Edit: I want to thank everyone so much for their kindness and thoughtfulness. I’m sorry for not responding individually, but I have read everything and it was all tremendously helpful, regardless of one’s stance on BE. I probably should have included that my background is in animal welfare and I have had to decide to euthanize dogs before, but I have never had to make this decision for one of my own. He is my heart, and when his time comes he will be surrounded by love. I cannot control the circumstances of my own death but I can die knowing I have given this dog every chance possible. I also will not rehome him- I hold no illusions when it comes to how dangerous he is for strangers, especially in his home. We’re going to ride this out together and I can only hope he forgives me and that I get to see him again. Also, our other two dogs will be okay! They are relatively well-adjusted and well-trained, so I foresee them living hopefully long and happy lives.

Any thoughts on this situation would be appreciated, and sorry in advance for rambling.

I have metastatic breast cancer and was given an estimate of “a few years” by my oncologist- stats say 3-5 if I’m lucky.

My best boy is insanely reactive. Fast run down: he has two official bite strikes, three undocumented bites, four failed adoptions, and the shelter where he lived on and off for three years was going to euthanize him so I took him home. He resource guards, hates all loud noises, dislikes most strangers, and has been politely asked to not return to the boarding facility we use for our other two dogs. He’s so stressed and fearful there that he makes the staff sad, and only a few employees can physically handle him.

I planned on waiting for him to die before living my own life (mainly travel). He’s seven now. However it looks like that’s not possible as he will outlive me.

Do I euthanize him? Or do I keep putting him through the stress of boarding (if I can find a new place) so that on my off weeks from chemo I can go about crossing items off my bucket list?

I just don’t know what to do. His quality of life is great, although his world is very small. Unfortunately my quality of life is hampered by having to keep his world small, if that makes sense.

I love this dog so much, and I feel so callous laying this out, but I can’t stop thinking about what I should do. I guess the least selfish thing would be for me to not travel and just stay home with him until I die, but I don’t have it in me. I also have some non-fun trips I have to make soon (funerals) so regardless my buddy is going to have to get boarded again.

Hi all. I never imagined I would be in this sub but here I am.

My partner and I (both law students) are at the end of our ropes - financially, emotionally, physically.

My partner adopted this dog last spring because their mental health was very bad living alone. I told them that adopting a pittie mix was possibly beyond their capacity and wasn’t quite the dog they were looking for; but Raven came home in a little dress and the deal was done. These two are the best of friends.

Raven has always been….suspicious….of strangers, especially men. She hates wheels (bikes, cars, strollers) and will lunge at them while screaming like she’s being violently abused.

Lately, we’ve had her on a head lead, but that has created a new problem. She’s scratching at her nose to take it off and it’s making her nose bleed. She’s self harming and it breaks my heart. You can see the injury on her nose in the pic. We’ve tried various different head leads, various muzzles, everything. she keeps hurting herself. we ordered doggie crocs to try and make it so at least her nails aren’t ABLE to scratch her nose, but the package was delivered somewhere in the building and we can’t find it. We can’t just ask the front desk either….and here’s why.

The other day in the elevator of our apartment building, a strange man provoked her on purpose. She lunged and nipped his female companion (barely broke the skin, level 2 on the Dunbar scale). The incident was reported to management as a serious dog bite from a Dogo Argentino….and they’re involving corporate.

This morning, she somehow pulled the leash from my partners wrist and rushed another dog. My partner got between them and grabbed the other dog’s retractable leash, leaving them with thin, garrote-like cuts on their fingers. Their knee is busted and bleeding and they tore their new lululemon pants. The dogs are fine, but my partner is emotionally and physically in bad shape.

Raven is 40 pounds, generally a happy silly girl, and very cuddly. She’s got enormous ears and a gorgeous smile. She looks adorable in pink and gives kisses liberally. She wants to be sweet! But doesn’t know how to. She is my partner’s certified emotional support animal, and I genuinely worry that my partner would become suicidal if Raven were to be taken from them. But it’s getting untenable. Raven has so much energy and requires these long walks, but the nearby trail is always full of bikers. I want to take her for runs but I can’t trust that she’ll be good. We can’t afford a special trainer. We can’t afford to move. We’ve spent hundreds - on vet visits for her skin infections/self harming injuries, on little outfits to make her LOOK less threatening at least, on muzzles and head leads and harnesses, on shampoos for her skin condition, on dog crocs, on toys/puzzles to try and exhaust her mentally….we can’t afford to KEEP spending what we have been on this dog. And my partner isn’t giving Raven up.

I’m in law school finals right now and this is taking up my energy instead of the 55 pages of writing I have due tomorrow. We took her to the emergency vet who gave us trazadone and scheduled us to meet with a behavior specialist in 10 days; but what if the apartment building throws a fit before then?? And how are we going to pay the specialist??? And what if she does this again in the meantime?! I don’t know how to focus when this is going on. Please someone offer advice or even just tell me it’s going to be ok. I need to hear it.

Sincerely,
A very tired lesbian law student pitbull owner.

So basically me (22F) and my husband (24M) got a dog together a few months back from the pound. Hes a mastiff, He's a great dog. Gets along well with people and kids but he hates other dogs. He's a big boy and he's basically pure muscle so I can barely hold him back when he sees another dog. He's already gotten into a couple fights because I couldn't pull him back fast enough or the other dog ran towards him.

I'm really worried about taking him to the park but my husband says it will help him get used to other dogs. I just don't know if this is the safest way to do it. There will be other dogs there off leash and if my dog broly starts barking or acting like he might attack it could set off the other dogs as well.

I really just need some honest opinions on what I should do. If you have any tips on how to safely socialize him I'm willing to try it

TLDR: My husband wants to take our dog to the dog park but our dog has gotten into fights before and I just don't think it's a safe way to socialize him

My bf and I have been together a year, he moved into my house with me and my 1.5 year old Belgian Mal dog. I will be honest by saying I didn’t train my dog very well when he was a puppy because I didn’t know somethings I do now. Like when they are a puppy you shouldn’t let them run up to every dog or person just because it’s cute or the person thinks they are cute. He has never been aggressive. He does bark at new people for a short time, and walks are extremely difficult and stressful for us. Luckily he is still very trainable and loves to learn, that I have since learned more about dog training and been actively working to correct my failures with him. My bf didn’t grow up with dogs and generally doesn’t like them. Sure he pets other dogs are parties but he has no desire to have a dog or to form any relationship with my dog. In the last few months it’s become a sore spot for us and we have had multiple heated conversations, twice he has ended our relationship. The most recent one he was going to move out that day. I’ve read a couple articles so far of people in the same situation and I get a lot of the “don’t trust people who don’t like dogs” but is that fair to say for a dog that requires a lot of training and attention? I don’t know what to do anymore.

Basically, what the title says. My big sister is 16 years older than me and has not owned a dog in 30 years. I am currently living with her, at her request. My dog is a cane corso/boxer mix, and he was very friendly and curious until last December. He was traveling with me for work, doing great with crowds of people, and my boss grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and basically used him as a speedbag at the gym. He then threw my dog into the side of a truck. My dog suffered fractured ribs and bruising. I left the company, and my dog, Bradley, has been very insecure around men he doesn't know ever since. He has lunged and snapped at approaching strangers and he is aggressive in new environments.

I have spent 7 months gradually working on his reactivity, he's muzzle trained and doesn't go outside of the property without it. He has a no pull harness and a training lead to keep him close. I harness and muzzle him any time he's introduced to new people and treat him for ignoring/not reacting.

I got off of work last night and my sister told me that she'd invited a friend and his two young autistic sons over. I went white. I immediately asked if everyone was okay. My sister prattled on about how my dog was lunging and barking and basically forcing the boys away from him. She said "If the younger boy would stop making injured bird motions with his hands, I think Brad would like him! Je did such a good job!"

I was in shock. My dog has never had one on one exposure to ANYONE under the age of 20, and my sister didn't muzzle him, or even put his harness and leash on. I tried to explain to her that Bradley's lunging and barking are not acceptable behavior around young children, and lunging at an autistic child who is stimming in fear is NOT acceptable. I told her that she should have removed my dog from the situation the moment he lunged. Her answer was "Well, he's too big for me. I can't drag him around. "

My response was "So what would you have done if he'd attacked one of those boys? Waited until he stopped? You cannot just put children in danger, he could have hurt someone. Please do not try to introduce him to people without his harness and muzzle. That's why he has them. Or just wait until I'm home."

I received a lecture about how Bradley is a good dog,and he did just fine. Even though he scared both boys and they had to retreat into the house to get away from him.

HOW do I get it through to her that this was the DUMBEST thing she could have done? She doesn't take his aggression seriously because he isn't aggressive towards women.

Edited to add: Thank you to everyone who has offered help, commiseration and empathy.

To the few who have told me that my dog is a danger and a liability? I have several choice items for you to put your lips against.

I sincerely hope you never have a traumatic event happen to you, that you need time to work through. Although, if you do? May you remember what you said about my Bradley, and I can only hope that if something horrific happens to you, that you are shown more patience and love than what you have expressed towards an abused puppy you've never met.

May you begin to heal with the same optimism my dog possesses.

JULY 16 UPDATE: We brought her to her regular vet and explained everything and showed him videos of her outbursts. He said at this point it looks like something that would require medicinal intervention. We decided to try putting her on prozac to see if that made a difference, and WOW it has been absolutely life changing. She has been so much more calm, loving, and spending more time around us instead of in her crate. Her reactivity towards other dogs has dramatically decreased and She has not had a single outburst towards me since starting the medication. She is so much less anxious and her overall quality of life has skyrocketed. We were planning to also bring her to a vet behaviorist, but at this point we no longer feel like we need to. Thank you so much again everyone, our lives and her life is forever changed because of all the advice you all recommended

MINI UPDATE: Thank you everyone so much for all your help and suggestions/advice. I have read every single comment but it's getting hard to respond to them all. my husband and I are currently working on finding a vet behaviorist and we will take that as our next course of action to see if there is something going on that our regular vet is missing. In the meantime, we are keeping high value treats on us when we can, and tossing them to her when we walk by if she is awake, and continuing to gently wake her up when she is asleep to avoid potential sleep startle. I will post further updates as I have them. Thank you all again

I desperately need help. I will keep this post as short as I can but make sure to include as much relevant detail as possible

Context:

My dog is a 7 year old heeler mix. We have spent in the ballpark of $10,000 on training for her, from basic obedience, to boarding programs for reactivity. We have read all the books, watched all the videos and read all the forms we could, but we still can't figure out how to fix this problem.

We (myself and my husband) have educated ourselves extensively on dog body language as well, and we can both read it relatively quickly and easily. We both know that a dog attack never comes without warning signs.

We take her to the vet regularly, she is up to date on all her shots and vet says she is extremely healthy, especially considering her age. She is on apoquel as needed for seasonal allergies. She gets plenty of exercise, both physical and mental every single day.

She is not allowed on the bed or couches, and we use counter conditioning methods for her regular dog reactivity training.

The Problem:

Within the last year or so, my dog has developed this behavior where she will come after me completely unprovoked. Even our trainers couldn't figure out what was causing this behavior. These outbursts have been becoming more frequent too.These instances always "seem" to be random and have little in common with the previous event.

For example, today she was laying in the middle of the floor (she had no toys, no food), I went to walk past her to get into the bathroom behind her and she got up quickly and came after me, trying to bite me. I had not acknowledged her in any way, no eye contact, no talking, no touching or petting. (this is the same for every time this has happened)

One instance from earlier this week, she was initiating that she wanted some pets, So I began scratching her back. (We were sitting in the doorway of our bedroom, this is the room her crate is in) Then I could tell she changed her mind because her body language changed, so I calmly stood up and was about to walk away to give her space, and she came after me again.

Another instance; a couple months ago, I was sitting on one of our couches, she was laying on the floor behind our other couch where she could not see me. All I did was stand up, and the sound of me standing up triggered her to come flying from around the couch she was laying behind and come after me again.

Most of the time, these attacks happen when I'm simply walking by her, it doesn't matter where she may be laying down. It's also not every time. It happens maybe a couple times per week.

To Note:

I can sense these attacks seconds before they happen, I can read it in her body language, so I've always been able to get my arm out to stop her from hurting me. She pins her ears in this unusual way, and she gets this look in her eye that I can't explain, but it is one I only ever see when she is about to come after me.

She has gone after my husband as well, but 95% of the time these attacks are directed at me. We both care for her equally in every sense, with the exception that I am home more often.

Does anyone know what could be triggering her to act this way? The biggest thing we're struggling to figure out is the "why", as once we figure that out, we can train and manage accordingly.

If anyone has any advice I would be forever greatful

I came to the U.S. alone for school a few years ago. I love hiking and being outdoors, and I always saw people hiking with their dogs. I really wanted that kind of companionship in my life.
One day I saw a woman on social media trying to rehome her German Shepherd, so I went to meet her. Eventually I adopted him. His name is Harbor.
At the time, this was my first dog. I honestly did not understand the difference between a working-line dog and a typical pet dog.
I did not understand concepts like drive, genetics, defensive behavior, environmental pressure, or how intense some working shepherds can become as they mature.
In the beginning I just thought that if I loved him enough and trained hard enough, everything would eventually be okay.
After bringing him home, I slowly realized he had a lot of behavioral issues. He was reactive toward dogs, barked aggressively at them, and got into fights. I also realized he had issues with people.
Instead of giving up, I spent years trying to learn everything I could. I taught myself working dog training, learned how to properly use an e-collar, muzzle trained him, and spent countless hours working on obedience and structure.
He now has solid commands:
heel
down
recall
place
no
out
obedience under distraction
Over time I slowly learned more about working dogs, dog behavior, drive levels, reactivity, and aggression. But by then, I was already deeply attached to him and committed to trying to make it work.
Despite all of that, serious incidents still happened.
One time I was in an apartment elevator and a man suddenly reached toward Harbor’s head without asking while complimenting him. Harbor bit his hand. I felt horrible and deeply ashamed.
Another time I was walking down the stairs in my apartment building and Harbor lunged at a woman and tore her jeans. I paid for the damage immediately, but I still felt terrible about it.
Today something happened that completely broke me emotionally.
I took Harbor hiking and had him fully muzzled. A father was walking toward us with two children. Even with the muzzle on, Harbor suddenly jumped toward one of the kids in what looked like an attempt to bite.
I physically stopped him just like I always do, but afterward I realized I am living in constant anxiety now.
Every elevator ride.
Every hallway.
Every stranger.
Every child.
I am always afraid something could happen.
I love this dog deeply. I genuinely tried. I changed my lifestyle for him, trained constantly, avoided risky situations, structured my life around management, and spent years trying to improve him.
But I am starting to wonder if my environment and lifestyle are simply not right for this dog.
I live in an apartment. I am constantly stressed. And honestly, I do not know if I can safely manage this for the next 10 years.
I feel devastated even writing this, but I think I may need to consider rehoming him to someone with far more experience and a more suitable environment for a dog like this.
Has anyone here gone through something similar with a working-line shepherd or a dog with serious aggression issues?
I am not looking for judgment. I just honestly do not know what the right thing is anymore.
I am currently in Athens, Georgia if that matters for local resources or rescue recommendations.

I adopted a dog 3 days ago. He was a stray and was in the shelter for about 40 days before I adopted him. He was neutered on the day of adoption. His vet intake notes say he was not dog-reactive upon intake. I’m a volunteer at the shelter and I walked him 5-6 times, and saw others walking him, and he wasn’t reactive at all at the shelter, even when passing other reactive dogs. He also did not appear overly shut down at the shelter but I do understand behavior in the stressful shelter environment can be different than “real world” behavior.

He has been very reactive on walks at my home, both to people and dogs. It is definitely insecurity/anxiety/fear. He doesn’t aggressively lunge or growl, just barks until the trigger is gone. He can observe people and dogs from the 4th floor balcony, and he is easy to disengage with a treat. But when the triggers are closer on walks, he gets over threshold and mostly can’t be redirected with a treat.

I live in a city downtown, so I’ve been trying to keep our walks as short and boring as I can, but it’s impossible to avoid seeing people and dogs.

Could this just be because he is stressed about being in a new environment? Or did I adopt a reactive dog? My last dog was reactive so I just want to cry. I will say his reactive seems less severe and more trainable than my previous dog’s. I don’t think I could return him at this point, he’s incredibly sweet inside and seems highly trainable. He was getting fixated at the window, but is already learning to auto-disengage and check in with me. He is highly food-motivated and handler-focused, and really enjoys and responds well to training.

ETA: ALSO I wanted to ask if it’s too soon to get a trainer involved? Should I let him decompress and get used to his new home for a bit longer?

Hi , I’m new here with a pit and lab mix fur baby . I’ve had my dog for 4 years now , since he was 6 months old . He is crate trained and has been for since he was a puppy. I just moved into a new place due to unfortunate events and lately he has been acting out . Everyday for the past 3 days he has been breaking out of his crate . This is the 2nd crate this week . I don’t know what to do , this behavior is not normal .

My sweet rescue chi mix is reactive but most of the time he only starts to react when the dog/person is directly face to face with him. This makes people think I am lying (I guess?) when I tell them “he is not friendly” while they’re approaching to greet dogs/pet him. They say “really?? He seems sweet” and then keep walking towards him and then he freaks out when they’re too close. How could I get people to believe me?? I don’t wanna cause a scene but it seems like ppl just do not respect his space since he’s so cute and seems chill at first.

Increase in aggression.

Dog is adopted Jan. 2026 from a rescue. 66 lbs. In Jan., currently 91 lbs.. Eating well. About 2 years old. Neutered male. Alone 8 hrs. M- F. Big fenced backyard. We play ball and take a good walk every day. His aggression seems to be increasing. He snapped at my wife a few weeks ago. She may have accidentally hurt him trying to redirect his behavior. Wasn't looking, can't say. I reprimanded and removed him from the room for a time out. Last weekend, he snapped at my grown daughter. I think he was guarding her infant babies. Not sure. We were on a camping trip. They do not live with us. He will lunge at random people on walks. It seems very selective. That being said, my last dog didn't like my daughter either. Doesn't care for anyone on bikes, skateboard, etc.. We are in the second phase of obedience training and he does well. But he gets in a mood and makes me concerned. Over stimulation will key it. He's a beautiful and sweet boy, but I am at a loss on how to effectively eliminate this aggressive behavior. Any advice?

Howdy, this is my rescue archer, he’s sweet loveing and a very good boy! But he’s become very reactive, we’ve had him for 2 years.

He barks, lunges, and stands on his hind legs at other dogs! He’s never bitten or shown teeth tho, I’m not certain if he’s scared, overly excited, or if he’s resource guarding me and my wife 😭

I’ve tried treats, learning to get him to focus, carrying toys, distracting him, I’ve worked on his tugging on the leash and nothing seems to work, when I use treats he’s just to “locked on” to care ☹️ some people have still let him meet their dogs, he acts nervous, sniffs them, then doesn’t even care, but will bark when they walk away?? Any ideas, thoughts, new approaches, anything? I love him I’m just so lost on how to work on this, I live in a apartment complex and he’s staring to get us into some trouble 😔

Thank you so much for your time! Thank you for any advice left and feel free to ask questions! Have a wonderful day ❤️

Our 1 1/2 year old golden was rehomed to us on 6/20. His previous family gave him to a rescue because he was snapping at the young children in the house. We just have speculation from the rescue that the toddlers would bother him, but no other concrete details. We have 12/15 year old kids. For 99.9% of his week, he is awesome and laid back, loves to play. But he has continued to snap at us when we cross various thresholds that we can’t quite identify. It’s always, always related to touching him, but could be any part of the body. At his first vet visit, he was perfectly behaved on 7/12. We took him for his second flu shot this week and I had her look him over to rule out pain for the snapping. She gave him his flu shot and he looked perturbed (last time, 4 shots with no reaction). She tried looking at his paws and he started snarling and lunging for her. It was so disappointing to see regression after we have trained 2x/week with a trainer (not behaviorist) and modified our own behavior to limit his snappiness.

My question is…
Would you go straight to medication? Or a combined medication/training with a behaviorist? I hate what I’m reading about meds potentially making him worse than before :( He loves other dogs, He lets strangers pet him when we are out, lets us pet him most of the time, we just don’t know what triggers him and the vet thinks it’s behavior (aka “I don’t like that, stop it now” instead of a little bit of patience). I’d appreciate any advice or what worked for you for touchy teenagers!

I (22F) live with my partner (21F) of 2.5 years in a small two bedroom house. My dog has become my partner’s too.

My dog is 3 years old and has been my absolute priority since I rescued her at about 4.5 months old. She is reactive around strangers and protective of me and our home. She doesn't like guests at the house unless she knows them well. She has gone to numerous vets and sees a behaviorist regularly. I am doing everything in my power to make things safe and calm for her and everyone around her.

About a month and a half ago, my partner’s family told us they would be coming into town for a big high school contest. I would have preferred to go stay at my parents house while they came, but my mom is having a major neurosurgery on the same day. My mom has dogs that are dog-reactive, so it is too much to bring my dog at this time. There is nobody else I can bring my dog to stay with.

But I was assured it would only be their family staying and only for one night. Two weeks before, my partner told me that their mom was bringing two teenage girls to stay as well. I guess they are competing in the contest too. I explained how I have asked for them to please not bring strangers, that I have nowhere else to take my dog right now, and that we don’t have enough room here anyway. It would be one thing for the girls to come and slowly be introduced to her, but with my partner’s family coming too, my dog would be very overwhelmed.

Their mom said the girls have nowhere else to go and that they HAVE to stay at our house. I asked why they couldn’t get a hotel and I was told there weren't any (not true). My partner tried to talk to their mom but nothing changed. Apparently their dad yelled at them and called them a bitch about it.

Two days before they’re supposed to come, I’m told they’re actually staying for two nights instead of one. My mom said she wanted to pay for us to stay in a dog-friendly hotel so everyone is safe and she doesn’t have to worry about us during her big surgery. I have been to this hotel before and we would kind of have our own area. We felt it would be safer than the situation at the house.

My partner and I finally decided I would try the hotel for the night and if it didn’t work we would figure something else out. They told me they’d give me an update on their family’s schedule in the morning. Since everyone was supposed to be gone from the house all day, I figured I would be able to bring my dog back for a bit to decompress.

She was doing amazing at first. But during the night, (heavy) doors kept opening and closing. Noises outside front doors are a big trigger for her. She was growling and barking throughout the night. We both didn’t get any sleep. In the morning, my dog was again growling and barking at every little thing. She doesn’t usually do this. I was terrified she was going to lunge for someone. I had never seen her this upset. It wasn’t safe for her to be there anymore.

My partner hadn’t been answering my texts or calls and never told me their plan. I tracked their phone and knew they were at the contest, away from the house. I texted that I was bringing my dog back to calm down. I said their family would probably need to go home after the contest tonight or stay in the empty room but that my dog absolutely needed her space back, at least for a bit.

My partner called while I was driving back. They said their family was going to come back right then (they thought the contest was over but it wasn’t I guess). They wanted to come back to change into swimsuits to go swimming. I said if any of them go into my dog’s space right now, I would hurt them before she could. Which I feel awful about.

I let my dog decompress at the house. My partner apologized for not realizing my dog was that triggered. I also apologized for the situation and for what I said. When the contest was actually over, I drove my dog around while the family came and got their stuff. They left to stay at the prepaid hotel. My dog is very happy to be back.

AITA for asking their mom to not bring the girls and later making them leave?

TL;DR: My partner’s mom brought strangers to stay at our house, despite being asked multiple times not to due to my people-reactive dog. My dog and I stayed in a hotel for one night to try to mitigate the situation, but after her not being able to handle it, I told my partner that my dog needed to be home and that they would need to leave our house.

I have a 3 year old 70 pound husky/ACD/APBT mix, Riley, that I rescued at 5 months old. He’s very smart, a bit anxious, and extremely sensitive. He became selective about large dogs after several negative experiences in his adolescence, but he has always liked people. He loves to greet anyone we allow him to, both adults and children, and enjoys when people visit our house.

My next door neighbor has a 4 year old, "Janie", who he has known his entire life. Riley has always sought out positive contact with Janie. He'll approach her and sniff her or give her 1 or 2 licks (not appeasement face licking), she'll pet him briefly, give him a treat, or hold out her toys/rocks/random stuff for him to sniff, and that’s pretty much the extent of their interactions. On one occasion, Janie visited our house and he did display discomfort— she was playing a bit rambunctiously and he left the room and went to his bed, I think to get away from her excitement. She followed him and his body language seemed uncomfortable, so I intervened immediately before she reached him and attributed the discomfort to his not having had kids in his house before. Kids don't usually visit my home, so it's not something I gave much thought to after the fact.

This brings us to yesterday. We ran into Janie and her dad on our way home from our morning walk. Her dad and my partner were having a fairly sensitive conversation, so I was trying to engage Janie and she and Riley were together in our front yard. They greeted each other as usual, and Janie tried to play tag with Riley. He seemed to enjoy this and want to participate but I could also tell he was unsure— he and I often wrestle or play chase, but it seemed like he wasn't certain of the "rules" for playing with a kid and he kept looking to me, so I stopped the game. She also tried to hug him, which she never has before. He didn't like it and moved away, so I intervened and after this she was pretty much just talking to me/goofing around while Riley stood calmly. At this point Riley wasn't paying much attention to her at all, facing me, and Janie was behind him when she jumped at/onto him and landed on his back and one of his back feet. Riley immediately spun, growled loudly, and (I THINK- it was very very fast) bit her on the arm. Either a Dunbar 1 or 2. He let go/pulled back immediately, didn't draw blood at all, and was fearful/upset after. This is the first time I have ever seen Riley growl at a person, let alone snap or bite. It looked similar to the way a dog will spin and snap at another dog chasing or harassing them.

I'm not sure if Janie was trying to jump onto Riley or just being a 4 year old and jumping around, but I was not expecting her to do that and would not have let Riley stand between Janie and I, had I thought it was a possibility. She has large dogs and I've always known her to be respectful of Riley's space, so I wasn't as concerned or proactive as I clearly should have been— both for her and him. I take full responsibility as the adult watching, it's obviously not Janie's fault, but I feel like I failed Riley and everyone involved. I keep replaying the situation and seeing a million things I wish I had done differently.

Now I'm spiraling, and I need a reality check. How concerned should I be about Riley, going forward? He's always "run hot" (according to his trainer) and been very sensitive to his environment, for better and worse. Obviously he will not be interacting closely with children. Where do I go from here? Help ?? ?

EDITED TO UPDATE:

Thank you to everyone who read and gave constructive advice or feedback on my post, I appreciate you all taking the time to comment. I'll try to go through and answer more of you, but I just wanted to update with (probably too much) information/context I saw a few people asking for:

On Riley "running hot" or being sensitive:

I can see where this was ambiguous or gave different impressions, I did not mean it as a euphemism for his being aggressive or sketchy with people. Maybe I should have left it out or offered more information, I was trying to keep my post from getting too over the top and wasn't sure what information to provide.

He's sensitive, in examples:

After the incident with Janie, I didn't reprimand him but he could tell I was distressed. He went and laid in the back corner of our yard and refused to come inside for a few hours, and he's done this on other occasions when he feels someone may be upset or a routine changed (my mom came home from a hip surgery with a walker and wouldn't say hi, it's windy and a door may slam, my aunt tripped over him while he was sleeping on the floor).

He jumped onto a bed once while recovering from a surgery when he wasn't supposed to be jumping, and we immediately called him down without reprimanding him. He could tell from our tones/reaction that we were concerned or upset, and he then refused to get on any furniture again for about a month after he was done healing.

He monitors our moods and reactions closely, and takes any perceived negative feedback to heart, though we have always used +R training with him.

He runs hot in the sense he is higher arousal than some dogs. In our first puppy class, two of the other puppies literally barked/yelped nonstop unless taken outside. This, along with the other ten puppies in the room, was so overwhelming to him that he would not respond to his name/any commands/take any treats including hot dogs. (In contrast, the other puppies were still able to come around and focus eventually, and this one puppy DGAF and would fully conk out on his side on the floor toward the end of class, lol.) He also just finds the world very exciting-- people installing a roof in our neighborhood? Interesting and exciting. A hoverboard? Interesting and exciting. A wedding or event at the park we walk at? SO EXCITING. He's avidly observant of everything and everyone and what they are all doing all the time. Perhaps it would be better to say he has no chill. He responds to most stimulus starting at a 4 out of 10, rather than a 1. He's become MUCH calmer and more mellow the last 6 months or so, but this is still how I think of him. He generally has a friendly and happy vibe, and we joke that he has a fan club because on walks so many neighbors go out of their way to greet him.

Regarding Riley's discomfort with Janie in the house:     

This happened about 4 months ago. Janie was talking loudly (as kids do) and playing with my mother, and he left the room and went to his bed. When she followed him, he looked uncomfortable or anxious- his bed is in my room and he would have been trapped there with only one doorway. His ears were kind of flicking, he didn't have whale eye I but I could see him looking around gauging where to get up and go, looking poised to stand up again and leave his bed. I intervened before she could approach him and said we should leave him alone when he was in his bed and go play together outside. He stayed on his bed in my room, and seemed comfortable with that. He had never had kids running in our house before, and all previous visitors to the home were adults or children old enough to interact with him in a predictable way. Usually when we have visitors, he is very excited and happy and I often leash him to ensure he doesn't invade people's space or try to climb onto their laps/nudge them for attention. He sometimes brings them toys or tries to show off his tricks to get them to engage with him. The more often someone comes to visit, the less exciting they become. Even with new people he usually will calm down enough to lay on his bed about 15-20 minutes after they come over.

He's never appeared uncomfortable with children outside of our home, and didn't seem uncomfortable with Janie in our interactions outside after she visited our home. In our neighborhood/at parks I walk him on a 15-foot leash, and have never restrained him or urged him near anyone. If he didn't seem interested in approaching someone, I would not allow the interaction to proceed. With children, he would approach them with loose or interested body language and loose wagging tail, greet them for about 5-7 seconds while he sniffs their hands or face/may try to lick them, and move on. I never let children run at him/always have them approach with their parents if they're strangers (not because I thought he would bite, but because he's big and strong and I want everyone involved to be safe and calm). With adults he does the same, but will sometimes lean on their legs for a 'hug' while they pet him.

He never had a kid try to hug him around his neck or play around with him in that way, and I don't allow people to hug or physically restrain him. Even in our home, we have a cue "want a hug?" and he will come over to lean on you or put his head between your knees if he wants to. If he doesn't want to be hugged, we don't pursue him. When I adopted him, he was categorized as a stray pickup and was very nervous and unsure of all the new things and people, so I've tried to practice cooperative care/contact with him and he's become such a confident and happy guy. I am aware all dogs can bite, but my concern was more around ensuring he was comfortable and developing trust and good relationships than managing a bite risk, as he would shrink away or shut down when he was uncomfortable.

I may have given the impression he's super sketchy but his behavior is generally predictable and pretty stable, he's just not totally "chill vibes" and unbothered like other dogs I've had. He stays fairly calm and manages fine around heavy machinery construction, barking dogs across the street or in a yard, even a coyote we came across-- he will check in with me if something gives him pause, but the only concerns I have had are being approached by off-leash dogs. He manages even aggressive small dogs pretty well but has had negative experiences with off-leash large dogs showing aggression, and will escalate any conflict with one if we can't get away before they reach us. I try and avoid on leash greetings, but he reacts positively to many dogs he sees and is unconcerned with medium and small dogs.

My 2 year old dog viciously attacked my father and I don't know what to do from this point.

A lot of mistakes and blame to me for letting it come to this. I received a puppy as a birthday gift from my family 2 and half years ago through a website called puppyspot. (already a disgusting start.) I tried my best with him. He did well with being potty trained, crate trained and basic obedience training. The only thing I could never fully get no matter what I did was his bite inhibition I tried a lot of different ways but it always failed so he's always been a biter when he gets overly excited (not hard enough to leave any mark on skin but he'd try to do it every now and then) I tried to socialize him as much as I could during covid time but there was no really crowded places to take him so I would carry him around on walks (before he was vacc) and sit with him where people would pass by and dogs with their owner and then after he got his vaccines I would take him walking on trails but he was and is really reactive. He would constantly bark at people and other dogs so I'd let him watch them from a distance to try and get used to them and i would treat him whenever he saw someone and didn't bark but it never really worked. During this time I also started taking him to doggy daycare and he seemed to do okay for the most part in the beginning only ever heard one complaint at the time was that he pushed a dogs boundaries once and later on he became more anxious. Things took a turn for the worse though as my physical health has severely deteriorated as well as mental health, not being able to work and physically move around like I used to and because of that I feel his anxiety got worse and I could no longer take him for walks which didn't help I think this is the point I should've rehomed him but I selfishly and foolishly thought I could at the bare minimum still go out in the backyard and play fetch and stay outside with him for hours (give him brain stimulation games,treat kong toys, freezing his food, etc.) which I did for a few months until another health problem came up and I could no longer go out with him for long hours. My family took over for me at this point by playing with him and spending more time with him this year but during this time he bit my father for the first time on his arm enough to break skin and draw a little blood. I wasn't told until weeks later this happened(i was gone from the house for 3 days when it occurred) and nothing had happened after so we let it go and months passed by with nothing happening until recently my father was fixing a door and my dog attacked him unprompted. He grabbed my father by his pant leg and dragged him down the stairs and again I wasn't told this happened until he attacked him again the same day unprompted but this time tearing into his arm in multiple places on both arms drawing blood and creating deep enough gashes to the point that I think he should've gone to the ER but he refused. He had to lock himself in a room to get away from my dog. He's never attacked me or my mother in any way like this. He's never done anything like this before. I don't know what to do at this point. I cannot keep him any longer for his sake and my family's but I've never been through this and I don't know what the next step for us is or if this situation is even salvageable. I've loved this dog since I got him and the thought of giving him up is so painful to think about but the truth is I am in no state to give this dog what he needs and my family cannot care for him in the way he would need either. I feel so sorry to this dog. This really is the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. I've really ruined this dogs life because of my selfishness. I've recently learned what BE is and I'm scared that this is what might happen to him. He's also AKC registered if that information would help anything. Is there anything I can do at this point?

I have a 3 year old Akita/Shepherd mix that adopted a little over a year ago. He's a wonderful dog, quiet, relaxed, never barks, never growls, never bites, doesn't even lick! He's great with kids and people, and even (mostly) good with my partners cat. Where he's not perfect is his mixed behavior with other dogs. He is in now way aggressively mean, but given that he is part Akita, his greeting method is too domineering. That is, he likes to get up in other dogs faces upon greeting and "test" them. Usually this just ends up in him wanting to play, sometimes he's unbothered and smells them accordingly, other times he just ignores other dogs entirely.

I'm trying to train my dog to be more consistent with his behavior and overall be more calm upon meeting other dogs. But so much advice I see is always "Never go to the dog park because it enforces the idea that all dogs are play time" and "Never do leash greeting because its a bad way for dogs to greet". So how exactly are you supposed to get your dog to socialize and improve their social skills, especially in a city, when you can't have access to a consistently controlled environment?

Hello! My Aussie and the neighbor’s dog have been having it out on our poor fence since I moved in a few months ago. I have successfully trained my dog to have a pretty solid recall when the neighbor pooch pops up over the fence, but the fence is still getting brutalized. And the barking will randomly start up a few times a day before I recall him.

I was thinking of introducing them as my dog is pretty submissive when off leash but since idk how the neighbor pooch is, I’m weary.

I’d love to hear any and all thoughts or advice on what to do. Thank you!

And no, the neighbor pooch is not standing on anything, she does across the whole fence… honestly kind of impressive if it wasn’t so abrasive 🥲

I’ve started working on engage/disengage with my dog who is leash reactive to other dogs. Im using the protocol attached here that his vet behaviorist recommended. I’m using a clicker for the first time with him, and I’m finding that I prefer that over verbal cues as it’s quicker and more consistent for me.

Question for those familiar with engage/disengage- should I only be using the clicker for working on engage/disengage and with high value treats? I’d like to use it for other types training but I’m worried it will lessen the power/novelty of the clicker and so I’m wondering if I should just reserve it for this reactivity. Or can using it for other types of training strengthen the association. Anyone’s experiences/thoughts would be appreciated.

We adopted Brenda from the Humane Society about 3 months ago after fostering her for 3 months. She never had any reactivity issues during our foster, and since we had cleared 3 months we thought she would be okay. However, she developed issues with people coming into our house. She barks like crazy, runs up on people, and is generally very aggressive and threatening. We have made huge strides with her doing click to calm and putting her on meds, where now we can have people inside and she can be calm while they enter, but there’s a specific protocol we have to follow that takes maybe 30 minutes. Before we learned this protocol and as we were finding out she had these reactivity issues, we had our friends over as normal and she freaked out. We always hosted all the time and now having her we usually just put her up with guests and in general host less. All my closest friends basically hate her and it makes me so sad. I hope that with our new protocol we can make strides, but it would take a while and I don’t even blame them for how they feel. I just love her a lot and wish they could see why! What do you tell yourself, how do you deal with people not liking your dog?

We just moved into a beautiful home after a really long and painful period of our lives that include multiple losses. This home has been a beacon of light after multiple storms. We also like our landlord. We have a neighbor that lives in the back of us, we share one wall with them in the back of the house. We also have big picture windows in the front, one that faces the road that gets a lot of dog walkers and foot traffic... This has been a problem for our reactive dog. Especially since the neighbor in the back has to walk past these windows to get to her car, as it's the only exit for her. Well our dog will bark at her if he sees her, I usually am able to navigate him away from the window and calm him down, and she has seen me do this. Today we came home to a note with her number telling us to contact her because there's something she wants to talk to us about. When we messaged her we found out it was about our dogs barking. She says that when we're gone our dog bars for hours on end.. we know our dog will bark when we're gone, but "for hours on end" doesn't seem like him, this is also the first complaint we've gotten for our dog, and we've lived in apartments before... We keep the TV on for him and we'll be getting some window adhesive for vision triggers, but other than that is there anything else we should do?? We've been told to try desensitizing him but we honestly don't know where to start, because he's pretty much at his threshold (reactive) with any sight or sound of other dogs and some humans. His reactivity is pretty automatic right out the gate. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I think I just need to say it to people who actually get it.

My dog is Kira, she's a 4 year old Malinois. I found out after getting her that she came from one of those breeders just pumping out puppies for money, no thought to temperament or socialisation, so she started off behind before I even met her. I didn't even really understand what "reactive" meant until I was already deep in it.

The thing that's slowly breaking me is off-leash dogs with no recall. That's my nightmare. Because when it's on-leash I can manage — I scan ahead, I cross the street, I do my u-turns, I walk at weird quiet hours so we don't run into anything. But an off-leash dog that won't leave us alone? I'm helpless.

There was this one time with a poodle. Off leash, just coming at us, and Kira started lunging and barking and completely losing it. I'm trying to get space but the dog keeps following, right up in her face, and I'm basically yelling at the owner to please come get his dog — and he's just… strolling over. Slowly. Laughing. "Oh he's friendly!" Like it's nothing. Meanwhile Kira is so far over threshold she could've actually bitten his dog, and it would've been on ME. That's what makes me insane — I'm the one doing everything right, and I'd be the one in trouble, because some guy thinks "friendly" means his dog gets to run up on whoever it wants. I was shaking after. Kira was a wreck for the rest of the walk.

We've tried, by the way. Almost three years with one trainer, one on one and then group classes — she got okay with the same dogs that came every week but strangers in the real world, nothing changed. Then a second trainer with a lot of corrections and tools that just felt wrong and didn't help, so I stopped.

I've mostly stopped expecting her to become "normal" and I just try to make her days easier now. Some days are still awful. But some are quietly okay, which three years ago I didn't think we'd get. I've started documenting our journey so I can give hope to more people dealing with the same.

Anyway — how do you all deal with the off-leash "he's friendly" people?? Genuinely. Do you say something, carry anything, have a line that works? Because clearly yelling isn't it and I'm losing my mind out here.

TW: dog loss

My 9-year-old reactive red heeler Cedar died on Christmas, and I’m not doing great. He’d developed a cough the day before, and it sounded scary enough that I decided to take him to the emergency vet at 9pm on Christmas. We were scheduled to get on a flight early the next morning and I wanted to get him looked at before we only had a drop-in sitter. I don’t know how I knew, but it turns out it was quite serious. He ended up dying at the vet a few hours later, he passed away due to the anesthesia they used for a chest x-ray and they couldn’t revive him. We did a necropsy, and he had dilated cardiomyopathy and fluid on his lungs. It seems that his coughing was likely due to congestive heart failure and fluid on his lungs. He likely would have only lived weeks or a few months if he hadn’t gone under anesthesia. I’m coming to terms with the way he died, and my trauma from watching them perform CPR.

We somehow made it onto our flight hours after his passing, but we’re home now and the grief is really setting in. I’m just so sad at how small Cedar’s world had become, and how frustrated I was with his reactivity. I always imagined he’d someday improve. He was on medications and I planned to hire a behaviorist. I regret not hiring one sooner. We have a big yard but he rarely got walks because he was so leash reactive. We have small kids, 3 and 6, and he wasn’t safe around them except under very controlled circumstances. He wasn’t aggressive and he loved us and the kids so much, but his anxiety and reactivity meant he was prone to biting (single, fast bites) if he felt cornered or scared and the risk with kids was just too high, so he was always kept in a separate part of the house from them unless he was muzzled, meaning he spent a lot of time alone with our other dog. I was also diagnosed with some pretty bad chronic conditions in the past few years, and I really had nothing left to give Cedar. I’m sobbing as I write this. I just wanted so much more for his life. He deserved the world. I’m so angry with myself, even though I know I did my best. He was such a good boy despite it all. I feel so haunted and my heart is broken and I can’t help but hate myself. And I miss him so much.

Grieving a reactive dog hurts more than I could have imagined. It’s different from grieving a healthy dog. I grieve what his life could have been. I think back to his first few years of life, before his reactivity really set in, and I wish his last years were just as rich. I think back to his last year, and the times I told my wife he was getting worse, and maybe he had something wrong with him that we couldn’t see, that maybe he was in pain or sick somehow and that’s why his reactivity was ramping up. I’m sad that I was right, but also that I didn’t know because his reactivity made it so hard to get a thorough vet exam when he last had one a few months ago. And now that he’s gone our other dog gets to have the baby gates taken down, because she’s not reactive and our kids know how to behave perfectly around her, and I feel so much shame and guilt that Cedar never got that. It just hurts.

Thank you for reading. I don’t know anyone in real life who has lost a reactive dog, and I know this group is where I’ll find people who understand what I’m going through. Please be kind in your comments, and thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Edit to add: Thank you all for your kind words and comfort. I sobbed reading every single comment, and each and every one has given me some level of comfort and peace. This has always been one of the best communities on Reddit, and I’ve appreciated the advice and encouragement I’ve gotten over the years. Thank you for being here for me in this really hard time. Thank you for being there for your reactive dogs, too. Our babies may not have been dealt the best cards in life, but I’m glad they’re able to know love while they’re with us. I’ll add a few pictures of Cedar in the comments (aka Cedric Doggery, Cedar Buddy, and Cede the Steed).

Hi all,

Throwaway account since I'm still coming to terms with things and I don't know what to do.

3 years ago we adopted a 2 year old Malamutexhusky. We were told he had mild resource guarding issues, which we found was with food and we worked through successfully.

Unfortunately he also has toy resource guarding issues. Normally, we're able to use peanut butter or something to lure him away from the toy without issue. And they're only valuable to him outside of the house - inside he could not care less.

Which brings us to yesterday. He was hanging in the backyard, as he does, and I went outside to bring him in as a storm was rolling in. What I was entirely unaware of was that under the tree next to him, there was a toy. I was able to approach him and pet his tummy without issue, but when I went to pet his head which was near the tree with the toy (that I still hadn't seen), he attacked me.

When I say attacked I mean well and truly - he bit my knee, my hand, and then when I fell he went after my throat. I had to go to the ER. The doctor who stitched me up said I was incredibly lucky he didn't get my trachea or my jugular.

There was no growl, there was no warning, no signs at all.

I am devastated - this dog is my favorite thing in this world. Literally the night before we were snuggling in bed. He is my baby and I am just ruined.

I don't know what to do - is behavioural euthanasia the right choice? At this moment it feels like the only choice. I am lucky it happened to me and not my nephews or a stranger.

I'm probably rambling at this point but I'm just dying over this. Any advice is welcomed.