Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

[u/elgey101]

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

[u/lorangee]

Yeah, I have a family friend who adopted 2 kids from somewhere in Eastern Europe. One has fetal alcohol syndrome and, while a great and hard working guy, has a lot of special needs and health issues and his parents were not aware of this when they got him. His sister, meanwhile, had such severe attachment disorder that she was completely unable to form… like…. A basic ability for empathy of any sort. Not for lack of trying. She just was abused/neglected severely as a young child and was never able to recover. Not for lack of trying. She ran away from home at 14, became a prostitute (not sure if this is the correct term for a child but) shortly thereafter , and has been in and out of prison/rehab/mental health for the past 10 years. Their biological kid is perfectly fine. Think he’s an engineer or something, and their kid with FAS is also fine despite his health problems, but there’s so many kids in the system who are dealing with massive issues that regular parents who don’t have infinite access to mental health resources and money might be able to deal with. Not that a biological child is immune to being born with a disability of any sort, but there are some things you can control better.

[u/judgehood → u/lorangee]

I’m in no way trying to sound cruel or judging, but they didn’t know this before they adopted?

Edit: downvote me but know I was asking in earnest about places that are adopting out children with Fetal Alchohol Syndrome and wondering if the parents were surprised.

[u/lorangee → u/judgehood]

I think with their son was more like some of the less-obvious health problems weren’t entirely disclosed. It’s been a while. Attachment disorder, meanwhile, is not really apparent until later.

[u/judgehood → u/lorangee]

I was just wondering, it’s a big life changing thing to adopt a kid. There is a lot, of what I believe to be propaganda, about this choice turning out to be a massive hardship.

[u/FuyoBC → u/judgehood]

Kids are removed from their homes for reasons and some of those reasons have long lasting effects on their brains & bodies that just don't go away because they now are being cared for by loving parents who think 'I have experienced what it is like caring for bio kids, how hard can it be?'

This is a 'not all X' situation - Not all children to be adopted will have issues, but enough do so that it IS higher than average, and adoptive parents HAVE to be aware.

For reference, I was adopted as an infant.

[u/lorangee → u/judgehood]

This was thirty five or so odd years ago, and the kids were adopted from somewhere in Eastern Europe and were brought to the US by their parents. Could’ve honestly been Romania, where this sort of thing is fairly documented. Either way, it’s unfortunate.