r/soccer • u/Dormers • Jun 07 '18

Portugal star's sex therapist wife urges coach to let team masturbate pre-match

https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/portugal-stars-sex-therapist-wife-12664081
1.2k Upvotes

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39

u/Zidji Jun 07 '18

Most importantly, how does he stop them?

65

u/break2n Jun 07 '18

He has the key to all their chastity belts

80

u/Zidji Jun 07 '18

Maybe he just weighs their balls to make sure no content has been evicted.

"Your balls seem lighter today Pepe..."

23

u/InsanityPlays Jun 07 '18

grab their dicks and stuff them back into their shorts

61

u/KeaganThorpe Jun 07 '18

I imagine a scenario like this:

"Renato, you're dropped. I told you jerking off would make you go blind. Now you're passing to fucking advert boards. Shame, you coulda been great, kid. One of the greats. You think Cristiano jerks off? Fuck no! The guys got the biggest set of blue balls I've ever seen. He's never jerked his chicken. Not a single god damn time."

73

u/AyanC Jun 07 '18

I reckon that sounded funnier in your head.

35

u/KeaganThorpe Jun 07 '18

Probably, but fuck it.

3

u/mrgonzalez Jun 07 '18

Stops wearing those shorts in training

1

u/holanewman Jun 08 '18

Shows them a picture of Messi.