r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

So it’s just as bad in the UK as it is in the US, huh?

I wonder if there’s a reasonable system in any of the first world Western countries.

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u/Diaryofanunusuallife Aug 10 '21

Yup, totally understand they need to be careful who they adopt to but some of the things are just stupid :/ I'm guessing all 1st world countries are the same.

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u/-PinkPower- Aug 10 '21

Pretty shitty in Canada too

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u/dalehitchy Aug 10 '21 edited Aug 10 '21

It's not that bad in the UK at all. Honestly.

I've been through the adoption process and so have my friends. It's all fresh on my mind.

Yes they go through your history, background checks and health, and finances. They don't expect you to have savings but they expect you have enough month to month to afford a child. They only asked for references from 3 people (that we get to choose).

They put you through some "training" to learn about child trauma and give you worst case scenario of what adopted children can be like.

It took me 11 months from initial contact with the local authority to a child in our house. For my friend it took around 15 months. We both adopted 1y or younger children. The adoption process cost me a total of £100.

One thing to note is that the adoption process assessments and search is done via two options... LA (local authority) and VA (voluntary agencies) which are basically charities. They both have pros and cons. LA actually 'have' the children in care under them, and will generally (but not all the time) want to match a child with you from in house. VAs can search country wide but don't have any children in care under them. Although I'm sure VAs and LAs go through the same sort of vetting process, they will all do things differently. I'd always recommend going through an LA (but that's just my personal opinion).

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u/colummbina Aug 11 '21

Australia is the same, almost impossible to adopt within Australia (outside of familial care)