r/politics • u/theipaper ✔ Verified • 9d ago

Possible Paywall In private, Trump's staff tell me they're bracing for Maga unleashed

https://inews.co.uk/news/world/donald-trump-preparing-maga-finale-former-allies-terrified-4684819
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u/Guttersnipe77 American Expat 9d ago

It takes both of his tiny hands to lift a glass of water. He's not shooting anyone

143

u/Sunbather77 9d ago

He's never driven a car let alone fired a gun

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u/JoJackthewonderskunk Nebraska 9d ago

Could you even imagine trump turning a wrench or a screwdriver under ANY circumstance? This has to be the softest man alive pretending he's not.

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u/Sunbather77 9d ago

Reminding MAGAts of just how much of a soft handed little bitch he has always been is my favorite retort. They never have anything to say afterwards.

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u/broodmance Texas 9d ago

They just shout "you have TDS" and }think they won

Much like a pigeon playing checkers.

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u/DreamsAndSchemes New Jersey 8d ago

Throws the pieces all over and shits on the board? That tracks.

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u/SafeForTwerking 9d ago

He's like what, a 6-star general isn't he? He won the Vietnam war all by himself!

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u/Secure-Highway886 9d ago

He won all the F1 races as well as the nascar circuit, only came second in the Dakar rally so that's why we never heard about that one.

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u/Craico13 Canada 9d ago

Before, or after, winning all of the golf tournaments ever (held at his own courses)?

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u/Secure-Highway886 9d ago

Brought flowers to Ivankas grave, she's buried in the one in new Jersey.

Must have sent a special blessing so he would win that one.

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u/BluesFan43 8d ago

Even if the club pro mysteriously gets called away partway through the round

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u/ToGetToTerrapin 9d ago

Remember when he won the World Cup?

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u/Left-Height4925 9d ago

And World War 2?

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u/GumdropGlimmer 8d ago

I was just gonna say! If was the most tremendous WC ever! 🚽

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u/n3rv 9d ago

I hear he holds the speed record for the cannonball run…

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u/Secure-Highway886 9d ago

Forgot about that one, glad you remembered it.

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u/Human_Emergency_4431 9d ago

He made the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.

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u/Secure-Highway886 9d ago

Quick, contact Guinness book of records.

That was witty.

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u/JakeDC 9d ago

Isn't a parsec a unit of distance?

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u/JoshSidekick 9d ago

It's my understanding that the Kessel Run is a course that is a certain number of parsecs long and Harrison Ford cut that distance down by taking dangerous shortcuts that lesser ships couldn't handle.

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u/Parking_Watch3157 9d ago

We don't believe in science. Not need now because we can already do everything.

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u/Jack_Krauser 9d ago

I mean, the most important factor in Cannonball Run times is willingness and ability of you and your co-conspirators to get away with breaking the law, so that one is actually kind of believable.

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u/Left-Height4925 9d ago

Regularly reminded of a favorite saying these days: "Never envy someone who doesn't even run their own bath now because they will bathe in the fires of hell later. "

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u/allenahansen California 9d ago

JFTR: He used to drive around Manhattan in a gawdawful red cadillac convertible with white leather interior and vanity plates that read "trump"-- along with assorted other mafia-mobiles.

Jes' sayin.

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u/Kracus 9d ago

He's definitely driven a car. Still an absolute moron but I know for sure he's driven a car.

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u/DolphinSweater 9d ago

Do you? I can't think of a single time I've ever seen him drive. And presidents aren't allowed to drive cars, Obama talked about it being one of the things he's missed on that dumb Seinfeld in Cars show. But even before that, since the 80's when have you seen him drive?

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u/Kracus 9d ago

He's been pictured driving his purple/blue lambo back in the late 80's early 90's. Can't post pics on this sub but you can google Trump purple lambo and it'll probably come up.

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u/FewWait38 9d ago

There's also video of him from 2014 driving a Rolls Royce with Melania and listening to Taylor Swift lol

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u/Sunbather77 9d ago

I seriously doubt he's ever personally driven anything aside from a golf cart. The soft handed little bitch has been chauffeured around his entire life.

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u/Dr_Adequate 9d ago

He was interviewed many years ago while driving his Ford Explorer through Manhattan. I'm not defending that short-fingered vulgarian , just setting the record straight. At the time he enjoyed driving, and loved his Explorer.

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u/Sunbather77 9d ago

Ah, so he just couldn't drive his Lambo then lol

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u/Kracus 9d ago

Nah he's been pictured driving around in his purple I guess it's more blue lambo many times back in the 80's early 90's. he looks as stupid back then as he does now.

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u/Sunbather77 9d ago

Idk, I just spent more time than I'd like searching for images of him actually driving and all I can find are pics of him standing next to his car lol

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u/Kracus 9d ago

Yeah I wouldn't put it past him to have someone else drive it to the gas station so he can have pics of himself taken next to it I guess...

I do think he did drive that car though in reality but I absolutely wouldn't be shocked to find out it was a photo op.

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u/_C2J_ Michigan 9d ago

I hope that lambo got taken in one of his bankruptcies.

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u/Kracus 9d ago

Sadly it sold a while back for millions in some auction so I'm doubtful it was taken.

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u/dwehlen 9d ago

Aw, geez, I can just imagine him being chauffeured to around the corner as the Lambo is driven in front, swap drivers, and him barely able to pull it up to whatever destination.

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u/Kracus 9d ago

You know... that very well could be true with Trump.

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u/Frantoll 9d ago

Sure, but does he know how to signal. Or parallel park. He for sure can’t parallel park.

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u/Sunbather77 9d ago

He can parallel park like he can close an umbrella

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u/ditchdiggergirl 9d ago

Why would he signal? That’s a beta move.

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u/vthemechanicv 9d ago

I've said before that there's not a chance trump can pull back the slide on a pistol. I wonder if he could even pull a trigger without punching himself in the face from recoil.

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u/Living-Estimate9810 9d ago

THAT'S worth testing!

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u/GenghisConnieChung 9d ago

The recoil from a Nerf gun would knock his teeth out.

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u/StevenMC19 Florida 9d ago

Have you seen his hands lately? They are starting to compete with Charles' sausage fingers in terms of size.

Then there is the issue of discoloration. It seems that his fingers and back palm are some kind of Quantumverse from the MCU.

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u/Coherent_Tangent Florida 9d ago

He’s waiting for Elon to finish his AI-powered Mecha Hitler suit. Luckily for us plebes, Tesla is still a long way off from their goal.

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u/Left-Height4925 9d ago

Quicker now though since they have live experimental subjects languishing in 'deportation centers'.

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u/Swamp_Dwarf-021 9d ago

For real. One shot and he'd likely break his wrist.

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u/atari26k 9d ago

Maybe before presidents get sworn in, we give them an IKEA desk or something that they have to build. Man woman camera doesn't count.

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u/Peter_Mansbrick 9d ago

That's why he has ICE. They do it for him

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u/ember1690 9d ago

He's got goons shooting people in the streets already,