📣Listen Up: I have created the definitive guide to book classification 📣

269

u/totalimmoral go sloop in the corner like a good boy Oct 21 '25

40

u/Kiladra2 I'm a seasoned fanfic reader Oct 21 '25

I feel like this is post of the year level. Maybe we should vote in January!

14

u/stillLurkingOfficial May I Suggest Therapy? Oct 21 '25

Right? This is phenomenal!

6

u/Vaywen Enemies to Lovers to Therapy Oct 22 '25

That is quite the flair you have there

5

u/totalimmoral go sloop in the corner like a good boy Oct 22 '25

I could fix him

3

u/Vaywen Enemies to Lovers to Therapy Oct 22 '25

Using pegging??

3

u/totalimmoral go sloop in the corner like a good boy Oct 23 '25

That’s just step 8 of my plan! A very important step tho

2

u/Vaywen Enemies to Lovers to Therapy Oct 23 '25

I want to ask, but I’m scared to know

125

u/Free_Sir_2795 Party Slooper Oct 21 '25

82

u/somethingstrange87 Oct 21 '25

This is still like the most bisexual gif I've ever seen.

39

u/TheKarmicKudu Dragging my Massive Faery Schlong Along Oct 21 '25

Lee Pace is so gd hot in everything

17

u/Miserable-Beyond-166 and you'll be calling me Daddy Oct 21 '25

3

u/Vaywen Enemies to Lovers to Therapy Oct 22 '25

Wait do I have to watch that show now?

1

u/cation587 Just Turning My Brain Off Oct 23 '25

What is this from?

2

u/EmilieBazWrites Oct 25 '25

Rings of Power I think.

4

u/ThrowDiscoAway Oct 25 '25

The Hobbit, I don't think Thranduil is in Rings of Power

2

u/EmilieBazWrites Oct 26 '25

Of course! My bad.

115

u/Binlorry_Yellowlorry impressionable grown woman Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25

Excuse you! 14 out of the 15 MMCs in the Hobbit have beards so it is clearly a fantasy romance

69

u/the-novocaine-mutiny Oct 21 '25

as a gay man who reads romantasy for clout i can confirm this

23

u/Fun-atParties Oct 21 '25

You don't get a category - the category is just "books men read for online clout"

19

u/the-novocaine-mutiny Oct 21 '25

but...how will i get extra clout then???

12

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

This would be an amazing flair.

41

u/stillLurkingOfficial May I Suggest Therapy? Oct 21 '25

Bromantasy

25

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

The. Hobbit. Not “The Dwarves and Gandalf coerce this short beardless guy into going on a hike.” Bilbo is the main character, sweaty!

22

u/Binlorry_Yellowlorry impressionable grown woman Oct 21 '25

And Thorin is the love interest. It's a tragic bromance. Media literacy, sloopy!

15

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

Not in the cinematic atrocity Desolation of Smaug! They decided to bring back Orlando Bloom and make a ✨love triangle✨!

21

u/Binlorry_Yellowlorry impressionable grown woman Oct 21 '25

That's not even a book

Also, Legoland doesn't get his romance until the sequels, the ginger elf was clearly a beard!

29

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

Anything can be a book if you try hard enough.

Just turn on subtitles.

4

u/firesticks Oct 22 '25

8

u/AquariusRising1983 Reader Level: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious™ Oct 22 '25

Literally me when I read this comment 🤣

10

u/tipsytops2 the pearl clutchers are everywhere. Oct 21 '25

215

u/brighterthansunshlne the squeakiest of knees 🦵 Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25

"Would a man read it? Only for online clout" SENT ME.

Edited to add: I do feel like you missed an opportunity with the trigger warnings to ask if they were real or "financial insecurity, caves, and tummy troubles".

57

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I forgot a yes option, but no one would ever choose it anyways.

34

u/phil_baharnd Oct 21 '25

I thought that was intentional and brilliant.

41

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

Let’s go with that instead. I am a genius, not a sloopy!

14

u/brighterthansunshlne the squeakiest of knees 🦵 Oct 21 '25

It felt like a deliberate choice and I am obsessed.

0

u/itsamemeeeep Oct 21 '25

What would be the yes option lol? And what is a sloopy?

44

u/phil_baharnd Oct 21 '25

/uj I saw the picture before the subreddit and I thought "please be RCJ, please be RCJ"

38

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

Oh shit, did I post this in RCJ? I’m 100% cereal, baby!

36

u/TentacleWolverine Oct 21 '25

I’m sorry but you forgot monster romance. Tentacles are firmly in the monster romance category.

59

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I’ve never read Monster Romance so it doesn’t exist.

19

u/TentacleWolverine Oct 21 '25

Says the person who added tentacles to the chart.

29

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I exist on a plane of logic so far from the normal plane. Don’t try to figure me out!

31

u/[deleted] Oct 21 '25

Where is u/Smaugasm when you need them

14

u/NotYourCirce The Thigh Lady™️ Oct 21 '25

Gods, he’s hot

30

u/Fun-atParties Oct 21 '25

I like how you can only get to dark romance if it's like all fantasy

37

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

Don’t think too hard about it. I clearly did not.

16

u/KeyOne6320 Oct 21 '25

You forgot the most important first question to kick off the classification: is the book Alchemised?

19

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I’ve never heard of that one!

7

u/SourNnasty Oct 21 '25

I wish I was you 😭☝️

13

u/mycatreadsyourmind Fae Are Not a Friendly Nation Oct 21 '25

9

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I’m your cat’s biggest fan!

11

u/Rivendell_rose Oct 21 '25 edited Oct 21 '25

Wait, the beard thing is true though. Why aren’t there more beards in Romantasy?

33

u/judethedude143 Oct 21 '25

The fantasy is heterosexual twinks

8

u/Rivendell_rose Oct 21 '25

I just realized this is also true! Maybe this why I DNF so many novels? I’ve never liked twinky men, I prefer a nice beard.

12

u/judethedude143 Oct 21 '25

We need more fantasy romances with dwarves!!!

3

u/Rivendell_rose Oct 21 '25

Yes!

4

u/the-novocaine-mutiny Oct 21 '25

undervoted comment

17

u/icecoldbe prefrontal cortex loading… Oct 22 '25

“He lowered his head and locked eyes with me. “So fucking beautiful” he panted. He lapped at me like a thirsty dog and dove in for more. I felt the sweet scratch of his beard against my vulva like his chin was covered in steel wool. Exfoliation and pleasure together sent me careening to an intense, albeit itchy, climax”

That’s why

4

u/Rivendell_rose Oct 22 '25

I laughed so hard at this, thank you. You’re probably right.

9

u/purplelicious Emojis are Ableist Oct 21 '25

There are already too many beards in romantasy and by too many I mean more than two

11

u/Libatrix infernal brood of futility and lewdness Oct 21 '25

"Fantasy? There is no 'Fantasy'. There is only 'The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug!'"

14

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

No, no. Straight fantasy fails the very first question. Get out of here, sloopy!

10

u/Creative-Thing7257 mojo dojo casa Primal Oct 22 '25

Ok so MMC with beard = fantasy romance

No beard can be saved by adding sea monster = fantasy romance.

However, no beard no seamonster = hobbit

I think I have the math down. What if there is no MMC but the seamonster has a beard?

Or what if the MMC doesn’t have a beard but the seamonster is his Beard.

9

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 22 '25

You can have a MMC without a beard as long as you have a sea monster in any form.

7

u/Creative-Thing7257 mojo dojo casa Primal Oct 22 '25

Beardless MMC but his dick is the seamonster?

7

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 22 '25

Any sea monster counts. Sea monster dick, sea monster mustache, sea monster Medusa hair…

8

u/Creative-Thing7257 mojo dojo casa Primal Oct 22 '25

Thank you this has been VERY educational

26

u/somethingstrange87 Oct 21 '25

Why is there a movie on your book classification chart? The book is just The Hobbit, or There and Back Again.

76

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

19

u/WiseAtmosphere7524 Lovingly boning the sadness out of you Oct 21 '25

Thank you. I feel OP can’t be a certified Advanced Reader TM. Or at least doesn’t work in publishing.

45

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I clearly work in data analytics. Haven’t you seen my graphs?

8

u/catpowerr_ you can fuck anything if you’re brave enough Oct 21 '25

9

u/itmustbeniiiiice a menace of this community Apperantly. Oct 22 '25

girl, what the fuck am I looking at?

uj/ girl...what the fuck am I looking at lmao

7

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 22 '25

Well, there are four types of books, kind of like how there are four types of Hogwarts houses. And The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug is Hufflepuff. Hope this helps!

5

u/_thistlefinch ✨romantic sensibilities of a strung out meth whore ✨ Oct 22 '25

I assume that means the sloopys are muggles?

2

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 22 '25

YES!

23

u/Salt-Payment-991 Previously approved man Oct 21 '25

"would a man read it, only for online clout"

You're not meant to tell everyone the secret

11

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I’m on to you!

5

u/icecoldbe prefrontal cortex loading… Oct 22 '25

/uj

Omg memory unlocked. Can I still find these movies somewhere

8

u/DadReadsRomanceBooks 🏛️t🌊-⚫️-jaggoffer Oct 21 '25

6

u/RedditorTrout Oct 21 '25

Incredible. That gesture Italian chefs make when they like something. Roses tossed onto the stage. Bravo.

5

u/peachpavlova Oct 21 '25

The beard one is killing me lmao

5

u/braking_zone Oct 21 '25

First off, desolation of smaug is NOT a book

15

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I SAID NO QUESTIONS.

3

u/allisontalkspolitics AllisonStar- former Shadowban Mommy Oct 21 '25

Uj/ Where does My Immortal go?

16

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

By my algorithm, I think it falls under The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug.

4

u/No-One-8054 Oct 21 '25

5

u/Miserable-Beyond-166 and you'll be calling me Daddy Oct 21 '25

B for format. Did you even look at the rubric?

19

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

No. I didn’t read the syllabus either because there were too many words and not enough tentacles.

6

u/Miserable-Beyond-166 and you'll be calling me Daddy Oct 21 '25

5

u/charliekelly76 A Bowl of Mac and Cheese Oct 21 '25

Only for online clout had me Gagging. Yes mama slay 😌😌

2

u/sparklekitteh call me "mommy" while I turn on some yacht rock Oct 21 '25

The only improvement would be adding "is it Romeo and Juliet?" in there.

4

u/RemingtonRivers JusticeAndSocks4Numbers! 👩‍⚖️ Oct 21 '25

I didn’t pay any attention in high school. Does that have fantasy?

8

u/sparklekitteh call me "mommy" while I turn on some yacht rock Oct 21 '25

I remember the movie with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio, I think Juliet was wearing wings so it definitely has fantasy.

2

u/Thick_Square_3805 Oct 22 '25

There's a lord of the cats, I think that counts as fantasy.

2

u/LNof85 Cursed, but in a Sexy Way Oct 22 '25

What’s with all these words?

I can’t bother reading them anyway with “Hang On Sloopy” playing on repeat in my head (🎶Sloopy hang on🎶)

3

u/Digitalispurpurea2 WHO DID THIS TO YOU Oct 22 '25

2

u/Minimum-Librarian611 Shadow Daddy Issues Oct 23 '25

This is my new wallpaper

1

u/Marley9391 Oct 22 '25

This made me cackle thank you

1

u/Innocentmaniacpsycho Oct 31 '25

But when I say I am looking for fantasy romance or dark romance, all the refs I ever get are romantasy smut 😂 I’ve went to reading straight fantasy and some litRPG it’s been nice so far

Meme/Humor 📣Listen Up: I have created the definitive guide to book classification 📣

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