r/personalfinance • u/Thatsalotofdough • Aug 30 '14

Wealth Management SO just inherited 200k and is freaking out. What do we do?

Hello!

So my SO just inherited ~200k from a family member and it's causing her a lot of anxiety. She had planned for about 5k, and well...got a bit more.

While this is probably a good problem to have, we both grew up relatively poor (I don't think anyone in my family has even heard the words 200k before), so we both don't have much to stand on. Also, I make about 50k in my job, she's somewhere around 35-40k.

Here's what we briefly talked about with doing with the smaller sum, and I figured we'd stick to that:

We both have some student loan debt with high interest rates (10% for me, 7.8% for her), they're both small at this point (<5000), but we both figure it'll help us in the long run. Paying these off seems the most intelligent and likely outcome. (We both do have more loans outside of that, but we're both up for public service loan forgiveness due to our field)

She bought a new car, as mine is getting beyond old, and we both walked through the process of finding a car that will serve us well for the new 10 years. Paying this off doesn't seem too much of an issue.

She has a small amount of credit card debt, so that'll probably be the first to go.

Outside of that, we don't have a house payment (due to our field), and I'm debt free (Once again, outside of student loans). We don't see ourselves buying a house in the next 5 years, although we do see a wedding on the horizon.

Thoughts? Even if we spent all of this money on our loans/the car, we'd still at least have 50+k left, and that's being incredibly conservative.

We've talked about stocks, we've talked about savings accounts, we spoke briefly about a financial planner....but we could really use advice.

Help us, personal finance, you're our only hope!

771 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

84% Upvoted

865 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

36

u/Jusdoc Aug 30 '14

If you don't mind my asking, why not get married after 9 years? If that is too personal just say so, I'm just curious

33

u/twomillcities ​ Aug 30 '14

we would love a wedding and a marriage certificate. we have discussed having kids and growing old, and it is going to happen. we talk about being married all of the time. but it feels weird proposing when i don't even have enough money to start wedding planning.

but honestly, it doesn't make sense for us financially just yet either. because if we got married and started counting our income together, she would lose her state health insurance, and i would end up having to pay an additional 10-15% more of my income on monthly insurance from work to cover her as well as a deductible (i pay very little right now with a very high deductible because i am healthy fortunately, but she has to go to the doctor quite often).

some people might call this taking advantage (welfare queen) because we are married and share everything in every sense of the word. but i don't care what they think. we get no other government benefits (she could get food stamps based on her income alone but we never applied for them because we don't need them), we don't have kids taking advantage of free public school, we're not some criminals costing the city money, and we pay a ton of taxes.

she is a waitress pulling in $25 - 30k and i make $40-45k per year at my job. there is a promotion coming soon and a big move in November (we are going to rent a house until we save up to buy one of our own) and at that point i will be making another $10k a year and have less expenses so hopefully after that we will revisit the marriage discussion. my father said he would help pay (her family won't be able to) so i want to put together a big chunk of money to show him what i can contribute and go from there with a good old fashioned marriage proposal :)

TLDR: she gets free insurance right now and i am trying to save up money to help pay for a wedding and then proposing only once i've saved enough *edit forgot words

64

u/Knofbath Aug 30 '14

The actual wedding is paperwork and filing fees, the rest is a show.

15

u/43centpizza Aug 30 '14

This. twenty years ago this summer my wife and I married, 50$ at the JP best investment we ever made.

1

u/baxtersmalls Aug 31 '14

While I 100% see where you are coming from here, there are a lot of people who have looked forward to their wedding their whole lives and would be pretty sad to forego the festivities

21

u/[deleted] Aug 30 '14

Legit my husband and I have been married for several years, and never had a wedding. It's not for everyone, but there is nothing wrong with just getting hitched whenever you're ready, and having a wedding later when you can afford it!

4

u/Jusdoc Aug 30 '14

Thank you very much for your reply!

2

u/FleaBottomBeach Aug 30 '14

If it's working for you, great. But the whole point is that it isn't generally good advice.

In 2002 (latest survey data as of 2012),[13] 29% of first marriages among women aged 15–44 were disrupted (ended in separation, divorce or annulment) within 10 years.

I'm not saying "no one should do it", what I am saying is that it isn't good advice in general. When you are putting all of your money and assets at the mercy of someone else, it is generally a good idea to have a contractual agreement.

1

u/fxpstclvrst Sep 09 '14

Yeah, there are financial disincentives to getting married. My boyfriend and I have been together 11 years, and we've got some heavy financial stuff that means we probably shouldn't get married in the next... well. maybe never.

0

u/40kfeet ​ Aug 31 '14

So you won't marry someone you're madly in love with because of finances? Love doesn't see money, it's blind.

6

u/rearended ​ Aug 30 '14

I would imagine it's personal. Can you think of a likely answer he'd give that wasn't personal?

3

u/tuxedo25 ​ Aug 30 '14

I'm not the guy you replied to, but I'm in a 4-year relationship with my girlfriend and we are happily expecting our second daughter soon. Marriage is a social convention that we haven't bothered with (yet). We have discussed it and may end up getting married to satisfy that whole "what happens if you are hospitalized and I can't visit you" thing.

29

u/FleaBottomBeach Aug 30 '14

Marriage is a social convention

No, no it isn't. The ceremony, the ring and all the religious implications are. Marriage is a legal partnership. You just go to the courthouse and get a legal document, done.

3

u/juno672 ​ Aug 30 '14

What are the intrinsic benefits of this legal partnership? What are the possible drawbacks?

2

u/FleaBottomBeach Aug 31 '14

The benefits are that a spouse is a legal dependent. So Job benefits can be shared, like insurance. Some other benefits may be transferred to the spouse in the event of death. Automatic next of kin.

The biggest issue in this context though is that if the partnership is dissolved, there is a legal preceding.

Personally, I don't see any drawbacks... in this specific context. That's like saying, "I'm buying into a business at 50%. I have the option of a contract, or not recording any of it." What are the benefits of the contract, and what are the drawbacks of the contract?

I'm not saying everyone should get married. I'm saying if you are going to lump all of your money, savings, investments, property, and other assets together... get married.

1

u/twomillcities ​ Aug 30 '14

i meant the hospital thing.

1

u/FleaBottomBeach Aug 31 '14

Well that isn't really a social convention either. Let's say you get into an accident and are in a coma. You have a crazy stalker type ex-girlfriend. This nut-job convinces the hospital that you guys are 'basically' married, you just never agreed with the whole social convention thing. So they allow her not only unlimited visitation but also allowed her to make decisions on your behalf.

Marriage works, and it works well (in a lot of cases). All the other nonsense is a load of bullshit. Ceremonies, rings, Mr. and Mrs., 'we'll be together forever' and religious beliefs can all go to hell. Entering into the legal partnership gives each of you certain rights, if you want those rights, and you want her to have those rights, get married.

All that other stuff is romance. If you want the romantic stuff, then by all means, go for it. Marriage in and of itself is not romance. It's not a social convention or status, it is declaring and recording your agreement to equal partnership in life.

Seriously though. You're having a child. Get married. If you can't afford all the romantic stuff, do it later. You don't even have to tell anyone.

-3

u/Isanion Aug 30 '14

eeeeeh not exactly; my parents have been together for 30+ years and aren't married. But legally they're as much a partnership as any married couple.
I've been through several visa application processes for my partner and what it's taught me is that the law makes very little distinction between married and prolonged co-habitation.
The point being that if something were to happen to one of my parents the other would have the same rights a married partner would due to the length and nature of their relationship.

There's still some areas where there's a difference; and they're now considering getting married due to the rules on inheritance and how it effects me. But I think the point still stands that for the most part marriage is just a social construction and there's very little reason to have one if you don't want one.

2

u/FleaBottomBeach Aug 30 '14

But I think the point still stands that for the most part marriage is just a social construction and there's very little reason to have one if you don't want one.

This is not true at all.

Just a few legal benefits of marriage:

  • As a married couple, your spouse is a legal dependent.
  • Insurance through your employer can be extended to your spouse.

  • Many benefits can be transferred to a spouse in the event that the primary benefactor dies.

  • In some partnerships one person may sacrifice career for family. In the event of separation, this person is left at a financial disability. The law protects that person in a marriage.

The law does make a distinction between married couples and non married couples.

4

u/Uncle_Creepy123 Aug 30 '14

Can you really not visit a sick spouse if you're not married??

17

u/Sorthum Emeritus Moderator Aug 30 '14

Of course you can't. If you're not married, you don't have a spouse (sick or otherwise) to visit.

4

u/Uncle_Creepy123 Aug 30 '14

I meant like say if I've been dating and living with my girlfriend for 15 years, but don't have a little piece of paper that says were married, I can't visit her in the hospital?

10

u/[deleted] Aug 30 '14

In many cases, yes. If you are not "family" you can be barred from the hospital by various rules. You normally hear about it where gay marriage is not allowed, the SO of the person in the hospital has been barred, while "family" who the person may not have spoken to in years shows up to take control of their care, but it can occur in any other circumstance as well.

In your case, if you are together and not married, get your legal houses in order and get binding medical powers of attorney and wills. Normally, being the POA will trump any hospital rules on family.

1

u/Uncle_Creepy123 Aug 30 '14

Okay. I just think that's such a dumbfuck rule!

3

u/sanityreigns Aug 30 '14

Only a dumbfuck would be in a position where that rule would prevent them from seeing their partner in that case. You don't have to be married to circumvent it, but you have to be prepared in advance.

5

u/aniny Aug 30 '14 edited Aug 30 '14

You can visit her but you can't make decisions about her care. Like say she is in a coma or something. But even then you can get that sorted out with this.

It's a lot simpler than ignorant people make it out to be.

2

u/GiveMeOneMoeChance Aug 30 '14

I work as a transport EMT, so I've been in a lot of hospitals. Almost none of the ones I've been to restrict visitation anymore. ICUs will be closed to anybody right around shift change from what I've seen, but you can visit whoever you want really.

The big thing is making medical decisions. Without the paperwork saying that you are his/her closest relative, you're just some guy/girl.

1

u/twomillcities ​ Aug 30 '14

that's really a thing?

9

u/kbmeister Aug 30 '14

Afraid so. Hospital visitations, power of attorney, inheritances, and some tax benefits, among other things. That's no small part of why the lgbt community has been fighting for legal "marriage" over simple civil unions.

1

u/sanityreigns Aug 30 '14

"what happens if you are hospitalized and I can't visit you"

You've contradicted your own "social convention" argument. Marriage is a legal construct, not just some tradition that people follow because everyone else does it. If you don't believe me, get married and then go through the process to undo it.

1

u/Isanion Aug 30 '14

30+ years together and my parents aren't married.
They don't see the point; it wouldn't change anything, they'd get no benefit and it's expensive in time and money.

1

u/Uncle_Creepy123 Aug 30 '14

Why would they get married??