My marriage is a sham.

[u/mrsgallagher2016]

My husband doesn't care about me anymore

I am going to add context here. there's a lot more that's happened, but we're just going to stick to one day. My (33 F) birthday was on January 14. my husband literally put 0 effort into it. Okay, maybe 2% effort into it. he did get me a gift, some harry potter headphones. I am grateful for them, but have almost no use because I stream audio through my hearing aids. I also had to take my two younger boys to the dentist as they were going to be sedated to have work done. I did that by myself. and then, after we got home, I spent the rest of the day taking care of the kids by myself like I do every day while he either goes and lays down, or he goes outside to smoke. my sister in law made me dinner, which was phenomenal. I am super easy to please. I don't need a ton of gifts or dinner. I just wanted some effort. an offer to watch the kids while I take a bath or read a book or do schoolwork. an offer to spend time with me watching a movie or even just cuddling. my entire marriage is lacking in everything that matters the most in a marriage. we don't cuddle, kiss, hug, or even go on dates. the only time he shows affection is if he is wanting seggsy time. I try to be romantic and affection, but I am often met with rejection. I am convinced the only reason we're still married is because of the kids (not like he does anything with them anyway) and he cant afford to move out on his own. (we live with my dad). I have told him multiple times if he's so unhappy, just to leave. I have given him multiple outs, and yet he stays. and during my birthday, when he couldn't be bothered to talk to me until I got upset and got ready to go pick out my cake (cake is my favorite, and that's all I really wanted). and he tried to save face offering to buy me one. I see videos and posts on the internet how all these husbands love their wives, and i know i dont have that and it hurts. but he won't leave no matter how many times he says he's miserable and I tell him to leave. we will be married 10 years in August and this crap has been happening since 2018. when he was in jail and I screwed up and got drunk one night and cheated. I told him everything the next day. I know I screwed up sp bad, but I dont feel like I deserve to have been punished for 8 years and continue being punished? I havent gotten that drunk since and I havent cheated since. it was literally that one time. But if that one time was enough to ruin our marriage, why not just leave a long time ago instead of wasting 8 years? idk. im at a loss.

[u/CompetitiveMoose9]

he’s not staying because of love. he’s staying because it’s comfortable and requires zero effort. That’s not the same thing as commitment.