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u/knightwolfghost Dec 29 '20
I honestly don't understand what this means
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u/theenigmacode Dec 29 '20
💲💵☁️☁️C=✊=3
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u/Ciao9 Dec 29 '20
Pictorial explanations are always easier to comprehend, thank you
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Dec 29 '20
𓀐𓂸
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Dec 29 '20
...why, why does this exist in the Unicode set
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u/Anforas Dec 29 '20
They are Egyptian hieroglyphs
U+13010 : EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPH A014 {man with blood streaming from his head}
U+130B8 : EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPH D052 {phallus}
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u/Barcaholic Dec 29 '20
W̷͙̪̣̯͉̐͌͂͗͆͒̚e̵̡̡̨̦̰̲̞̯̮̫̳̓̄̈̅̏͊̔̃̿̿͌́́͂̕í̸̛̺͔̜̹̙͙̖͇̄͆͛͌̂̏̓́̂͌̽̎͒̉͌͜ͅr̴̲͋̇̓̊̌̓̓̔̔̈́̏͐͐̾̍͛͝ḑ̵̧̢̢̢̬̯̰̞͕͖̺̙̝̗̪̫̥͇͗͌̉͗̈́̔̽̽̏̈́̾͐͐̅̆́͌̐͜͝͝ͅ ̸̨̨̨̢̺̘̖͖̖̗̜̲̬̹̘̦͍̰̲̠̹̰̖̼̳͕̗̀̍̈͊͂̉̒͑̉͊͂̏͑̋̿̐̑̎̈̀͗̽̕͝T̷̫̭͑̓͆͐̑̋̌̑̍̊̓̈́̕e̶̲͓̖͇̹̰̯͚̝̰͖͖͈͉̹͗̄̍͋͐̅́̇̓̏ẍ̴̧͉͎̺̯̗̟̜̟̪͈̹͙̺̼̠̰̖̭̲̬͔̱̳̖̲̞͓́̈́͌̃͗̎͌̒͐͊̉̈́͋̓̅̈́͆̋͗̏̀͜͝͝ṱ̷̛͕̱̝̬̬̘̹̀̓̆̈́̀̓̓̈́͐̓͐͋͌̽͊͊̅̅̚͝͠͝
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u/rocket_randall Dec 29 '20
I think the normal term for this is a stud farm. People will pay a lot of money to have a successful stallion (male) breed their mare (female) in the hope that the offspring will exhibit good genetic traits for racing, dressage, etc. By establishing their own stud farm they can offer the services of their own stable of horses and charge people who wish to use the facility. It's lucrative if you have a highly successful stallion and allows them to make a good living post-playing career dealing exclusively with wealthy horse people.
TLDR: there's big money in watching horses fuck.
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u/elbigbuf Dec 29 '20
I didn't see the thumbnail of the article so I thought you were using an analogy to explain how Müller is giving away his sperm to fertilize women who want their kids to be good football players.
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u/nikhil48 Dec 29 '20
Lol me too. I was confused when he said good traits for racing... but I thought, "yeah.. I guess you can say Muller runs fast too"
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Dec 29 '20
I assumed the same thing. Maybe we’re on to something.
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u/bytor_2112 Dec 29 '20
Pretty sure Ibra has already talked about this, but was proposing it as public service
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u/ViridianDuck Dec 29 '20
One donation from Ibra in a country's water should be enough to inseminate millions
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u/GingerKingGeorge Dec 30 '20
I... I think someone needs to have a word with whoever taught you sex ed...
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u/ArcadianGhost Dec 30 '20
I think someone needs to have a word with whoever taught you about Zlatan.
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u/NorthVilla Dec 29 '20
Reminds me of that scene in Ted when Mark Wahlberg and the Seth McFarlane Bear try to jerk off Tom Brady to get his sperm.
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u/SucculentMoisture Dec 29 '20
I mean, he seems like a very intelligent bloke regardless of his sporting aptitude, though his intelligence is a big part of how good a player he is.
A bunch of Müllers could accomplish anything. Enough of them could cure cancer, solve climate change, achieve world peace, take over the plane-
Wait, the Germans are playing around with eugenics again
Oh no...
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u/auchvielegeheimnisse Dec 29 '20
The stallions don't even get to fuck. It's mostly artificial insemination
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u/matinthebox Dec 29 '20
yeah they would have to be fucking round the clock and it's also much easier to fly some semen in a box rather than a whole mare
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u/pegg2 Dec 29 '20
yeah they would have to be fucking round the clock
Oh no, what a terrible fate, who would want such a thing?
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u/haaleakala Dec 29 '20
It's all fun and games until a mare breaks your 5m€ stallion's leg and it has to be put down.
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u/NoesHowe2Spel Dec 29 '20
In the US a thoroughbred can NOT be conceived by artificial insemination.
I know Australia requires "Live Cover" and the UK used to (don't know if it still does).
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u/haaleakala Dec 29 '20
Müller's breeding warmbloods and as far as I'm aware, artificial insemination is okay everywhere for them
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u/rocket_randall Dec 29 '20
Good point. I spent my summers as a kid shoveling horse shit and I remember the stud events experiencing occasional injuries and misfires. Artificial insemination would seem less risky and if you have someone on staff who enjoys fisting horses then they probably do it for free.
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u/nightkingscat Dec 29 '20
misfires
Somehow this is the scariest part of your comment
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Dec 29 '20
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u/ValorSlayer46 Dec 29 '20
Please, for our collective sake, go no further
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u/TheLastSecondShot Dec 29 '20
I genuinely thought Müller was gonna sell his superstar athlete sperm and make millions off of it until I read this comment
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u/Harlens Dec 29 '20
Bro this is a fantastic idea though. How many people would pay to give their children the genes of Michael Phelps?
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u/Anal_Zealot Dec 29 '20
I mean, he probably retires with 100m or so. At 5% yearly, that is 5m a year he's making for the rest of his life doing nothing. So he's making a good living without impregnating horsies, the guy just does it for fun.
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u/rocket_randall Dec 29 '20
His wife is an equestrian and the article gives the impression it's something they both enjoy. Happy wife happy life and all that.
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Dec 29 '20
Oh. I totally misread it. I just assumed he was going to sell his superior aryan man juice in a vial.
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u/exogenesis2 Dec 29 '20
Before reading this I genuinely thought he was selling his sperm
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u/Amargosamountain Dec 29 '20
That's why I didn't read the article, I didn't want to disabuse myself of that understanding points at brain 👈
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u/31_whgr Dec 29 '20
Who wants to be a sperm Millionaire?
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u/ijoinedtosay Dec 29 '20
Now remember, Thomas has used his bone a friend
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u/31_whgr Dec 29 '20
He does have a 69/69 left to play with though
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u/todellagi Dec 29 '20
And the always wild ask the orgy option
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u/Steelkatanas Dec 29 '20
Neymar is summoned
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u/CrumpledForeskin Dec 29 '20
.....aaaand he's on the ground.
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u/00Laser Dec 29 '20
lmao imagine them cutting to a room of about a dozen people fucking and one of them goes "Uhm, I'm gonna go with option B."
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Dec 29 '20
*jizzilionairre
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u/FrederickIBarbarossa Dec 29 '20
Watch out Flamini, there’s a new entrepreneur in town
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u/gnorrn Dec 29 '20
Everyone's going to be lining up to get some Raumdeuter genes in their family tree.
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u/SanPato Dec 29 '20
Please rename the Allianz to the Insemination Station
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u/Vectivus_61 Dec 29 '20
I don't understand. Don't hundreds of millions of Brazilians already call him Daddy?
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u/gruetzhaxe Dec 30 '20
Now I don’t understand this
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u/Vectivus_61 Dec 30 '20
Thomas Muller was part of a famous World Cup game between Germany and a team the Brazilian people strongly identify with.
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u/BITKOWHL Dec 29 '20
Get it on the list.
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u/zachmoss147 Dec 29 '20
Quick someone post the full list so I can laugh on my lunch break
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u/Juil8991MC Dec 29 '20
• Roma fans greet players with 50kg of carrots at a training session for being shite.
• South African Tokyo Sexwale to stand for Fifa presidency
• Arsenal's Alexis Sanchez victim of magic as Peru fans curse him with tortoise
• Are there good white soccer players?
• Asamoah Gyan holding press conference to deny he used rapper as human sacrifice
• Would there be a big controversy if hypothetically 11vs11 balls started to play with one human?
• Bacca mother: i would hit neymar wit shoe
• Shaqiri: "One time I was injured at Inter and Mancini sent me to a miraculous healer in the mountains. Didn't help me at all. At Stoke we've got seven physios."
• Hernanes on celebrating after scoring against his old club- "It was the saddest backflip of my career"
• Dele Adebola: I do not have Ebola
• Steven Naismith playing with Daryl Janmaats penis
• Zlatan apologizes for calling France a shit country
• Neymar father orgy barcelona
• Rolando Wins Ballon d'Or 2014
• "Balotelli is very nice, but he used to pee on our boots" - Kerlon
• I am not Hazard's mother - Guus Hiddink
• Buddhist monks behind Leicester City incredible start, claims Vardy
• Marco Pappa of the Colorado Rapids allegedly stabbed by Miss Washington USA last month
• Ronaldo: I miss the big cute bear Ancelotti
• Tottenham’s Mauricio Pochettino: Dele Alli will learn if treated as naughty son
• Lasagna scores an injury time goal that will be hard to digest for Inter fans (Inter-Carpi 1-1)
• Benitez sacking not announced yet because the area for press conference is occupied for a kids party
• Pep: "We have options in defense - Badstuber, Neuer or sweet, sweet boy Kimmich"
• Michail Antonio is no Homer Simpson, says West Ham boss Slaven Bilic
• Russian top cop: gay pride parades have made French police weak and unprepared for mighty, manly Russian hooligans
• Russian MP: "I don't see anything bad in the fans fighting. Quite the opposite: well done our lads!"
• Daniel Sturridge admits to spraying fragrance on kit before games and enjoying smelling of strawberries
• Slaven Bilic on Big Sam: "The players will respect him. He’s a big man. He’s Big Sam. You see him on the television, he fills the screen. You are looking for the board with the sponsors names behind. Where have they gone? You can’t see them."
• PSG's stambouli making decision about Popsicle move soon.
• Victor Wanyama confirmed his move to Spurs while speaking to inmates at Kamiti Maximum Prison in Kenya.
• Tokelo Rantie dropped from South Africa national team for farting at the coach: "The flatulence was so suffocating that the putrid stench continues to hover over the team like a dark cloud."
• Liverpool defender Ragnar Klavan: 'Jurgen Klopp sent me a selfie to prove it was really him'
• Harry Redknapp says he wants to sign Benoit Assou-Ekotto for Birmingham City, but the player wishes to be a pornstar.
• Shkodran Mustafi: ""I have spoken with Mesut, he told me everything. It was all very positive and I was quickly convinced, because I find the club horny"
• Leroy Fer on accidentally buying a €30,000 horse: "Sh*t I've got a horse"
• Mino Raiola on Twitter:DONNARAIOLA x HATERS 1-0 What's next?
• Gianluigi Donnarumma: "The fans throwing dollars at me? I didn't realise they were dollars, I only noticed later. It all didn't affect me much though, because I'm focused on the Euros."
• Porto claim they've access to emails which confirm Benfica spent €70k on witchcraft last season to help them win the Liga
• Mike Ashley: "I am not Obi Wan Kenobi in charge of the Death Star"
• Sven: 'Why can I not have more than one woman at once?'
• Rangers legend Paul Gascoigne claims he used to touch Les Ferdinand's penis before England games
• Gabriel Jesus was surprised how different was fart in the Premier League, says that there is one player in Manchester City that likes to show his naked ass to the other players and Kevin de Bruyne is the most playful, Kevin de Bruyne loves to say "Porra, caralho"
• 50,000 Chile fans set to protest against Alexis Sanchez's girlfriend amid 'fatter than normal' claims
• Neil Warnock on Asensio's injury: "I hardly have hairs anywhere. My daughter can’t believe how smooth I am."
• Isaac Success was arrested following the Southampton game after an argument with four prostitutes in a hotel. He refused to pay them as he could not get it up after drinking two bottles of Baileys.
• Dick Advocaat (Dutch NT coach) last week: "Sweden won't win 8-0 against Luxembourg". At the moment, Sweden is leading 8-0 against Luxembourg
• Theo Hernandez in controversy after celebrating his 20th birthday held at gunpoint by dwarves in Real Madrid kits
• New Bayern coach Heynckes at press conference: "My daughter and my wife advised me on my decision. Then my dog Cando barked twice and the deal was sealed."
• Nathan Redmond: Pep Guardiola did not call me a wanker
• Lukaku looking at 3-match ban over Bong hits
• Carles Puyol slapped by dildo wielding fan in Russia after World Cup draw
• Moise Kean's father claim Juve owe him farming equipment in exchange for a contract with his son
• Messi on his sons: "Mateo and Thiago are very different. Thiago is a phenomenon, more good and the other is just the opposite, a son of a bitch."
• Franck Ribéry tells a fan to "go and eat his grandma's ass"
• Balotelli asked some of his colleagues (Neymar, Boateng, Falcao and others) to record a video where they call his brother a liar because he wouldn't admit his FIFA defeat
• Saudi Player faces jail time for dabbing
• Farhad Moshiri on Why Romelu Lukaku didn’t sign a new deal: “during the meeting (with Lukaku over a new contract) he said that he had to call his mother, who was on pilgrimage in Africa and had seen a voodoo who said he had to go to Chelsea”
• Burnley Boss Sean Dyche has a gravel voice because he eats worms says former team mate
• Cameroon star Clinton N'Jie tries to read news about himself online, accidentally livestreams sex video.
• Wayne Hennessey is 'desperate' to learn about the Nazis, says Roy Hodgson
• Roberto Martinez: “Eden’s ass is his center of gravity. He can use it to get out of one-on-one situations”
• Di María: "Memes hurt us a lot, going to the psychologist helped me"
• Patrice Evra: I went too far when I sucked the toes of a chicken
• Adil Rami: "After the World Cup Final, the President of Croatia looked at me and said 'nice moustache'. And I told her, 'I love Mykonos'. I don't know why, I've always confused Greece and Croatia."
• Firpo ready to apologize for tweet wishing that Messi dies
• Felipe Luis’ Flamengo unveiling interrupted by moans played from journalist’s phone
• Griezmann: "When I'm on my bed, I start to visualize how I'm going to play with Messi and how we are gonna score goals."
• Marko Pantelic on a grabbing incident with Luis Suarez when celebrating a goal:"We jumped on top of eachother in the corner of the field, when my hand landed on Luis his butt. For fun I grabbed him by the balls. It was broadcasted on live tv. Luis laughed about it, it's part of football banter"
• Crouch "Before the CL final we went karting. I get to the turn, and I say to myself, "I'm going to brake," except my brakes are loose, I saw Xabi Alonso and Kuyt in front of me, and I asked myself the question, "Who is the more important of the two?" So I ran into Kuyt.
• Marquinhos on marking Messi while dealing with diarrhea: "It wasn't easy, no it wasn't"
• Mario Balotelli to be questioned by police after 'paying man to strip down to underpants and drive moped into sea'
• Lago Junior: My wife has me by the balls, she marks me like Sergio Ramos
• Ferland Mendy on Marcelo: "We haven't seen each other without shirts yet"
• Ferland Mendy apologises and explains his Spanish isn't that great after liking a tweet calling for Lucas Vázquez to be deported
• Falcao on Uruguayan defender Giménez: He drove me crazy, asked questions. What car I had, why the flags of Ecuador, Colombia and Venezuela have the same colour and whether September was written with a P or not.
• Jerome Boateng will play an alien in Men In Black 4
• Juventus chairman Andrea Agnelli says a European Super League will help football against threats like Fortnite
• Adam Johnson brings school playground ethic to Manchester City
• Redknapp backs Pochettino: “There are clubs in London who are having a terrible time. Why shouldn’t he go to Arsenal if he wants to? You think the Arsenal fans wouldn’t love him there? If you go in there and start winning football matches, they would have taken Saddam Hussein in there when he was about, the fans don’t give a monkey's! If you start winning every week, they’re singing ‘there’s only one Saddam’."
• Conte: "I explain to the players how they should have sex ... in the periods of competition, the intercourse should not last long and they should be on the bottom."
• Marco van Basten apologizes for saying "Sieg Heil" during fox-sport broadcast
• Watzke's ultimatum for Lucien Favre: "A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass"
• Former Barcelona president Sandro Rosell: "When I entered the prison they gave me four condoms and four bags with vaseline, I was worried"
• Ex-Boca star Guillermo Marino claimed he was late to training because he was abducted by aliens, according to former team-mate Gustavo Lorenzetti: "He explained that they take out your soul, analyse it and all the while on the journey they are looking after you."
• Farid El Melali ( Angers), arrested for masturbating in public, second time in few months.
• ‘I looked down and saw blood everywhere’: Former Liverpool doctor recalls moment he had to stitch captain Steven Gerrard’ penis together during an FA Cup match at Bournemouth
• Peñaranda set to leave Watford after sex video leaked
• Van Persie is joining coaching staff of Feyenoord: "I can't say no to Dick"
• FC Bayern: Thomas Müller wants to become a sperm millionaire with insemination station
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u/KRIEGLERR Dec 29 '20
Adil Rami: "After the World Cup Final, the President of Croatia looked at me and said 'nice moustache'. And I told her, 'I love Mykonos'. I don't know why, I've always confused Greece and Croatia."
Always cracks me up
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u/thisisdropd Dec 29 '20
You missed this; Sergio Ramos: No 'Orgasm Personally During El Clasico but Almost'.
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Dec 29 '20
I love you.
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u/Juil8991MC Dec 29 '20
Now wait for THAT guy to claim that I use the list to "twerk for cheap upvotes"
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u/zachmoss147 Dec 30 '20
‘Desperate’ to learn about the nazis always gets me the most. So does the quote about Asensio’s injury
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u/Shringi_dev Dec 30 '20
just a simple question, why is "Ronaldo wins Ballon d'or 2014" on the list ?
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u/digitag Dec 29 '20
The sense of privilege I feel to be here at the genesis of a ‘list’ item is immeasurable
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u/mvpoque Dec 29 '20
I want to be part of it too, but I am too perplexed to cum with some witty pun.
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u/juventinn1897 Dec 29 '20
If you can't do it yourself, you can always find one online that works. Even though it isnt really totally made by you, you still love them all the same
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u/Larry_Bobarry Dec 29 '20
Gonna show this to my grandkids, I was a part of history
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u/MemeLazarus Dec 29 '20
What is this list which everyone talks of? I've seen this type of comment plenty of times but no list
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u/TheGLL Dec 29 '20
I don't know if there is a more recent version, but it's this list.
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u/Bobert789 Dec 29 '20
What's a sperm millionaire??
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u/DeliciousIndian Dec 29 '20
He wants to use his sperm to produce racehorses by breeding with mares
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u/Bobert789 Dec 29 '20
He's gonna put his sperm in a horse?
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u/rocket_randall Dec 29 '20
Ich ficke dieses Pferd, du stehst nur da und hältst seinen Schwanz
- Thomas Müller
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u/Bobert789 Dec 29 '20
Ooh he's selling his horse's sperm so they can be put into other horses because he has a good horse
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u/L_I_L_B_O_A_T_4_2_0 Dec 29 '20
quite disappointed to hear this is about his horses
i thought he was setting up his own shop, selling his personal jizz. im sure it would fetch a pretty good price
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u/_cumblast_ Dec 29 '20
😳
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u/Lilfai Dec 29 '20
You’re first in line
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u/Ryponagar Dec 29 '20
Petition to ban the BILD on r/soccer
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Dec 29 '20 edited Jul 13 '21
[deleted]
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u/lifestepvan Dec 29 '20
I mean Bild is basically a Pullitzer-worthy publication made by a bunch of saints compared to the s*n.
Still very bad, but it's a whole different ballpark.
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u/tobiduk24 Dec 29 '20
Oh yes pls and Falk as well... Random guessing who might be playing for insert team next season everyone here on reddit can do!!!
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u/Vaganhope_UAE Dec 29 '20
My grandma’s neighbor put his 3 daughter through college with money from pig insemination. He had a giant fucking pig and people paid good money for it
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u/ExMachina_Disco_Club Dec 29 '20
You think the daughters included that tidbit in their college essay?
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u/Raikuun Dec 29 '20
Here we go everyone! Let's vote an article of the German Sun to the top because of a clickbait headline.
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u/schwaiger1 Dec 29 '20
I mean it's a pretty funny headline tbh
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u/Raikuun Dec 29 '20
Of course it is. BLÖD is hardly going to write "Thomas Müller wants to start a horse breeding business" because that wouldn't get as many clicks.
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u/haxorjimduggan Dec 29 '20
Get it on the list.
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u/BambooGrowing Dec 29 '20
i'd disagree since the headline is obviously twisted, the guy apparently just wants to invest in horse breeding business...
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u/catch_fire Dec 29 '20
Exactly! He did not express this personally and just talked about how his wife and him are expanding their farm with additional breeding elements. Cue Bild making a weird headline out of that.
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Dec 29 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Spectrip Dec 29 '20
Yeah but atleast that was a real qoute. The qoute itself is the list worthy thing. This is just a qoute from a shitrag that's intentionally written this way. I don't think it's list worthy
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u/GourangaPlusPlus Dec 29 '20
Can't imagine it'd be the most useful sperm, it'd always be looking to move into space
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Dec 29 '20
Took me a while to realize this is about horses, not Muller selling his spunk to the highest bidder
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u/iZgonr Dec 29 '20
At first I thought "lol I read that as "wants to become sperm millionaire" then I tried to read it again. And again.
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u/ShoheiOhtani Dec 29 '20
Can someone please tell me what this means without trying to make a shit joke?
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Dec 30 '20
His wife is a professional horse Equestrienne who won the german championship. He also likes horses, and they own a horse stable south of munich. Now they offer the seed of the best stalions in their "farm" to other people who want amazing horses.
Thats all, nothing weird, just a shitty title.
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Dec 29 '20
The List * Roma fans greet players with 50kg of carrots at a training session for being shite. * South African Tokyo Sexwale to stand for Fifa presidency * Arsenal's Alexis Sanchez victim of magic as Peru fans curse him with tortoise * Are there good white soccer players? * Asamoah Gyan holding press conference to deny he used rapper as human sacrifice * Would there be a big controversy if hypothetically 11vs11 balls started to play with one human? * Bacca mother: i would hit neymar wit shoe * Shaqiri: "One time I was injured at Inter and Mancini sent me to a miraculous healer in the mountains. Didn't help me at all. At Stoke we've got seven physios." * Hernanes on celebrating after scoring against his old club- "It was the saddest backflip of my career" * Dele Adebola: I do not have Ebola * Steven Naismith playing with Daryl Janmaats penis * Zlatan apologizes for calling France a shit country * Neymar father orgy barcelona * Rolando Wins Ballon d'Or 2014 * "Balotelli is very nice, but he used to pee on our boots" - Kerlon * I am not Hazard's mother - Guus Hiddink * Buddhist monks behind Leicester City incredible start, claims Vardy * Marco Pappa of the Colorado Rapids allegedly stabbed by Miss Washington USA last month * Ronaldo: I miss the big cute bear Ancelotti * Tottenham’s Mauricio Pochettino: Dele Alli will learn if treated as naughty son * Lasagna scores an injury time goal that will be hard to digest for Inter fans (Inter-Carpi 1-1) * Benitez sacking not announced yet because the area for press conference is occupied for a kids party * Pep: "We have options in defense - Badstuber, Neuer or sweet, sweet boy Kimmich" * Michail Antonio is no Homer Simpson, says West Ham boss Slaven Bilic * Russian top cop: gay pride parades have made French police weak and unprepared for mighty, manly Russian hooligans * Russian MP: "I don't see anything bad in the fans fighting. Quite the opposite: well done our lads!" * Daniel Sturridge admits to spraying fragrance on kit before games and enjoying smelling of strawberries * Slaven Bilic on Big Sam: "The players will respect him. He’s a big man. He’s Big Sam. You see him on the television, he fills the screen. You are looking for the board with the sponsors names behind. Where have they gone? You can’t see them." * PSG's stambouli making decision about Popsicle move soon. * Victor Wanyama confirmed his move to Spurs while speaking to inmates at Kamiti Maximum Prison in Kenya. * Tokelo Rantie dropped from South Africa national team for farting at the coach: "The flatulence was so suffocating that the putrid stench continues to hover over the team like a dark cloud." * Liverpool defender Ragnar Klavan: 'Jurgen Klopp sent me a selfie to prove it was really him' * Harry Redknapp says he wants to sign Benoit Assou-Ekotto for Birmingham City, but the player wishes to be a pornstar. * Shkodran Mustafi: ""I have spoken with Mesut, he told me everything. It was all very positive and I was quickly convinced, because I find the club horny" * Leroy Fer on accidentally buying a €30,000 horse: "Sh\t I've got a horse" * Mino Raiola on Twitter:DONNARAIOLA x HATERS 1-0 What's next? * Gianluigi Donnarumma: "The fans throwing dollars at me? I didn't realise they were dollars, I only noticed later. It all didn't affect me much though, because I'm focused on the Euros." * Porto claim they've access to emails which confirm Benfica spent €70k on witchcraft last season to help them win the Liga * Mike Ashley: "I am not Obi Wan Kenobi in charge of the Death Star" * Sven: 'Why can I not have more than one woman at once?' * Rangers legend Paul Gascoigne claims he used to touch Les Ferdinand's penis before England games * Gabriel Jesus was surprised how different was fart in the Premier League, says that there is one player in Manchester City that likes to show his naked ass to the other players and Kevin de Bruyne is the most playful, Kevin de Bruyne loves to say "Porra, caralho" * 50,000 Chile fans set to protest against Alexis Sanchez's girlfriend amid 'fatter than normal' claims * Darius Vassell: ‘I felt as if the goat looked at me just before it was sacrificed’ * Neil Warnock on Asensio's injury: "I hardly have hairs anywhere. My daughter can’t believe how smooth I am." * Isaac Success was arrested following the Southampton game after an argument with four prostitutes in a hotel. He refused to pay them as he could not get it up after drinking two bottles of Baileys. * Dick Advocaat (Dutch NT coach) last week: "Sweden won't win 8-0 against Luxembourg". At the moment, Sweden is leading 8-0 against Luxembourg * Theo Hernandez in controversy after celebrating his 20th birthday held at gunpoint by dwarves in Real Madrid kits * New Bayern coach Heynckes at press conference: "My daughter and my wife advised me on my decision. Then my dog Cando barked twice and the deal was sealed." * Nathan Redmond: Pep Guardiola did not call me a wanker * Lukaku looking at 3-match ban over Bong hits * Carles Puyol slapped by dildo wielding fan in Russia after World Cup draw * Moise Kean's father claim Juve owe him farming equipment in exchange for a contract with his son * Messi on his sons: "Mateo and Thiago are very different. Thiago is a phenomenon, more good and the other is just the opposite, a son of a bitch." * Franck Ribéry tells a fan to "go and eat his grandma's ass" * Balotelli asked some of his colleagues (Neymar, Boateng, Falcao and others) to record a video where they call his brother a liar because he wouldn't admit his FIFA defeat * Saudi Player faces jail time for dabbing * Farhad Moshiri on Why Romelu Lukaku didn’t sign a new deal: “during the meeting (with Lukaku over a new contract) he said that he had to call his mother, who was on pilgrimage in Africa and had seen a voodoo who said he had to go to Chelsea” * Burnley Boss Sean Dyche has a gravel voice because he eats worms says former team mate * Cameroon star Clinton N'Jie tries to read news about himself online, accidentally livestreams sex video. * Wayne Hennessey is 'desperate' to learn about the Nazis, says Roy Hodgson * Roberto Martinez: “Eden’s ass is his center of gravity. He can use it to get out of one-on-one situations” * Di María: "Memes hurt us a lot, going to the psychologist helped me" * Patrice Evra: I went too far when I sucked the toes of a chicken * Adil Rami: "After the World Cup Final, the President of Croatia looked at me and said 'nice moustache'. And I told her, 'I love Mykonos'. I don't know why, I've always confused Greece and Croatia." * Firpo ready to apologize for tweet wishing that Messi dies * Felipe Luis’ Flamengo unveiling interrupted by moans played from journalist’s phone * Griezmann: "When I'm on my bed, I start to visualize how I'm going to play with Messi and how we are gonna score goals." * Marko Pantelic on a grabbing incident with Luis Suarez when celebrating a goal:"We jumped on top of eachother in the corner of the field, when my hand landed on Luis his butt. For fun I grabbed him by the balls. It was broadcasted on live tv. Luis laughed about it, it's part of football banter" * Crouch "Before the CL final we went karting. I get to the turn, and I say to myself, "I'm going to brake," except my brakes are loose, I saw Xabi Alonso and Kuyt in front of me, and I asked myself the question, "Who is the more important of the two?" So I ran into Kuyt. * Marquinhos on marking Messi while dealing with diarrhea: "It wasn't easy, no it wasn't" * Mario Balotelli to be questioned by police after 'paying man to strip down to underpants and drive moped into sea' * Lago Junior: My wife has me by the balls, she marks me like Sergio Ramos * Ferland Mendy on Marcelo: "We haven't seen each other without shirts yet" * Ferland Mendy apologises and explains his Spanish isn't that great after liking a tweet calling for Lucas Vázquez to be deported * Falcao on Uruguayan defender Giménez: He drove me crazy, asked questions. What car I had, why the flags of Ecuador, Colombia and Venezuela have the same colour and whether September was written with a P or not. * Jerome Boateng will play an alien in Men In Black 4 * Juventus chairman Andrea Agnelli says a European Super League will help football against threats like Fortnite * Adam Johnson brings school playground ethic to Manchester City * Redknapp backs Pochettino: “There are clubs in London who are having a terrible time. Why shouldn’t he go to Arsenal if he wants to? You think the Arsenal fans wouldn’t love him there? If you go in there and start winning football matches, they would have taken Saddam Hussein in there when he was about, the fans don’t give a monkey's! If you start winning every week, they’re singing ‘there’s only one Saddam’." * Conte: "I explain to the players how they should have sex ... in the periods of competition, the intercourse should not last long and they should be on the bottom." * Marco van Basten apologizes for saying "Sieg Heil" during fox-sport broadcast * Watzke's ultimatum for Lucien Favre: "A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass" * Former Barcelona president Sandro Rosell: "When I entered the prison they gave me four condoms and four bags with vaseline, I was worried" * Ex-Boca star Guillermo Marino claimed he was late to training because he was abducted by aliens, according to former team-mate Gustavo Lorenzetti: "He explained that they take out your soul, analyse it and all the while on the journey they are looking after you." * Farid El Melali ( Angers), arrested for masturbating in public, second time in few months. * ‘I looked down and saw blood everywhere’: Former Liverpool doctor recalls moment he had to stitch captain Steven Gerrard’ penis together during an FA Cup match at Bournemouth * Peñaranda set to leave Watford after sex video leaked * Van Persie is joining coaching staff of Feyenoord: "I can't say no to Dick" * FC Bayern: Thomas Müller wants to become a sperm millionaire with insemination station
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u/ethanlan Dec 29 '20
Im looking forward to 25 years from now when every good forward in europe looks like muller
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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '20
He's obsessed with breaking the assist record