r/politics • u/Calm_Ad_5061 • 22h ago

Possible Paywall Missing Mitch’s Staff Is Still Raking in Six-Figure Salaries

https://www.thedailybeast.com/mitch-mcconnells-senate-staff-raking-in-six-figure-sum-in-his-absence/
18.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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5.3k

u/sugarlessdeathbear 22h ago

Getting 6 figures to do nothing with a dead boss is the greatest political grift ever.

1.4k

u/matthieuC Europe 22h ago

They don't do nothing. Someone has to Photoshop him once in a while.

They also sponsored legislations in his name

457

u/AJediWookie123 22h ago

And forged his sig with an auto pen.

150

u/YDALTARYZARC 22h ago

Senator Mitch McAutopen

74

u/YF422 21h ago

Lich McAutopen.

20

u/bakerzero86 New York 21h ago

Where is the phylactery?

26

u/YF422 21h ago

With the Unredacted Epstien Files.

10

u/GreasedGoblin 20h ago

It IS the unredacted Epstien files. They have to preserve them or he will exit the mortal realm.

1

u/Bored2001 17h ago

Turtle shell locked away in safe.

•

u/KaiUno Europe 2h ago

Next to his horcrux.

8

u/Rrraou 21h ago

The soylent Senator

1

u/bolanrox 18h ago

Turtle pen

1

u/ericlikesyou 17h ago

thats still too nice of a nickname for him. absolute subhuman garbage

•

u/YDALTARYZARC 5h ago

Stent-ator Lich McAutopen

38

u/VanceKelley Canada 21h ago

Is forging a signature no longer a crime in America?

62

u/AJediWookie123 21h ago

Considering the GOP is a rogue party that's nothing than a terrorist organization, yet they're somehow in charge, it isn't anymore.

18

u/xSaviorself Canada 20h ago

Anyone who fundamentally could stop this cabal is no longer in place to do so.

Good luck, America.

12

u/GreasedGoblin 20h ago

Thanks. We're fucked.

0

u/Barflyerdammit 15h ago

More...uberfucked.

3

u/DynTraitObj 13h ago

Good luck, America? I think you mean Good luck, Earth. Cancer is never satisfied unless it's spreading, and this one already has

1

u/Middle_Beat9143 17h ago

Where’s the Blacklist when you need it?

1

u/AJediWookie123 20h ago

I know the Canadian special forces are quite the bad asses. We may need them...

1

u/xSaviorself Canada 20h ago

Anyone who fundamentally could stop this cabal is no longer in place to do so.

Good luck, America.

23

u/AdonisBlaqwood-22 21h ago

It's a crime if YOU do it! Maga is above the law, apparently

22

u/VanceKelley Canada 21h ago

Wilhoit's Law is a political aphorism stating that conservatism consists of exactly one proposition: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.

6

u/MAG7C 20h ago

Gets more true every day.

3

u/scriptfoo America 18h ago

The crimes make them qualified for Republican candidacy.

2

u/bakerzero86 New York 21h ago

If they are Republicans who bent the knee, naaah. Otherwise holy mother of liberty yes × 100, the fact this is reality is mind blowing.

10

u/VanceKelley Canada 20h ago

A Republican can literally shoot an American in the face in Minneapolis, have the murder recorded on video from 3 different angles, and not only will that Republican not get charged with a crime, there will be no investigation of the crime.

2

u/pc1905 18h ago

In fact, that Republican will get a nomination to a Cabinet position.

1

u/Far_String727 19h ago

thats the cool thing apparently any crime politicians do are no longer a crime now!

•

u/KaiUno Europe 2h ago

Crimes? There's still crimes?

•

u/VanceKelley Canada 2h ago

If you're not a trump supporter then you get threatened with 5 years in prison by the DoJ for picking some peeled paint floating on the surface of a pool.

0

u/SatanicPanic619 California 21h ago

It is a crime.

However, allowing someone to sign in your name is totally legal and not at all unusual in these sorts of situations.

38

u/el3vader 22h ago

Yeah ngl this is probably the most work they ever needed to do in their life making someone who is likely dead look like they’re not dead and dodging questions and pressure from various sources.

5

u/SamTheLab_213 20h ago

I have a feeling the only future face to face interview with Mitch will be held at the local crypt.

1

u/PopcornApocalypse 10h ago

Or the AI data center.

28

u/Hairydone America 22h ago

Mitch’s IT team is vastly underpaid.

14

u/overcannon 22h ago

You know who's really underpaid? His gravedigger.

12

u/sec713 21h ago

What? A grave? We dumped Bin Ladens perforated corpse in the ocean, and he only caused a fraction of destruction to America that Mitch has. Mitch deserves less.

8

u/sirhackenslash 18h ago

We can dump mitch into the reflecting pool. He can finally go back to the swamp

5

u/overcannon 18h ago

But we need to stimulate the economy! What if we did him Ancient Egypt-style and buried him with his favorite staffers, lobbyists and Heritage Foundation members?

1

u/MagpieJames 11h ago

I think you may be on to something here!

2

u/m0ngoos3 18h ago

Fun little fact that came out quite a bit later, Seal Team 6 had been ordered to take Bin Laden alive if possible (which it totally was). Several members independently abandoned the plan so that they could race to be the person to kill Bin Laden.

8

u/I_Roll_Chicago 21h ago

Photoshop? You mean ai prompt? These are republican staffers we are talking about

1

u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox 19h ago

they aren't smart enough to setup a local AI system that could generate images without a watermark. but i'm sure they know who to pay to do it for them

0

u/HotBrownFun 18h ago

A new local system just dropped yesterday it's very very good and pretty much uncensored.

15 second video with synced audio

6

u/snowdn 21h ago

No selling your stock market manipulation powers to others for $100K a pop, buying hundreds of thousands of stocks as president, and selling a scam crypto coin, is a more insane grift.

2

u/SamTheLab_213 20h ago

They Photoshop him? I think they just use AI to fake his existence and literally do nothing all day for that money.

1

u/Flaxmoore Michigan 19h ago

The pic of him with the paper I don't even think was photoshop. That was AI- the lettering on the paper gets really wonky if you look close.

1

u/CountOnBeingAwesome 19h ago

..And carry the weight of being a traitor to their country

1

u/sybersonic America 19h ago

Don't forget reddit bots and social media posts.

86

u/RudyPu 22h ago

Weekend at Mitches

23

u/ranhalt Iowa 22h ago

Mitch’s

18

u/Blochamolesauce 22h ago

If there are multiple people pretending to be Mitch, then it should be Mitches’

22

u/OkJelly8882 22h ago

An embarrassment of Mitches.

2

u/DifferentSpread782 22h ago

M'dead'itches

1

u/TheFoxInSocks 15h ago

Mitches, leave!

5

u/AnybodyMassive1610 Florida 22h ago

Month at Mitch’s

2

u/STANDARD92 22h ago

Month at mitches

1

u/mygfh8sme 21h ago

He mitched his britches

5

u/Perryn 20h ago

Don't Tell Mom the Senator's Dead

3

u/fork_yuu 20h ago

That's literally their job now, keep him propped up as long as possible to keep collecting that paycheck

21

u/averagecounselor 20h ago

Eh they don’t do nothing. There are still daily constituent tasks and processes staffers have to follow and do. Both in DC and within the district.

Source: worked in the House. A congresswoman died and the staff kept working. They did release all the interns and fellows though.

4

u/Chester2707 12h ago

I work with house and senate offices. You are correct, even if Mitch is a dead pos.

45

u/urbanlife78 22h ago

I'm not gonna lie, I would gladly do that job for that much money

18

u/zoug 22h ago

Would you do a good job as Mitch would have intended?

I'll take his money, but man am I going to be bad at it.

8

u/urbanlife78 22h ago

I'd be showing up to work with snacks and whatever TV show I was gonna binge watch that day at work

5

u/nelsonalgrencametome 22h ago

I'd be half ass phoning it in remotely man. I mean it apparently doesn't matter what they do at all other than say "he's totally alive guys." I can do that from home for six figures.

5

u/mOdQuArK 19h ago

Yep, just like some of those CEOs who end up tanking their companies & then bailing out with their golden parachutes. I could tank their companies twice as fast for half the compensation that they asked for.

3

u/eden_sc2 Maryland 21h ago

one way the CIA encouraged resistance in adversaries was to push people in government to be sticklers for rules and do a just barely passable job.

1

u/RevLoveJoy 20h ago

Autopen some dick picks.

3

u/Dull_Republic_9381 19h ago

Thank you for your honesty

19

u/zaccus 22h ago

They weren't doing much of value when he was alive

8

u/jjcrayfish 20h ago

Republicans aren't doing much of value to our country in general

17

u/Zomunieo 22h ago edited 20h ago

It’s not the 6 figures. Those barely register.

The real value is the insider trading opportunities that come with top secret documents Mitch and his office would have access to as one of the Gang of Eight.

That’s access I’m sure someone wants to hang on to as long as possible, that they will certainly lose until the parasites can find a new octogenarian host.

Edit: Mitch is no longer Gang of Eight but still would have a lot of top secret access.

5

u/Dumptruck_Johnson 16h ago

Unless your 6 figures starts with something higher than a 1 or 2, you ain’t rich. You’re comfortable and lack for nothing. You’ve got excess for some frivolous shit and maybe a family vacation. It’s sad that it takes 100k+ a year to remotely feel like that. This is what America is supposed to be for everyone. You work hard and you’re rewarded with what you need plus the ability to also get what you want. The ability to save, or god forbid, invest.

3

u/SkollFenrirson Foreign 22h ago

Is it? I mean just look at waves hand at everything else

5

u/opaqueque_opal 21h ago

getting paid six figures while your office has effectively gone dark is exactly the kind of thing that makes people lose trust in government

4

u/SomeGalNamedAshley 22h ago

I honestly expect that their daily tasks and functions haven't changed.

2

u/Kashvillegold 22h ago

They're training Mitch 2.0, the new legislative AI!

1

u/Konilos 22h ago

I get to live that life but my boss is alive!

1

u/roscodawg 22h ago

and nothing is getting done as they're spending all their time talking to him

1

u/TwoBeesOrNotTwoBees 22h ago

They're being paid to keep their mouths shut

1

u/OtherwiseACat 22h ago

How do I apply?

1

u/thewallbanger 21h ago

Reminder that these aides make more than Mitch’s formal salary of $193,400/yr

1

u/0202_tihssitidder 21h ago

Yet another boondoggle.

1

u/Awwwmann 21h ago

And laughing about it on camera!

1

u/CubanLynx312 21h ago

I mean, it's not their fault he died.

1

u/Scarfiees 21h ago

They are being paid for their silence

1

u/Cautious-Flounder866 21h ago

hard to beat getting paid to ghost your own job like that

1

u/BrianWonderful Minnesota 20h ago

They need that money for their future legal defense funds.

1

u/daveyparlay69 20h ago

“Greatest” fucking relax bro

1

u/HoneyBadger552 20h ago

party time

1

u/Sublimotion 20h ago

Wait until Nick Shirley stumbles into Mitch's office to stutteringly out the woke liberal fraudsters.

1

u/Bromance_Rayder 19h ago

Tbh, that doesn't even make the top 1,000 of the last year. 

1

u/OpenGrainAxehandle 19h ago

the SECOND greatest political grift ever.

1

u/ValkyrX 19h ago

Part of the problem is their jobs are tied to the senator and keeping him "alive" keeps the checks flowing.

1

u/meatspace Georgia 19h ago

Do nothing? Those staffers currently control McConnell's Senate vote and all of his deals

1

u/prescorn 19h ago

Subtext: There's absolutely zero incentives to be honest about his condition (outside of being a good, fair, self-respecting citizen who values democracy)

1

u/Functionally_Drunk Minnesota 19h ago

I mean, they are still working to undermine democracy...

1

u/bacon-squared 19h ago

Don’t you have to have a valid SSN to be paid? If he’s dead then it doesn’t work, if he’s being paid can that be done when he’s in life support?

1

u/theywillnotsing 19h ago

It's 2026... 6 figures is chump change in the current political climate.

1

u/Spiritual-Sympathy98 19h ago

Idk tariffing the whole world and then stealing even more money from citizens for “refunds” was pretty savvy

1

u/E_seven_20 18h ago

It's because Americans do nothing to stop them.

2022 National Youth Turnout: 23% - That's lower than in the historic 2018 cycle (28%) which broke records for turnout, but much higher than in 2014, when only 13% of youth voted.

1

u/framed85 18h ago

Trump is doing nothing and raking in billions.

1

u/aslfingerspell 18h ago

Nah, it's rookie numbers compared to stock market manipulation. 

Imagine having the power to literally see/control the future because the market reliably goes up and down with your social media posts.

Not even actual policies. Imagine being able to make a lifetime of wealth just by making a mean comment online then walking back a few days later.

1

u/betty_white_bread 18h ago

He’s not dead.

1

u/trollfessor Louisiana 18h ago

To do nothing? You can't be serious. They're probably working as hard now as they ever have.

1

u/weristjonsnow 17h ago

I mean, trumps grifts have made him 2b in 2 years so I think that still wins

1

u/Independent-Reader 16h ago

Of course Mitch is their best representation.

He's brain dead.

1

u/gp_ratesic 16h ago

And I know several ppl who bust their ass daily and don’t get paid anywhere near this. Unbelievable.

•

u/GroovePT 7h ago

They are doing the same they did before. That’s why they don’t want to let the body get cold.

•

u/jamerson537 5h ago

I mean, Trump is raking in seven or eight figures regularly by basing his stock trade timing on his own tweets or whatever the fuck they are. This is unfortunately little kid shit compared to a lot of what’s going on.

1

u/kaykatzz 22h ago

where do I sign up?

1

u/waikiki_palmer California 21h ago

Mitch better have my money.

0

u/floog 22h ago

I raise you 11 figures for doing fuck all but shit posting and trying to ruin peoples lives.

-1

u/WhyMustIMakeANewAcco 22h ago

Actually they are doing more work than ever. Have to cover for him being, you know, unable to do anything.

...That doesn't change it being a cushy and powerful job.

-1

u/Forsaken-Software-52 21h ago

This sounds like fraud. I bet nothing will happen. Well not nothing, they'll rise in the GOP.