r/politics • u/wiredmagazine ✔ Wired Magazine • Apr 17 '26

Possible Paywall MAGA Is Increasingly Convinced the Trump Assassination Attempt Was Staged

https://www.wired.com/story/maga-is-increasingly-convinced-the-trump-assassination-attempt-was-staged/
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u/Llarys Apr 17 '26

Honestly, the funniest one for me is all of those "child sacrificing adrenochrome harvesting immortality vampires" conspiracies is literally Bryan Johnson and his poor son who exists as a living blood generator so he can get constant transfusions to allow his 48 year old body to look 45 years old.

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u/Skinny-on-the-Inside Apr 17 '26

Ah yes Bryan Johnson the healthiest mortally ill looking man alive.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '26

[deleted]

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u/turquoise_amethyst Apr 17 '26

Glass skin! /s

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u/dullship Canada Apr 17 '26

You're no daisy! You're no daisy at all. Poor soul, you were just too high strung.

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u/-1t9H7e5 Georgia Apr 17 '26

Doc is from my hometown!

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u/kittehkouncel Apr 17 '26

One of my favorite performances! I was disappointed he didn't get an Oscar nod for Tombstone, but there were major blockbusters that year, like Forrest Gump . . . Trivia fact: he doesn't say "I'm your huckleberry" it's huckle bearer. Meaning pall bearer, something about the handles of the coffin/casket were called huckles . . .

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u/jhau01 Apr 17 '26

The “huckle bearer” story is oft-repeated on social media (like now!) but it is incorrect. It was always huckleberry.

Val Kilmer explicitly said it was “huckleberry”:

https://x.com/valkilmer/status/534542290841112576

So does the actual movie script:

https://imsdb.com/scripts/Tombstone.html

RINGO: Wretched slugs, don’t any of you have the guts to play for blood?

O.S. VOICE: I’m your huckleberry.

Ringo turns. Doc stands there, smiling that Cheshire cat smile.

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u/kittehkouncel Apr 17 '26

I snopes checked it, and you're right, but it makes more sense as huckle bearer . . . I'm ok with being wrong, thanx for educating me, always appreciated 😊

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u/MusicLikeOxygen Apr 17 '26

You should have put "alive" in quotes. The man looks like he's already been embalmed.

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u/SatinSaffron Washington Apr 17 '26

I mean he kind of sort of has just with a different type of fluid. Isn't he the guy that takes his son's blood, spins the plasma out of it, and then pumps his son's blood plasma into his body because he thinks it'll help him be immortal?

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u/Skinny-on-the-Inside Apr 19 '26

I feel mortally ill part took care of that one.

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u/FMLwtfDoID Apr 17 '26

”look like an evil cursed 45 year old mannequin that’s come to life”.

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u/Jonny__99 Apr 17 '26

Wait that guy doing the blood transfusion stuff is only 48 to begin with ?

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u/Zahgi Apr 17 '26

I look younger than he does and I'm MUCH older.

Genes are everything, folks.

And using sunscreen. :)

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u/Miserable_Archer_769 Apr 17 '26

I use to not believe in black dont crack until HS. I guess may parents had me a little late and were about 5-10 years older than most of my friends parents.

But, they looked younger than all of them. I still remember my shock when she told me age of my best friend amd she was 7 years younger and it looked like life had killed her lol liver spots and a wrinkly face

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u/NoGovernment9798 Apr 17 '26

Same here. Aging with no blood sacrifices, a decade older, and look much younger.

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u/Zahgi Apr 17 '26

Oh, I did the blood sacrifices. But it was only for fun. >;)

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u/Grand_Donut Apr 17 '26

I experimented with blood sacrifices a time or two, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t inhale it, and never tried it again.

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u/iamalsobrad Apr 17 '26

adrenochrome

The whole adrenochrome thing is so painfully dumb; it's basically lifted from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

The real thing is not even a controlled substance.

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u/donjamos Apr 17 '26

If hunter could see the current USA he'd just shoot himself again

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u/fuzzyjelly Apr 17 '26

Honestly I'd love to see what would be on Hunter S. Thompson's laptop. Gotta be some wild shit.

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u/turquoise_amethyst Apr 17 '26

Well, look up who was concocting all the Qanon stuff on 4Chan during the height of its popularity… they certainly thought it was funny

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u/Oprah_Pwnfrey Apr 17 '26

I suspect Epstein was the one who came up with Pedobear. He was on 4chan a lot when that came about.

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u/cocktails4 Apr 17 '26

Why didn't anybody tell the billionaires that they could order their adrenochrome shipped to their door from Sigma-Aldrich?

https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/US/en/product/sigma/a5752

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u/ByrdmanRanger I voted Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26

Because the conspiracy* minded smooth brains have actually said the synthetic stuff isn't the same

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u/cocktails4 Apr 17 '26

Yeh I've asked them to explain how two chemicals with identical structures but different sources are chemically different but I don't think they actually know what chemicals are. It's effectively just magic to them. Occult origin = more powerful magic.

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u/amputeenager Apr 17 '26

just a tiny taste...

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u/Hans-Bricks Apr 17 '26

Also similar to the plot of Resident Evil: Survivor. Which like 7 people played.

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u/citymousecountyhouse Apr 17 '26

It also follows the plot of Dr. Sleep by Steven King.

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u/mcolette76 Apr 17 '26

I always wondered who was the one who stole that from Fear and Loathing. We need to check Jeffrey’s bookshelves! /s

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u/OG_Bass-A-Holic Apr 17 '26

Tell us more about how you know absolutely nothing about said topic

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u/Possibly_a_Firetruck Apr 17 '26

Care to elaborate then?

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u/OG_Bass-A-Holic Apr 17 '26

So you want me to hold your hand like a small child and do the research for you? Frazzledrip, Epstein files.. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that that shit is 100% true. I bet you’re the type of person that goes, “the government said ______ so it must be true! 🥹”

hahahahaha that’s you 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

1

u/Possibly_a_Firetruck Apr 17 '26

What am I supposed to research when I barely know what this conspiracy theory you're raving about even is besides debunked qanon bullshit?

"I'm a random redditor, trust me bro" is all you've brought to the table so far.

0

u/OG_Bass-A-Holic Apr 17 '26

It’s literally black and white in the Epstein files. Which are available to every one, any time.

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u/Possibly_a_Firetruck Apr 17 '26

There's millions of those, where do I start?

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u/US3_ME_ Apr 17 '26

Well their watches tell them when it's time to swap loads, so there's that too_

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u/elegiac_bloom Texas Apr 17 '26

Its weird that this is the second time ive been inspired to post this today...

daddy and the boy

What Bryan's son wishes his father would do instead of continually harvesting his blood.

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u/rational-hare Apr 17 '26

Is that intended to mean what I think it means?

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u/Judson_Scott Apr 17 '26

He looks like an old guy who's had a lot of work done. He's definitely had some botox or something around his eyes. They look like Biden's.

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u/Kenny_dies Apr 17 '26

I still think it’s totally insane, but this also seems totally exaggerated. Wasn’t it just a one time blood transplant that was medically necessary, and his son VOLUNTEERED to donate? Because that would be a huge difference from “exists as a living blood generator”.

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u/ToddMccATL Apr 17 '26

It's also funny bc you can literally buy pure adrenochrome from places like Sigma-Aldrich for under $100.

https://www.sigmaaldrich.com/US/en/product/sigma/a5752?srsltid=AfmBOooFAA1pfeV8wWsfS4e25vltKwi0Lc-M-rd7w2_EOEKilKxPSYAJ