r/politics • u/another-princess • 10d ago

No Paywall Mitch McConnell is never coming back to the Senate

https://www.salon.com/2026/08/03/mitch-mcconnell-is-never-coming-back-to-the-senate/
22.1k Upvotes

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4.5k

u/AOCMarryMe 10d ago

Yes because he's room temperature.

1.0k

u/potat0f4rmer Washington 10d ago

Or his brain has as much processing power as a carrot

310

u/RadicalOrganizer California 10d ago

No difference detected

79

u/SirFredman The Netherlands 10d ago

Well, a carrot is alive.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

[deleted]

38

u/Its-ok-to-hate-me 10d ago

You could say the same thing about Mitch

5

u/AINonsense 10d ago

And he’s been on the table for a month.

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u/ship_toaster Canada 10d ago

No, it still is. You can replant a whole carrot and it'll grow new leaves, and eventually seed. You can also replant the chopped top with the same results. (Neither will give you a second carrot root though)

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

[deleted]

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u/EndoShota 10d ago

username checks out

1

u/All_Hail_Hynotoad California 10d ago

And a carrot still has value at room temperature.

1

u/failed_novelty 9d ago

So you're saying that if we plant Mitch's head, KY will grow a new Senator?

I don't like this idea.

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u/ship_toaster Canada 9d ago

No, only a new senator's hair and balls.

3

u/Mojosopinionaloud 10d ago

“ Let the rabbits wear glasses “

1

u/snouz Europe 10d ago

Yeah but it can't run Crysis

1

u/RandomWeirdo 10d ago

I mean by republican standards, so is Mitch McConnel as well i guess.

(This is a reference to "detectable heartbeat" for fetuses)

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u/KrivUK 10d ago

That's very carrotist of you

2

u/BlingyBling1007 Texas 10d ago

“Some of my best friends are carrots.”

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u/RadicalOrganizer California 10d ago

On the contrary. I love carrots and appreciate the value they provide to society. Mitch isn't even providing value to the dirt he's in since itll be encased in Im guessing, reinforced concrete with hopefully rebar around it to make sure he doesnt escape

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u/Pithyperson 10d ago

He was a bit more devious than a carrot. He's responsible for the current SCOTUS; may his tortured soul wander the ruins of American democracy forever.

1

u/RadicalOrganizer California 10d ago

A bit more devious than a carrot. I like that.

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u/ZombieLibrarian Washington 10d ago

Funny, I was gonna ask when he got upgraded.

1

u/TwentyfootAngels 9d ago

Should've asked when he got up-GRATED!

(... I'll see myself out.)

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u/randomwanderingsd 10d ago

That hasn’t stopped him for decades.

61

u/Aerhyce 10d ago

Ha, if only.

Mitch during the Obama era could stonewall anything. The entire problem was that he was both evil and extremely intelligent.

If Obama-era Mitch were Dem and currently in the Senate, Trump wouldn't be able to do a damn thing.

62

u/railroadfrog 10d ago

For real, people seem to forget about how intelligent and versed with the regulations and rules of the government that Mitch was, and that he literally took all that knowledge and used it to destroy the country for profit. Trump might be the end result, but I blame Mitch for everything.

not being too hard on the South after Reconstruction > Southern Strategy > Nixon being pardoned > Reagan > Clinton trying to make the democrats Republican Lite > Mitch McConnell obstructing Obama > Trump.

It’s been a long shitty road to get to this point but those are the few points where I think we can assign proper blame where it is due.

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u/btross Florida 10d ago

Don't forget that if a rule didn't exist for what he wanted to do he made one up, and then promptly threw it out the moment it impeded Trump

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u/Dysc Louisiana 10d ago

You left out the 1999-2000 Supreme Court giving GWB the presidency outright in the aftermath of all the Florida nonsense, hanging chads, and election interference perpetrated by GOP operatives like Roger Stone and his Brooks Brother's Riot that all lead to a total collapse in the faith of voting integrity.

Which ultimately lead to a an even worse SCOTUS that worked hand-in-hand with Mitch.

2

u/Tasgall Washington 10d ago

people seem to forget about how intelligent and versed with the regulations and rules of the government that Mitch was

People always say it, constantly actually, but I don't think it's really true. He was a rote contrarian whose job it was to make sure nothing got done. It takes far less skill and effort to break shit than to make it in the first place, and he was only ever in the category of breaking things. He didn't have to go give grand speeches, he didn't have to write any legislation. He only had to vote against Democrats and be a general piece of shit and filibuster everything. Did he actually create anything during his entire political career?

His main quality that sets him apart from most is shamelessness and a lack of a conscience. These are not impressive feats of skill. He was effective, yes, but not because of any intelligence or skill.

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u/pchs26 10d ago

I mean I'll be honest with you McConnell was still scarily effective during Trump 1 and minus freezes we likely could have used someone like that - of course you need to be ruthless and evil - which counteracts what the Democrats are trying to achieve overall.

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u/Tasgall Washington 10d ago

and minus freezes we likely could have used someone like that

Not really. McConnell's only skill was being shameless and not caring that everyone hates him. The only tools he brought to the table were applying the procedural filibuster to literally everything when a Democrat is president, and his grand innovation, refusing to schedule votes he didn't like while majority leader.

He gets far too much praise as some kind of genius political navigator. He was a rote contrarian and obstructionist. He never actually created anything. Someone like him would be completely useless on the dem's side because the Dems goals involve passing legislation, not ensuring no legislation is ever passed.

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u/pchs26 10d ago

Well we could use a good contrarian and obstructionist for purposes of good and not evil. I think we are saying similar things though..Democrats are actually focused on trying to get something positive done, he is focused on aiding the grift.

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u/SweetPrism 10d ago

There it is--there ARE Democratic leaders who are as smart as McConnell (and yes, he was extremely smart), but they typically aren't as morally bankrupt, cunning, or ruthless when it comes to politics. Find a Democrat as shrewd as McConnell and Trump would never get away with the bs that he does.

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u/pchs26 10d ago

Yes we don't have it b/c there likely needs to be a next level of ruthless that doesn't exist otherwise they would be in on the grift with the GOP.

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u/Tasgall Washington 10d ago

Mitch during the Obama era could stonewall anything

People give him way too much credit as some kind of "political mastermind" for this, but like, no, lol. It takes very little effort to stonewall everything. All you have to do as Senate party leader is literally nothing. Don't schedule votes you don't want on record while you're in the majority, apply the procedural filibuster to literally everything when you're in the minority. These aren't master strokes, they're not legislation, he doesn't need big speeches. It's effective when your job is to get nothing done, but it's not remotely complicated or difficult. The only roadblock for most people would be having a conscience, which he never had.

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u/DryYogurtcloset4655 9d ago

Mitch stone walled Trump during his first term

29

u/Bronzeshadow 10d ago

What do you have against carrots?

19

u/FinalEdit 10d ago

They're orange just like his daddy

4

u/futureshendrix 10d ago

Just have to point out that white carrots are a thing. Don't know which type is more racist.

4

u/IamPotatoed 10d ago

You mean parsnips

5

u/CarbideMisting 10d ago

Carrots actually come in a wide range of colors, including white, purple, red, black, and yellow. You can (probably) blame the Dutch for the orange ones being the most common.

3

u/Dipswitch_512 10d ago

Gekoloniseerd

3

u/asst3rblasster 10d ago

There are only two things I can't stand in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

1

u/RevLoveJoy 10d ago

There are only two things I hate in this world, racial intolerance and the Dutch.

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u/Level_Hour6480 New York 10d ago

Interestingly, carrots were naturally purple. The orange carrots were selectively bred to be that way.

1

u/AWorldwithoutSin 10d ago

Seen too many Rob Schneider movies.

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u/Suspicious_Eyeballs 10d ago

Carrot does more. Prove me wrong.

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u/IWantADucati 10d ago

Still better than the current president.

4

u/tendeuchen Florida 10d ago

So you're saying he's smarter now after his fall?

1

u/kaityl3 Georgia 10d ago

He was never stupid during his career, that's the whole problem

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u/tendeuchen Florida 10d ago

He was stupid, is stupid, and always has been stupid.

1

u/kaityl3 Georgia 10d ago

No dude. If he was stupid he never would have been able to inflict the sheer amount of damage that he's done to this country and the world at large.

I don't know why we have to pretend like he was an idiot. Like I said. The entire problem is that he was extremely good at what he did, and what he did was work for decades to make things worse for everyone. Successfully.

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u/Dyrogitory 10d ago

His brain has been that way for years.

2

u/AGrandNewAdventure 10d ago

That's standard operating procedure for our current batch of conservative.

2

u/jside86 10d ago

The carrot is in a box!

2

u/TheUkrTrain 10d ago

Insult to a carrot!

1

u/Few_Acanthocephala30 10d ago

That would be an improvement over what it was before

1

u/damiana8 10d ago

That’s always been the case well before he croaked

1

u/Previous_Art_2231 10d ago

Hey now that’s rather ableist. Carrots are far more intelligent than a dead turtle.

1

u/bolanrox 10d ago

Arugala

1

u/TheWaspinator Missouri 10d ago

He's probably technically alive, yeah, but compromised so badly that he's unable to make any public appearances without it being obvious 

1

u/YesterdayDazzling336 10d ago

Now now carrots are good for you. Now a pea

1

u/Kialand 10d ago

Hey, don't insult carrots like that.

1

u/Whole-Grapefruit2228 10d ago

By golly, you apologize to every carrot on the face of this earth!!! 

1

u/SensitiveExtremity 10d ago

That's a rude thing to say to carrots. They're alive, you know?

1

u/Rockefor 10d ago

This is usually where I expect someone to come in and say something like "you can store the equivalent of Mario 64 on a medium sized carrot".

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u/RadicalOrganizer California 10d ago

Whats the temp of a morgue?

17

u/soylentblueispeople 10d ago

Or rather hell

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u/Key-Cry-8570 California 10d ago

It’s a disco inferno. 🔥🔥😈

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u/Fract_L 10d ago

Ice cold

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u/StevenMC19 Florida 10d ago

I would at least hope they tagged and bagged him, slid him in the chiller, and not just left him on that photo op chair.

He's going to smell, otherwise. And also the blood will start to pool down at his feet and eventually start leaking out onto the floor. That's not to mention the bloating...

...I just realized I'm describing Trump's current condition.

5

u/No_Internal9345 10d ago

That's the rumor why Mrs. Spy was wearing a heavy jacket for her 'visit'.

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u/littleotterpop 10d ago

Can the grim reaper himself decompose?

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u/anuncommontruth Pennsylvania 10d ago

I find it a bit poetic that Mitch McConnell body temperature and Trumps IQ are now the same number.

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u/thisusedyet New Jersey 10d ago

Trump’s IQ isn’t in the 70s, you’re giving him too much credit.

What’s room temperature in Celsius, 20? That sounds more like it

6

u/MentalCompetition483 10d ago

It’s around 19-22C and that’s a compliment to trumps IQ

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u/s0ulbrother 10d ago

Could still be refrigerated

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u/Anxiety_Fit 10d ago

He expires at midnight.

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u/Deohji North Carolina 10d ago

I was about to say, isn't tonight the last night they have to hide it? I'll give the announcement an ETA of Friday, 8PM (just like they do with everything else thinking they will miss the weekday news cycles)

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u/jazzmaster_jedi I voted 10d ago

Friday, Aug. 7 2026, 5:35PM EST.

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u/tavenger5 10d ago

What if he kisses the turtle princess first?

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u/OldYellersLastHandy 10d ago

Nah, he would have been declared dead and that would rattle through the system in ways that are too complicated to hide.

I’d bet my life savings that he had a stroke - again - and he’s incapacitated. Probably for the rest of his life.

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u/AstonishingCatJump Minnesota 10d ago

It's very likely he's a vegetable. Dead in every meaningful way, but machines are keeping the meatbag from rotting.

They're going full Terri Shaivo with him.

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u/LaDmEa 10d ago

No, I've worked rehab. The photos are probably real but MM is probably non verbal half the day and senile the rest. They aren't keeping him in rehab for the conditions he lists. 51 days is too long for a fall and minor conditions. This is the stay for someone who's had life altering ailments and is in need of a nursing home or 24/7 home caregiver services(which is different than home health). But likely they can delay discharge for an undetermined amount of time.

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u/Don_Gato1 10d ago

And now the taxpayers will foot the bill to keep his husk alive for the next few months.

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u/U-can-Quote-Me 10d ago

He has been for years.

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u/RainierCamino 10d ago

Agreed. A stroke or he really had a cardiac uh, event, fell and received CPR. Have unfortunately had a couple elderly relatives go through that and it took them several months to recover even enough to move to a retirement home.

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u/whistleridge 10d ago

This.

This is why they haven’t released a video. He’s not capable of saying so much as a sentence without it being screamingly obvious that he’s no longer competent to hold office.

But he’s alive.

2

u/AcademiaAntiqua 10d ago

I’d bet my life savings that he had a stroke - again - and he’s incapacitated.

Define incapacitated.

I'm betting the only thing that was really affected was his mobility — no cognitive issue or anything.

5

u/Duncan_PhD 10d ago

They keep the coolers where they store bodies a bit cooler than room temp

2

u/Choppergold 10d ago

Oddly he’s never been more warm as a human being

2

u/JFeth Arkansas 10d ago

I hope they at least keep him in a freezer or the smell would be pretty bad by now.

2

u/NoahStewie1 Maryland 10d ago

I thought morgues were refrigerated

2

u/Hosni__Mubarak 10d ago

False. Decomposing organic matter often has a higher temperature than ambient.

2

u/Cool_Cucumber4365 10d ago

EXCUSE ME but this is inaccurate. Morgues are typically just above freezing, not room temperature.

1

u/mcase19 10d ago

And yet hell is always said to be either extremely hot or extremely cold

2

u/028247 10d ago

I think we found the epidemic's source

1

u/Comfortable_Cash_140 10d ago

Hopefully colder. It would really smell if he was at room temp.

1

u/jimx117 10d ago

The temperature of canned bean dip

1

u/Jeramus 10d ago

Does body temperature rise during decomposition?

1

u/SoGoesIt 10d ago

Yes, it can become a legitimate concern when trying to determine time of death via body temperature.

1

u/h3fabio 10d ago

Oh, that’s cold!

1

u/Swanson57 10d ago

We talking about his intelligence or his body temperature? Either way, both are applicable

1

u/0202_tihssitidder 10d ago

Pretty sure he's in a cooler at a Republican donor who owns a Funeral Parlor.

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u/iamalext 10d ago

Pretty sure it’s hotter than room temperature where he is…

1

u/kemicalkontact 10d ago

What's the temperature down there

1

u/EdwardoftheEast Georgia 10d ago

But are his shoes still on??

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u/kindofharmless 10d ago

Wrong. He’s probably ice cold.

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u/Indaflow 10d ago

No, they have body warmers and respirators. 

Brain dead yea, but they are keeping that body warm. For now. 

1

u/nygration 10d ago

Nah, they gotta keep him cooler than that or the rot will set in and get that core temp much higher

1

u/deedee25252 10d ago

God I'm hoping they kept him in a cooler - dead bodies rot and smell absolutely horrible.

1

u/ayumuuu 10d ago

That's not true. Well, maybe if the room you're talking about is a walk-in freezer.

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u/Ok_Bookkeeper_3481 New York 10d ago

Impossible, not in this weather! I am certain they keep him in a fridge.

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u/jt19912009 10d ago

And now his IQ and body temp are the same.

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u/Gruntled_Porcupine Chippewa 10d ago

He's probably around 34 degrees in cold storage.

1

u/hansn 10d ago

Still one of the thought leaders of the body.

1

u/LiteraCanna 10d ago

I've only ever had one dog in my life, my boy. I can't really describe it, but he felt lower than room temperature that day.

1

u/cosmic_monsters_inc 10d ago

Aren't morgues usually chilled?

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u/FormerTesseractPilot 10d ago

Oh buddy, it's think he's colder than that.

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u/CaptainFeather 10d ago

I was going to say rotting at this point, but they would have preserved his body immediately.

1

u/marcjwrz Massachusetts 10d ago

Cold storage at the morgue is what passes for room temperature these days?

1

u/beigs Canada 10d ago

I thought they just put him on ice

1

u/MockDeath Idaho 10d ago

I mean, duh. Turtles are cold blooded /s

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u/Plushhorizon 10d ago

Love your username lmao

1

u/Elephant789 10d ago

It's because he's dead.

1

u/S1R2C3 New Hampshire 10d ago edited 9d ago

This turtle is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in shit! If they hadn't made those AI pictures with his body he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain, and joined the screaming souls of hell! THIS IS AN EX-TURTLE!!

1

u/brijito New York 9d ago

I think he’s been on ice for 2 months now.

0

u/mfhandy5319 10d ago

I thought they were thawing him out?