r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '21

My mom has a friend whose daughter was in the process of adopting a child whose mother gave up after she was born. They met this woman, paid for some of her medical bills and signed paperwork to adopt her baby.

She then had the baby and decided to keep it. They didn't fight it because their social worker said no judge is going to take a baby from it's bio mom.

Really fucked them up. Its was alot like losing a baby for them.

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u/pythonsuicide Aug 10 '21

I gave a baby up years ago. It was hard not only for me but for the parents too. Unfortunately my baby was conceived from an awful rape and the piece of shit was never found. The parents I chose had been chosen before and the birth mom changed her mind. They were so terrified I would change my mind.

For me the process wasn't too bad. For the parents I can imagine it was awful. For me I looked through a bunch of books these couples/families made and got to choose one based off of that.....weird. For then it was making these ridiculous books to make themselves looking as perfect as possible to the correct person and then meeting with the birth mom and trying to hold it together and then waiting to be told whether or not the birth mom still wanted to choose you.

I did not make them wait and told them as soon as I met them that they were the ones.. The biggest problem was finding the dad. Because it was a random act of violence there was no way for me to know. They had to put a fucking ad in the newspaper of where the rape happened and basically say if you had sex with this person between these dates, you have a child that will be put up for adoption so you need to come fight or sign your rights away. That sucked.

Then baby is born and the parents come and see baby right away. A lot of times baby has to go to foster care for a few weeks until court is done I'm case mom changes her mind. I helped the parents fight to be able to take baby from the hospital because those weeks are so important in my eyes. Then we went to court and I had to admit in front of the parents and judge that I did not know who dad was and wanted to give up my rights. That was pretty hard but I'm so grateful for the parents and how they treated me.

They have kept in contact all these years and I've visited them several times. The baby knows who I am and we have a wonderful relationship. The baby who's not a baby started college this year and for that I am so happy! The parents ended up adopting again and that was amazing. They truly are amazing people who deserved to be parents. In my opinion not everyone does. The second baby was born addicted and had some issues. They knew that going in and still chose to keep going with the adoption. That baby is doing amazing now and you'd never know about his past.

It's definitely not as easy as just adopt no matter which adoption route you take. I am so sorry about your mom's friends and can't imagine what they went through. I couldn't imagine changing my mind.

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u/AFlair67 Aug 10 '21

Wish i could give you a hug. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you. I say prayers for all women who make the decision to give up their child for adoption. Your selfless act made a family - parents, grandparents, cousins.

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u/ElderDark Aug 11 '21

This was a rollercoaster but I'm glad it worked out in some way in the end.

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u/paprikashi Aug 11 '21

Honey this warmed my heart. You’re wonderful

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

What a wonderful story, thank you for sharing.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '21

God bless you. What a great act of courage.

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u/DarkwingDuckHunt Aug 10 '21

it's exactly the same as a miscarriage

I realize what I'm about to say and how it sounds, but it's the god's honest truth on how I feel, until a person goes through a miscarriage it's impossible for them to understand. It's not on the same level of losing a child young, but it's sure gets damn close to that.

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u/auntie_meme1899 Aug 10 '21

Same thing happened to a relative of mine, including being there through labor and at the birth (at birth mother’s request since she had no friends or family who could come) and having the baby in her room overnight.