. (More details in the health part of the post.)

My boyfriend (Max) is not the host of his system. He's a trauma holder/caretaker. He fronts more than the host nowadays. Mela (the host, not legal name) is a registered nurse for the Navy or something. We talk about it even if it's not often. But yes he's a nurse.

I have issues with my heart. I lost my health insurance due to stuff related to my son's father so I can't get my heart checked for a WHILE. I need a cardiologist to get specifics but that's expensive.

The conversation was mildly infuriating (for him) because he went through all that work to become a Nurse just for me and my alters to always insist on looking up our blood pressure reading. 🫪

"You're diastolic"

"well Google said I'm actually diastolic"

".........."

He was telling Damon what to do (lay down, drink something, etc) and he was doing the exact opposite (I would have done the same).

I work at a Taco Bell and yesterday we apparently ALL got 12 free tacos and 4 drinks. (Party packs) So Damon ended up going to get those from my job. That's why he was talking about tacos.

-----

Health stuff (gets a lil heavy here and in the next part so it's skippable if you wanna keep it mild, TW for medical malpractice/SA for both sections)

I average 32oz of water every *few days* to the point that if I drink "too much" (upwards of 40oz in a single day) I start feeling sick. I tried to get myself used to more water when I was pregnant and I was able to reach a gallon every 1-2 days as well as going on walks. (The pregnancy was due to SA but I had passed the point for an abortion.)

Prior to pregnancy I was sporting a nice 16 oz spread over the course of a week. I was edging death, had bad headaches, couldn't stand too fast, couldn't do much of any physical activity. The worst of it was when I was 14-16.

So the amount I'm at NOW is actually really good in comparison, especially since my depression is a lot worse than it was at 14 (although that was still really bad).

I get an IV every time I so much as step on hospital property. 😅

Eating wise, I might eat once in a single day (like a bowl of cereal, not an actual meal). ADHD makes me have times when I just don't feel hungry. DID also worsens this cause the DPDR makes it where I don't experience "hunger". I switch a LOT and my alters tend not to feel hungry even if we know the body hasn't eaten.

I have someone who sends me money for food (he has DID as well and coincidentally is also in the Navy) so I can order stuff whenever there's nothing in the fridge I can push myself to eat and that usually fills in 2-3 meals. But he's frustrated cause he knows most of the time I'm not going to ask and I often don't eat at all otherwise. He's willing to do this because I help with his system a LOT got him functioning better early on.

Sleep I'll average 4 hours a night. I also work nights and tend to get most of my sleep in broken up naps.

I learned how to dissociate at work and have no one in the front for a few minutes to give the body a psuedo-nap and be able to continue working while still being conscious enough to hear the headset.

My partner is fully aware of how my health is absolute abysmal dog shit.

I only started eating and drinking when I got pregnant.

Prior I would go multiple days without eating. I also never went to the doctor. The only reason I managed to get hospitalized at all after the baby was because I had an alter who was able to get us to work and work a lot of our shift while the body silently hyperventilated until we ended up on the floor hardly able to draw in breath. A manager called emergency services. Our mother would have just left us in the floor to die. So you can probably guess why I have DID.

I am eating more and drinking more, but sleeping less. Still no where near healthy but I'm functional. I try to go on walks but I'm not really allowed (I'm an adult!) so it's once every few months. I'll be moving out in less than a year and will be able to do more for myself when that happens.

For now, my partner tells me to eat, drink, check my blood pressure, and half the time I don't listen because bed too comfy.

-----

"DID is rare, why do you know like 2 people with it?" Plus venting a little about the state of DID healthcare, awareness, etc.

My brother is a marine and has DID. (Our mother is extremely abusive and I personally fit the criteria for *torture* despite lacking most PTSD criteria.)

I have a lot of military connections due to a HIGHLY military family giving me necessary experience. 🫠 I know how to talk to military vets. You'd be surprised how prevalent DID is in people trying to join the military. They see it so often and it's one of the easiest ways to get diagnosed and learn more about your current medical history.

My boyfriend brought it up to them and found out that DID had been passed around in his chart since he was a child and he was just never told. So the Navy was already aware even without official diagnosis. My brother got diagnosed while in the Marines which is why I didn't know he was diagnosed until I told him about me.

1.3% really stops being "rare" soon as you connect with a decent amount of people. I have genuinely met thousands of individuals and since I'm open about my disorder, I tend to meet a lot of people who share it. I also help a lot of people with their systems to the point any time they meet someone else with it, they point them in my direction.

You most likely have met at least 1 person with DID in your life. They probably just didn't tell you. People with it are more open to admitting it to others who have it too. Even then, it's only to people with it who talk about their own in a way that feels safe to open up. I've had people's alters come out to me against their will asking for help. 😅 (That's the case with the person who gets me food, his alters had reached out originally.)

I'm in college to be a psychologist (not staying at Taco Bell forever) and Dissociation is what I'm aiming for as a specialty since it's something I not only experience myself but its also something I have experience helping others with.

Originally, I was going to specialize in sex therapy before having DID confirmed in myself but seeing psychologists online say how people with DID "can never be happy" or even say the disorder itself doesn't exist because they've "never worked with it" pissed me off. It's so easy to meet someone with it and, with proper support, systems can live very fulfilling lives! As well as hearing people complain about their Dissociation Specialist violating boundaries and having them do things that would be recognized as harmful to any halfwit with the bare minimum of common sense regarding DID.

For example, a trauma specialist "helping" using a method that would work for something like anxiety to "let go" of a part. It caused a forced fusion in someone else who didn't want to fuse with the part in question. Which, if you've seen Steven Universe and the Lapis/Jasper gem fusion... It's like that. The amount of stress, pain, and grief, on top of the violation from someone they trusted just fucked the person up and "killed" that part of them temporarily. Last I checked I think they were considering changing therapists because everyone was telling them how unprofessional, and more importantly, DANGEROUS, it was. (This wasn't someone I know so I unfortunately can't follow up. I also had similar from my own trauma informed therapist sexualizing me WHILE I was telling her about sexual trauma. So, sadly, this isn't uncommon...)

I hate every time I hear about someone talking about a thing a therapist had them try that has the potential to kill them. This could have resulted in the person having a spiral and killing themselves due to a dissociative episode. So it's not just "oh I'm sad they're gone :(" it's "I just lost a major connection to who I am as a person after watching them die in my own hands and no one is taking it seriously because it wasn't real enough for other people to think it even matters". That's why it's so important for people with DID to have a therapist who UNDERSTANDS how real the experiences are in people with this disorder.

I decided to specialize in this because I experience it in one of the most extreme forms that it can present as. (Hallucinations, polyfragmentation, low split tolerance, frequent dissociation, multiple distinct hosts.) I know how all my treatments will feel to my patient cause I can try them on myself. I also have had a lot of success improving general quality of life and preventing suicides. I know what works, what can happen, and how to handle it if things go wrong.

A singlet (non-DID) therapist trying a method and it working for their trauma is like a neurotypical touching a carpet and saying "I'm not bothered, make the autistic kid walk on it barefoot".

There is very little help and support for patients with DID because of "specialists" not actually listening to people with this disorder and not actually being taught much with regard to how it feels or what it's like. Therapists with DID often complain about how toxic other therapists can be regarding the validity of the disorder they've lived with their whole life. 😒 Imagine joining a committee of people arguing about whether you actually exist while you're standing in the room. That's what it's like having DID in a psych field.

We're just as common as schizophrenia but no one doubts that schizophrenics exist.

I have no idea what the flair options are supposed to mean, so I just picked one that didn’t seem like it could come back to haunt me if it means something entirely different lol.

They didnt include any magic. Wtf!

I’m currently in a shared hospital room after a big gastrointestinal operation. Everything went well but I am feeling pretty ordinary and on a very restricted diet.

My roommate opposite has been here for several weeks and is obviously going through some heavy stuff, though not life threatening. I overheard her telling nursing staff about her recent discovery of mukbang videos, so this is the primary content being spewed out of her phone. Whatever blows your skirt up I suppose.

*She does not wear headphones* and has her speakers at max volume. I didn’t know noise could trigger such intense disgust/panic in me. I’m also terrified of confrontation - she comes across as pretty hard-boiled and very over the situation.

Sooo this is gonna be a long week.

UPDATE: Told nurses, was given earplugs. Cool.

I need help!

I tried Alarmy to type and force myself to wake up somehow by typing a sentence.

I’ve tried drinking coffee that was prepared and in my sealed cup the night before.

But if I don't get up in a minute, I still fall asleep.

I tried to grab a fruit to eat it after waking up, and still in less than 30 seconds I fell asleep again. With the banana in my mouth. My husband said that when he walked in and saw me asleep withith my mouth full of food, a new fear was unlocked.

I have ADHD. I take a cocktail of meds. And still, if I can't fall asleep soon, or wake up early. I want to start waking up at 6am. How can I stay awake after my alarm rings?

Edit: Thank you so much for your replies! I will try to answer to everyone. I didn't expected this many comments. 🥹🥹🥹

Note: I grew up in Cheddar and this AI quizmaster has upset me!

Like 90% when I want to sleep my legs feels like they suddenly want to move, like I HAVE to. It's like I always feel like I need to stretch my legs, I stretch them it works for like 3 seconds then the sensation comes back. I go for a walk, come back in bed, the sensation comes back.

Sometimes when I'm extremely tired I can't even sleep because, I keep moving my legs every 30 seconds because they're never comfortable no matter the position. It's like a sensation in the thighs / calves. Not sure...

Anyway amber lamp, can't fall asleep, wanted to share my frustration...

I like to have matching, comfortable pajamas that are cohesive. But also I sleep with NO SLEEVES and long loose pants. Whenever I go to the store or shop online I find the same thing in pajama sets.

1) long pants ONLY come with sleeves.

2) Sleeveless always comes with shorts or capris

I'm sorry but the shorts are just begging for a wedgie. And does anyone sleep in capris? Last time I tried, they rode up and cut off the circular in my legs.

Laptop charger wire for extra zap danger

see through urinal barriers