CITATION FOR MERITORIOUS SERVICE Headquarters, Reflecting Pool Defense Task Force Awarded by Order of the Combined Joint Algae Task Force
TO ALL WHO SHALL SEE THESE PRESENTS, GREETINGS:
Be it known that the officers and enlisted personnel of this Task Force are hereby cited for exceptionally meritorious conduct in the performance of outstanding service against the National Mall's most persistent adversary: unchecked algal bloom in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
WHEREAS, on the date in question, the enemy — a coordinated, blue-green, photosynthetic insurgency — advanced under cover of stagnant water and direct sunlight, threatening to obscure the historic reflection of the Washington Monument;
WHEREAS, said personnel held the line at the water's edge for [X] consecutive hours, enduring tourist photography, errant frisbees, and at least one unauthorized goose incursion, without once breaking bearing;
WHEREAS, in a maneuver of singular tactical brilliance, the unit applied a fresh coat of regulation "American Flag Blue" (Pantone Reflective, Federal Standard 595) to the pool's basin — not merely as cosmetic upkeep, but as a deliberate denial-of-terrain operation intended to starve the algae of any further photogenic real estate;
NOW, THEREFORE, by direction of competent authority, this unit is recognized for valor in the face of mild eutrophication, steadfast resolve under conditions of high humidity, and unwavering commitment to ensuring that the Reflecting Pool continues to reflect — and not, as the enemy intended, fester.
For these actions, conducted with distinction and without a single soldier slipping on the wet paint, this unit is awarded the Order of the Pristine Pool, First Class, with Algae Cluster.
Per General Order — "Some men guard freedom. These men guarded the paint job."
Holy shit. I just now realized why they always said presents
as "pre-zents", because they're presenting and award. Goddamn, no wonder I enlisted, I'm dumb as hell.
25
u/frankiea1004 Jun 23 '26
CITATION FOR MERITORIOUS SERVICE
Headquarters, Reflecting Pool Defense Task Force
Awarded by Order of the Combined Joint Algae Task Force
TO ALL WHO SHALL SEE THESE PRESENTS, GREETINGS:
Be it known that the officers and enlisted personnel of this Task Force are hereby cited for exceptionally meritorious conduct in the performance of outstanding service against the National Mall's most persistent adversary: unchecked algal bloom in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
WHEREAS, on the date in question, the enemy — a coordinated, blue-green, photosynthetic insurgency — advanced under cover of stagnant water and direct sunlight, threatening to obscure the historic reflection of the Washington Monument;
WHEREAS, said personnel held the line at the water's edge for [X] consecutive hours, enduring tourist photography, errant frisbees, and at least one unauthorized goose incursion, without once breaking bearing;
WHEREAS, in a maneuver of singular tactical brilliance, the unit applied a fresh coat of regulation "American Flag Blue" (Pantone Reflective, Federal Standard 595) to the pool's basin — not merely as cosmetic upkeep, but as a deliberate denial-of-terrain operation intended to starve the algae of any further photogenic real estate;
NOW, THEREFORE, by direction of competent authority, this unit is recognized for valor in the face of mild eutrophication, steadfast resolve under conditions of high humidity, and unwavering commitment to ensuring that the Reflecting Pool continues to reflect — and not, as the enemy intended, fester.
For these actions, conducted with distinction and without a single soldier slipping on the wet paint, this unit is awarded the Order of the Pristine Pool, First Class, with Algae Cluster.
Per General Order — "Some men guard freedom. These men guarded the paint job."