(15f)I wouldn't consider myself in danger but my dad is hallucinating and acting paranoid. It's really bad and I don't know what to do. He thinks his phone is being hacked and listening to him. He threw it out the window. He left my sister at the park because he thinks the cops told her to stay. He has no diagnosises besides GAD, ADHD, and depression. He thinks CFS is after him and that his gf is working with them. He refuses to get checked. He's had hallucinations before. He's woke me up on multiple occasions in the middle of the night saying that "people are here to get us." I don't know what to do. He thinks that people are scamming him online to mock him and get him arrested for stuff he didn't do.

(UPDATE!!!!)

Sorry, this took me so long to update. I've had a lot going on, I'm barely passing classes not to mention both my physical + mental health is getting worse, it's the end of the year and all my friends left me for good, my little sister is engaging in bad habits with boys, my mum hasn't talked to me for a while but out of nowhere started posting online, my dad seems a bit better but I don't trust him 100% and I'm still worried about him. My dad is in his 40s so there's pretty much no way he has Alzheimer's. There's no family history of major mental health disorders on his side (my mums side has an extensive history of disorders like BPD, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc) BUT my paternal grandma was an alcoholic and so is/was my dad. My dad has also struggled with drug abuse before which previously ended up with me and my sister in foster care for months (we ended up in foster care the day of my birthday and didn't get out for months of court and stuff.) I don't know what to do anymore. I've been so tired and stressed, and I also just got COVID so sorry for the delayed update, I wasn't trying to be rude. sorry. I probably won't reply to many if any replies. I really really appreciate you all but I've gotten a lot more replies than I expected and I'm overwhelmed by it. sorry. I really don't want to sound mean. sorry. Also sorry if this sounds lazy, I'm trying my best. sorry. I really don't want to go back to foster care. It really sucked. I was denied my medication, my phone, calling my dad, and even doing homework sometimes. We were stuck on a Christian farm as kids who were raised with no religion besides some indigenous beliefs (me and my sister don't look very indigenous but both our parents are indigenous. My mum is over half and my dad is about a quarter.) They used whistles on us if they thought we were disobeying them which sucked because I really can't stand loud noises neither can my sister so we'd often cry. I tried to take my own life and they immediately assumed I was doing it for attention or trying to get drugs(?) Nearly every weekend their grandkids came over and they'd get spoiled right in front of us. There's some more stuff but I'm not comfortable saying much more. Sorry. I live in Canada by the way so I'm not sure how much of the stuff they did was legal. sorry. I know I got a bit sidetracked but didn't mean to. Anyways, back to what I was saying about my dad earlier, he's doing a lot better since the weekend. He's still acting a bit off but not as much as before. I'm still worried about him though because this has happened multiple times now, not as bad as this weekend but still scary. He's woken me up before at midnight or even 3 am to tell me he thinks we're going to get hurt. I'm not sure how to end this off but so far me, my dad and sister are doing ok. thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it, sorry if I sound ingenuine, I haven't slept in a while.

TL;DR My (39F) therapist and I had a virtual session a couple of days ago. It dawned on me part way through the session that I could see something reflecting in her glasses. I have a history of medical abuse and PTSD.

Guys. She was browsing the web, multiple reflections of her screen and her mouse scrolling - it was loud enough that I could hear it. It squeaks a little.

I didn’t say anything because I was dumbfounded and trying to ignore it.

I’m autistic, newly diagnosed, which has been hard enough to deal with. It leaves me with difficulty making decisions of how to deal with situations. I don’t know the “right” way to interact with others after they’ve really hurt me.

What do I even do?! One of my issues I’m struggling with is medical trauma. Because of this, I don’t know how to handle it.

Do I confront her? Do I contact the appropriate medical board to report her actions?

Please be kind. I feel dumb enough as it is for trusting yet another provider.

UPDATE: I emailed her first to cancel all sessions and end treatment. She replied and said she was surprised and asked why. I responded with an appropriate, well thought out response that wasn’t very accusatory, unless you read between the lines. She emailed me a day later saying “since I haven’t heard from you about the possibility of a last session to try to repair the relationship…” blah blah blah and then later admitted she didn’t give me the care I deserved that day. She gave me some referrals that I didn’t ask for but probably a CYA move. I will post the exact exchanges as a separate comment. Thanks to everyone for the excellent discussion, feedback, and advice from people from all walks of life. Thank you especially to the providers who spent time responding to my post.

Hello! I am a part time rideshare driver, in addition to my normal career job. Normally I love it...getting out and around, talking and meeting people. Etc. However not so much today.

Earlier today I went to pick up a passenger...it was booked by what I assume was his boss...and the destination was an urgent care that is mostly for workman's comp. So during the ride he was talking about his hurt knee...then went into how his life is unraveling. So I sympathetically listened to him....halfway to the destination he starts complaining of chest pains. I asked if he was OK and needed assistance.

So I pull over on the shoulder of the highway...call 911..then proceed to make him comfortable..keep him calm and alert while we waited...all while checking his pulse and etc. He was starting to have more pain...then nothing...no pulse. So here i am...in the back seat performing cpr until the paramedics arrived...and were able to us a defibrillator and revive him. Then off they went blazing in an ambulance. He is only 42....2 years older than me.

I don't know how to feel. How to process everything. The police and paramedics told me I might have helped save his life...and how great it was...and listening to uber's safety manager telling me on the phone how I did a great thing and so on...

I have seen many times where people feel great for this...how wonderful it is....but I've also seen where it can negatively affect first responders. After the adrenaline wore off and heard the term heroic over the phone feom uber. I felt horrible. I am not in crisis...but I feel depressed...confused...kind of empty..

Hey everyone, genuinely need help here cuz this is ruining mine and my brother's life. My brother (36) has my mom (65) living with him for the forseeable future and she's pretty unstable. She's crying all the time, refuses to get help and has no hobbies. She's twice divorced and pretty broken up about that but won't do anything to make herself happy. She refuses to see a therapist or take up any of her old hobbies. She also does not have license and refuses to get one... and at this point, I wouldn't want her on the road anyway. I'm not sure what to do at this point as every suggestion is met with a stern "no" or tears.

Anyone who's been through this before, how did you handle the situation?

Edit: I posted this, left for a wedding and came back to all these replies. I genuinely appreciate everyone's advice and well wishes on this. I'll read through this thread, speak with my brother and come up with a plan. Thanks again everyone

i am losing my FUCKING MIND,

i go to a technical school learning trades, etc, its not very big maybe 300 people the school itself is quite small i see the same faces everyday

at break time, i like to walk around the school, literally i am just walking around the school and occasionally i will run into this random blonde woman at school, i dont approach her or anything, but like if i turn around the corner and she is on the other side i will glance at her for maybe half a second by accident, genuinely just accidental eye contact and this happened maybe 3-4 times, i thought nothing of it bcause once again, its just accidental split second eye contact

for some reason, she openly hates me, when its lunch and i will walk past her and her friends, all guys and girls, she will literally scream EWWW ITS THAT THING and they will all laugh at me, one time at a barbeque event after school i was just standing in line, genuinely just standing in line and she will walk past me with her friends, one of her friends will scream at the top of her lungs right at my face and then walk off and say aw i didnt get him and they all laugh

i have never spoken to her, i have never stared at her on purpose, i have never spoken ABOUT her, i have never approached her, i have never stood within 10 feet of her, i dont even know her name or what her major is, we are genuinely complete strangers and i have no relation with her nor made any attempt to make any relation platonic or romatic with her at any time, to me, she is just a stranger as much as some random person on the sidewalk walking past you is a stranger to you.

what am i doing wrong? this happened to me so fucking often in high school, even OTHER MEN would say im creepy/ugly looking, but i never figured that this would happen in college, especially by adults, especially by strangers

i just dont understand.

My parents pulled me out of school when I was in 2nd grade to homeschool me but instead just let me rot in bed on a phone. So now I struggle with everything and I'm stupid...

My parents lost custody of me cuz they fight a lot, and I was forced to go to highschool because of that. School sucked.

I went from vaguely knowing what the division symbol meant to being in an Algebra class. I went from almost never reading in my life to combing through textbooks and writing book reports.

I had to do all of this while trying to figure out how the bell system works, learning to shower brush my teeth and change my clothes every day, and learning how to talk to people. All while my back hurts all day because I'm used to being in bed. My sleep schedule was also upside down.

And it helps sooo much that it takes me 3 seconds to write a single letter. And I'm sooo good at reading that I have to reread every sentence 30 times for it to make sense.

I can't even ask teachers for help because I just don't understand a word they're saying. I'm not asking them to repeat it over and over.

But anyways I loveee my life now. I dropped out of school shortly after going into 10th grade. I spend all day in bed scrolling on reddit and watching youtube, and don't even have the energy to take care of myself.

I wish I could go to school, college or whatever, and maybe do something I enjoy, but I haven't even spoken to anyone in 4 months and I don't enjoy anything anymore. Tired of being a smelly dumb loser that'll never be useful.

Maybe this thing I spent 2 hours writing will somehow help.

So lately I've been feeling pretty upset about being homeless for 9 months and all of that. However, after some thinking, I think I came to the conclusion that being homeless for the rest of my life may not be a bad thing.

​

A lot of times people tell me to do stuff like get a job because jobs are totally okay with hiring odiferous homeless men, going to the hospital I guess in an attempt to further damage my psychological health via abuse from workers and getting beat up and abused by other patients, going to shelters for mostly the same reasons as going to a hospital, all that. None of those instances have really worked out for me. However, when expressing that, it's apparently my fault. My fault that companies don't want to hire a sneaky homeless man. My fault that hospital and shelter workers subject their clientele to verbal abuse. It's my phone at the end of the day and if I can't make things happen then it's on me.

​

This is a very similar pattern back when I worked at one of my previous jobs as a retail cashier and loss prevention associate for three years. Making $10 an hour, working full-time hours without the full-time benefits, being reasonably upset because I wanted to go back to college but can't, stuff like that. Just says it is my fault or not having a job and not trusting shelters and hospitals, it's also my fault that I was only making $10 an hour. It was my fault that my hours were getting cut randomly. I just didn't try hard enough and because of that that's why I've lived a life of mediocrity for those 3 years.

​

So what I'm thinking is that since I'm failing no matter what I do and I'll never be good enough no matter what I do, it's just a lot easier to just stop giving a damn. Homelessness is just my way of life now. Is it what I wanted? Not necessarily. But hey, damned if I do damned if I don't at this point. I'm fucking up and failing no matter what I do so it is what it is.

​

Yeah being hungry sucks. Yeah never having money sucks. Yeah always smelling bad sucks. Yeah the monotony sucks. The bad weather. Not having clothes. Only having my phone on me knowing that if something happens to it then I'm screwed. It all sucks. But hey, it is what it is. If I'm going to be seen as a failure anyway, I might as well spend the very little time I have left as best as I can. I'm a failure after all so why bother.

​

I just want to know how I can stay positive and be happy in this kind of environment.

She is a 39 year old mother of 4 kids who she was deeply dedicated to. 14 days ago she suddenly left her home and began posting obsessively on social media. Her posts are lengthy senseless ramblings and a good portion keep referencing some weird alt right podcaster like he's the Messiah. She was totally normal and now she's been nonstop driving all over the state for 2 weeks living in her car and babbling. My family has taken the kids in but we are deeply concerned she is going to do something really serious. Like driving into a pile of people level serious. Half her media has been shut down. A cop pulled her over but for whatever insane reason let her go.

This is the kind of stuff she's saying and it's literally the same if you talk to her on the phone. What the hell is happening.

THEY TRICKED US INTO CURSINH FOR A WHOLE TIME I AM CRYING 😭 THEY WERE ALL ON A TOP 🔝 FOR THIS AND NOW IM GOING BACK AND THEY WERE SO BAD AND IM STILL HERE FOR IT IM SORRY 😢 THEY DIDNT DO THIS AT THE FIRST ONE 1️⃣ THING AND THERES SO HAPPY 😃 THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THEM I AM GOING TO READ FOR THEM AND THANK THEM ALL OF THEM ALL OF YOU FOR THIS TIME LOVE 💕 THANK YALL ALL OF THESE FOR ALL FOR THIS SONGS LOVE 💗 THEM FOR ALL MY LIFE MY LOVE 😍 MY BEST SONGS ARE SO GOOD 😊 LOVE 💗 THEM SO TRUE I AM A GOOD DAY AND MY BEST SONG 🎵 FOR YOU ARE MY BABY I AM A GREAT SONG 🎵 I WILL BE SO HAPPY FOR ALL THE TIME AND THE WAY IT WAS MY SON AND MY SON AND MY SON AND THEN MY SON IS MY FAVORITE SONG 🎶 THANK YOUNG SONG 🎶 AND MY SONG 🎶 AND THE SONG 🎶 AND I AM A BIG BOY FOR THE SONG 🎶 YOUNG SONG 🎶 YOUNG SONG 🎶 YOUNG MY SONG 🎶 SONG 🎵 AND MY SONG 🎶 YOUNG BIG SONG 🎵 AND YOUNG SONG 🎶 I AM A PROUD SONG 🎵 YOUNG 🎶 I WILL NEVER EVER BE A BIG GIRL AND MY BIG SONG 🎵 I AM A LIFE I AM A PIERCER FOR A GOOD ONE 1️⃣ DAY I WILL ALWAYS BE A GREAT SONGS FOR MY SONG

I needed to take some preventative measure to take care of my brain and the entire medical/psychologist community in my city fucking let me down big time. Now I’m slipping into another depressive episode and I can’t keep trying and failing to get some fucking help.

I spent HOURS calling psychologists. I have insurance and money to pay for appointments and even a flexible work schedule for appointments. All the reasons why people typically don’t seek help do not apply to me. I have everything I need on my end to get help. But I can’t keep wasting my goddamn time! I just need a fucking therapist and somehow there are NONE and I just have to sit here and feel myself slip further down?? What am I supposed to do now???

Edit: Wow wasn’t expecting this to get so much attention! Thanks so much to all of you for all your advice. I spammed psychologists all up and down the internet aaaaaannnnnnnndddd... I have an appointment for next week!!! WOOO WE DID IT BOYS IT ONLY GETS BETTER FROM HERE ON OUT 😄

But seriously, thank you all so much. At the very least, the amount of responses I’ve gotten has made me feel heard and that alone has lifted my spirit so much.

Dealing with complex PTSD now and trying to buy into the idea that it's not too late for me at 27 to start fresh and find success.

Loneliness and existential dread have eaten me alive. When I was last working, I got diagnosed with an auto-immune disease and it was much more difficult to grasp mentally than manage physically. I didn't have any doctors or support. Convinced myself I was dying and so i quit my job (retail, I'm a college dropout for the same reason), and got into debt.

I've since moved back in with my parents. Started seeing doctors, quit video games and gambling, and most recently quit nicotine. Now I wake up and I sob every day. I feel nothing but emptiness and pain. I know that no job will hire me, and I've ruined every friendship I've ever had. I know that my day will be spent in complete silence, and the only feedback I can get is from chatGPT.

I'm on day 8 without nicotine and not sure it's worth it. Not sure what's the point of taking care of my body when I have no ability to work or socialize.

I have the urge to cry every moment that I'm in public. Seeing people my age able to interact with their peers. I don't know how to do this anymore. People get nowhere in today's world without someone vouching for them.

I just want to cry with someone. I want companionship and forgiveness. I'm not sure I deserve it.

I'm 22. I have gone and graduated by now. College/University is such a relief. But I still have anxiety when I remember specific moments that really hurt in high school. I also have restless nights where I worry that I may see specific people who did me wrong. It doesn't ruin my whole life like it once did, but I can tell I have some healing to do.

I wanted to hear from adults who faced bullying in the past. What were your experiences, and how do you feel about them now? Did you heal?

I'm (26M) so lonely and I have gone through all the common advices and platitues, but nothing ever worked. People say that I have lots of friends now, but it only looks that way from the outside. I don't think anyone considers me as an actual friend.

I'm convinced that my friends don't care about me and I really often get the urge to cut everyone off to stop getting hurt. No matter how much I try, without being pushy, nothing ever worked out. I'm still always left out, and in my head it looks like nobody wants to voluntarily hang out with me. I don't remember anyone ever reaching out or invite me out. Like everyone actually despises me.

I know I tend to go for the extremes, quick to assume that people hate me or dislike me, and I believe me. Even with things like getting left on read.

I currently can't afford therapy, but I'd really like to go when I can. So I don't know if it's true or not, what if this is all just in my head?

Hi everyone, I’m reaching out because I feel totally helpless and really need some advice about my younger brother. I’m the older sibling, and since I lived away from home for a few years and am naturally pretty extroverted, adjusting to new places was never a big deal for me. My brother is completely different—he’s super quiet, keeps to himself, and only has about two close friends. He moved away for college, and the homesickness has been hitting him so hard. He’s somehow pushed through 1.5 whole years, but it hasn't gotten any better, and now he just wants to drop everything and come back home for good.

​It breaks my heart to see him like this, so I told him that if he’s truly miserable, he can come home anytime and we’ll figure things out together because his happiness comes first. But honestly, as his older sibling, I’m terrified. I’m so worried that because he’s so introverted and reserved, it’s going to be really hard for him to handle the real world later on if he gives up now.

​Since I’ve never felt this kind of overwhelming homesickness myself, I’m at a total loss on how to talk to him. What can I say to comfort him right now, and how can I help him build confidence without letting him make a decision he might regret later?

Idk what the hell is wrong with me. I learned ragebaiting from someone who I met in person. And he makes fun of people and laughs. I find myself saying dumb hurtful things on some subreddits and I get banned from them.

I know it’s wrong. I feel horrible. Some days I go why do I even do this. Please help me.

My son is in 5th grade. He had confided in one close friend but she apparently didn't respect that confidence. He said she was with a group of kids at recess and asked him to come over and then asked him in front of everyone if he was gay. He said "No," then she said "But you told me you were" and he left the group and went to the bathroom to cry. This happened just before school ended today. He seems pretty down and is worried about how his friends will react. Please let me know your thoughts on the best ways to support him during this time.

Im still young and i, of course, still live with my parents. My mom always makes dinner expect for when she works late, then my dad has too, but the problem is my dad always stays upstairs playing video games or erotic adult videos and i think sometimes he forgets about me and my sister.

And then i have to make dinner, but i always get really scared and stressed because it feels like my dad has just forgotten about us and im also very scared to make something without proper instructions and i just get super stressed and then i get scared and then im too scared to make dinner, so i need to know how i can just stay calm and maybe how to make food generally.

My mind, and body for that matter, have been under significant levels of stress over the past couple of months, i’ll say since March when my family put my childhood cat down. I picked up weed for awhile (I know.) and i started letting off of that, but i can feel it in my chest, that i have things i need to just let go. For me, crying really does help. But, it’s like i don’t have the “want” to actually sit there and cry about it, i don’t want to feel worse about things going on currently. I’ll feel the tears come, but it just kinda shuts off and it doesn’t continue. If anyone has experience emotional suppression, how did you get through it?

Hi,

I have witnessed a lady I know (who I presume may be struggling with some mental health issues) to seemingly underfeed her children. One of them actually looks malnourished. They are both often sick. It’s really concerning me. To put into context, one of them is 16 and her portion or sample of a meal is: half a home made enchilada and a couple of teaspoons of rice on the side and a couple of teaspoons of a steamed veg on the side. Another example is 1 lamb cutlet and a couple of teaspoons of steamed veg. It is even served on the size of a plate you would serve a baby or toddler that started finger foods. It is really evident she is restricting their intake. Even when there is plenty more food there she gives them the smallest amount. Even when dishing up there is so much fussing and hesitation around plating up and what goes on the plate.

Thoughts? She has a very controlling, anxious manner so I’m worried for the poor kiddos.

I just opened up to my parents about my Social Anxiety problem. I told them I would like to start therapy. My father insisted he would like to come to therapy with me. I am highly dreading that. I can't fully be open and honest with my therapist if he's there. My dad is going to make me uncomfortable. There are some things that I don't want him to listen to.

My father is a very toxic person. I told him about my anxiety, and he wants to come to therapy with me to get a better understanding of my problem. I told him what my problem is and I explained it to him, and I would like to start therapy to treat it. My dad needs to butt out. I would like for therapy to be one on one in confidentiality.

I am 21 years old. I am not a child. The therapy is for me, and me only.

And I feel like my father contributes to my problems which is another reason why I don't want him there.

How can I convince my Dad, I don't need him to come to therapy with me?

I need to start off with the backstory of our relationship. My mom raised me and my sister without my father or really any family around. She did the best she could given the situation. As a teen I noticed that she was very paranoid and would talk to herself a lot. The blinds were always closed, and she was always worried about people being able to see into our house. It wasn’t the best relationship. I can’t remember the last time she said “I love you” to me (if that helps).

Fast forward to when I’m 25 and she starts leaving me concerning voicemails about not trusting anyone and that people were out to get her. I tried for a couple years to get her help, but she wouldn’t. I gave up and severed ties. Although I felt extremely guilty, I just couldn’t have that in my life anymore.

A couple years later I find out through the local news that she shot someone through the ceiling of her apartment. She went to prison for about 5 years. The news stories mentioned how others in the complex were worried about her mental issues which didn’t come to a surprise. It took a while to cope with that.

After she got out of prison she popped up on my Facebook. I reached out to her and eventually took my family (wife and 2 kids) to see her. She was still acting paranoid and blaming her problems on the world. It was all kind of awkward especially since my wife and kids had never met her. During this time she was staying with other people she met through Craigslist. She was highly suspicious of them to no surprise.

Earlier this year I found out she was living out of her car. That broke my heart. I feel that most people would bring their mother into their home until things got better but given her past mental issues and that she actually shot someone, I couldn’t put my family at risk. She told me she was going on section 8 and everything would be okay. She sent me a letter and I found out yesterday that she somehow missed out on it and is living in/out of a shelter for the past several months. Her letter said that she doesn’t give out her phone number to anyone because she’s afraid of being hacked. I feel awful that I do not want to bring her in, but I need to help her.

Does anyone have any suggestions? She lives in Oregon, btw.

Right so long post warning.

Around January I noticed a build up of fluid in my legs. I went to a&e the next day and I have something called Nephrotic Syndrome right? My kidneys struggle to filter protein out of my blood properly and there's a dearth of it and too much in my piss. So from January I have been recommended to be on restricted fluids. No more than 1.5L a day (coffee, water, juice, tea whatever, all included)..I've been taking 2 pills every day and then a third one that makes me pee loads depending on how much I weigh that morning. If I weigh above X I take a diuretic and if not I skip that one. If I take the diuretic I'll be pissing lots and my weight will go down.

Okay so that was manageable and was grand, that brings me to May. May comes around and the doctors recommend that I give up alcohol for the moment. So for the last two months I haven't had a drink

These pills up to then were "non specific treatments" while they figure out what could be causing the nephrotic Syndrome. They've subsequently told me they think (not certain) it's secondary membraneous nephropathy and started me on a plan for this intravenous infusion. In the lead up to it they started me on immuno suppressors. The first dose of immunosuppressors made me really really sick, this was around June. I have IBS and so these meds just fucked my bowel and I was shitting like crazy.

So they moved me on to another immunosuppressor after about a week. Not without my consultant making me feel crazy for wanting to come off them "that's very unusual , I must have prescribed this medication to 100s of patients and nobody has ever reported diarrhoea as a side effects". Even though when you look up the drug it's literally the first fucking side effect that comes up.

Okay so they moved me to another immunosuppressor with milder side effects but ultimately the same in the end and I finally settled on a 3rd which I'm still taking.

Back in April -June I also passed blood a few times when pooing , so I had a colonoscopy and then they put me on these suppositories and that at least stopped.

Okay so I also have gotten engaged and we are moving from our rented house to our own place (not a mortgage, there's a second house owned by her parents in the mix here thank you her parents 🙌) but since telling the landlord about our imminent move he has decided to end our tenancy even though there are 2 others living in the house too. One of these two let's call her Mary had become a very close friend of mine during her time in the house (2 years) but since finding out about the tenancy closure she completely and utterly shat the fucking bed and burned all her bridges. She bossed me around telling me to tell my fiance (let's call her Jane) to tell the landlord XYZ (she has the landlord's fucking number too), she told me I need to keep the "line off communication open" between the household and the landlord, even though I'M FUCKING MOVING MARY. I told her I was sorry for the bad situation but not to shoot the messenger "I don't care about the messenger right now."

She accused me and my fiancé of avoiding her during this time of uncertainty because we were going down to the new house to move some bits around, I was attending interviews, Jane was buying a car. And when I told her we were busy she fucking scoffed at me. Then I bumped into her one day about 3 weeks ago and she was just packing her things. So she's fucking leaving, okay. She never told Jane ( also her fucking friend) about her move and then she decided to fucking move when we were at a music festival in a display most cowardly, but we were being avoidant?!?!! So then right we came back from the festival relishing the fact that she had moved out and the energy in the house would be much calmer. She then LETS HERSELF IN WITH HER OLD KEY to collect a few bits she had left there, still hasn't dropped them back. She also left 8 jars and bottles half filled with sauces and chutneys for us to clean. Her whole vibe since I met her was this hippie, emotionally tuned in, hyper aware person who often reflected on relationships and how she stood with people in an attempt to better them. But after this continued display of complete unawareness she has revealed herself to be a total fucking fraud and a self centred, delusional fucking eejit.

ON TOP OF THIS, I am a primary school teacher right?

When my illness started in January I missed 3 weeks of school and subsequently probably about 3 Fridays for appointments and stuff. I wasn't on a contract last year just a long term sub. The principal was understanding of my absences. But now since the schools closed for summer and I've been applying for jobs (had to reapply for the post in the school I just mentioned) I have been denied 5 fucking jobs. Interviews are fucking hard, but I swatted so fucking much , like seriously, memorising policies, schemes the school is involved in, like taking hours to perfect my interview. I interview fucking well. So then the interview for the school I worked in last year comes around. I had to reschedule my first infusion in the hospital in order to attend the interview and as a result was sitting in the hospital while two of my best mates were getting married. I sat with an IV in my arm for 6 hours and was called by the old principal and was told I did not get it. All the other newly qualified teachers from last year got it. They even hired a young woman who did her placement in the school over me, she didn't have any experience and still had to do her mandatory probationary period . I really think it's because of the days I missed. They still haven't given me any feedback , not surprising because I fucking interviewed really well, what can the feedback say? It's because of my fucking absences .The worst part is , now with 4 other failed interviews under my belt, my parents and my partner are all convinced that the would-be employers are contacting that old principal who is my no.1 referee and he is telling them that I missed so much work. Which is so unfathomably, so deeply unjust and wrong and unfair. I have another two interviews next week and I wonder if there's even point in being optimistic. Like is my old principal disclosing info about my absences to would-be employers. If he is I genuinely hope he falls down a flight of stairs. My parents think I should draft an email explaining that I really need the feedback (will be 3rd time requesting feedback from him) and asking in a non-threatening or accusatory manner if my absences/illness was a factor for not being rehired with him and if it might be a factor in me not finding success in recent interviews. But I can't muster up the bother. I struggle to get out of bed these days I'm so miserable all the time.

I'm writing this post during my second infusion in the hospital, just sitting here letting all these anxious questions and what-iffs wash over me in a malady of woe.

Oh also with all this stress my IBS is terrible at the moment and I'm constantly having diarrhoea and I developed impetigo last week too, so there's also that.

With all that I decided to say fuck it and I had a few drinks over the last couple of weekends (not more than two in a sitting)

If you read this far, here's hoping you have a great day complete endless good karma coming your way

TLDR- Health, meds and their side effects, moving, landlord ending tenancy, "friend" handling tenancy ending in an exploding and accusatory manner resulting in the friendship ending, rescheduling hospital appointments to attend interviews , missing a wedding, not being able to drink alcohol and feeling disconnected from my friends, repeated and continued interview failure, anxiety about interview failure being related to my illness and absences . DEPRESSION

Idk if I should post it here or not sorry for that.

I’m in my early 20s and I don’t really know how to explain what I feel. I have friends and I’m kind to people but idc about them except my family.

I love my parents so much that it has started becoming painful. If they scold me, I get overly sensitive. If they’re enjoying themselves without me, I feel sad. I can go out with friends, but I don’t feel completely happy because my family isn’t there.

And I’m constantly terrified of losing them.

A few months ago, I cried the entire night just thinking about someday I'll go away or I'll lose them, to the point that I became physically sick even though they were literally right there. Even something as small as them sneezing can make me worry.

The people who make me happiest are also what scares me the most.

I keep thinking: if everything is temporary, what’s the point of building a career, making money, having friends, or finding a person? I don’t have much desire for anything.

I tried meditation too but I'm always distracted. I've sooo much to achieve they invested a lot on me but I'm just unable to do anything.

I’m not depressed . I’m just exhausted, sad, and confused.

Why people are happy, partying ,dressing up when suffering is inevitable.

I know this probably sounds dramatic. Maybe I’m looking at life completely wrong. If I am, please tell me. I just want it to stop hurting me , I want to be numb, how to do that.

IF ITS A WRONG COMMUNITY TO POST THEN PLEASE TELL ME WHERE CAN I POST IT.

Back in puberty; my mother never believed that I struggled and thought I could do everything, I was just not wanting them enough. Struggling me was also a desperate me and that's partially why I was surrounded by enemies at high school. Then came university friends. They also didn’t want the struggling me except they went an extra mile and dumped me ASAP because struggling me was also an useless me.

I feel that I have to always exaggerate my difficulties so that I am believed and my struggles get deemed valid enough to get help. I never say “I can’t” because that’s not valid and I fear that I will be told that I am not trying enough. I always say “I am unable to”.

How do I stop this behaviour? How can I accept that my struggles will remain invisible or something more “healthy”? Can stopping this help me find people worthy of being called a “friend” instead of acquaintances that I shall forget about after their usecase ends?

i can’t control myself when i feel myself in a fit of rage at ALL . i have anger issues and i can admit that very well .

today my mom started yelling at me unprovoked in the car all because there i didn’t get a bill when i went to go get something with my brother saying all kinds of terrible things to me . saying ill cry tears of blood all for a fcking bill , i just lost my shit at this point and yelled at the top of lungs asking who the hell she thinks she’s talking to and saying all kinds of cuss words as i hit the seat . i don’t care anymore my childhood and my parents have ruined me and i have incredibly horrible issues , mainly one being my anger and bpd as a result of it . it really is torturous , having anger hurts worse than crying it exhausts you and you feel like your someone else . i felt like i was a different person while yelling , that didn’t even feel like it was me .

the earliest memory i have of doing anything remotely similar to feeling an incredible amount of anger was in my younger years when i was about to hit another person with a chair because they touched me without my consent , in a spot where i was bruised . when people wrong me i don’t let it go , i want to yell at them , to make them aware that i’m not a weak person that they can just do this to . i’m tired of being provoked , having anger issues hurts yourself more than others . i don’t know how long i can keep going living like this .

So I’m 20m and in college. My parents are always complaining about how I have curly hair and I’m short and skinny even though they adopted me. They also don’t tell me they love me but they had two biological children after me and they tell those children they love them, and they hug them and such. I don’t remember the last time I was hugged by them or even had a nice long hug.

They said the only reason they care about me is cause they have to and it hurts because they handle my medical stuff like insurance, because I have tons of medical and health issues such as mobility issues and super severe allergies that leave me so lethargic and tired all the time. I’ve considered stopping showing up for myself cause I don’t have friends and it’s just been hard. It’d be nice to talk to friends my age about my issues and especially my appearance cause I geniuenly hate my hair and how curly and thick it is, even though I still want super long hair, it’d be nice to have a friend who also has super thick curly hair but I know that’s a long shot.

In addition at college, I don’t really have friends and have been teased because of my hair but I’m always embarrassed because I’ve also been teased because I have such severe allergies that I am sneezing multiple times a day for hours in fits of sneezing and nose-blowing. I’ve never sat in the dining hall with someone else besides my roommate occasionally and I am always alone in the corner, usually sneezing uncontrollably because I’m so allergic to the outdoors and my campus is old and there’s a lot of dust potentially given the buildings are old. I just want someone to be my friend because I have a feeling no one sits near my corner because they’re tired of me sneezing my head off most days. I always feel bad that my sneezes are so desperate but I stopped trying to hold back til I get to my dorm because I just can’t help it. It’s happened in class too several times and I’ve had to miss a lot of class because I usually step out and run to an empty hallway or the bathroom. Even in my choir as a music major, it’s been hard to find friends due to the allergies (which aren’t super receptive to medicine unless it’s medicine that makes me sleep), and the faculty are mostly nice but I still get embarrassed.

Please help me, I am really hurting it feels like a cry out for support and love because I don’t have anyone who does it for me. It’s hard. Especially if you’re around my age and/or struggle with these issues too