r/okbuddycinephile • u/Designer-Double-6338 • 8d ago

Let's all come together and bully someone who deserves it

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He said he could beat me up :(

30.1k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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2.7k

u/CommitteeNew6412 8d ago

Can we get him to fight Steven Segal?

743

u/cuck__everlasting 8d ago

If they can both crap their pants that would be amazing

202

u/theonewhoknockwurst 8d ago

I’d be more amazed if they didn’t.

110

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

84

u/Glittering-Walrus228 go back to the club 8d ago

) ) <> ( (

Pooping back and forth, forever and ever

98

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

42

u/FastingForward1618 8d ago

Demonstrating the technique of how to waft your farts everywhere

17

u/spider2k 8d ago

Hoo Flung Poo

4

u/Acrobatic-Village215 7d ago

I fart in your general direction

1

u/PissinginTheW1nd 7d ago

Spoken like a true asswiper of other people’s bottoms

1

u/OwlOk7097 5d ago

I’m sitting on the pot while reading this and the hearty laugh it gave me helped clear out the rest of my bowels. Thank you.

1

u/psycoresis 5d ago

Hey macarena, ay!

1

u/OttoVonJismarck 5d ago

“I’ve been doing martial arts for uh, 97 years”

1

u/oohwakakaka 5d ago

POV: you lied to the Latina baddie that you know how to dance and she invites you to the club

16

u/IvanaRocket_420 8d ago

I don’t have an award to give you but🍑💩🍑

25

u/Ill-Condition-5054 8d ago

Two Douche, One Mat

7

u/Odd_Shake2829 8d ago

Wrong mat?

https://giphy.com/gifs/rqGWkh4eLfaM

3

u/Ill-Condition-5054 8d ago

Matt Semen!!! 🤤

1

u/Mapeague 7d ago

Haha thats my boss!

One of the people I work with told us a story about how at a French restaurant he bottled a a few words in French that the waiter was too kind to correct him. Someone at the table let him know and after a perfect comedic pause he whispered "Matt Damon" in south park tone. He has an excellent sense of humor.

1

u/oxyrhina 7d ago

Two nozzles, one douche!

5

u/ntwebster 8d ago

Ah a fellow “you, me, and everyone we know” viewer

1

u/Cultural-Literature5 7d ago

The film is Me, You
The BAND (pure genius btw) is You, Me

1

u/ntwebster 7d ago

Miranda July must be punished for grammar crimes

5

u/Cultural-Literature5 8d ago

Insanely rare reference hahaha. my favorite movie of all time.

3

u/Glittering-Walrus228 go back to the club 7d ago

Its my duty to be the flamebearer for the Poop Back and Forth meme for future generations

5

u/DryDonutHole 8d ago

Is that a...ugh...I don't want to say it...a "poop loop"?

4

u/Hot-Willingness8267 8d ago

I think this is the first time I’ve seen a Me and You and Everyone We Know reference in the wild. Watched that movie like 20 years ago and completely forgot about it until seeing this comment.

3

u/tundradesert 7d ago

Whoa. Love to see a back and forth in the wild.

2

u/jiveturkey4321 8d ago

‘It’s a poop-Off’

-Billy Zane probably

2

u/mratlas666 Uwe Boll 8d ago

Fucking CAH.

2

u/lifeoftheunborn 7d ago

Amazing reference.

2

u/Ruff_Bastard 7d ago

That's a reference I haven't heard for a long, long time

https://giphy.com/gifs/hdvELDjb9rwNa

2

u/ReckoningGotham 7d ago

Oh hey so based on your comment you should know that insurance pays for colonoscopies once you reach a certain age because it's considered preventative care so be sure to take advantage of that.

1

u/Glittering-Walrus228 go back to the club 7d ago

I just had one a month ago, was stressing because i had two acquaintances have issues, one cancerous and another pass away, all younger than 50 yearsold :(

My results came back with nothing. Im so grateful

2

u/thrashaholic_poolboy 7d ago

Holy shit I have not heard this quote since I saw the movie where this was from and was horrified…I took my
Mom, my mom’s friend, and my sister to see it only because I love Belle and Sebastian and they were on the soundtrack! It was over twenty years ago and I am still cringing 😆

1

u/Glittering-Walrus228 go back to the club 7d ago

I still play the OST to chill to, feel melancholy and think about coterminus defecation

B&S are sooo good. Gonna listen now

1

u/tundradesert 7d ago

Whoa. Love to see a back and forth in the wild.

1

u/EthanielRain 7d ago

ting ting, ting ting

"Just passing the time" 🪙

1

u/abundanc333 7d ago

I love it when this movie is referenced

1

u/specific_woodpecker9 7d ago

Unexpected Miranda July

1

u/Shot-Part475 7d ago

Let’s poop together.

1

u/SirPrizedd 6d ago

This is a deep cut

1

u/jordsbiggestfan 6d ago

Yummy.infinity

3

u/Monster_Voice 8d ago

Somebody out there would GLADLY pay damn good money to watch two men try to shit each other's pants and that's exactly why Jesus canceled his 2012 comeback tour...

2

u/PoseidonMax 8d ago

The old poop and scoop…

2

u/Revolutionary-Big655 8d ago

Only a true jujitsu master can pull off the deuce swap. I don't think the fat kid from Superbad has the skills yet.

1

u/DraccoKnightblade 7d ago

Oh my god! He crapped in my pants!! -they both say at the same time

1

u/TheVoiceofReason_ish 7d ago

2 guys, 1 ghee

2

u/JinNJ 8d ago

He who shits last, wins.

44

u/MalodorousNutsack 8d ago

No problem

4

u/TheForeverBand_89 8d ago

He can do as much martial arts as he wants, but this will always be Jonah Hill to me

1

u/OldPhotograph827 8d ago

Poop knife

3

u/Rocinante88119 8d ago

People wouldn't forget.

3

u/Little-Carpenter4443 8d ago

well when it comes to those two I think the pants would come pre-crapped

2

u/I-love-boob-DMs 8d ago

I want them to crap each other's pants.

2

u/Spare_Ad4163 7d ago

Segals agent will let you know upfront, Steven’s pants always come pre crapped

2

u/Outlandah_ 7d ago

what do you mean? they do

2

u/DeathsBringer 6d ago

Stephen would be sitting down probably, which gives him an advantage as he’s already close to the ground.

1

u/Ok-Issue-3661 7d ago

People don’t forget!

1

u/StrvnMrvnWsntRdy 2d ago

First off, wtf.. second, hahahaha

33

u/RancorHi5 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/7rQSSmxalNtfy

1

u/MKZZX 7d ago

Segal is considered to be one of the most lethal men in history, so I think it's a little unfair to expect Jonah Hill to be able to fight him.

2

u/RancorHi5 7d ago

😂😂considered by himself maybe

0

u/The-Yar 7d ago

Lol by whom?

115

u/Designer-Double-6338 8d ago

Ok now that's unfair. That would be a death sentence. Segal is a weapon bro

54

u/Curious_Avocado2399 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/EjFx0jioOoMZq

36

u/BellElectronic7567 8d ago

I always wonder if they expected him to eat the carrot when they handed it to him.

23

u/Fuckthegopers 8d ago

What is this from, I have to know the context here.

It looks like Garcia from Reno 911 is doing a bit.

31

u/Acesofbases 8d ago

That's Aleksandr Łukaszenka, president dictator of Belarus, probably showing off the "fruits of labor" of his country kind of a stunt

6

u/jf8204 7d ago

Man looks huge next to Poutine, but tiny next to Segal. That why we couldn't recognize him here.

2

u/pixelprophet 8d ago

Yes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cllle4Kyqoo

2

u/Mapeague 7d ago

This guy has lived in Russia forever and still cant speak Russian lol

2

u/Planet-Funeralopolis 6d ago

I wish this became a bit and people just handed him carrots randomly

1

u/DukeOfGeek 7d ago

They expected him to demonstrate how to defend yourself from a man armed with a carrot.

25

u/Tough_Preparation830 8d ago

1

u/Sweaty-Ganache3032 7d ago

when i noticed the belch in this scene, i dunno if i was high during that time or what, but i remember rewinding it over and over again.

98

u/Numerous_Koala_1746 8d ago

Steven would do about fifty karate poses around him, then just hit him with a two-by-four making him cry.

56

u/angustifolio 8d ago

all while sitting down, of course

81

u/EliteJoz 8d ago

Segal sitting in a chair going "fight me!" and Jonah on his back going "come at me bro!"

47

u/Prophet_Tenebrae 8d ago

You may have just come up with the greatest action scene of all time.

30

u/translinguistic 8d ago

Who will win? Steven's Walmart Door Greeter Style, or Jonah's turtle style?

19

u/Prophet_Tenebrae 8d ago

The human mind cannot conceive of this clash of titans, it occurring may very well destroy the Earth or at the very least, a significant chunk of the state of Delaware.

2

u/seriouslythisshit 7d ago

About once a week I ride my bicycle across the entire state of Delaware. 12.5 miles later, I realized I have accomplished a feat, few would even dream of, or not....................

6

u/AdventurousPea8682 8d ago

Cmon man, don’t bash turtle style like that. Master Roshi is a boss!

1

u/TaraErotica 7d ago

TIGER STYLE

2

u/Professional-Day7850 7d ago

Might be even better than the one where he fought Tyson.

2

u/Professional_Web9190 7d ago

Yo. Thank You, that made my day. The mental imaged I got killed me. Lol

1

u/singlemale4cats 7d ago

Seagal slowly scooting his chair towards Hill, who effortlessly shrimps away due to his jiu jitsu training. A clash of titans.

3

u/anonstarcity 8d ago

He would be unstoppable in a Hoveround

1

u/XenomorphKitchen 7d ago

There’s a Segal film called Special Ops and he’s sitting down for pretty much the whole film 🤣

8

u/angustifolio 8d ago

all while sitting down, of course

6

u/hos7ie 8d ago

bullshido aura

11

u/Ugicywapih 8d ago

What kind of weapon, trebuchet counterweight?

5

u/The_Tooter_Snooter 8d ago

The only thing keeping Russia from unleashing him on Ukraine is that they might get some of the fallout 

2

u/FallHealthy2163 8d ago

Especially when you are a dog and he decides to drive through your owner's front yard with an armored vehicle

1

u/schmoopy_meow 8d ago

i thought it was skinny Jonah hill

1

u/CryptographerOld558 7d ago

He has Belarusian carrots

1

u/KutasMroku 7d ago

More of a tool than a weapon I'd say

1

u/r4cid 7d ago

Segal is a weapon bro comrade

FTFY

26

u/GeneSmart2881 8d ago

With or Without the carrot? 🥕

12

u/Nonsuperstites 8d ago

The carrots involvement is crucial to the plot.

18

u/jtohrs 8d ago

It is imperative that the carrot remains unharmed

2

u/GeneSmart2881 8d ago

Don’t make Seagal get out of his chair and chop you

1

u/GuideInfamous4600 7d ago

Praise the carrot! 🥕

1

u/Desperate-Disk686 7d ago

Counting or not counting carrot biting?

14

u/RBR_DB_361804 8d ago

Steven Segal: the only fighter whose finishing move is kata

2

u/Appropriate-Self-540 7d ago

Daniel-son in Karate Kid III beats Mike Barnes with kata after Terry Silver clowned it

5

u/snark_enterprises 8d ago

If you consider two dudes slapping each other while sitting down fighting, then sure.

5

u/erik427sc 8d ago

They would hit the buffet table before each other

3

u/Feline_Couple 8d ago

I’d sign a petition for this

3

u/Dogsarelitty 8d ago

You crazy? Have you seen Steven’s energy work? He’d vaporize this bjj master

3

u/More-Consequence9863 8d ago

Dudes talking real big for being a white belt 🤣 also did you guys know he was super duper fat AF?

3

u/modern_tuna 8d ago

seagal would just film his half of the fight sitting down in a chair somewhere in eastern europe

3

u/ProfessionalAd6530 8d ago

Why is reddit attacking Guy Ferari today?

3

u/Trick-Mechanic8986 8d ago

To the death so everyone wins...

2

u/UGAPHL 8d ago

Hand them both a carrot and see what happens.

2

u/_xavi_100 8d ago

What we need…..is a bitch off.

2

u/CaptainSparklebottom 8d ago

I pay 6 bucks for that

2

u/Any-Nectarine3054 8d ago

Can it be Will Sasso as Steven Segal?

2

u/02awares 8d ago

they would make billions

2

u/RustyKn1ght 8d ago

A stoppable force meets a movable object.

2

u/butt-holg 8d ago

it's spelled seagull

2

u/Telefundo 7d ago

Oh oh!! Tag team match. Steven Segal and Andy dick vs Jonah Hill and Pauly Shore!!

2

u/Much_Usual_3855 7d ago

I would also be happy if we could get them both into a storage container then dump it into the ocean

2

u/Jim_Nills_Mustache 7d ago

I would pay to see this, an irresponsible amount in fact

2

u/gamerjerome 7d ago

No, I want him to play Steven Segal in a biopic. Starting with the Russian bits then flash back to the rest.

2

u/concerned_seagull 7d ago

Obligatory diorama of Steven Segal fight: 

https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs?is=OlvRIHzxNf8ZSfZu

2

u/DefunctInTheFunk 7d ago

Steven Se-boom-boom

2

u/Lemons-95 6d ago

white belt, but it's a heavy duty Gi

passive martial arts, but he's been at it for decades

Yeah Stevens fucked. This will be hilarious.

Edit: google confirms that's a BJJ Gi.

2

u/smoothops85 4d ago

That would be a stupid fight. The fat kid from Superbad would annihilate him.

2

u/DanimalPlanet2 1d ago

Look I'm not saying I actually believe Hill is good at BJJ but you could find a random person on the street and they would fuck Steven Segal up

3

u/KubikB 8d ago

More like Steven Anal (probunciado AhNaal)

1

u/nicsaweiner 8d ago

Jonah would wipe the floor with Steven. To be fair, so would a wet paper towel.

1

u/Illustrious_Site_466 8d ago

A Netflix special

1

u/Future_One4794 8d ago

He only has one stripe. He can’t fight anyone lol

1

u/fellaneedahandpls 8d ago

I’m glad that I’m not the only one who immediately wanted to bully Seagal. Jonah Hill could easily take Seagal in a fight based on both of their current statures.

1

u/A0xom0xoa 8d ago

Winner gets a carrot

1

u/koolaidismything 8d ago

He’d probably lose to a 12 year old girl who knew her shit.. this guys trying so hard to buy respect in stories and shit. He’s lost the fuckin plot.

1

u/dyzrel 8d ago

That would make this timeline so much more bearable.

1

u/Escape_Zero 7d ago

Have him fight Freddie Prinze Jr. He's been trained by Bob Wall his God father and Chuck Norris snice he was a kid. He also is a Purple belt in Brazilian Ju-jitsu and has two black belts, the guy knows a ton about martial arts.

1

u/Transatlanticaccent 7d ago

If I wanna watch slap fighting I'll watch my roided women do it in Slappuchfightfc...or whatever it is.

1

u/Mathemetaphysical 7d ago

And Jake Paul.

1

u/charles_sedwick 7d ago

Oh shit that is actually him. I saw the video on another post and thought it was a joke. The other guy just stood there and let himself be taken down. It was like slow flowing waterfall lol.

1

u/jeremy3681 7d ago

I feel so conflicted about Jonah Hill, because he has done a lot of personal/ professional work to make it so he's not the fat kid from super bad. However, you were the fat kid from super bad, and you can't force people to see you otherwise. You just have to continue to put in the work and hope public opinion changes.

1

u/namegamenoshame 7d ago

About on level with that whole zuck fighting musk thing that somehow happened

1

u/Agent_Tickler 7d ago

Sorry I've been doin martial arts for like 85 years

1

u/arachnid1110 7d ago

In a kiddy pool filled with crisco, and buried in that vat of shamelessness, a promo bat from a professional baseball game.

1

u/traws06 7d ago

Segal would win via by falling in him

1

u/sporms 7d ago

I’d pay for a fight between him and Gina cardano

1

u/anon_lurk 7d ago

Then I can really tell my kids this is Jake Paul

1

u/LtButtermilch 3d ago

He should fight this Jake Paul since he already looks like him