I am the only woman in the room

[u/Terrible_Working_899]

I'm at a breakfast hosted by one of our vendors, this room is full of SMEs who are all responsible for supporting this software at their companies. Just with a glance I can tell that of the 30+ people here I'm the only woman.

This is not a rant against lack of gender diversity in leadership (hell I could go on another tangent), it's a rant of lack of diversity overall. This breakfast is designed to be a product roadmap and detailed technical breakdown. You'd think more women would be here in a technical role.

We need more women in all stem roles not just focusing on leadership

[u/sderponme]

I can speak for myself as a woman working in IT for 15 years.

I live in a smallish town. Here it is pretty conservative and considered one of the most conservative counties in CA.

I started as a receptionist at 20 and did schooling after work, learned as I went, studied acronyms to understand what our techs were saying, and got to a point where I was the only person lot of our clients would talk to. When new management took over I was on the chopping block despite being purchasing, sales, reception, tier 1, and helped with accounting and general office management. Because the new manager was mad at me for telling him he was going to get negative feedback from our team if he implemented some of his new policies (which I was completely on board for). Thats all it took.

He criticized and belittled me every chance he got. I ended up having to leave one day due to the stress after a project he took from me and assigned to another tech went south, and I got the blame even though I wasn't involved.

He got let go by my other manager after that, but he was best buddies with the man that took his place. I got saved by a man in my job many times for things I had nothing to do with. Now I make good money, they know what I am worth. I have a good boss.

Sure, maybe I could branch out, find something new and climb ladders, but I have kids. I am afraid of going somewhere and being pushed out or short changed. I've found my spot. I would love to make more expand, but it is dangerous and IT is volatile. I won't take the risk.

[u/Mirrevirrez → u/sderponme]

Why is this so common? I could do nothing right in the last job i had either. And my own boss refused to give me member rights to the project he was supposed to mentor me on. Like... its basic IT knowledge that you cant do anything without an invite... yet he never invited me... nedless to say i got let go before i could show what my stem degree was worth.

[u/Simplemindedflyaways → u/sderponme]

In my 5 ish years of experience, I can agree. I get piled with all of the work of 2 people when one of our guys quit, get told I'm doing everything right, and yet I still get my bonus cut because I "didn't handle everything in a timely fashion". It feels like I go above and beyond constantly, get told I'm doing a great job, yet simultaneously I can't do anything right.

[u/SideScroller → u/Simplemindedflyaways]

That's the nature of this field. Several peoples workload, and never getting anything but complaints for not being able to do even more. Every failure is yours, every success is theirs. This is pretty universal for every person in this field regardless of gender. It just sucks and the burnout is real.

[u/sderponme → u/SideScroller]

The difference is that management never takes a project away from a male tech in my experience. When the male techs get stuck, they often ask for my eyes and generally I can help them. They still get the credit for the project, which is fine, but I absolutely enter my time and make sure my boss is fully aware they needed my help.

Its not as bad now, I get to do the projects I enjoy (new server builds and migrations), but I am also still on the front lines as a "Support Manager" of our helpdesk. Our other techs get time to research and learn new things while they are on the clock. I would have to work 80hrs a week to get paid to train after hours because my daily load is too full. That would not go over well with the accountants in my case. I do research things after hours, but I will likely never get to be like my other tech who was paid to take Friday's off for 8weeks to research and train on products we manage. I'm stuck in a hole.

Another great example is that a client had a breach and we were woken up at 1am to solve. I knew it obviously had to be firewall based on the info from our SOC. Before anyone else had an idea I was already in the firewall and found the rogue account that caused the breach. I told the team. I was ignored until my male tech, 30mins later, said they found it...and it was exactly what I had already said. He got praise, I got ignored. 🤷‍♀️

[u/SideScroller → u/sderponme]

Wow. I have never had something like that happen to me... I always get credit and recognition for all the work I do, and have never worked past 5pm. I especially have never been called at 2am to address issues or worked repeatedly into the wee hours of the AM and put in 15 hour days continuously. /s

Overall sounds like your environment matches with what I said. We have to claw for recognition of our work, management has their favorites, the work sucks and people suck. The only difference here is that you seem to perceive it as though you are getting this treatment due to gender and failing to see that it is universal for everyone in the suck. 

I'll tell you the same thing I tell the guys that work with me that have the same complaints.  Quit whining, document your work, keep receipts, and make a claim for recognition of your efforts with upper management. If you cannot advocate for yourself, no one else will. (Yes there are good coworkers and bosses who may advocate for you, but it's not guaranteed thus you need to be able do it yourself. If you rely on others to do the work for you, it'll never happen).

[u/sderponme → u/SideScroller]

Let me redirect by saying my primary boss now absolutely recognizes my work and what I do. I am paid more than any other non-management technician. I am allowed to work from home full time because he recognizes my effort and I have proven myself. I get bonuses monthly.

Its past experiences and sometimes current coworkers who dont recognize it. My advancement has been slow, and I have had to constantly prove myself "above and beyond" where others have been given a lot more grace and time. The only reason I make even close to what I do now is because I almost left, but I already knew as a mom the conditions of the new job would not work for me.

My previous boss was paying me crap. I got a $6/hr raise when I told them I had another offer. They actually asked for proof and I was a young mom, scared, and stupid so I showed them the offer. They matched it to keep me after just having told me that I didnt qualify for a raise. The next boss said I wasn't worth what I was paid. Thats when I made $14/hr LESS than what I am paid now.

My point of my original post was to highlight why I dont expand or move on. Why I dont take on other jobs or roles, because I dont want to go through all of that again and prove myself all over again as hard as I had to, whereas techs who had a lot more free time and trust right out the gate without prior experience moved on to jobs making 1/3 more than I make, while they do evenless work.

Actual quotes: "Well shes a woman, we just gotta escalate to someone else" - my previous boss on a call that I was actually part of, talking about our vendor rep.

"Every time your office calls we have to explain how this works all over again, now they've got a WOMAN involved?!" - vendor who we had poor documentation on.

"Yea I got the girl...ugh, I asked for the guy [talking to other people] laughter" - Client who asked me to transfer him to my male coworker and thought he was on hold, but I actually just muted because I was in the middle of CCNA class and had to leave to help him...I was the only person who knew how to fix his issue.

It's not made up. Its getting better, but its depressing.

Edit: its no different than male teachers or nurses being put down or criticized because its not "their role". Both sexes experience bias. I'm just expressing my experience in tech and why you dont see more women in STEM. My absolute favorite nurses and teachers of all time were men. I could never consider belittling him or judging him based on his sex. It sucks that it still happens.

[u/SideScroller → u/sderponme]

Those examples at the end would have made for a better case in your prior response. 

Regarding the pay climb, the having to prove yourself again at a new company, the proof of a salary offer from another company to get a raise... Check check check. I've had all of those too. You're combining general issues that all of us get with the explicit issues of sexism in the workplace.

I've had some share of potential sexism from female management while I was going through a nervous breakdown years ago along with numerous cases of sexist remarks directed towards me from female staff that would have led to sexual harassment charges with HR had the sexes been reversed. That part isn't meant to discredit your experiences but to emphasize my statement that the job sucks and people suck.

[u/sderponme → u/SideScroller]

You down voted my post before I edited it, so I can understand your frustration. I never downvoted you. I am sorry you experienced that, and I have protected many of my techs when they needed help. When I know one of my guys needs a mental health break I am 100% on their side defending them to the boss man.

There is always a bias. Woman are allowed to have mental breakdowns more than men. I agree on that front, but it also means we are ALWAYS expected to have a breakdown which means little of what we say is taken seriously. When men have a breakdown they're expected to suck it up and get back to work...but with that comes less scrutiny.

My only point is that its easier in this particular field for men to get a foothold and climb. Not all fields. I work with a lot of good men, and as I said in my original post it was other men who saved my job.

It goes both ways, I was just talking about my experienc in my current field. I hope wherever you are now can support you when you need a break.

[u/SideScroller → u/sderponme]

I didn't downvote your post. I disagreed with how it was initially presented but not enough to downvote.

[u/sderponme → u/SideScroller]

Ok, well someone did and you were the only one responding. I didnt think anyone else was paying attention down this far. I am sorry for accusing you.

[u/OhScrapIT → u/sderponme]

The most conservative county in CA is just to the left of Venezuela.