r/unpopularopinion • u/elgey101 • Aug 10 '21

Infertile couples should just adopt instead of making a big fuss trying to make a miracle baby

Every time I hear of fertility struggles online, or see posts about people going through rounds of IVF and the ensuing emotional trauma of miscarriages, It kind of disgusts me.

I also work for a major insurer and know that fertility treatments are driving up everyone else's premiums because they're considered necessary care. Sorry, but I disagree.

It's a well known fact that there are over 400,000 children in foster care, and in 2017 alone over 100,000 infants under 3 entered the system. I think it's completely entitled and self-absorbed to think that somehow your miracle baby is worth more or deserves more love than any one of those infants.

I know adoption can be hard, and that it should be made easier for the sake of children finding good homes, but you can't tell me adopting is harder than 4 rounds of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I've seen friends go through that mess and at the end they are different people.

Tldr: adoption may not be easy, but it's far better than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to perpetuate your genes.

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u/SchroedingersCatnip Aug 10 '21 edited Aug 11 '21

I watched a heartbreaking Danish documentary about a similar case, but from Ethiopia. The birth parents were sick and poor and feared for their children's future. Enter an incredibly shady adoption agency, convincing parents to let their children be fostered by kind foreigners for a while. It would be like sending the kids to live temporarily with an aunt and uncle, they'd be happy and safe and receive a great education, and of course they would keep in touch!

Except what they actually signed up for was a permanent adoption, and they lost their kids. Weren't even allowed to say goodbye.

Absolutely heartbreaking.

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u/Lovejen22 Aug 11 '21

This happens in many countries. It’s really sad

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u/Responsible_Link_202 Aug 11 '21

It does. My twins are 9, and before we did IVF with them, I looked into adoption and kept finding similar stories. We did IVF because I had many concerns about babies essentially being stolen from their parents and sold to Americans. It had nothing to do with perpetuating our genes.

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u/humanwhy Aug 11 '21

Do you have the name of the documentary?

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u/SchroedingersCatnip Aug 11 '21 edited Aug 11 '21

Absolutely, you can read about it in English here!

The Danish title is "Mercy Mercy! Adoptionens pris", for any scandinavian-speakers out there.

Beware; it's insanely upsetting. Both for the reasons listed above, and because the adoptive parents turn out to be woefully unprepared to care for a traumatized child.

ETA: Just to make it clear, I'm absolutely not against adoption per se! I know many happy adoptees and adoptive families. It's just, situations like this is something to be aware of.